Ice Ice Pony: The Adventures of Vanilla Ice in Equestria

The end of the sequel to book number one, and the start of the sequel to book number two. Also known as the end of book two. Alt-title: it’s been a year and this still isn’t done. Who knew I was that lazy?

When we last left our hero, he gathered an ass kicking team of gucci mothafuckas to save the day with the Apple family in a holiday special.

(Icey’s POV)

Shit was cray cray. Niggas were stompin’ out niggas. There was nothing I could do for them. Why did they choose me as their leader? All I ever brought was destruction in my wake. I took a deep breath, and stepped off the cliff. All that I was able to say was,

“The gods of Niglympus have abandoned me. Now there is no hope.”

(Earlier…)

“Damn son that sure was a wack holiday special!” Obama said.

“Why do we say ‘holiday special’ instead of ‘Christmas episode’ anyway. I mean, who the fuck celebrates dem other jank ass holidays?” asked C-Wizzy. Obama looked down at him with his caring, all-knowing, all-seeing eyes.

“Political correctness my nigga, political correctness.”

And all was good in the land. The league of extraordinary niggas split up, leaving behind Chad Daddy, Spike and I with the Apple family. We spent the next couple of days partying with the desert animals and drinking dat drank. Finally, we went back to Ponyville.

We was just walking along, minding our own business. And then it was like “Oh shit!” so we be running back to town.

Yeah, due to holiday special magic, we were there to save the day. Luckily dat same holiday special magic stopped The

Fire Nation from continuing their attack. When we arrived we was too late. That town was on fire, with The Fire Nation looking proud. It’s a good thing this was a trap. Seconds before they struck, I swapped Ponyville with a replica in an alternate dimension. This saved Ponyville from being sacrificed to summon He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

“Niggas got duped son!” Spike yelled. I moved to finish them off, but Big Papi blocked me.

“Let me handle this, ‘cuz this just ain’t ballin’.” The Playstation Fanboy stated. He held up his trident, and summoned forth his power. Thunder rained down from the heavens, the sky turned African American. The sound of a PSTriple being turned on could be heard. Above dat shit, I heard Chad Daddy shout one word.

“BANKAI!!!”

The blackness rose up to swallow Chad Warden. When the black dynamite died down, only the mayor of H-town remained. Chad Warden got an upgrade. His regular Gucci clothes changed into a trench coat with a strange device on his back. It looked like a cross between a wii and PSTriple controller. Shit was ballin’. His head had a fedora on with a Sony logo on it. His trident changed however. Instead he was gripping two different guns. Both of them, much like the trident, were nice, slick and black along with looking like a dealdo. They were both the greatest guns of all time, desert eagles, and had a glowing ball coming out of the barrel. But the greatest change of all was what was on his chest. It was a green card, meaning that C-Wizzy was no longer an illegal Mexican nigga!

“This is my bankai. Devil May Run Up on a Nigga.”

With a burst of speed, Chad Daddy was on the Fire Nation soldiers like a nigga on fried chicken. He pointed his guns at them, and pulled the trigger.

“Pahpahpah.”

It carved through the firebenders like they were nothing. They spread out, making sure he couldn’t just blast them all with one shot. Instead of continuing to shoot, Big Papi grabbed the controller on his back. He launched himself at them, throwing the Fire Nation soldiers up into the air. Afterwards, Chad Warden used his giant controller to summon his desert eagles into formation with it. Light shined down on them. It amazes me that he could summon ABAP energy in large amounts. My warriors of the flow are something to fear. The song “We Fly High” by Jim Jones began to play.

“Flared Chance!” he yelled. His ultimate technique. Created after seeing his dildos shine in the sun, like some kinda glistening black eel.

Nothing was left, and I returned Ponyville back to its original state. Shit was weird. When I came back, this purple pony with a horn got up in my grill. Behind her were five other ponies.

“What’s going on? Who are you? Why were ponies saying you saved them from diamond dogs and shitty music?” it asked questions in rapid fire like it be rapping. I answered them as fast as I could. Turns out dat scaly nigga Spike knows them. Something about Helements of Armory. Oh, and that I can’t touch dat white bitch Rarity. Nigga called dibs.

While I would’ve loved to stay in Ponyville, this showed me that I’m just too dangerous to be around. Vinyl and Octavia were devastated to hear this. But, how can I fuck bitches if niggas be cockblocking me? A nigga has to cockblock back to not be cockblocked in this sad, cruel world.

“But Icey, what if we need you?” Octavia asked me. I chuckled.

“Oh Octavia, I’ll always be there. If there’s a bike that hasn’t been stolen yet, I’ll be there. If there’s some fried chicken that needs to be eaten, I’ll be there. If there’s some mad nice kush that needs to be smoked, I’ll be there. Gotta get dat daily dose after all. And, most importantly, if there’s some white bitches out there that need a good dicking, I’ll be up in dat tight vajayjay.” And with that, I walked off, alone, to train in the blackest of magics, and to learn how to master the moves my spirit niggas taught me.

(Meanwhile, in the Land of Shitty Flow’s court system…)

Boss Nigger beat the white man yet again. By having the author of this fic call the current section “the sequel to book one” he is free to appear outside of the Land of Shitty Flow. Boss Nigger, unrelenting in bringing black man’s law to a white man’s town, forced his way out. He was preparing for his journey to the Equestria, where his nigga Icey was at. To get there, he would need to use an ancient form of travel known as Brodyquesting. It required a mind sharp as a prison shank and a body as hard as blood diamonds to do. Before he could leave, he was attacked by one of the most fearsome creatures to be found in the Land of Shitty Flow, Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em. Boss Nigger was prepared for combat, but instead of fighting, Soulja Boy yelled out,

“You’ve gotta help me!”

“Nigga, why the fuck would I help a lil’ bitch like you?”

“I’m not Soulja Boy!” Boss Nigger paused at that. This is clearly Soulja Boy. What could he mean?

“Speak nigga.”

“My name is Goku. I’m a Super Saiyan who has been cursed with this for by Soulja Boy. He took my body and forced me into his so that he does look like Goku. Boss Nigger, as the Boss of all Niggers, I ask for your help to right this wrong.” To Boss Nigger, saying no was out of the question. Too many lives were at stake already with the forces of whiteness moving forward.

“I’ll help you. Come with me if you want to live nigga.” and off they went.

(In unknown lands…)

“I don’t get it my lord, how can you be so calm?”

“Simple my homeslice, there’s no need to worry. All that has happened, Icey being sent to Equestria, him meeting up with Warden, and Boss Nigger’s current freedom, are playing in accord with my plans.”

“My lord, we’re proceeding to phase two?”

“Yes, in two years phase two will begin. But first, prepare the mayo for my sandwich and sent for one of my best hunters.”

“Yes my lord, I shall for Codename: Bro at once.” The white guy said before leaving.

“Soon Icey, soon I shall drain you of your blackness, and you will become the White Lord of the White God!” The crazy white person said before laughing.

Book 2: Bling End

Ending Theme: