The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

An Unlikely Hero.

Chapter 14 - Arrival at Ore Valley.

"So, since we've got some hours to kill until we get there." Gilbert flew alongside the chariot, keeping up with us. "I've been meaning to ask how did a human like yourself find himself in the Princess of the Moon's employ?"

"Well, it's kind of a weird story," I warned him, still trying to find a position on that damn chariot that didn't make nauseous, (There is none, by the way, the whole thing was a death trap pulled by pegasi.)

He smiled beneath his helmet. "My favorites."

So I began to regale him, and Blueblood who suddenly seemed very interested in my story, about my chance meeting with the Young Princess.

He was a great listener, gasping in surprise and laughing in all the right parts. I love seeing a man (Bird?) who understands that a story also needs a good listener.

"So you say you came from another world?" He asked me.

"Did Alexia leave that part out?"

"All that the stories say is that she came from far away, whether or not that's what Alexia herself claimed is another matter, though."

"I see." Part of me wanted to believe that there was a small gathering of humans hiding away in some forgotten corner of this world, but I knew better. "They are technically correct if you think about it."

"Oh yes, an entire world away from home is about as far away as you can get." He chuckled, before catching himself and adding in a haste. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply- I mean, I'm sure the princesses can find a way to-"

"Don't worry about it," I answered, reassuring the nervous and embarrassed griffon. "I've made my peace with it I guess."

Gilbert cleared his throat awkwardly, "Of course, of course." He nodded.

Now that I could get a good look at him, I could truly appreciate his armor. It was very different from those of the night guards who we're pulling the chariot. His helmet covered his whole face only showing his lower jaw when he talked, it was very sleek and streamlined sporting a small spike on his forehead and descended a bit further at his peak where it became razor sharp. It was as much a piece of armor as it was a weapon. Like the rest of his suit, it was painted dark blue and had some silver adornments.

The rest of his armor was much lighter, sporting more chainmail and leather than plate, after all, he needed to fly in it. He carried a powerful looking crossbow hanging from a strap on his belt, and a small ax strapped to his waist. The curious thing here were his wings.

In the interest of mobility they had almost no armor strapped to them, except for one piece. A blade ran along the spine of their wings (I have no idea what to call that part of the wing, I'm not a birdologist or whatever.)

He seemed to catch me staring at his wings because he soon met my gaze and answered my unspoken questions. "We call it the Last Resort." Gilbert spoke, tilting his wings a bit to allow me to see better, 'Though some call them Grover's Triumph since he created them and baptized them in battle when he was outnumbered five to one with a wounded wing."

"I take it they are no used often then?"

"Oh no, we use them a lot, mostly to keep attackers out of our flanks," Gilbert explained. "The blades are very brittle and light since we need light wings in order to fly, but nogriffon wants to get near a soldier wearing these in their wings since we are very dextrous with them, even if they can't do much, a blow to the neck is still dangerous."

"So why are they called The Last Resort?" I asked him.

"Because if you have to depend on them then you're probably not going to make it." He answered grimly. "Using them as aides in combat is fine and all but if you're depending on them to survive, rather than an ax, sword or spear, then you're probably already grounded and outnumbered."

"Grover made it," I argued.

"Well, King Grover also got all the griffon clans to look past their quarrels and work together." He chuckled once again. "That bird had a knack for accomplishing the impossible is all I'm saying."

"What about you sergeant?" Blueblood spoke up, breaking the silence he had been holding since we took off. "What made you join the Equestrian Guard? No love for your country?"

I immediately elbowed him in the sides for that remark. "Show some respect to your superiors, or I'll wipe that smirk off your face with sandpaper."

Gilbert still looked very uncomfortable with his recent standing with the young prince. "Well, Equestria is my country Pri- Private." He corrected himself, "I was born here, but my parents came from a town on the coast where many Equestrian ships came for trade."

"Old wall?" Blueblood asked.

"Talon Bay."

"I see." The prince muttered. "How sad then."

The flapping of wings caught my attention before I could ask what was up with that. Turning to the other side of the chariot I found Seargent Sure Glide accompanying us.

"Skies are clear, sir!" He declared, saluting me.

"Good job then." I nodded at him. "Join us Seargent, we're killing some time until our arrival."

Sure-Glide was a very different sort from the rest of the guards here in that he hardly wore armor at all. A leather jacket with a hood and a couple of hardened leather guards for his shins and wings were all the protection he wore. He seemed to be somewhat of a scout so I suppose it made sense.

For weaponry, he carried what seemed to be a small spear.

"What are we talking about?" He asked.

