I need a drink

"Steven, do you mind?" Jack asked while trying to push Celestia’s muzzle away from his face.

"I’ve got me own problem here." Steven said while trying to keep Twilight and Luna off his legs. "Get offa me!"

"Steven, thine legs are strange, why does thou have legs?" Luna slurred.

"You just had to do it." Jack said while holding Celestia’s head.

"Come on Jack, just a little lick."Celestia said seductively.

"They asked if I had any alcoholic beverages, they asked for whine, well, Luna did, and.. Well, let’s just say things escalated quickly." Steven retorted.

"What are we going to do?" Jack asked.

"I don’t know, Celestia is trying to fucking lick you, Luna and Twilight keep scratching my legs, and Cadence is out cold." Steven replied.

"Well, maybe we should—gah! She licked me!" Jack said.

Celestia giggled. "Gotcha."

"Steven, switch!" Jack said while pushing Celestia off him.

"Switch? Switch what? Dick size?" Steven joked.

"No." Jack said while running for Steven’s front door. "You made this mess, so you better clean it!"

"Jack! I will fucking kill you and.. He’s already gone." Steven sighed. "Alright, no more Mr. Nice Guy." Steven said while pushing Luna and Twilight off his legs.

"Steven, but thine legs!" Luna whined.

"I wanna *hic* do some research."Twilight slurred.

"Why can’t you be out cold like Cadence, at least she’s not bugging me." Steven said.

"Steven." Celestia said while stumbling over towards him.

"Oh god, not you." Steven said.

"Jack didn’t want to play, so how about you?" Celestia asked.

"No, get away, geeet awaaay." Steven said while grabbing a pillow from his couch. "This pillow has the power of a spirit in it, and I am a Shaman King!" Steven said.

"….. What?" Celestia asked.

"Uhh, crap!" Steven said while throwing the pillow to the edge of the living room. "You know what? Fuck it, I’m a man, and I am not afraid of some ponies from another world!"

Suddenly, Steven was tackled to the ground by Luna and Twilight.

"Help." Steven pleaded. "Zeus! I beg of you, sent Kratos.. or Hades, or Poseidon. Just help me!"

He got no response. Steven looked up and saw Celestia towering over him.

"Fuck my life." Steven sighed.

"Sister, what are we going to do with him?" Luna asked.

"Nothing!" Steven shouted.

"Well, I think we.. Could—"

Before Celestia could finish her sentence, she collapsed on the floor and began snoring.

"What in the heavens?" Steven asked.

Suddenly, Twilight and Luna collapsed on the floor as well, only, they were on top of Steven.

"Oh, great, no this is so fucking great!" Steven exclaimed. Steven kept a neutral expression on his face, he inhaled deeply. "JAAAAAAACK!"

As expected, Jack wasn’t there to save him.

Steven tried pushing Luna of him, but she moved her head and rested it on his chest. Twilight was lying on his lap. Luckily, Celestia had collapsed behind him, so he didn’t have to worry about pushing her off him as well. Steven slowly tried to get up, he managed to wiggle Twilight of his lap. Luna on the other hand, was going to be a problem. He carefully grabbed he head and torso, slowly, but gently, pushing he off him. After a minute, Steven finally crawled away from underneath Luna. He gently placed her on the floor and sighed in relief.

"I swear to god, Jack is going to pay for this." Steven whispered.

Steven walked towards his couch and sat down, looking at the empty glasses that the mares had drunk from. He chuckled to himself and grabbed his own glass and poured some Captain Morgan into it. He took a sip and smiled.

Suddenly, the he heard a knock on the door. He walked towards the door and opened it, revealing a neatly dressed man, holding a book and had a warm smile on his face.

"Hello sir, do you know that Jesus loves you?" The man asked.

"Jesus loves me?" Steven repeated. "Well, it’s good to hear that."

"Yes, may I have some of your time to--."

"I know that Jesus loves me, but I don’t love him. Damnit! Jesus we talked about this!" Steven shouted while looking at the sky.

"Uhh." The man said confused.

"Jesus!" Steven whined.

"I’ll.. Just.. Leave." The man said while turning around and running away.

