Tales of a brony and a non-brony

Ramses POV,

'Crap.' That was the only thing I could think of when I saw the expression on Luna's face. Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth opening and closing; as if she wanted to say something.

"Lulu are you alright?* Celestia asked.

"W-We ate an animal." Luna said.

"Sister?"

"We ate an anima--.*

Luna couldn't even finish her sentence; her eyes rolled back in her head and she hit the ground with a soft *thump*

I looked at the Princess. Wow , not that was unexpected. I said.

"Oh my." Celestia said shocked.

"Easy there, a little tuna never killed somebody." I said. "Or as my grandma used to tell me: What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger." I replied while chuckling at the end.

Celestia looked at me with a stern expression. "This is not a laughing matter." Celestia snapped at me.

"Yeah whatever." I replied while getting up.

Celestia walked over to her sister and gave her a compassionate look. She tugged Luna with her hoof; trying to wake her up. But to no avail.

I looked at the scene and shook my head. "That's not how you wake someone up." I said while walking over to her and Luna and cleared my throat.

"*ahem* this is how you wake someone up." I inhaled deeply. "WAKE UP! HEY WAKE UP!" I shouted into Luna’s ear.

".........It appears she is still unconscious." Celestia said.

"Really? "I asked confused. I looked down and saw Luna, she was still unconscious. "Well shit."

"I think it would be for the best if we bring her to her chambers." Celestia said.

"Yeah we should.......Wait did you say we? "I asked.

"Yes, I can't leave you alone inside the throne room, not that I don't trust you; but as co-ruler of this land I have to assure visitors, either Equestrian or alien have a pleasant stay." Celestia replied.

"Couldn't you just get someone to do that for you?" I asked confused.

"Yes but this is a win win-win situation for the both of us." Celestia said.

"How so?" I asked curiously.

"Well you can walk with me while we get my sister to her room, but you'll also get to see more of the castle; plus we can talk about how to get you back to your world." Celestia replied.

"........Deal. I replied. But who's gonna carry her?" I asked.

"I will carry her; it wouldn't be polite of me to let my guest carry my own sibling to her room." Celestia replied.

!Alright, I'll leave my stuff in the throne room; but promise me no one touches it." I said.

"I promise that nopony shall touch you ‘stuff’." Celestia said. "But we need to get going."

"Well I suppose you're right." I said while stretching my arms. "Alright lead the way Princess." I said.

"You can call me Celestia, the ‘Princess’ thing can be left behind." Celestia said.

"Whatever you say." I replied.

Celestia's horn started glowing and suddenly Luna was covered in a golden aura. Luna started levitating; while my mind was still processing the fact that they had magic here in Equestria.

"Shall we get going?" Celestia asked.

"Yeah sure." I replied while walking towards the giant wooden doors. "Wait!" I shouted.

"What is it?" Celestia asked.

"What if some of your guards see me, wouldn't they try to attack me or something?" I asked.

"Do not worry, if my guards would see you walking through the castle alone; then they would probably do such a thing. But since you will be walking with me, they will mostly threaten you at first......And then try to attack you." Celestia replied.

"Well that's a relief I guess." Alright lead the way. I said.

Celestia nodded in response.

The door opened and we walked through it, the door closed behind us and we started our walk towards Luna's room. I have to admit that the castle is bigger than it seems. There were dozens of stairs, a lot of windows, chandeliers that weren't lit; but probably will once it becomes dark. And stairs. SO.MANY.FUCKING.STAIRS.

But it felt good to stretch my legs a little. Back in Brattleboro, I was usually the one who would go into the forest and actually get some exercise, while Dave would just stay inside and watch TV. 'And that’s why you are fatter than me Dave.' I thought while walking up another set of stairs.

I was surprised to actually see some more guards in the castle, but for some odd reason they didn’t saw me or Celestia walking past them.

Eventually after some Dutch swearing about the castle and its many stairs; we finally arrived to what I assumed was Luna‘s bedroom.

"Is this it?" I asked. 'Please for the love tits let this be her room.'

"Yes this is it, I shall bring her inside." Celestia replied.

'Man, that door sure is detailed.' I thought while looking at the door. It had a white crescent moon in the middle along with some stars, it was painted in a dark blue color and it’s doorknobs also appeared to be a mixture of white and blue. 'All that effort just for a door?' I thought.

"I will bring her inside, please wait here. "Celestia said.

