The table Brett sat at was annoyingly wobbly. It did not really affect anything; all he was doing was sitting in Sugarcube Corner trying to pick up dates. But it was still annoying.

He knew that Pinkie worked at Sugarcube Corner and he did not want to run into her again, but thankfully she was off that day. The venue was lightly populated by ponies going about their daily business, but it was sparse enough that Brett did not feel overwhelmed.

He looked over at a dark pegasus stallion the color of a storm cloud (Thunderlane, he thought he heard his friend say) and put his head in his hand, setting his elbow on the table. When the stallion looked his way, he would wave and give him a sexy smile and wink.

Except he was distracted as he felt another wobble. Damn this defective table! When he looked back, the stallion was walking out the door, but a mare was entering past him.

She was a gorgeous gray pegasus with a flowing blonde mane hanging down past her shoulders. She had well-toned legs and hips, and he saw a cutie mark that appeared to be a series of bubbles on her rump. She walked up and gave her order to Mrs. Cake, the co-owner of the establishment, and threw her bits onto the counter. She then moved to find a table, turning in Brett's direction.

He winced a bit when he saw her eyes. They were going completely different directions; one was looking at the ceiling, the other was looking forward, and they seemed to switch orientations quite frequently. The oddity was further emphasized by the fact that ponies' eyes took up almost half their head. He had never seen such a weird-looking face. Suddenly the mare noticed him and waved.

Oh shit! he thought. She knows I was staring at her eyes! The mare trotted over happily and sat down in the seat across from him.

"Hi!" she said in a bubbly voice. "How are you? Are you here on vacation?"

"Uh, good. I'm actually here studying abroad." Did she really not notice him staring at her eyes? The twin orbs were moving erratically, twirling this way and that. Brett had to exert a conscious effort not to become entranced by their hypnotic motion.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means I'm going to be living here while I learn."

"Oohhh," she said in realization. "Well, I just thought you were a tourist. We get a lot of humans coming through here. And the ones with slanty-looking eyes seem to take a lot of pictures." Brett snorted and tried desperately not to burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing," said Brett after recomposing himself. "There's just a... Never mind."

"So what are you studying?" she asked. He was about to answer but he stopped. Her eyes were doing that thing again. This time Brett was caught off guard and found himself staring again. She waved her hoof in front of his face and it broke the spell.

"Mister? You okay?"

"I'm sorry," he blurted.

"For what?"

"For staring at your eyes." She suddenly understood and chuckled cutely.

"Oh, that's okay. Some ponies make fun of them, but I think it makes me look cute! I'm Ditzy Doo, by the way, but most ponies call me Derpy 'cause of my eyes. What's your name?"

"I'm Brett Matheson," he said, and Ditzy extended a hoof. He took it in his hand and shook it in greeting, then they both retracted their respective forelimbs.

"So what are you studying?" she asked again.

"Biology," he said, a small smile creeping onto his face. "Specifically anatomy." Her eyes lit up and seemingly sparkled, rapidly spinning like pinwheels.

"Ooh, cool!" she said excitedly.

"I can show you if you want. I'm staying at the inn until I get an apartment."

"Can we do it after I eat? I just ordered a blueberry muffin." He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms.

"Yeah, sure."

They talked for a while until Mrs. Cake brought out their food. Brett had placed an order for a piece of coffee cake, but had told them to take their time, so it ended up being finished right when Ditzy's muffin was. Mrs. Cake set the two confections on the table, and as she walked away, Brett thought he saw her swaying her hips and looking back at him seductively.

Or maybe he was just super horny.

After they finished their food, they got up and walked out, passing through the door and out into the sunny afternoon street. They walked casually down the road until they came to the inn not far away from where they started. Brett walked in and Ditzy greeted the stallion at the register, telling Brett he was a friend of hers.

They continued up to Brett's room and he unlocked and opened the door, ducking carefully as he walked in. He went over to his desk and showed her each object on the desk in turn.

"My studies are specifically focused on how magic affects Equestrian life. This is my microscope that I use for studying blood samples and such, to see how magical forces interact with the tissues and fluids."

"How do you do that?" asked Ditzy.

"Well, I have a device I special-ordered from Manehattan before I left that can create magical currents. I use it to test the reactions of different substances and tissues to magic.