Steven looked at the man. "Heh, works every time." And with that, he walked back inside and closed the door. Stepping inside his living room again, he walkedtoesards the couch and grabbed his phone, he dialed the number and the phone ringed.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"What is it Steven?" Jack asked in a bored; but angry tone.

"Four ponies are lying on my floor, unconscious, what do I do?" Steven replied.

"Wait, their unconscious?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Steven replied.

"So that means I'm safe!" Jack said.

Jack hung up the phone, much to Steven's annoyance. Suddenly, Steven heard a knock on his door. He walked towards the door and opened it.

"Jack." Steven said.

"Steven." Jack said.

"Jack." Steven said.

"Steven." Jack said.

"So, what are you doing here?" Steven asked

"Well, I figured you could use some company, since you're so alone." Jack mocked.

"Well, at least I didn't get licked by a fucking alien!" Steven retorted. "You nasty man, you nasty."

"The reason I went home was to wash off all the saliva off my face! ... And to take a break. Did you know saliva tastes really weird?" Jack asked.

"You tasted it?" Steven asked disgusted.

"Well, when I was trying to push Celestia off me, and we kept talking, her tongue went into my mouth for two seconds." Jack replied.

"Oh, oh-oh-oh, god that is fucking disgusting!" Steven said.

"I know man, I know." Jack replied, a shiver running up his spine. Jack stepped inside Steven's house. Walking towards the living room, he saw the four Princesses, sleeping peacefully on the wooden floor.

"That is adorable." Jack said.

"I was underneath them just minutes ago." Steven said.

"What?"Jack asked.

"You heard what I said." Steven replied.

"We should put the, to bed, or on the couches." Jack said.

"No, we shouldn't." Steven retorted.

"You made this mess, be happy I'm here to help you clean it up." Jack said while grabbing Twilight. "I'll put her on the couch, along with Cadence and Luna." Jack said.

"And I'm supposed to take Ms. Fatass over here and drag her up to my room?" Steven asked.

"Yes." Jack replied.

"Fuck you dude, fuck you so very much." Steven said while grabbing hold of Celestia, he quickly walked towards the stairs, feeling the weight of Celestia, made him think. 'What in the fuck has she been eating in ponyland?'

Finally reaching his room, he walked inside and quickly laid Celestia down on his bed. Celestia snuggled into his pillows and gave a happy sigh.

Steven mentally praised The Lord and walked downstairs, only to see Jack in a really uncomfortable position. There was Jack, lying on the couch, with Cadence on top of him, her lips firmly pressed against his.

Steven stood there, mouth agape, he grabbed his phone.. And took a picture.

Jack mumbled something, Steven walked towards him and quickly pushed Cadence of him, who was still asleep for some reason.

Jack quickly got up and gave him a pat on his shoulder. "Thanks man, much appreciated."

"You know, if you had just told me you were into bestality, things could have gone a lot easier." Steven said sarcastically.

"Alright first: Fuck you. Second: Fuck you. And third: Fuuuuuuck youuuuuu." Jack retorted.

"Yes Jack, you would love you to fuck me, but I'm not into that kind of shit." Steven said.

"Oh, remember that time you got drunk and accidentally kissed a dude?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I was drunk, even if I did so, how the fuck am I supposed to remind that?" Steven asked.

"I don't know, photographic memory?" Jack replied unsurely.

Steven rubbed his temples and sighed. "Listen, we should probably just wait until they wake up, and we should probably have some aspirins ready, because they are going to have the biggest hangover ever."

"Well, that's a good idea, I'm proud of you Steven." Jack said while patting him on his head.

"Get the hand, of my head." Steven ordered.

"Or else?" Jack mocked.

"Or else I'll stick it up my ass and eat it." Steven replied.

"How?" Jack asked confused.

"I'm a Steven, we Stevens can do that." Steven replied.

"And what can we Jacks do?" Jack asked.

"Being a pussy." Steven replied.

"At least we Jacks don't like sucking dicks!" Jack retorted.

Yeah, whatever." Steven waved him off. He walked towards the door that led to his backyard. He stepped outside and inhaled the fresh air.

"Home is behind, the world ahead. And there are many paths to thread." Steven sang in a thick English accent.

"Through shadow, to the edge of night. Until the stars are all alight." Jack sang with him.

"This song is boring, why the fuck am I even singiiiing it?" Steven sang.