I nodded in response. Celestia walked inside and closed the door behind her. 'Reminds me of the time when I had to put my little brother Pim to bed when he was younger……If I ever get my hands on Uncle Ben; he’s not going to get away with a few cuts and bruises.' I thought while my hatred for that one man, the one man who took everything away from me started boiling inside of me. I clenched my fist; my knuckles turning white from rage. 'You were lucky you escaped old man, but know that you're gonna pay for what you did to me.'

"Ramses, I could use your help over here." I heard Celestia say.

"Why?" I asked confused. "Is it really that difficult to put your own sister in bed?"

"It's not the fact that I can't put her into bed; it's the fact that I'm in her bed as well." Celestia replied.

".......Wait what?" I asked confused.

"Ramses, please be a nice alien and help me." Celestia said.

'*sigh* De shit die ik does voor mensen, if in dit geval Prinsessen.' The things I do for people, or in this case: Princesses. I thought while grabbing the doorknob. I twisted the doorknob; I heard a *click*, I pushed the door open and walked inside. I turned around and closed the door behind me and spoke up. So what do you need my help for? I asked.

"With this." Celestia said.

"With what? It's so dark in here that I can't even see my own hands.* I replied.

"Well I can't turn the lights on." Celestia said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because Luna casted a spell that would keep her room dark; until she would undo the spell." Celestia replied.

"Can't you just 'break' the spell or something?" I asked.

"No I cannot." Celestia replied. W"ill you please help me out?"

"*sigh* Alright, let me just get my phone." I replied while digging my hand in my pack pocket. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. Finally some light.

"Would you be so kind to shine some light in my direction?" Celestia asked.

"Well I would love to. "I said while turning my phone around so I could get a better view of what exactly was going on. "But seriously why did you........Why is Luna holding you like you are her teddy bear?" I asked. Yep there was Celestia in Luna's bed. Luna had her front hooves around Celestia's neck , her muzzle buried deep in her back. How did this happen? I asked.

"I was just putting her to bed when I forgot about Mr. Snuggles." Celestia replied.

"Mr. Snuggles? What the hell is a Mr. Snuggles?" I asked confused.

"Mr. Snuggles is my sisters 'plushy bear'." Celestia replied. "Could you please get it for me? She usually hides it under her pillow."

"Why do you want me to--."

"Would you please get it?" Celestia asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Alright alright, jeez." I replied while silently walking towards the bed. 'Jesus! Her bed is like twice my size.' I thought while walking towards the bed. Her bed was a dark blue color; just like the door. The color of the blankets was a mixture of cyan blue and ocean blue, and it had a crescent moon in the middle.

"Please, this is not as pleasant as it looks." Celestia said.

"Fine." I said defeated. I walked towards the bed and carefully lifted up one of the pillows. Jackpot. I whispered while grabbing Mr. Snuggles. I inspected the so called 'teddy bear'. 'Seriously? Mr. Snuggles is a plushy crescent moon?' I thought while taking a better look at it.

"Did you find it?" Celestia asked, eagerly to get out of her sisters grasp.

"Yeah I found it." I replied. "I'm surprised that your sister hasn't woke up yet."

"If there would ever be an earthquake here in Canterlot; she would sleep right through it." Celestia replied. "Would you kindly?"

"Huh? Oh yeah sure." I said while carefully lifting Luna's hoof up. Celestia wiggled her way out of Luna's grasp and carefully stepped out of it. Before I knew it; Luna started to move around in bed, mumbling about Mr. Snuggles.

"Nhgg, Mr. Snuggles." Luna mumbled.

I quickly placed Mr. Snuggles in in one of her hooves, in an instant she wrapped her hooves around the plushy and squeezed it tightly. 'Poor Mr. Snuggles. If he could talk, I could already here him pleading: "Kill me. Kill me." '

"Come, let us go." Celestia said.

"Yeah, let's go." I replied while walking towards the door. I opened the door. "Ladies first." I said while holding the door open for her.

"My, such a gentlecolt." Celestia said with a smile.

I gave her a toothy smile in return. She stepped through the door; I soon followed and closed the door. Well that was fun.

Define fun. Celestia said.

"Well I thought this was just going to be a boring day; but it turned out quite nicely." I said.

"Well we still have a couple of hours before I need to lower the sun." Celestia said. "What would you like to do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, it's your castle, not mine." I replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Celestia asked confused.

"I don't know." I replied. "I mean I am the alien visitor on this planet, wouldn't it be a little strange if I'd be the one who decides what we could do and what not?"

