Elements of Foregiveness part 1: Honesty

Still doesn’t make any sense. I guess the truth really does help out; people do appreciate being told when you’re going through hard times. Some even try to help out. Maybe this older mare, still don’t know what her name is, is one of those few good people left in the world. That thought was quickly followed with a face-hoof, to which everypony in the room quickly glanced over at him. None of them could hear his thoughts, of course, so none of them heard the comment or the soon-to-be self-correction. Actually, nice ponies seem to be in large amounts. Rainbow Dash had tried to help, Twilight Sparkle had tried to help, Applebloom seemed to want to help, and now this pony. I’d hardly say they’re rushing to become my best friends or anything, but at the very least they’re showing that I’m the pony with the problem. I have to change that, I hope that they can help me out. That’s likely the most that I can ask for right now, possibly ever. Then again, I still don’t know about going to see Twilight Sparkle anytime soon. I don’t know if I could forgive myself, even if she could. With time, there might be forgiveness from himself. This would come with time; a few months hadn’t been enough for it.

“Well, sonny, we can’t have you lying out on the ground while ya work. You have no problem with the floor, do ya?”

That was not even a real question, was it? Hokey Smokes had been alright with the outdoors, or at least he put up with it. To be indoors, even if on the floor, would be more than enough. He hadn’t expected that much kindness, it seemed to be something that might not be the best thing to accept. There was kindness, and there was burdening yourself over somepony else. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be a problem.” Words came back to him, a forced smile on his face. “Miss Applejack seems to think that I’m some sort of problem. At the very least, I wouldn’t want to start a fight with her. You all seem like nice enough people, it wouldn’t be polite.”

“Ah, horseapples. I only asked ya to be polite. Yer stayin.” The smile on her face, it was almost as if she knew that he really wanted to stay.

“I guess that settles it, then.” Big Mac turned away, obviously going to go tell Applejack the decision that had been made. Before he could go any further, Hokey Smokes did his best to get the red stallion’s attention. There was something that he had to do; something that he knew was only the right way to go about it. There’s no need for him to tell her about the thing that happened between myself and Twilight. I should be the one to tell her. And, maybe, I’ll be able to get an apology in before she attacks. Yeah, that’d totally be great. “I think I should be the one to go talk to her. Whether or not I was myself, or any other reasoning that sounds good, it was still me. I can’t run away from it anymore.” That sounded a lot less suicidal in my head. And it sounded much cooler, at least 50% if I had to peg it by percentage. Oh well, it’s out there for the three of them to react to. Eyes scanned the three of them as he started to walk toward where Applejack had left, not knowing if he would be stopped or not. If any of them really wanted him to live, they would likely stop him.

“Ahm gonna go with ya. It might be good fer her to see family with ya.” Applebloom started to walk beside him, a smile on her face. She seemed to be the quickest to accept him, and the quickest to forgive him for what he had done to Twilight. Big Mac seemed to have forgiven him, too, if that meant anything. Well, no, I can’t really say that. He might not have forgiven me yet, I can’t read his face. I wish I knew what he was thinking, that might help me figure out if he’s liable to do something. Then again, he hasn’t shown himself to be the least bit violent. Even Applejack, the one I’m heading to go see, is more violent. I was actually lucky that he was around. The two of them, Applebloom and himself, had almost walked to their destination before he stopped. She continued to walk for a few moments, and then stopped as well. Her eyes looked up at him, right before she asked one of the most obvious questions that could have been asked.

“Whatcha stopping fer?”

“I’m starting to have second thoughts.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’d rather not get kicked repeatedly in the face.”

“Ah don’t think she’d do that. Besides, why do ya think I came? She’s my sister; she wouldn’t do too much…”

Yay for being right. What reward should I give myself? Maybe my reward should come in the form of slightly less self-hate. Yep, that sounds good. “If you say so. Might as well see if you’re right. I hope you are…” Hokey Smokes forced himself to start walking again, though there was still a slight fear in the back of his mind. Applebloom was nice enough, but she couldn’t possibly stop Applejack. That seemed to be a task that could only be handled by that red stallion, Big Mac. Or maybe she’ll not do anything, maybe she has forgiven me for it. Wait, what am I saying? She doesn’t know why it happened; she just knows that I attacked her friend. Yep, this is going to end painfully. Maybe I’ll even leave with a few scars to show for what happened. I hope not, though. His target, the mare that he was frightened by, was coming into view. She didn’t see him yet, but Applebloom would do something to solve that. He didn’t even have the words chosen right in his mind, yet he heard something being said by the young filly that got the mare’s attention. When he heard it, he stopped himself from face-hoofing.