"Wow, cool! But don't you need a unicorn? 'Cause without a unicorn it's just plain magic; it won't really do anything." Brett blinked at this mare's unexpected insight.

"Really?"

"Yeah! Everypony knows only unicorns can direct magic. And we both know humans can't!" She paused. "You can't, right?" He chuckled.

"No. No, we can't. But we make up for our lack of magic by having hands." He raised his arms and flexed the digits of the aforementioned appendages.

"Yeah, I've seen Spike use his claws for all kinds of stuff, like picking up stuff and picking stuff out of holes and other stuff! But you can do a lot more stuff than he can 'cause your hands are bigger, so you can pick up bigger stuff!" She paused, looking uncertain. "Did I just say 'stuff' a whole lot?" He nodded and her head sank a bit.

"So who's Spike?" he asked. "He doesn't sound like a pony."

"Nope," said Ditzy, perking up, "he's a dragon! He's Princess Twilight's Number One Assistant!"

"That's weird. How come I've never heard of him?"

"Well," said Ditzy, "he says ponies are always forgetting about him. But I never forget about anypony 'cause I'm really smart!" Brett smirked.

"Okay, then. If you're so smart, how much do you know about hunan anatomy?" She frowned.

"Oh, not much. Just that you have hands and stuff." She put her hoof to her chin in thought. "And I've always wondered what you look like under those clothes you wear all the time." Brett turned and rolled up one of his shirt sleeves to reveal his bicep.

"Well first of all, these are what my arms look like." Ditzy's eyes went wide and spun in opposite directions.

"Ooh, cool!" He leaned down on his knees and she came closer. She reached out a hoof and gingerly touched it to his skin, feeling the bulging muscles underneath. Her hoof was surprisingly soft against his skin; it felt more like flexible plastic than the keratin it should have been made of.

"I work out sometimes," he said with a slightly smug grin, "so my muscles are a bit bigger than most." He flexed his arm and the skin tightened and loosened beneath the gray hoof.

"Oooh." Ditzy's eyes were both focused on the arm now, staring at the tiny imperfections in the skin, analyzing each individual hair.

"You think that's cool, you should see my chest." Her eyes glanced up and they were briefly both focused on his face before the left one went off on its own.

"Can I really?" she asked excitedly.

"Sure, hang on a second." He stood up, then walked over and sat on the bed, scooting back a bit so Ditzy would have room. She jumped up as well and took a seat next to him. He reached his arms down, grabbed the bottom of the shirt, and pulled upward, tugging the garment off his body in one smooth motion and throwing it to the side.

This revealed the entirety of his torso, which was just as muscular as his arms. He had naturally large pecs and well-sculpted abs, along with a very light covering of chest hair. Ditzy stared for a moment before placing a hoof on his left pec.

"It's so smooth," she said in fascination. "Hardly any fur at all."

"We really don't call it fur; we call it hair. Same deal with our so-called mane."

"Wow!" said Ditzy, smiling like an idiot. "I never knew that!" Her other hoof came up and she started slowly rubbing Brett's chest. "So soft," she said, sounding more than a bit distracted. He laid back on the pillow, giving her more room to venture further. Her hooves wandered to his abs and she leaned in closer, examining it like a scientific specimen.

She wandered further down his body until she finally reached his waist, her hooves rubbing over the bulge in his jeans. When she realized where she was, she jerked back and looked as if she had been struck.

"I'm sorry!" she said. "I didn't mean to do that! Honest!" Tears began to form at the corners of her eyes. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her. She flinched, but did not move away.

"It's okay. It's no big deal." She sniffled.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're alright."

"I just... I didn't want to do anything you didn't want to."

"Well, that's... actually why I brought you here in the first place." She looked up at him, her wonky eyes focusing for a moment.

"Really?" she said again.

"Yeah, I thought you knew. You want to?" he asked. After a moment, she nodded vigorously.

"Sure!" She moved up and sat on his lap, gazing at him with lust in her large golden eyes. He could feel her hot marehood through the denim of his jeans, and he was getting extremely hard. But he was not quite ready to go further yet. Always leave them wanting more.

