Lamentations

Before I tell my story, let me first introduce myself. You can call me Ari. When I made the pact with Hermaeus Mora, I adopted the name Aristagtle. It is a mash-up of words from Ancient Equestrian and from our own language, and it means: Stag of the Higher Cause.

It all began a few years after the invasion. I had decided to take a walk in the streets of Canterlot, which I didn't do very often because I tried to avoid any unnecessary contact with my own kind. Back then, I already had developed a deep disgust of my people, for I had to see how they corrupt and destroy anything beautiful or sublime. Hell, as one of them, I even had to participate in their brutality and stupidity in order not to attract attention. I had seen how they react to members of their own kind that think and feel as different from themselves as I do, and I know that this wasn't something I wanted to experience first hand. I was good enough at pretending to be like them, but I hated it, and I hated myself for it, and I hated them for what I was forced to do because of them. Even more importantly, for what I was forced to give up, what I had to surrender, what I had to destroy in order to be like them. Most of them still don't know what they deny themselves.

But sometimes I just had to get out and take a walk, not just to keep my body in shape, but also to keep myself distracted from the dark thoughts that would come to me after dawn. At that particular night, I noticed a riot of some sort, a group of stags and a few stallions. Still disgusted by their brutish shouts and yelling but still curious as I am, I came closer to investigate what they were doing. I quickly learned that they had found one of the secret libraries the Alicorn Princesses had hidden before the invasion, and were about to burn the books. They could not see value in any literature that didn't involve sex or oppression. They don't get that while reading can be extremely satisfying, it isn't just about the pleasure, it's about knowledge, and the power it can give you. I decided that I had to do something this time. I had acquired a small fortune in the last years through clever trade, and, I'm not ashamed to say it, also through some deception. It's simply too tempting to use such methods when most of your own kind aren't the brightest. So, this time, I worked up the courage to address them. "I want to buy those books."

When you try to preserve parts of Equestrian culture seen as useless by the others, you are certain to draw suspicious and even hateful looks. The one who appeared to be their leader immediately asked me: "And what would you want with them? That's pony literature from before the fall. Stupid mare's entertainment, good for nothing. They don't even contain images of mares or descriptions of what you could do to them. They're screaming to be given to the flames."

I thought for a moment, then had an idea. They were all heavy books, with many pages, so I said: "I think they would be ideal for disciplining my mares. Wouldn't it be nice to beat them with their own stupid scribbles?" Every word was a sting to me, but I had been accustomed to hide my thoughts and feelings from my brethren. Also, before he could think, I immediately had drawn my purse and taken out quite a nice amount of Gold Stags. This is a sure way to deal with my people: distraction. Whenever they might have second thoughts on something, just draw their attention to something else which might interest them more, be it gold or pussy.

My fellow stag, immediately more interested in the gold than in what I had said a second ago, grabbed the gold coins, threw some of them to his fellow mates, then handed the books over to me. "Have a nice time with them", he said with a condescending grin.

I immediately went home to take a look at my new conquests. I sat at my table, my favorite mare lying on the ground next to my feet, still smiling thankfully after she had learned I had just rescued part of her cultural heritage, and studied the books. One book particularly gained my attention: The Daedronomicon, the Book of Demon Names. There was no autor named, but it was a list of Equestria's most potent demon beings. I had always been interested in magic, especially in the deeper forms of Magick that were beyond the understanding of "King" Dainn and his stupid ilk, even though they were not above making pacts with beings they didn't grasp for the sake of conquest and petty benefit.

The book heavily stirred my imagination as it described beings of unimaginable power and beauty. There was a twenty page essay on Discord, "also known as Khyoo, or Coyote, in the Southern Zebra tribes, or as Sheogorath in the Griffin Kingdom". I studied the text carefully but could not find an explanation why a sublime being like him would make a deal with a moron and brute like Dainn, especially since Discord apparently wasn't gaining anything that could be of interest to him. But then again, the article mentioned over and over again how mysterious and hard to understand Discord's plans are and how mortals fail over and over again in their attempts to figure out the ways he toys with their minds. So, I left the chapter on Discord behind. He probably wasn't the right being for what I planned to do anyway. I also found a short essay on a being named Meridia, who might have been an ancestor of the now fallen Princess Celestia if my speculations and conclusions drawn from the descriptions in the book are correct. I have written an essay about this, it is available in our library for any initiates of the fifth degree or higher. I was tempted to summon her, but then I remembered how spectacularly Celestia had failed. This wasn't the right choice either, at least not for now.

It was only when I came closer and closer to the last pages of the book when I found an article that drew my attention. There were some unreadable words in the description and the explanations, but the first thing I checked was whether the invocations and rituals were fully readable, and they were. This is what I read in the description.