"We were just talking about our heritage, Seargent." Blueblood clarified before I or Gilbert could answer. "Would you care to share your origins with us Sir?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. What was he planning?

"Nothing very impressive I'm afraid," Sure-Glide answered sheepishly. "Mom was a baker in Cloudsdale and Dad is a flying instructor at the Flight Camp there, and Lil sis is still in school."

"Was?" I asked.

"Mom passed away when my sister was born. Been fifteen years now." He clarified, his smile dropping slightly.

"Sorry for your loss, Seargent."

"Thank you, sir."

"Well, I on the other hoof come from an old and respected family." Blueblood proudly declared, clearly having not paid any attention to what Sure Glide was saying. "My family is, of course, a direct descendant to Princess Platinum, and ever since Auntie Celestia and Luna were crowned we've been working closely with them, eventually earning the honor of being considered their blood even! Why my mother is one of the most respected members of the council of nobles in the last century and my father is a most gifted businesspony, owning land and property all over Equestria."

"The point Blueblood, if you'll please." I cut him off before he could continue spewing bullshit.

"My point, Agent Janos, is that placing me in such a humiliating and quite senseless position is foolish." He answered, annoyed "A unicorn of my blood is worthy of at the least the rank of Captain." Blueblood spoke as if this much was obvious. Even a child should notice that.

"Are you saying Princess Luna is foolish Blueblood?" I asked him, sarcasm in my voice.

"What? Of course not, I am merely saying that- What I am saying is-" He stumbled.

"Because if you'll recall she is the one that ordered you to be put in this position, not me."

"Of course she did. What I am saying is that my talents are better suited to a position of command." He stamped his hoof on the floor for emphasis.

"Talents?" I asked him, scoffing. "And talents are that?"

I should never have asked.

I'll spare you the details, but it suffices to say the next two hours were very long indeed. I have never met someone who liked to talk about himself more than this guy does. He went on and on about how his father had him attend the best schools available, how he had the best trainers and instructors that money could buy, and let's not forget that he graduated from the Equestrian Officer School with honors.

Having the option to get away, Sure Glide and Gilbert soon left to attend to their guards and I was left alone to endure Blueblood's speech.

But, I have to admit if even half of what this pompous ass claim ends up being true then he really could prove to be very useful in the following days.

Soon the sun began to set and the green hills gave way to an arid and dry stretch of land. Canterlot Mountain began to disappear behind us and we could already see the Macintosh Hills in the horizon. "How long until we get there?" I asked one of the guards pulling the carriage, while Blueblood yapped away, completely unaware I had stopped listening.

"Maybe an hour, sir." He answered. "We should be reaching Dodge City in about fifteen minutes and from there we just follow the road down to the Badlands."

I thanked him and turned around, reaching my backpack. I double checked the contents inside making sure I had everything I would need. Bullets, water canteen, first aid kit, a compass and some extra clothes in case I need them. Everything seemed to be in order. Grabbing my rifle I made sure everything was in working order before setting it down again. Nothing left but to wait.

Dodge City came and went and the land bellow us became more and more barren. Blueblood finally tired of speaking and resigned to sit there looking annoyed, occasionally muttering something about how his armor didn't fit right or itched too much.

"If you don't want armor Blueblood, you can always go without," I suggested the third time he complained about how his helmet ruined his mane. He stayed silent the rest of the way.

A few minutes later Gilbert returned. "We should be touching ground in about ten minutes sir." He notified me.

"Thank the gods." I breathed relieved. "I'm itching to get out of this death trap." He chuckled.

"Sure Glide took the scouts and flew ahead of us," Gilbert said.

Good, the last thing I want is to be caught by surprise.

"Strange thing isn't it? The way these Diamond Dogs started harassing this place?" The griffon remarked. "It's odd enough that they came this far south and on top of that they start trying to take over a village? Never expected to see that."

I'm not an expert of Diamond Dogs by far, but even I was caught unaware by that. Every book I read said these Dogs didn't care much for anything but precious gems, they avoided pony settlements, only coming near them looking to kidnap one or two ponies to use as forced labor. They didn't care much for metals either, so there is no reason they would be attacking a settlement like that, they know the Guard will crack down hard on that. At most, they will attack traders on the road looking to steal some essentials.

"Maybe they're working for somepony else." Blueblood suddenly spoke up.

Gilbert and I immediately turned to him. "What?" I asked.

Blueblood sighed in frustration as if he was talking to children. "Maybe somepony else is pulling the strings. Somepony after the mithril in those mines." He elaborated.