"'Cause you're stupid." Jack sang.

"Alright, enough of that." Steven brushed him off.

"Sure, but you have to admit, Lord of The Rings is pretty good." Jack said.

"The Hobbit series is better in my opinion, it's got a better story line and has awesome battles." Steven retorted.

"Pffft, you're a pussy Steven."

"Not you again. Steven sighed.

"Whatcha mean?" Jack asked confused.

"Nothing, just go inside, I'll just.. Stare at the clouds, yeah, I'll do just that." Steven replied.

"Ok?" Jack said while turning around and walking inside the house.

"You know, you should really consider a new friend."

"Why's that? Jacks awesome, he's my bestest friend in the whole world." Steven retorted.

"I know, but you know what they say: The longer the friendship, the more boring it gets."

"I've been "friends" with you, since I turned twelve, and it hasn't been boring ever since." Steven said.

The devil moved itself onto Steven's head and sat on it.

"You know, you should be more careful next time, those four horses could have crushed you to death,especially the big, fat, white one." The devil stated.

"You're worrying about me?" Steven mocked.

"No!" The devil said while crossing his arms. "When you die, I die with you, I'm a part of you, remember?"

"Yeah, I know." Steven said.

The devil sighed. "Listen, I know you've been having nightmares again. But you have got to stop bitching and man up!"

"Yes, stop being a bitch and man up!" The angel said, landing on Steven's shoulder.

"Great, this guy again." The devil said while rolling his eyes.

"Shut up!" The angel retorted. "You know, for a second; I thought you were going to show us your soft side."

"I don't have a soft side, only a dark side." The devil retorted.

"The force is strong in this one." Steven joked.

"Such is the feminism in this one." The devil retorted.

".. Bitch, you calling me gay?" Steven asked.

"I didn't say that, but I'm not saying you're a full man." The devil replied.

"Fuck you." Steven said.

"Love you to sweetheart." The devil said. He disappeared in red smoke, leaving the angel and Steven to themselves.

"Don't take his advise too serious, Jack is a great friend."

"And I have you two." Steven added.

The angel chuckled. "That you have my friend, now go back inside and wake those ponies up or something. "

The angel disappeared in white smoke. Steven chuckled to himself and walked towards the door. Stepping inside, he saw Jack sitting at the mini-bar; his parents had build. He sat beside him.

Thank god that's over, right?" Steven asked.

"

"Huh?" Jack asked. "Oh, s-sorry Steven, I kinda spaced out."Jack replied.

"What's wrong dude? Steven asked concerned. "Something's troubling you, I can see it." Steven said.

"It's just.. Dylan, he's had a hard life, and he's still being bullied." Jack admitted.

"Dylan, our class nerd?" Steven asked. Jack nodded in confirmation. "I knew he was being bullied, but what's wrong with a little bullying?" Steven asked.

"His dad is dead, and he's getting bullied about it. He's only got his mom, and that's why he's.. Well, a nerd. He wants to become the best veterinarian ever,he wants to make his mom proud." Jack said.

"He's getting bullied, just because he wants to become the best veterinarian ever?" Steven asked.

"Yes, and you probably know by who." Jack said.

"Not him, seriously, is it him?" Steven asked.

"Yep, it's Jake, the basterd is bullying him again." Jack replied.

"That dickhole!" Steven said with anger.

"He gave him a black eye, just yesterday." Jack sighed.

"Jake is a asshole, someone needs to teach him a lesson." Steven said while looking a Cadence, who was sleeping peacefully on his couch. "We're going to get #rekt when they wake up."

"Yes, and we are probably going to have to run for our lives." Jack added.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Steven suggested.

"You're on!" Jack said with determination.

****

Cadence awoke with a terrible headache, she slowly opened her eyes, she took a glance outside, it was dark, so she guessed it was late at night. She looked to her left and saw her aunt Luna, and sister in law, sleeping on another couch. Cadences lips were, dry, she licked her lips, trying to get them wet again. Then she tasted a familiar taste, she slowly got of the couch, her legs still weak and wobbly.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" She heard two voices say.

"Ha! I win again!"

"Steven, I keep telling you, boulder is not a choice. Nor are: laser gun, the purple dildo from Saints Row, mah dick, my right hand and its incredible power, and of course: The power of imagination."