"......Are all you Humans this confusing?" Celestia asked.

I shrugged again. "Don't think so, but Dave did told me I was bat-shit insane once."

"Bat-shit insane? What does that mean?" Celestia asked curiously.

"Well bat-shit insane is basically saying that someone is real and I mean really crazy." I replied.

"So if I would say something like: My sister is bat-shit insane, it would basically be me saying: My sister is really crazy?" Celestia asked.

"Basically yes." I replied.

"Ramses, you have already taught me something I didn't know." Celestia said with a smile. "That is something that doesn’t occur often."

"You’re welcome." I replied. "Hey! I think I got an idea!" I exclaimed.

"Really? What is it?" Celestia asked curiously.

"How about we go back to the dining room and get something to eat, since your sister decided to eat my sandwich." I said sarcastically.

"That would be a good idea." Celestia replied.

Did she not notice the sarcasm in my voice? "Lead the way Celestia." I said.

Celestia nodded. Out of nowhere there was a bright light and in a matter of seconds we were back in the throne room.

My stomach suddenly started growling, I grunted and spoke up. "I think I'm gonna throw up." I said while holding my hands to my mouth.

"Oh my." Celestia exclaimed while trotting over to me. "Are you alright? Do you need a bucket?"

"No I'm fine I-I just need to sit down for sec." I said while sitting down on the ground. 'Alright, slow and deep breaths.' I thought.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Celestia asked concerned.

Celestia bend down and carefully put her hoof under my chin. She lifted my head up slightly and spoke up. "Are you certain you don't need a bucket?"

"I'm fine I just *burp*.........Oh shit!"

".....Did you just burped in my face?" Celestia asked while slowly walking backwards with a shocked expression on her face.

'Sweet mother of penis I'm dead.'

"Did you.........Hahahahahaha!"

What?! Why the hell is she laughing? I just burped in her face and she laughs?

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"W-Well it's because *giggle* nopony has ever pulled that kind of joke on me." Celestia said while wiping her teary eyes. "Come to think of it, nopony has ever tried to pull a joke on me; except for Luna."

'She thinks I pranked her? Oh sweet mother of god; thank you so much Jesus! Praise the lord!' I mentally shouted. "Yeah that was what I did; a prank." I lied.

"Yes but *sniff* try not to do it again, your breath smells horrible." Celestia said while holding a hoof to her nose.

"I just ate tuna; of course it's going to smell bad." I replied sarcastically.

"Well let's get that horrible smell away then." Celestia said while holding her hoof out. "Come I'll help you up."

I pushed her hoof away and stood up. "Yeah, I could really use a breath mint."

Celestia looked at me, she pouted and gave me an annoyed glare. "Do you really not get the hint?"

"What 'hint'?" I asked confused.

"Is it really that difficult to notice?" Celestia asked with an annoyed tone. "Don't you think it's a little strange that I sent all of my guards away, or that I asked you to help me escort Luna to her chambers, or that I not scolded you for burping in my face?" Celestia asked.

"......You what? I really don’t  get what you're getting at." I replied.

"I did all of 'that' so we could get to know each other better." Celestia said while her ears folded backwards. "I may be a Princess, but that doesn't mean I can't get excited over the fact an alien is staying inside my castle. I just wanted to get to know you better and have fun." Celestia said with a sad tone. "Being a Princess isn't as fun as everypony thinks, if you do one thing that's out of line; the entire nation will scold you for it. But not face to face, no they'll just talk about you behind your back."

'Wow, that was defiantly unexpected.'

"All I wanted was to have some fun, I just wanted somepony to see me as me; and not as Princess Celestia; co-ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun." Celestia said while sitting down on the ground. "I though you could be that pony. I thought you could be m-my......Friend."

She wants me; a guy who's got nothing to offer her, an alien she barely knows to be her friend? Is she joking?

"But I-I guess I was wrong; I'll just go into the castles library and search for a way for you to return home." Celestia said while slowly getting up. She got up and slowly walked towards the door.

'Damnit Ramses!' I mentally scolded myself. 'Why didn’t you see this earlier, it was so obvious! If I were in her position and she would have burped in my face, I would have bitch slapped her until she couldn't even use the word 'bitch' anymore.' I thought while looking at Celestia.

"Celestia wait!" I shouted.

Celestia slowly turned around and spoke up. "What is it?" She asked with a saddened voice.

"I-I." I can't believe I'm doing this. "I'd like to be your friend.....Until I return home." I said with a forced smile.