"Who would be stupid enough to rely on Diamond Dogs?" Gilbert asked, "They're not exactly renowned for their intelligence and cunning."

"I'm not saying it's a particularly clever move," Blueblood argued. "Only that it is a possibility. Diamond Dogs are laughably easy to buy after all, simply shake some shiny stones in front of their muzzles and they'll do anything to get them."

"It's something to keep in mind." I conceded. I might not like Blueblood very much but I was never one to let my personal feelings get in the way of the mission. "We won't know until we get there, though."

"Good thing we're there then." Gilbert pointed ahead, and the silhouette of Ore Valley lay on the horizon.

The village sat between two high stone walls and marked the entrance to the Badlands. It seemed to have been built on the very walls that limited the village, growing upwards reaching close to the top. Around it, we could see some farms, though it was very hard to see anything under the moonlight.

"All right everyone!" I shouted to the pegasi pulling our chariot. "Full steam ahead! Sooner we get there sooner we get some warm food in ourselves!" They shouted excitedly at the prospect of food and rest, and the chariot jumped slightly as they picked up their pace.

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"Agent Janos I presume?" A soft voice called from behind me as I got out of the chariot, relieved to be on solid ground again. Behind me, Gilbert and Sure Glide were coordinating the pegasi that brought us here, and Blueblood stood around refusing to do any work unless ordered otherwise.

"That's right," I answered, turning to meet the pony who called me. "First Lieutenant Troubled Skies sent you?" I asked the meek looking pegasus in front of me.

"No sir, I am Lieutenant Skies." She answered, looking very unsure of herself. She was a small thing, even for a pegasus who were generally the smallest of the three tribes. She wore standard issue armor but had a small indentation on her chest and shoulders showing her rank. Skies had a white coat adorned with brown spots all over, one of the most prominent ones covered her whole muzzle, her mane was short and colored gray as was her tail. Her cutie mark was covered by her armor but I could guess her special talent by the name alone.

"Oh, sorry about that." I apologized.

"It's alright sir." She assured me, "Even I am not used to being an officer."

I chuckled, "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it. And drop the sir, Skies, Luna said we would be equals for the duration of this mission."

"Of course! I'm sorry about that, it's just that you're an Agent of the Crown, that kind of title holds a lot of weight around here. Makes it kinda hard to think of myself as your equal." She rushed to apologize.

"I'm not your usual agent," I said, trying to reassure her but causing the opposite reaction. "Look, I am very new to the military and Equestria in general. I'm sure the princess wanted things this way so you could help me get used to this whole thing." I explained. "Blueblood, get to work." I spat at him.

"Blueblood?" Skies asked, eyes wide in surprise. "Prince Blueblood?"

"The one and only." He answered, totally uninterested in the poor mare.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry your highness!" Skies dropped to her knees in a matter of seconds. "I didn't recognize your majesty in that armor, please forgive me."

Before Blueblood could bask in the attention, however, I intervened. "Get up Skies, Princess Luna ordered that Blueblood here be treated like any other recruit."

"What? But why?" She asked, still kneeling down.

"He's a spoiled brat and an insufferable prick and she hopes he will acquire some character here." I ignored Blueblood's look of anger and unbridled rage at my comments on his character.

"Very well, then." She got up slowly, no doubt expecting this whole thing to be a misunderstanding. "Anyway, I came to take you to the mayor and his sheriff. They've been wanting to meet with you ever since they heard an agent was coming here."

I sighed. Somehow this did look like it was going to be fun. "Lead on Lieutenant," I told her. "Gilbert!" I called up to the griffon, who was now discussing something with one of the locals, his head shot up in my direction and caught my gaze. "Make sure Blueblood is put to some use!" He seemed uncertain but saluted nonetheless.

Troubled Skies lead me through the village's main street, wich ran between the stone walls of the canyon where it was situated. The houses and building looked more like shacks than anything else, it seemed that the inhabitants build this whole thing on a budget and on a hurry. The only sturdy looking thing here were the saloon and what seemed to be the main house of the village, no doubt where the mayor lived.

"So, when Princess Luna said I would know who the agent was when I saw him she wasn't kidding huh?" The lieutenant mentioned as we walked.

"She didn't say I was a human?" I asked her. Didn't take Luna for a prankster.

"Nopes, I had to find out by reading your file. Or whatever wasn't covered up in your file."

"I have a file?"

She nodded, "Eeyup, a very redacted one at that." Skies explained. "Everypony on the guard has a file, the Princess included it with the rest of the material she sent me for the mission."

