Confessions

The other stag opened the door and we entered his living room. He asked me to sit down, then asked me if I wanted a drink. "Yes, please", I said. I already had a few drinks with him in the bar, but I was still thirsty.

"I think I have something special for you", he said. "Just what you need now." Then he turned to one of his cow servants who was cleaning the room. He gently petted her head between the horns and said: "Be a deer and get a bottle of my special creation for me and my friend, will you?" She giggled and rushed away. I noticed that he was more gentle with his cow than stags usually were. It made me confident that I had found the first initiate. Hermaeus Mora had certainly sent me to Lindisbarne for a reason after all.

The cow returned with a bottle, approached us and poured each of us a glass. We looked each other in the eyes as she poured mine. She had deep, brown eyes that looked almost thoughtful. What a silly thought... a thoughtful cow, sure. She still smiled at me but didn't say a word. Cows always smile, but her smile was... somehow different. I didn't know what it was though. The cow left to do her work somewhere else, and I took a taste from my glass. A strange taste, sweet and bitter at the same time, but the notes didn't clash. "This is really good. But also strange. What is this?", I asked.

He smiled. "Oh, just one of my creations. I use rum as the base and cherries and bitter herbs for the taste. A weird idea that occured to me only recently. I'm surprised myself about how well it turned out."

I smiled back. "Do you have a name for it already?" He shook his head. I took a look at the liquid. It was brown of color, almost the same shade of brown as the eyes of that cow. It also seemed to... glow somehow. It was probably an optical illusion, created by the light in the room, but still... "What do you think of Brown Glow?", I asked.

He raised the glass to look at the liquid himself. "Glow, definitely", he said. "But I think it's more like a very dark shade of black amber, don't you think?"

A thought or memory went through my mind, but it was gone so fast that I couldn't catch it. "Fine", I said. "Amber Glow it is, then. Cheers!" I raised my glass.

I was ready to begin my little inquiry. "Thank you very much for inviting me to your house", I said. "I'd actually like to ask you a question. I've seen two or three cows in and around your house, but I haven't seen any mares..."

He took a sip. "That's because I didn't claim any. I'm simply more comfortable with cows. They need us and our leadership, and they also seem to desire what we do to them. Both doesn't seem the case with the mares. They don't desire it, we have to force it on them and bend them until they do. I haven't told this to any other stag so far, but something tells me I can trust you. It may sound very strange but somehow I... think it's not right." He had gotten visibly nervous when he said that.

I smiled. "Don't worry, I won't tell on you. As a matter of fact, I've come to see things similarly lately. Well, there were a few points that always puzzled me. Maybe you as a medic have some insight in this matter. Why did we pluck the pegasus mares' feathers when clipping the wings would have been easier, and would have preserved the beauty of their wings?"

The other stag thought for a minute. "I think we did it because it is humiliating and must hurt like hell. As we've come to say, it puts the mares in their place. It shows them what we're capable of and disencourages them from resisting." He smiled. "Of course, everyone knows that females are dumb and weak and crave subservience by nature anyway." I noticed more than just a hint of irony in his voice. "So", he continued, "the question is why this was necessary in the first place. After all, we also don't usually have to cripple our cows just to ensure their obedience." He paused to take a sip. When he continued, his voice was serious again. "Unless, of course, the mares are not like this to begin with."

I chuckled a little bit. "Yes, I can follow that line of thought. What about the unicorn horns? We have other means to prevent them from casting magic."

He smiled. "Oh, that's an interesting one! You know, I've thought about that for some time, and I think I've found the answer. You know that our antlers are not just tools for creating runes and other kinds of magic. They are also sense organs, among other things allowing us to determine the magical properties of minerals, gemstones and other materials. I think it's the same with the unicorn horns. They're sense organs that give an insight in the magical fabric around us. Now what happens if you blind someone, or take away his hearing? He becomes less able to orient himself, more dependent on outside leadership. I think it's similar with the horns. It is yet another way to ensure that they depend on us."

"You know, this is very interesting", I answered. "I haven't seen it that way so far, but yes, I guess you have a point. So far I had thought that most males of our species have a deeply rooted fear of female beauty, and that's the reason why we're destroying it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Another interesting theory. But then, why are we not crippling our cows as well?"

"Well, don't get me wrong, cows are cute and sexy, certainly... but I can't really see them as beautiful", I said. "They sort of... don't fit my standard of beauty."