"Hermaeus Mora. Known to many as Chaos Star. Also known and revered by the Ancient Zebraegypt culture as Nyarlathotep, the Dark Pharaoh, or the Wretched Abyss. Known in Saddle Arabia as the Shapeless Chaos, but also as the Old Wise Man. Known in the ancient city states of peninsulae as Atena Mnemosyne, or as Zofia (apparently female). Known also to some even older cultures as Amazzeroth-Iridabaar, or as Xzammanoth, Kaliph of the Depths, One-Eyed Squid Sultan. Known and revered until today in the primitive fish towns of , as Gr'uncle Neall.

Demon God of Knowledge, especially Forgotten and Forbidden Knowledge. God of Education. God of Fate. God of Memory. Sometimes also identified with thought in general, especially with repressed thought and its violent, eruptive return.

Manifestations: Hermaeus Mora has no definite form and is said to be able to take any form he likes, but he has often appeared as a male of the same species as the person invoking him, only without any hair or fur, dressed in Mage's robes. He may also appear as a throne room, decorated with a combination of Zebraegyptian and Ancient Saddle Arabian glyphs and artifacts, with a male youngling of the summoner's species sitting on the throne. Note that the whole room, not just the youngling, is the manifestation of this being. Other forms include a swirling ball of purple energy with a black center (a form also known as Wretched Abyss), or as a hovering squid with one cyclopic eye and innumerable tentacles. All of his appearances may vary in dimensions, but he usually chooses a size that fits the room he is invoked into. More rarely, he can appear in the shape of predator birds, especially eagles or owls.

Gifts and artifacts: His boons are usually associated with knowledge, especially lost knowledge, or knowledge forbidden by the culture of the summoner. He has also been reported to grant increased mental, intellectual and rhetorical skills, better memory, and heightened, but also refined awareness. He is also said to hand out a book called the Oghma Infinium, which contains all knowledge a specific individual needs to fulfill its full potential, to his most loyal and promising followers."

This was exactly what I was looking for. The next day, I gathered everything I needed for the invocation, especially careful not to draw any attention. During the afternoon, I carefully formulated my concerns and requests. When you deal with beings this powerful, you have to choose every single word carefully, not leaving anything to chance. Another proof Discord is just playing with Dainn. Someone like Dainn could never have found the right words to appease a thirteen-horned demon or communicate his wishes, let alone force him to do anything. He was lucky Discord didn't just purge him from the earth with a flip. I also still had to find the right place for the invocation. My own little house certainly wasn't it.

Fortunately, another one of the books I bought was about old castles and ruins all throughout Equestria. It contained descriptions of all kinds of strange and wonderful places. One day I had to visit them all. Sadly, there was no temple of Hermaeus Mora left from the old days when the Old Gods still walked the earth. But I found another place that I thought might just be perfect for a summoning. An old castle in the Everfree forest, once inhabited by the Alicorn princesses, then by Luna, now abandoned and partly in ruins. It might also be perfect for what I wanted to do after the summoning. I had to at least take a look at it.

The next day, I packed a few things and traveled to Ponyville. I found the rural town quite pleasant, for the madness of my people had left fewer traces here so far, at least compared to other, bigger cities like Canterlot or Manehattan - even though those traces were still clearly visible everywhere around me even here. Luckily, not much happened during my stay, and I managed to avoid any contact with the caribou in town. From Ponyville, I made my way into the Everfree forest, strictly following the descriptions and maps I had found in the book.

When I approache the castle, I realized the land around it was less wild than other parts of Everfree forest, and quite promising. I figured it could easily be transformed into farm land by a little bit of caribou magic and hard work. It made sense. There was a castle here once, so there must have been a town around it as well. I found no traces of it though. I noticed that the setting sun made the ground and the rock formations in some areas around the castle glow in a strange, dark-ish light. I had to investigate this later. But for now, I entered the castle.

I was amazed by the beauty of the place. Parts of it were surprisingly well-preserved. Banners depicting Luna were still hanging from the walls. The early days of Equestria must have been a time of high culture and refined beauty. I caught myself dreaming of those old days, how it must have been back then. I even found a huge library that was amazingly well preserved. I had no idea how this place was still like this after centuries of abandonment.

In one of the back rooms of the library, I found the perfect place for the summoning. It even had a table that could easily be repurposed as an altar.

I wasted no time, drew the sigils for protection and began reciting the invocations and performing the rituals. To my surprise, it worked far better than I had expected. The Wretched Abyss immediately formed before me and I heard an oily voice in my head.

"You have summoned me, Hermaeus Mora, to the mortal realm. Speak fast, mortal. What is your concern?"