She leaned in until her muzzle was inches from his face and she could feel his breath on her nose. It smelled pleasant, mostly from the sweet coffee cake he had eaten. He leaned forward and their lips connected.

He moaned into her mouth, running his tongue along her lips. His hand moved to her neck and caressed her fur, then he gradually began to move downward. He massaged her shoulders, then moved to her back. Her hoof reached back and grabbed his hand, gently nudging it down toward her rump. He broke the kiss, looking to her for an explanation.

"I like it when a guy grabs my butt," she said with a blush.

"Well, alright, then." He kissed her again, reaching the other hand to her rump. He gripped it with both hands, kneading her cheeks in his palms. They were quite pleasantly plump, most likely from a steady intake of delicious muffins. She slowly humped him, simultaneously rubbing herself against the rough denim and pushing back repeatedly into his grip.

He brushed her tail aside, briefly stroking the silky hair before rubbing his right hand in between her cheeks. He reached down past her anus and brushed against her vulva, his fingers getting instantly drenched in hot female arousal. She moaned lightly into his mouth.

"You like that?" asked Brett, brushing a finger against her clitoris and causing her to wink. She squealed quietly, then nodded.

"Mm-hmm." He progressed further, rubbing his fingers slowly over her vulva. He extended his middle finger and, lubricated by her juices, slid it gently inside her, eliciting a gasp of pleasure from the mare. He pushed it in, spreading her surprisingly tight walls. They flexed around his finger as she winked her clit, her body trying on its own to draw him in.

As he pulled his finger back out, she reached down and grabbed at his jeans, trying to take them off. Unfortunately, her hooves were not dextrous enough to work the zipper, although she did manage to pop the button. Brett reached down and slipped the jeans down. Ditzy was jostled left and right as he tried to remove the clothing.

"Hang on a second," he said, and Ditzy wrapped her forelegs around his arm in response. He slipped the pants down to his ankles, revealing a pair of sexy blue briefs with a quite sizable bulge. He turned to his right to see Ditzy still holding his arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, you told me to hold on..."

"Well, I meant... Never mind," he eventually said, waving it off. He twisted around, laying down next to her, but she was still holding his arm. "You can let go now," he said with slight amusement.

"Oh, sorry." She freed her hooves, and Brett sat up on the edge of the bed. She then jumped down off the bed, sitting her rump on the floor.

She moved down to Brett's underwear and slipped her hooves into the space between the skin and the fabric, pulling it gently outward and downward. She pulled until the bulge was just barely contained by the cotton, and she slipped it down a bit further, freeing his cock and allowing it to bob up and down before settling. She leaned forward and looked at it cross-eyed for a moment, then Brett gasped as she closed her eyes and took it gingerly into her mouth.

Ditzy sucked on it gently, imagining it was a tasty lollipop. She swirled saliva around it, trying to dissolve the candy, before she remembered what she was really sucking on. She moved her head down the length, taking as much of it into her mouth as she could. But it soon hit the back of her throat and she abruptly pulled back, coughing with tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Maybe that wasn't such a good idea," she rasped.

"Hey," said Brett, "is it okay if I try something else? It's nothing too weird, I promise." Ditzy nodded.

"Yeah, sure." Brett gestured to the bed.

"Get up on here and put your rump in the air," he said gently.

"Okay." Ditzy jumped up quickly, eager to see what this new thing was. She positioned herself as she was told. Her rump stuck up into the air like a little gray hill, exposing her anus and marehood. Brett thoroughly licked his thumb, then moved the slathered digit to her anus, beginning to gently rub and work the ring of muscle.

"Ooh, that's weird," said Ditzy.

"Good-weird or bad-weird?" asked Brett as he continued to slowly knead her hole with his thumb.

"I dunno," she said, panting lightly. "Good, I guess?"

"You ever tried anal before?" Ditzy shook her head. "Well, let me know if it hurts, okay?"

"Okay." Brett pushed with his thumb, and the wet digit easily slid into Ditzy's hole. She let out a quick exhale and he felt her clench around his thumb.

"How does that feel?"

"It's good-weird now," she said simply. He grinned and pushed his thumb into her up to the ball. He then thrust in and out of her a few times before pulling it out. He sucked on his forefinger and middle finger, then moved back and slid first one, then the other gently into Ditzy Doo.

