Hitched

Pinkie Pie let out a frustrated sigh. “What is this straight to voice mail nonsense?” she grumbled, still clutching her phone to her ear. She was pacing up and down the hallway of the hotel, trying to get a hold of Soarin or any of her friends, but with no answer. “Ugh! Somepony call me back!”

As she hung up, Applejack came stumbling towards her, looking ill. “Applejack!” The party pony exclaimed, running over to her friend. “What happened? I thought you were eating at the buffet place thingy!”

Applejack swallowed. “I did,” she moaned. “I really did.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “You ate that whole thing??”

The farm pony blushed as she brushed passed Pinkie. “It wasn’t all me!” She defended. “Other ponies ate too. Just… not as much as I did, that’s all. Now I’m startin to feel sick.” She pushed a button to an elevator and waited.

Pinkie placed a hoof on her shoulder. “I’m sorry Applejack. But we’ve got much bigger issues than that!”

Applejack looked at her, confused. “What?”

“Herbal Pollack is here!”

Applejack blinked in surprise. “Axe Ritzo’s accountant? The one that the Wonderbolts have been lookin’ all over for?”

Pinkie nodded in affirmation. “Mmm-hmm. What are the odds, huh? We’ve gotta warn the Wonderbolts and get Soarin out of here before he has to throw himself into working again!”

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open to reveal Soarin holding on to Pollock himself tightly in his grasp. Soarn grinned. “Oh hey, guys!” He said cheerfully. “Look who I found.”

“Hello,” Herbal said.

“Shut up.” Soarin growled.

Soarin stood proudly next to the captured criminal who was hoof cuffed to a pole, looking forlorn. “I rule.” Soarin said with a grin.

“Some party,” Spike grumbled. They were all on a party bus that was supplied by the Wonderbolts themselves, and Pinkie and Applejack had to come with, along with all the other best stallions.

“Where’s Thunderlane?” Asked Cheese Sandwich, the planner of the reception party.

“Somewhere disappointing Jesus.” Applejack said a matter of factly, resting her chin on her hoof.

“Ah, come on gang, cheer up!” Soarin said brightly. “We’ll jump right back in to the party as soon as we drop this schlub  off at headquarters for safekeeping.”

“Why didn’t you tell Spitfire and Fleetfoot about this?” Spike asked.

“I didn’t want to worry them.” Soarin replied. “They shouldn’t be pulled out from their bachelorette party for this. And we’re coming right back.”

Herbal spoke up. “Well, you realize that I’m no good without the flash drives, right?” He said bluntly. He looked at Soarin. “You think I just walk around with hard copies of a mob boss’ taxes? They’re all on a couple of drives back in my apartment.”

“So, we’ll drop you off to the local brethren and come back for them later.” Soarin said with a shrug.

“Okay,” Herbal said, with a slight smirk on his face. “Well, that is, assuming that Ritzo doesn’t get to them first.” He gave an exaggerated sigh. “One does not get to be a ruthless crime lord without being persistent. Look. My condo is in Baltimare, not too far from Cloudsdale. I’ll run in real quick.”

Everyone in the bus looked at Soarin. This pony did have a point.

Soarin huffed. “If you’re messing with me man, I will punch you in the face so hard….”

“Look I want to put him away too! That way, he won’t kill me.”

Soarin gritted his teeth. “Darn it to heck. Big Mac, make a right!”

“Mac, make a right.” Braeburn said, lying on his stomach.

The stallion swerved to the right, making everyone lurch over.

At the hotel room, things had calmed down quite considerably over the last thirteen minutes. Fluttershy stood in front of the door with Bulk Biceps who was still wearing his police uniform. “You said you were working security here,” Fluttershy said, still a little disturbed about what happened.

Bulk held up a hoof. “No, I said I wore a security uniform here. Which is kinda true, thought this one is a tear away.”

Fluttershy sighed, and pressed a hoof to her temple. “How long have you been doing this? You should know better.”