"You obviously don't know them as well as I do", the other stag objected. "I do find them beautiful. Their beauty is very different from that of the mares, of course."

I didn't really want to discuss this, so we remained silent for several minutes. Then he asked: "By the way, did you claim any mares during or after the invasion?"

I looked at him sheepishly. "Yes, quite a few actually. Four, to be precise, and I still have them. My family lost all cows during our escape from home, and a young stag still has some needs..."

His face gave away no emotions. "I... understand", he said.

I continued. "As a matter of fact, I'm not proud of it. Something about it never seemed right, but a few weeks ago, I actually started feeling guilty for it. So far I had prided myself with the thought that they probably had it better with me than with any other male under those circumstances. A few weeks ago, a new... friend convinced me that what I had done was still wrong. It was literally a revelation for me. I believe now that there must be other ways to deal with the mares. After all, the stallions had done it before we used magic to force our views on them. I have bought Luna's Castle and the land that surrounds it in order to build up a new agrarian community there. I want to explore those new ways. If we can make them work, we might even... apply them to all of Equestria."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you implying what you think you are?"

I gulped. Now it was all or nothing. "M... maybe?"

He gave a big smile and clapped his hands together. "Finally a stag who talks business! I had thought about disturbing the status quo for some time now. But so far, I couldn't find anyone who shared my views. If you want to do this, you can count me in. We could even try out new ways of dealing with the cows. I don't see that much problems with our treatment of them as in case of the mares, but if we're trying some social experimentation anyway, why not in this area as well? As a matter of fact, I can gather my cows immediately and leave with you if you're ready. I'd like to pack my medical equipment and some of my bottles, but nothing more than we and the cows can carry. We can fetch all my other stuff later." He was excited like a little boy. "Seriously, there is literally nothing that keeps me in this town. The earlier we move, the better."

I smiled. "We don't even know each others' names yet, do we? I have chosen a new name a few weeks ago, after my revelation. I call myself Aristagtle now."

He laughed. "Aristagtle is it, hm? You have the wits and guts to put a pun in your own chosen name. I think I really like you. So, let's see... you use Ancient Equestrian, so I think I'll take that up as well. I think its meaning should connect to my birth name though, so... Anaphainos, maybe? Bringer of Light. Yes, I think I'll go with that. Also, that new friend seems to have had quite the impact on you. If what you tell me is true, not only did he change your world view, he even made you choose a new name. You have to tell me about him. He seems to be a very interesting person."

"Well, I'm not sure if one could call Him a person", I answered, then thought for a second. "Or a Him, for that matter." I showed him the mark on my hand. "Do you know what that is?"

His eyes widened. "As a matter of fact, I do."

"So you probably have an idea of what you're signing up for. I hope you won't bail out now."

He laughed. "Don't worry, I won't. I'm actually even more interested now. If I knew how to conjure entities like this one, I would have done so years ago. I think I'll call the cows now."

I smiled.

Every Order of Hermaeus Mora begins with twelve initiates. It can grow later, but it always begins with twelve.

About a month later, Anaphainos and the other ten stags we had recruited had gathered in the palace yard.

"Have the mares chosen a representative yet?", I asked Anaphainos. We had brought almost two dozen mares. They outnumbered us almost two to one, not counting the cows. Interestingly enough, I had brought more of them than any other of my brothers.

"Yes", he said. "A pegasus named Spring Breeze. A black collar. Was she one of yours?"

"No", I said. "I don't know her. A black collar, hm? Interesting. I had the impression that the red collars were the majority."

"They are", he said. "I don't know why they chose a black to represent them."

This will probably make things slightly more unpleasant for me. If I don't get out of this alive, you know how to proceed. You can tell the mares that we want to see them now. Oh, and gather the cows as well. I don't know why, but I want them to see this. Call it a hunch." We had exactly twelve cows. It was an interesting coincidence. I and some others hadn't brought any, but some had more than one.

"The cows? I'm not sure if this is a good idea. But if you say so..."

A short time later, the mares stood in front of us while the cows cowered behind us.

Spring Breeze stood directly in front of me now. Her arms crossed, shoulders squared, glaring at me, defiant in the face of whatever I might do. "You have called, we have come. What do you want, caribou? Another round of public abuse? Can't see why we had to choose a representative for this. Unless you want to humiliate that one specifically."