I knew the two magical questions, involved in every negotiation with a demonic or otherwise supernatural being. »What is your concern?« and »What is your request?« - strictly in this order. To outsiders, those not versed in the ways of magic, those two questions might appear to be identical or at least close to each other, but they are really two very different questions, and confusing them while dealing with a demon can cause disastrous results. They are just as different and as far apart from each other as the questions "What is?" and "What should be?" in any enlightened philosophy. (Studying philosophy is always a good idea for those who want to understand the secrets of true Magick. It opens your mind for new possibilities.)

I began my speech which I had so carefully prepared during the day.

"My concern, oh mighty Hermaeus Mora, God of Knowledge and of Fate, God of Memory, Dark Pharaoh, Wretched Abyss, Old Wise Man, Kaliph of the Dephts, is my people. I can't stand them. They are stupid and brutal and have no regard for the more refined things in life. They burn books, smash cultures, tear people apart from each other, rape entire civilizations and leave behind nothing but wasteland. They don't think, they don't even feel, they just follow their immediate primal instincts. Their culture, if one can even call it that, is based solely around the most petty desires and most blunt pleasures. They do not create, they not even reflect, they only react to outside stimuli."

"A perfect example of this is how they treat the mares of Equestria. Don't get me wrong, I have no objections against a certain severity to keep your females loyal and obedient like they should be, but what my people do is very different and has nothing to do with this. It is nothing but cruelty for its own sake. They have plucked the feathers of the mares of Equestria and brutally cut off their horns. Why? They say it's to ensure that they don't use their magic to defy us, or that they don't use their wings to flee. I don't believe a word of this, there are other, more effective methods to ensure this, without crippling their potential. Can't my people see that Equestria before the fall was a place of sublime beauty and refined culture? Of course I understand that its politics were misguided in certain points, that it was more or less a matriarchy and that the mares needed to be put in their place. I just don't believe for one second that my people did what they did for any such purpose. They didn't take Equestria to show its people better ways of life. They took it to rape and pillage it until nothing will be left of it and for no other reason. They don't understand that a submitting mare is also an embodiment of sublime beauty that has to be revered and cherished, not destroyed. And because they don't understand the beauty right in front of their eyes, they fear it. The truth is that they are afraid. They fear what they don't know. They only follow their primal instincts, and fear is the most primal instinct of all. Our whole culture is based on fear. Not the fear we cause in others, that's just a symptom, but our own fear of everything foreign, everything different, everything we don't understand. My people think they are great, fearless, mighty conquerors, but they are just a bunch of bullies, and like all bullies, they are cowards."

"They don't understand that to truely conquer something, especially a mare, you don't just have to break her with violence, put her in profane metal chains. To truely conquer her, you have to bind her to you on an emotional and spiritual level, to establish a true bond with her, not by means of petty show magic or convenient mind control gadgets you don't even understand, but by connecting with her on a personal level. I have tried with my mares, but only in secret, for my brethren fear this very idea, and so they try everything to destroy those who truely know. They ostracize them where they find them, force them into hiding, force them to hide their true thoughts and feelings and intentions, force them to hide any diversity, any characteristic, any excellence they can't understand. They cripple themselves and each other, they deprive each other of their true potential. Because they are afraid. They have committed the most heinous crimes one can imagine, they have built a culture on stupidity and brutality and destruction, and they are still afraid of themselves and each other and what they are capable of. What do they have to fear? They don't know, and still they live their lives in fear, fear of themselves, fear of everything different, fear of that which in themselves is different. And they don't even know  any more that they are constantly afraid, because they have crippled their potential to express emotions to each other, ridiculing and ostracizing anyone who tries to reinvent it. They don't realize that they have lead themselves on a path that leads to their own destruction. They are insane, not individually insane like Discord, which is a harmless kind of insanity in comparison, but collectively insane.  I agree that having the males in dominant positions is desireable, but those lunatics are simply not the appropriate candidate for this job. They are far below the female rulers of Equestria before the invasion in any meaningful respect, morally, emotionally, spiritually. They need a strong hand themselves, to teach them discipline and force them to find the right way, much more than the females of Equestria needed. They control others, but they have not the slightest bit of self-control that is simply necessary to reasonably justify any position of power and responsibility over others. They can show no one the way because they have no way. With males like these, a strict matriarchic rule of the alicorn princesses over them would have been preferable. The people of Equestria at least had an understanding of sublimity, beauty, refinement, and excellence. My people have left nothing of this, because they understand nothing of it and because they fear it. Someone has to teach them a hard lesson."

Once I had finished, I once again heard that oily voice in my head. "Yes. I have observed your species for some time now and I have come to similar conclusions in some respect. But I want to see how you do from here on. What is your request?"