I had received some of these materials as well, mostly it was mission parameters and boring stuff like that, but there were no files on any of the personnel here. Why had Skies gotten my file if I didn't get hers?

"It says there that you're a foreign mercenary hired by the princesses." She continued. "How did that happen anyway? Equestria doesn't hire mercenaries very often and when we do hire it's usually a whole company, not just one stallion."

"Kind of a weird story really," I answered, remembering my talk with Gilbert when a thought struck me. If Luna didn't share that information with Troubled Skies then I wasn't really supposed to be telling people about it was I? And now I had already told Gilbert and Blueblood, and no doubt some of the guards pulling the chariot were listening too so that cat was out of the bag.

"You'll have to tell me sometime." She said, "I'm sure we'll have time."

"Yeah," I answered without thinking, wondering whether or not Luna would be too pissed off at me.

"Well, we're here." She announced as we approached the big House on the end of the street. It seemed to be built on the side of the stone wall like every other building here. The words 'City Hall' were etched above the door.

Lieutenant Skies walked up to the doors and knocked softly on them.

The door opened slightly and someone started talking with the Lieutenant, though I couldn't see them. "Who is it?" A gruff voice answered.

"Lieutenant Skies." She answered. "The agent is here and the mayor asked me to bring him here."

"Get in." The voice said, opening the door revealing our welcome committee. Inside were two ponies, the first was an old looking earth pony, he wore a stetson and a brown jacket with a gold star on it, no doubt that was the sheriff, the other was younger and a mare, she wore a similar jacket but hers was black and adorned with a silver star.

"Janos, these are Sheriff Silver Mane and his deputy, Miss Sugar Song." Troubled Skies introduced us.

"Nice to meet you both." I greeted them, but Silver Mane simply grunted and turned away, quickly disappearing behind some door. Sugar Song though, smiled warmly and greeted me back.

"Nice to meet you too agent." She spoke cheerfully. "Don't mind the Sheriff, he's not very friendly but his heart's in the right place."

"No doubt," I muttered.

"Follow me please, the mayor is waiting." She motioned for us to follow us and started walking with a certain energy to her step. Reminded me of Pinkie Pie.

The City Hall was very simple. The first room we saw was the reception, which had a simple desk across the room and some chairs between the two. Sugar Song led us through another door next to the desk and up some stairs, through a corridor with a couple of doors on both sides and a lone door on the opposite wall to us, where we found the Sheriff waiting for us. 'Mayor Lucky Day' was written on the door.

"Mayor!?" Sugar Song yelled out, knocking at the door. "I got the agent here! He's really strange looking!" I ignored that remark.

"Come in! Come in and stop shouting!" The mayor shouted in return. Sugar Song opened the door with a big smile on her face and motioned for me to go inside, but the Sheriff shoved me aside going first. I was too tired to deal with him so I let it slide, but I would be remembering this later.

"Ah, Agent Janos!" The mayor greeted me, her forelegs wide open. She was sitting on a desk across from us, a light pink unicorn with a puffy light blue mane. She wore a very fancy looking pair of red glasses and seemed to not have been sleeping well for days now. "Please come in and take a seat." She motioned for one of the chairs in front of her desk. The Sheriff was already standing protectively next to the mayor. "You too Lieutenant." Lucky Day added, once she saw Skies entering after me.

"Thank you," I said as I sat down. Skies did the same. Now that I got a good look at her, the mayor also seemed a little older looking.

"Can I get you two anything?" She asked us, but both me and Skies refused politely.

"I heard you wanted to talk to me?" I asked her.

"Straight to the point aren't we?" The mayor spoke with a sly smile on her face.

"No offense ma'am but I had a long trip and I'm a tad tired," I explained myself. The truth is politicians rub me the wrong way and I'd rather get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Of course, of course." She nodded, as Sugar Song took her place beside the mayor, mirroring the sheriff. "Well, yes I do want a word with you." She began, levitating some papers with her magic and storing in one of the drawers on her desk. "I simply wanted to meet with the elusive Agent of the Night Crown, Lieutenant Skies here refused to share anything with me about you."

"I'm sorry ma'am but any information about the agents is classified." Skies said, sounding rehearsed. "I am simply not at liberty to disclose any of it."

"Of course." The mayor conceded. "But I am sure the agent himself is allowed to tell us a little about himself. hmm?"

"I'm sorry Mayor Day, but I'm afraid Princess Luna doesn't want me running my mouth," I explained, banking on Skies' excuse.

"Oh." She looked very disappointed, her gaze dropping to her desk before clearing her throat and looking up at me again. "Very well then. Let's get to business. What exactly do you plan to do about these dogs that are harassing us? We lost another farm last week and we can't afford to lose anymore."