Celestia looked at me with a dumbfounded expression. She walked up to me, a smile appearing on her face. Her walking became trotting, and her trotting eventually became running. She kept running towards me, still with that wide smile on her face.

'Brace for impact!' I mentally shouted. I brought my arms up and made an 'X' to protect myself from whatever Celestia was planning to do.

Celestia's came running up to me; but before she collided with me she collided she stopped. Celestia was now in front of me, her muzzle inches away from my face.

'Oh fuck me right in the ass; this is not going to end well is it?' I thought while giving Celestia a nervous look and lowering my guard.

"Do you really mean it?" Celestia asked with a hint of joy.

"Uhm......Yes?" I replied unsure of what to say to her.

Celestia looked at me before giving me a wide smile. "You really want to be my friend?"

With every question Celestia asked; I could feel her hot breath on my face. *sniff* 'Do I smell cake?'

I looked at her before nodding. "If it really means that much to you, then yes; I would like to be your friend."

Celestia smiled widely and I could see a twinkle in her eyes. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I guess I don't, but could you please back away a little, because if you come any closer I'll have to introduce you to my mo--." ......'Shit, why did I had to bring her up.'

"You’re what?" Celestia asked while backing up.

"N-Nothing it's just, it's nothing really." I lied.

"If you say so." Celestia said.

"But I have to ask." I said while pointing my index finger at her. "You are a Princess; doesn't that mean you have like a gazillion friends?"

"Well Twilight Sparkle is my personal student; but I consider her a friend, I have Luna but she has been having trouble blending in with other ponies ever since she returned from the moon." Celestia said with a sad expression. "So no, technically I don't have a lot of friends."

"Well is there perhaps a Prince in your life? Are you married or something?" I asked out of the blue.

Celestia flinched at my sudden question. She looked at me with an even sadder expression. "I-I--." Was the only thing Celestia could say, she collapsed on the ground and began to cry in her hooves.

Oh shit! Not good! Not good at all! Alright Ramses think; think! Dave prepared you for these kind of situations.....Well not 'this' kind of situation but whatever. Alright what did Dave tell me again....

Flashback.......

"So you wanna know how to impress a girl huh?"

"Yes, but how? I mean I'm not really good with the ladies."

"Well let me give you a situation: Imagine that you see a girl cry, what would you do?"

"Ehm I would comfort her and tell her it's gonna be okay?"

"Nope! You fuck her right in the pussy!"

".........You serious?"

"Nope! I have no idea how to impress girls, why do you think I've been single for the past eight years."

End of flashback

'.......Well that was a waste of brain capacity.' I thought while walking over towards Celestia. "I bend over and spoke up. Hey it's ehm it's gonna be fine, just forget that I asked that."

Celestia looked up at me; her eyes red from all the crying and fresh tears on her muzzle. "N-No it's *sob* fine, I just need some time to *sob* get over it." Celestia said.

'Get over what?'

"Listen I'm your friend now right?" I asked. Celestia slowly nodded in response. "And friends help each other out, so if you ever want to talk about it; just that I'll be *gulp* there for you. I said unsure what to actually say to her."

Celestia looked up at me before speaking up. "Do y-you mean it? Do you really mean it?" Celestia asked while wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yes I really mean it." I replied while holding my hand out. Celestia looked at my hand and put her hoof in my palm. I gently lifted her up and spoke up. "Now wipe away those tears." I said trying to sound as nice as possible.

Celestia looked at me before smiling. "Thank you."

"You’re welcome." I replied with a smile.

Celestia sniffed a few times and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. "I must have made a complete fool out of myself haven't I?"

"No you didn't, like you said; you are a Princess, but you're still a normal person and you have your flaws. And if none of those other ponies or whatever kind of things live on this planet can't respect that; then in my opinion they're just assholes." I replied. 'Holy shit! I'm like the new Dr Phil!'

"*sniff* Thank you for saying that." Celestia said with a small smile. "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just thought that I was doing the right thing; but I guess I did wrong."

"That's alright, shall we get something?" I asked.

"That would be nice." Celestia replied with a smile. "Shall we go to the dining room? Or would you prefer staying here in the throne room?"

"The dining room would be nice, but could we please walk instead of teleporting?" I asked. Please I do not want to teleport again.

"Of course, shall we?" Celestia asked while opening the doors with her magic.

"Sure." I replied while walking towards the door.

I just hope I don't fuck something up again.