"That feel okay?"

"Oh, better than okay!" said Ditzy. Once he had gotten her used to the feeling of having his fingers inside her, he pulled them out and positioned himself behind her. His dick, still well lubed from Ditzy's previous sucking, glistened in the light. He leaned over her back, shifting until his dick was even with her rear entrance. He left his right hand free, using his left to support himself on the bed.

"Make sure to tell me if it starts hurting," he said again. Using his right hand to hold his shaft, he positioned the tip of it and pushed forward, slowly parting her walls and sinking inside. He groaned as the tightness became evident, her passage clenching down on his rod.

Ditzy did her part as well, moaning as she felt the pressure in her rear. She spread her hind legs and tried to open herself, but she did not know how. Hearing no protests or sounds of pain, Brett moved forward slowly until he finally hilted inside her, and he could feel his balls being smeared with her love juices as she winked.

She took her left hoof and started to rub her clit, massaging it gently. Her wings were rock-hard at this point, spread as wide as they could possibly be. The muscles strained against their tendons, stiffened by her arousal.

"That feel good?" he asked.

"Uh-huh." He slowly pulled out, leaving her feeling empty. Then he thrust in more firmly than the first time, his smooth skin running pleasurably over her puckered ring. He continued to speed up until he found a steady rhythm. He gripped her rump with both hands by the cutie marks and thrust in and out, each time spreading her walls and making her legs wobble at the brand new sensations. He brought a hand up and lightly slapped her rump on the cutie mark, eliciting a quiet squeal.

"You like that?" Brett panted.

"Yeah," she moaned. "That felt good." So he did it again, bringing his hand down a bit harder. It impacted her cheek with a loud snap, leaving a slightly red spot beneath her gray coat.

"You like this cock?"

"Yeah, it feels good," said Ditzy unsteadily. Brett could feel the pressure building in his loins and he knew he was getting close to his orgasm. Ditzy was feeling the same, but hers was coming on much more rapidly. He rutted Ditzy harder now, his hips slapping against hers. He rested one hand on her back, massaging her wings with his fingers. This provoked even more moans, and he could tell she was about to cum.

"Oh, Celestia," said Ditzy. "It feels so good. I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Anh, yeah!" Her pussy convulsed, sending a short stream of marecum shooting backward which splattered on the carpet. Several more spurts squirted out with less intensity, dribbling down the insides of her thighs.

While Ditzy was just coming down from her orgasm, Brett's was still building. He pounded her ass like there was no tomorrow, making her moan in ecstasy. He brought his left hand down and rubbed her vulva, swirling the leftover fluids around with his fingers.

Eventually, when he was just on the edge, he pulled out and started jerking off. He worked his cock, pushing himself toward the edge, until he finally tipped over it. With a grunt, he shot his load, splattering it all over Ditzy's rear. The glob shot out of his shaft and landed on the mare's coat, covering it with hot, white cream. When the shots slowed, he squeezed his dick like a tube of toothpaste, drawing out the last drops.

He knelt down by the bed, then leaned in and stuck his tongue out, slowly running it over her vulva and moving to her anus. He lifted his head after having licked up a small trail of white spunk from her ass. He went back in and licked up more, this time kissing her pucker and slurping up the jizz. Finally, he stroked her tail and kissed underneath it, licking up the last of his cum from her rear.

He got up and sat on the bed, falling onto his back and letting his feet rest on the floor. He turned to Ditzy, who smiled at him. One eye looked at Brett while other looked in the general direction of the window.

"That was pretty fun," she said. "Especially when you licked up your stuff."

"You liked that?"

"Yeah," she said. "Means you don't have to clean up afterwards."

"It's getting kind of late," said Brett sleepily, glancing at the setting sun. "I should get to bed soon." He turned around and laid in the bed the way it was designed. He laid his head down on the pillow and almost instantly fell asleep.

***

Brett woke up to see the sun shining through the blinds at a low angle indicative of early morning. He heard a sizzling sound and looked to the mini-kitchen to see Ditzy frying something on the stove. Her tongue was sticking out of her mouth in concentration and she looked as if she was just cooking for the first time.