"First of all, we need to know where these dogs are coming from." I began, "No doubt they have a network of tunnels somewhere nearby where they operate from. We need to find that, do we have any leads?"

"So far all we know is that they are coming somewhere from the south." Skies answered me. "From inside the Badlands itself." More unusual news. Diamond Dogs in the Badlands? There was nothing there but a barren wasteland. What were they doing there?

Sheriff Mane snorted, stifling a laugh very poorly.

"Something to say, sheriff?" I asked him.

"Plenty." He answered, "But I ain't got the time of the mind for it."

"Well, whenever you feel like sharing let me know." I smiled at him, the sheriff grunted and snorted but remained silent. "Back to the topic on hand, the dogs are mainly attacking the farms correct?" The mayor nodded. "Have we taken any measured about that?"

"I have smaller squads of guards taking turns watching over them." Skies answered me. "So far we have been somewhat successful in keeping them at bay, but it's tough when there is no perimeters we can guard." Makes sense, the dogs are probably just digging beneath the guarded perimeter to attack their targets.

"How about those tunnels? Anyone tried to-"

"Yes, and they bring those tunnels down as soon as they're done using them." Skies answered again. "Almost lost a squad that way."

"Hmm." I rubbed my chin in contemplation. I never faced an enemy like that before, besides, usually I am the one breaking in not the one defending. This mission would prove to be a real challenge. "I've got an idea, but it could be dangerous."

"Well, we are listening agent." The mayor motioned me to continue.

"A couple of friends of mine manage to gain access to another Diamond Dogs's tunnels by baiting them with gems." I began explaining. "I'm thinking we do something similar."

"But what do we use as bait?" Sugar Song asked me.

"They are coming for the farms, right? I say we retreat from one of them, the dogs will come for it and we ambush them."

"What!?" Sheriff Silver Mane roared. "You want to give those mutts another of our farm?! We are nearly running out of food as it is, why don't you slit our throats and be done with it?!" He yelled at me with his rough voice, nearly spitting his words all over the mayor's desk.

"You got a better idea sheriff?" I asked him. "You said it yourself, you are running out of food and time. So far, we've been fighting on their terms, we need to catch them by surprise and fight them on our terms now."

"But it's not going to work." Skies jumped in the conversation. "The moment they notice we got the upper hoof they'll just dig their way out of the trap and collapse the tunnels behind them, we won't be able to follow."

"I don't want to follow them," I argued. "I want to capture one of them alive."

The sheriff scoffed. "Good luck with that, agent."

"Don't forget that I am the agent here and you a sheriff from some backwater town Silver Mane." I spat back at him. "Don't underestimate me, it's been the last mistake of many before you."

Silver Mane was livid. His face heated up until it was as red as a tomato, but before he could blow up in my face, the mayor lifted a hoof, signaling him to control himself. "Please, we are all on the same side here are we not?" She asked everyone in the room. "I am sure those dogs would like nothing more than to see us fighting amongst ourselves. Agent Janos, are you one hundred percent certain you can pull this off?"

"Yes, Mayor Day," I answered.

"Then Sheriff Silver Mane and his deputy will assist you and your guards in any way possible." The old sheriff was about to argue when the

mayor cut him off again. "I don't want to hear it, Silver Mane. He is our best bet at defeating these dogs and you know it. Now swallow your pride and do your job."

The sheriff muttered something akin to an acknowledgment and stormed out the room. "Sheriff! Wait for me! C'mon boss don't be like that!" Sugar Song rushed after him, "Sorry about that guys." She apologized in hushed tones as she passed us by.

"I apologize as well, Silver Mane has never liked when Canterlot gets involved in our affairs." She explained. "And after the way, we struggled to simply get a response from the crown he grew to trust the guard even less."

"It's fine Mayor," Skies assured her, "As long as he works hard we can put up with some attitude, right Janos?" She playfully struck me in the arm.

"Yeah, sure," I answered. "Is there anything else you need Miss Day?"

"Not at all Agent Janos."

"Then I must be going, I need food and some rest." I spoke as I got up, "Tomorrow Lieutenant Skies and I will coordinate with the local militia to put our plan in motion."

"Of course agent." She agreed, nodding along. "Please do not be afraid to come to me if you need anything at all. Just talk to my assistant and she will arrange a meeting."

"We will, Mayor Day." Skies got up as well. We shook hands (hooves) with the mayor and left City Hall to the saloon that the guards were using as a base of operations.

I had hardly started my work here and I was already fed up with something. Joy.