The muscular pony lowered his gaze to the floor. “A couple of months. My roommate and I are saving for a new condo and we really need the extra cash. You know, plus it’s a great group of guys and we really support each other. And I never really go nude, I just strip down to the—“

“Bulk, Bulk!” Fluttershy held her hooves up, not wanting to hear anymore.

“Oh, this is awful, isn’t it?” He sighed. “I’m gonna get fired, aren’t I?”

Fluttershy looked over and saw Spitfire lying on the couch groaning, and Twilight asleep on of the floor.  She turned back to Bulk. “Not if you leave right now.”

The stallion took the hint, and backed out of the door. “I was never here,” he whispered.

“Okay.”

Once he closed the door, he opened it again. “Forgot my boomer.” He said sheepishly, and closed the door behind him for good.

Fluttershy sighed in relief, and went over to the dining room table where Rainbow Dash was sitting, looking depressed. “Rainbow?” Fluttershy questioned. She sat next to her friend. “What’s wrong? If you want, we can get another… I mean, I’m not really suggesting it, but if it will make you feel better..”

Rainbow Dash lifted her eyes and stared at Fluttershy. “What if I can’t go through with it?” She asked quietly.

Fluttershy stared into her eyes, and knew exactly what she meant. “Oh Dash… w-wait, what happened?”

The cyan Pegasus buried her face in her hooves. “It’s all just happening so fast… and I like fast, but… I mean, I love Soarin. I do. But.. what do I know about being a wife.. a wife!” She blew her bangs out from in front of her eyes. “I know he’s going to want kids some day. I like kids, but how can I be a mom? What if I mess up?”

Fluttershy was silent for a minute, and then placed her hoof on her friend’s. “Look. This is a huge step for Soarin too. You two are crazy for each other. Soarin loves you Rainbow. All of you. And you love him too. You’re wonderful with kids. Scootaloo can vouch for that. She looks up to you. She’s always had, and always will. You’re going to be a great mom. You’ve protected me from all those bullies, and you’ve protected the girls from all sorts of things.  The filly or colt you raise will be a great pony, I promise you.”

Rainbow smiled softly, and gave her a hug. “Thanks Flutters.” Then she released her, and stretched her wings. “I’m just gonna get some air. My wing's still stiff from the car ride.” Fluttershy nodded, and went over to the bathroom to see if Rarity was still sick.

The Wedding posse had arrived at Herbal’s place, which wasn’t all that bad. “The flash drives are in my bedroom,” Herbal said. “I put them in a hollowed-out book!”

Soarin rolled his eyes. “You think I give a Yankee dime where it is? Go get it!” Herbal frowned and marched off to his bedroom.

Pinkie Pie was poking around his stuff, under the supervision of Breaburn. Applejack had stayed behind on the party bus, refusing to snoop in someone’s house even though they had permission… sort of.

Pinkie held up a flyer. “Lookie here! This guy has the receipt for a ticket to a Sapphire Shores concert!” She slipped it into her mane.

“Why would you take that?” Breaburn asked. “Doesn’t your friend Rarity know her?”

Pinkie giggled. “Because it had a picture of Sapphire Shores on it! Duh!” The pony sighed and shook his head. He would never be able to understand that girl.

Herbal was struggling to find those flash drives when he heard noise coming from the other room.

Fifteen love.

Herbal walked over to the room and opened the door. Two ponies were playing the Wii, a tennis game apparently. Both stallions swung their controllers at brutal force. “I told you I had a master backhoof.” The first pony said.

Thirty love.

The two ponies suddenly stopped, and looked over at Herbal, who was smiling nervously. The henchponies glared at him murderously.

After fifteen seconds of this, Herbal slammed the door. "RUN!”

The others jumped, and immediately scrambled for the front door. Cheese Sandwich was outside, buying party drinks for the reception. “Battery acid… I’ll take a case,” He smiled, casually sipping his drink from a fancy looking glass.

“Okay,” Said the sales mare. Just then, Breaburn, Soarin, Pinkie, and Herbal burst from the door, screaming.