Shit, thought Brett, throwing the covers off and getting groggily out of bed. She's gonna burn down the building. He found a clean pair of briefs in his suitcase and slipped them on, then did the same with his jeans. He looked over and saw that Ditzy had taken the pan off the stove and that it was filled with eggs. She turned to place them on a plate and finally noticed him.

"Oh!" she said around the handle in her mouth. "Well, good 'orning, slee'yhead!" He groaned quietly, putting his head in his hands.

"You're still here?" She put the eggs on the plate and set the pan down on the counter.

"Uh-huh. I woke up early so I thought I'd make breakfast!" She frowned. "Humans eat eggs, right?"

"Uh, yeah," he said, walking over to the table and sitting down.

"Oh, good," she said in relief. "I didn't want to ask 'cause I didn't want to wake you up."

"That was very considerate of you. Can you find the coffee for me?" Ditzy went to a cabinet and opened it, looking confused as she rifled through it.

"I don't think it's under the sink, Ditzy," he said with as little annoyance as possible, taking half the eggs and moving them to one of the plates that had been left out.

"Oh, right!" she said, pulling her head out. "I was wondering why it would be with the dish soap." She quickly found the actual cabinet and grabbed the coffee, handing it to Brett. He took his travel coffee maker and, after some searching, found an outlet to plug it into.

And he silently thanked whatever universal power was out there, Celestia or otherwise, that the outlets and the plug were compatible after realizing he had never considered it. After he activated the machine, he sat back down at the table with Ditzy and started on his eggs. They were surprisingly well-cooked; maybe he had judged her too harshly.

"So," he said in between bites, "why are you still here? I thought you'd be gone in the morning."

"Why?" she asked with apparently genuine confusion.

"Um... You did know this was supposed to be a one-time thing, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I kinda figured that. But that doesn't mean I can't make you breakfast!"

"Fair enough." He reached for a glass of water while Ditzy continued.

"And actually, I wanted to ask you about something."

"What's that?" he asked, taking a drink.

"I was thinking maybe you could move in with me." Brett nearly choked on his water and some of it went up his nose. He slammed down the glass and coughed, trying to clear his airways enough to get out a reply. Eventually he managed to recompose himself. He was silent for a second.

"I'm sorry?"

"For what? Did you—"

"No, I mean, what did you say?"

"You could move in with me."

"Uh, don't you think that's a little much?" She looked confused, then her eyes widened.

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that!" she said hurriedly. "It's just that, you know, you said you needed a place to live. I have an an extra bedroom in my house I never use, so I thought maybe you could use it. I thought a lot about it after you fell asleep, and I don't see why you wouldn't want to do it. We can just be roommates. And I can set the rent really low, too. Not too low, though, 'cause postmare's not really the best job. I mean it's okay, but I can't really—"

"Ditzy." She shook her head.

"Sorry," she said.

"That actually sounds like a good idea." Her eyes did that pinwheel thing again.

"Awesome! So you'll think about it?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Cool!" She quickly finished her eggs and fluttered over to the door, bumping the wall before landing. "I can't wait to tell Dinky!"

"Dinky?"

"Oh, she's my daughter," said Ditzy with pride. "And don't worry, I left her with a foalsitter for the night."

"Wait a minute," said Brett with an amused grin. "Did you actually plan all this?"

"Not exactly; I didn't plan on getting with a human!" She turned around and walked out the door, waving behind her. "Bye, Brett!" He waved after her, then shut the door.

Aw yeah, he thought smugly, I just got with a single mom. Then his smug grin instantly disappeared. Oh no. I'm moving in with a single mom.

Author's Note

Disclaimer: I do not in any way advocate racism, toward Asians or otherwise. That joke was simply for funnies. If you are an actual racist, I have no sympathy for you. Good day.

Sorry this took so long. I would have posted it earlier, but you know, life getting in the way and all that jazz. Despite what some of you undoubtedly thought from the long break, I will be continuing this. The story is not dead.
But my track record honestly isn't very good when it comes to finishing long stories. Hopefully this doesn't go the way of SBC and SSSC9000. But if you would kindly make suggestions for ponies Brett should get it on with, I would be ever so grateful and the story might move faster. [joke]Which means if you don't make a suggestion and the story dies, it's your fault![/joke]