I had waited for this.

"While my people disgust me, they are still my people and I still at least somewhat care and hope for them. I want to be able to make them better, to change their ways and improve them, to open their eyes. But I have to be honest here. I am not just summoning you for purely altruistic reasons." This part was especially important. If you lie to a demon about your intentions, or even if your requests are guided by subconscious intentions you haven't reflected on properly, you are lost and your life will end in disaster and misery. So, I continued my speech. "My people has done great harm to me, and I do want revenge. This is a petty intention and I know it, but I can't help it. They have forced me to hide in plain view for years, to put on a smile to hide my true face. They have tried to cripple my potential, my potential to think, my potential to feel and to express my feelings, and I can't deny that they may even have succeeded to some degree. What they have done to me and to themselves on a mental and emotional and spiritual level is not unlike what they have done to the mares on a physical level when they cut off their wings and horns and beat and fucked them till they were nothing more than pulps of twitchy meat. But unlike the mares, I was even forced to participate in my own crippling, and to pretend to do so of my own free will. I can't forgive them that. I want them to suffer. But this actually ties in to how I want to improve them. They have crippled their potential, and to people like them, change normally doesn't come easy. It comes slowly, and with many setbacks. But I don't have time for this. I want to force it on them." I paused for a second. The Wretched Abyss pulsed lightly, as if he wanted to order me to continue. Was there even a hint of something like impatience? I continued.

"Here is what I am proposing. I will submit myself to you. I will do everything I can to spread your word, your faith and your ideals, to increase your power and glory whereever I am. In exchange, I want you to give me the power to improve myself, to increase my potential to a maximum. I also want you to give me the right words and gestures to make the other caribou see what I truely am. I don't just want to open their eyes to new possibilities. I want to metaphorically rip off their eyelids so they finally have to see their reality for what it is. I want them to suffer from their own cruelty, from the realization of what they have done to the world and to themselves. This will also purge my race. Only the best of them will be able to rise above their upbringing and join me in my cause for excellence, while those who are not willing to give up their fear and the way of life that results from it will fall into despair and depression. Stop us. Forgive me if I am presumptuous, but if I understand anything about you, which I know is anything but certain, I believe this is also your cause. I will build an organization dedicated to your worship, to spreading your word and message, an organization dedicated to advance our shared goals. Just give me the means to do it. My body and my mind and my soul are yours if you grant me my wish."

The Wretched Abyss slightly changed its color and pulsated in a different rhythm, which I instinctively felt was the demon's equivalent of a benevolent smile. I felt that he understood me, and more importantly, that I had understood him correctly. The last part of my speech was a bit risky, it took the longest to formulate correctly, as it always is with the final part of a speech, especially to a demon, but at this moment, I felt an unending benevolence towards me from the Wretched Abyss. Once again, and for the last time on that evening, I heard the oily voice in my head.

"What you ask for indeed ties in with my own plans for this plane. You are a promising individual, very unexpected for your race. I will give you the Oghma Infinium, it will give you exactly the abilities and vision you will need. I might give you further instructions later, once My own plans have advanced. Now go, My Champion, take My Oghma Infinium and carry My word and My light into the world. Hammer it into the heads of the deaf, peirce the eyelids of those who have chosen not to see. Purge them all of their ignorance and stupidity, with the sublime force and the violence of the word and the spirit. Purge them, in My name."

A book manifested in the center of the Wretched Abyss, which then began to fade slowly. The Oghma Infinium. As soon as I touched it, images of the past came to my mind. Suddenly, I was able to see myself in a way I had never seen myself before. It was as if my eyelids were metaphorically ripped away. I saw the horrible things I had done, I saw my own complicity in the horrors my people had committed.  I remembered how I had claimed my mares and even enjoyed it while I had kept telling myself that everything I did was just to keep up my cover, that it was really the fault of my people and not my own. I finally understood that my failure to connect with my mares was not because of the other stags, but because I had used force and intimidation. I had blamed the others for everything I had done, but now I saw myself as just another one of them. I saw that I shared all their vices: the tendency to force my own ideals onto others by means of violence and brutality, and the tendency to blame others for my own mistakes. I knew that if I wanted to redeem my people, I had to rid myself from these vices first, and I had to make amends for what I had done. My journey had begun.

The Wretched Abyss faded, and I felt a painful burn in my left hand – as if I was being branded. I instinctively tried to remove my hand, but I noticed that I was unable to do so for a few seconds. I still held the Oghma Infinium when I took a look at my left hand. A strange mark had appeared – a symbolic depiction of what I took to be a snake coiling around a mirror. Symbols of Hermaeus Mora. The pact was made.