“Go, go, go!” Breaburn yelled.

“Big Mac, fire up the bus!” Soarin screamed. Big Mac, who was standing in front of the bus, immediately jumped in.

"Come on, Cheese!” Pinkie yelled, grabbing his hoof, and yanked him across the lawn.

“Why are we running?!” Cheese squealed. Bullets rained down all around them, just barely missing the ponies. Cheese let out a girly scream.

Soarin stood outside the bus, making sure everyone got in. “Come on!” Cheese instantly shielded Pinkie from the gunfire as Applejack pulled her inside the bus. Soarin shoved Cheese in the bus, and jumped in after him.

The doors closed, and the bus sped off while the henchponies kept firing at them until the bus was out of range.

One of the henchponies’ phone rang, and he quickly answered. “Uncle Axe!”

“Tell me you two numb skulls found Pollack.”

“Well, we did. But the Wonderbolt with the stupid voice got him.”

“Soarin? What the hay’s that goon doin’ up in Baltimare?”

“Getting married, apparently….”  On the bus was a big sign that said

RAINBOW DASH AND SOARIN

Last fling before the ring!

“..To some broad named Rainbow Dash.”

Axe hung up the phone. He was getting his hooves polished in a salon. He had to get back to work. “Skip the paraffin, Daffodil. I gotta bounce.”

At the casino, Twilight watched a spinning wheel, mezmorized on how pretty the colors were. Fluttershy flew over to her side and landed next to her. “Twilight!”

The lavender alicorn beamed, happy to see a friendly face. “Fluttershy!” she said cheerfully.

“Have you seen Rainbow Dash?”

Twilight frowned a bit and held up a hoof. “I have not.”

The Pegasus sighed, and started to walk around, with Twilight following her.

Fleetfoot came up to the girls, and started walking with them.”There’s no way she left this casino,” she said, sounding a little concerned. “She couldn’t have.” She smirked. “Not in those clothes.” Twilight laughed.

Just then, Thunderlane walked up to them, not looking like himself. “Excuse me,” he said loudly. “Do any of you three have boys downstairs? Because I failed to ask that of the last esc—“ Fleetfoot punched him in the face, knocking him out cold. The Wonderbolt kept moving as if nothing had happened.

Twilight’s eyes widened, and opened her mouth, as if trying to say something, when Fluttershy grabbed her hoof. “Let’s go,” she said urgently, pulling the baffled princess away from the bizarre scene.

Soarin and the others had finally arrived outside of the Wonderbolts headquarters just as the moon started to rise. Everyone started piling off the bullet ridden bus. “Well, ya'll have any idea where she is?” Applejack asked. She was on the phone with Fluttershy. “Okay.” She hung up.

“Who was that?” Pinkie asked, hopping up to Applejack.

“Fluttershy. She said to meet up in our room as soon as we get back.”

Soarin was holding on to Herbal while he struts across the parking lot. “Okay! Let’s dump off this loser and get back to stumpin’ up the jam!” Just then, Soarin’s phone started to ring. “Ooh, hang on.” He said, as he reached for his phone. He looked at the caller I.D. “Who’s this?” He answered. “Hello?”

“Soarin!” Said a overly cheerful deep voice. “It’s your old friend, Axe Ritzo.”

Soarin grinned. “Well, speak of the devil!” He exclaimed. “How ya been, scumbag? Funny you should call. I happen to be standing with a buddy of yours. Oh, hang on, he wants to say hello!” Soarin narrowed his eyes at Herbal. “Say hello.”

“Hello?”

“Bam!”

Applejack, Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Cheese started to titter.

“You my friend are going down for a long time.” Soarin said triumphantly.

“Is that right? Well that should be interesting. ‘Cause you see, as luck would have it, I’m hanging out with an old friend of yours too.”

Before Soarin could ponder what he was talking about, a brash female voice came over the line.

“Drop dead, dirtbag.”

Soarin’s heart stopped. “…Rainbow?”