“Come ‘ere sis. Ya need to hear somethin.”

That’s one way to get somepony’s attention. The other way would be for something to be said that didn’t seem so urgent. Perhaps some nice words, something about how the day is nice, would be enough to make it obvious that I don’t mean any harm. Then again, maybe I’m just being stupid. My methods aren’t doing much good, I seem to only make it worse when I try to do more than speak plainly. He looked to see that Applejack was looking at him, glaring as if she wanted to kick him right in the face a few times. All he did was look back at her, trying to ignore the fact that she likely wanted to physically maim him. Hokey Smokes hadn’t come back here to get friends, after all. He had come back here to make sure that his time working here, before he left, wasn’t filled with a lot of tension and a lot of pain. Her voice was as strong as her glare, and equally as scary when she asked one simple question.

“What’s he doin here? And why ain’t Big Mac watchin him? He didn’t do one of those spells, did he?”

“Oh yeah, because I obviously can do so many spells…” Hokey Smokes retorted, clearly sore about his lack of skill. He could remember being able to do a few more spells than he could now. That was the past, though, and so it wasn’t relevant. Oh Celestia, that’s probably just going to make her mad. I should have been smarter. A look of worry covered his face, the idea of the pain that was coming seemed to be something that likely spoke to the sarcasm that he had thrown at her. The only thing that came out it was a laugh, or more accurately laughter from the two of them. The shocking laughter was the laughter that came from Applejack, as Applebloom seemed to be a genuinely happy individual. There was still a question to ask about Applejack laughing. “Am I funny?”

“I was just rememberin yer performance before. Yep, that was a mighty good pass-out. You clearly are mighty powerful.”

So she’s… laughing at me. That’s just great. Then again, I might have looked pretty funny. I thought I was going to show a mighty display, and all that happened was me passing out. It didn’t show me at my greatest, or the problem is that it might have. I don’t know which one would be worse, to be honest. “Well, yes, that didn’t quite go as planned. But I was a showstopper up until the passing out, was I not?” Hokey Smokes put his most forced smile on, making it seem as though he didn’t hate the fact that he failed. Of course, she didn’t seem to buy that this was anything more than the bravado that it was.

“Sure, sure. Whatcha tryin to tell me?” The smile was gone, almost as if she remembered what it was that had happened. Hokey Smokes couldn’t quite blame her, as he had forgotten for that slight moment why he even came back there. For a moment, he even forgot why it was that he didn’t want to go back into Ponyville. Everything slammed into him again, though, so he cleared his throat. It might still not go well, even though it seemed as though she was starting to warm up to him a little. “I was offered the opportunity to help out a little, with my payment being some of the most delicious apples in Equestria. I also came to try to apologize. I’d rather not be hated at a place I’m going to be for the next few days.” How long can this thing last anyway? I doubt it’ll even be that long, but who knows? It might turn into something that could last a week for all I know. Even his own thoughts hadn’t stopped him from noticing the fact that she was studying him. Did she trust him? That was likely a big fat no, but that didn’t matter as much as whether or not she was going to be the one that caused trouble.

“Why did ya attack Twilight?”

Even though he had told it once, the question hit him like a sack of bricks. He looked away, suddenly feeling as though he was one of the worst ponies ever. At the time, it had seemed like the right thing to do. After he had done it, and for the next few hours, it had seemed like the right thing to do. It was only after that, when he learned the real truth that he started to feel bad. Time didn’t seem to be able to fix it, either, as he actually started to feel worse about his actions as time went on. A few tears came out of his eyes as he continued to look at the ground, not wanting to talk about it. As he had said to the others, no amount of excuses meant anything next to the fact that he had done something like that to a pony who had only meant to help him out. I shouldn’t look weak, I have to be strong. And I didn’t used to feel this bad, but something about these ponies seem to be doing something about how cool I am. What are they doing to me?

“It wasn’t his fault! Tell her, Hokey.”

“Yeah, yeah. I wanna hear it from his mouth, Applebloom.”

“C-can I tell you later?” If nothing else, Hokey Smokes wanted to get himself more composed. He also wanted to make sure that she would actually believe him, something that he was sure she wouldn’t do after what had happened.

“Whatever ya say. Ya gotta tell me sooner or later, though.”

“D-deal.”