"Jack, surely you are just jealous of my superior brain."

"No I am not! "

"Ugh, could you two keep it down, some ponies are still asleep." Cadence said while slowly walking towards the two.

"Look who's wide and awake." Steven stated. "Slept well?"

"Yes, but this headache is killing me, but I can take care of that." Cadence said. Her horn started glowing, and within seconds, her headache was gone. "That's better."

"The fuck did you just do?" Steven asked.

"Just a simple healing spell, it gets rid of almost any damage done to the body." Cadence replied.

"So, you cured your hangover?" Steven asked.

"Yes, pretty cool huh?" Cadence replied.

"Very." Steven said sarcastically. "Now Jack, when will those others wake up?" Steven asked, pretending to be curious.

"I don't know." Jack shrugged. "Minutes, hours maybe?"

"No, I think they'll wake up soon enough, but Steven." Cadence said while turning to him. "I think you owe me an apology, and my aunts and sister in law."

"I'm sorry for getting you drunk." Steven apologized.

"Thank you." Cadence said.

"Even though it was your own freaking fault." Steven whispered.

"Well, what were you two playing?" Cadence asked.

Minutes passed. Luna and Twilight had also woken up and joined Cadence, Jack,and Steven. Steven apologized to them and they continued their talks. Steven and Jack had played rock, paper, scissors with Cadence, but it turns out ponies, don't have fingers. Who would have guessed?

"It's getting late." Steven said while looking at his watch. "You should probably head home." He said while patting Jack on his back, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked with slight concern. "I mean, you still have Celestia here."

Steven nodded. "I think I can handle her, besides, females are my specialty."

"Really? That's not what I can remember." Jack said while stroking his chin. "I remember a certain celebrity that--."

"Just go home!" Steven cut him off.

"Alright." Jack said. He popped his back and walked towards the three mars, who were currently discussing something very important.

"We think that Obi Wan is the best Jedi." Luna said.

"No! Mace Windu would beat his flank in seconds!" Cadence retorted.

"He would not!" Luna retorted.

"What about Master Yoda? He is the strongest member of The Jedi Council." Twilight said in her "as a matter of factly" tone.

"You've got it all wrong." Jack said while standing between the mares. "Anakin is the best, all often others are good, but Anakin is very powerful. But enough of that." Jack said while pointing towards the exit. "Steven wants to get some sleep, he'll keep an eye on Celestia until she wakes up."

"Art thou sure he will be able to take care of our sister?" Luna asked in slight concern.

"Yes, Steven is very responsible." Jack replied.

"Hey Jack!" Steven said while grabbing a knife from the kitchen's cabinet. "Wanna watch me throw this knife and catch it while keeping my eyes closed?" Steven asked.

"Very" responsible. Jack said.

"Holy crap! That was a close one!" Steven shouted. "Let's try two knives!"

"Uhh, we should probably head home." Jack said. The mares quickly agreed and they made their way over to the exit. They exited Steven's house and quickly made their way over to Jack's house, luckily it was dark and nobody was around, so they weren't spotted. Steven watched in amusement as his friend and nobody "girl friends" made their way into Jack's house.

"Alright, now let's go to bed!" Steven said while walking out of the kitchen. Unbeknownst to him, the two knives he had thrown into the air, were now stuck in the ceiling. Steven walked towards his room and took off his shirt and pants, he quickly got into bed and pulled the covers over himself. "Hmm that's strange." Steven said while snuggling into something furry and soft. "I don't recall my pillows being this soft... Oh crap."

Steven slowly turned his head, and saw he was snuggled into Celestia. Steven slowly made his way over to the edge of the bed, but before he could get out, Celestia grabbed hike by his middle and pulled him close to her. "Oh god." Steven whispered while trying to wiggle out of Celestia's grasp. "Houston, we've got a problem, a big, furry problem that is."

"Hmm, so warm." Celestia purred while resting her head on Steven's head.

"Help." Steven whispered.

Suddenly, Celestia tightened her grip around Steven.

"Oopf!" Steven breathed out.

Celestia snuggled closer to Steven and sighed.

"Jack." Steven whispered with anger." I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to kill you again, and again, and again... And again."

Steven, he was literally, fucked.