Now I knew why the reds had chosen a black. I put my hands on Spring Breeze's collar. My antlers began to glow. The collar came off her neck. "You are free now", I said.

My brothers approached the other mares and removed their collars. Spring Breeze looked at me in complete disbelief. "What?", she asked.

I gulped. What I had to say would be hard, but it had to be said. "You know we have made a claim to the castle and the lands that surround it. It is yours now. You can do with it what you want. We also have clothing for you if you want to go back to wearing it. Only males' clothing, unfortunately, decent mares' clothes have become hard to find in Equestria during the last years. Or you can improvise something yourselves if you want, we have brought materials. As I said, this land is yours now. If you allow us to stay here, we will work with you on the fields, and we will help you to build houses. But we know that we are criminals, we have done horrible things to you all, and more than a few others. So we wouldn't blame you if you told us to go. As a matter of fact, this is your land now, and we surrender to your judgment. If you come to the conclusion that we all deserve death, every single one of us is willing to face it."

Spring Breeze still looked at me with disbelief. But then she seemed to remember something.

"Nice fake choice, caribou", she said. "You know full well that we can neither chase you away nor kill you. They know now that this place exists in Canterlot. We have to keep you around to cover for us, and you know it. Once again, you're using tricks to gain our trust, just like your people always do. I don't know what kind of twisted intent you have with this, but it won't work."

I sighed. "Of course, I realize that you have to keep some of us around. But you don't need all of us. Which is why I will take sole responsibility for the crimes of all of my brethren. We have made a list." I pulled out a parchment and gave it to her. "Ah, here it is. A full confession of all of our crimes. All the mares we've taken against their wills. All the other crimes we committed in the last years. It's all there. I expect your judgment." I handed her my dagger. "You may use this dagger to pass judgment over me right here and now. Or you may keep me here and do to me what you want if you think this is an adequate punishment. You can also choose another one of my brothers, they have all agreed to take my place if necessary. After that, all others will stay here, build houses for you if that's what you want, or work on the fields, they will cover for you so you won't draw attention, and they will also provide you with advice if you want to listen to them. If you want to find the worst stag of the bunch to judge, you can stop looking though. Apparently, my list of crimes is longer than that of any other stag here. I took more mares than any other. I keep telling myself that I did all the things I did just so I wouldn't draw attention, but that really doesn't excuse anything, does it? I used your sisters for my own ends, just like all others did. I am ready to face your decision." I lowered my eyes.

She took the dagger and pulled it toward me with force. I closed my eyes. The stinging sensation... didn't come. I opened my eyes again. She had stopped the blade short before it would have hit me.

"Damn you!", she shouted. I felt a punch from her left fist in my side and immediately stumbled back a little. She must have dropped the dagger, because only a second later I felt her right fist in my face. "Why. Can't. I. Kill. You?", she said. Each further word was accompanied by another blow. Each one of them felt strangely liberating. I went to my knees with the last one.

She backed away, breathing heavily, then picked up the dagger and looked at it. "I'll keep that one, it's nice. Me and my sisters will be to the castle to choose our quarters for now. It's ours, so we get first pick. You can take what's left. It's big enough, there should be enough space for all of you. Just stay out of our way for now. We'll talk later."

Blood ran down my mouth. Anaphainos rushed to me. I also saw a cow coming from the other side. They reached me almost at the same time. "Are you okay?", Anaphainos asked.

"Yes, I'm well. Just a few bruises. It will hurt like hell the next days, but I think it's nothing serious."

Anaphainos smiled. "I'm the doctor here, leave judgment to me. You're probably right, but I want to have an eye on you during the next days."

I looked at the cow. I knew her, she was Anaphainos' cow. The one with the amber eyes. She was trembling from fear. "M... master...", she said to Anaphainos. "I'm sorry for rushing to him without permission. I... I was so scared."

Anaphainos embraced her gently to calm her down. "It's okay, Bruna. Don't worry, it's... all okay."

"I've never seen a stag be as gentle to his cows as you are", I whispered to him. "Giving them comfort, allowing them to use the first person pronoun... you are a true gentlestag. Our people really needs more stags like you."

He smiled. "Bruna is... special to me. But yes, I treat all my cows a little bit different than other stags do."

His cow was still sobbing. "Master, what... what will become of us cows now? Are they our mast... mistr... masters now? The mares? Will we be allowed to keep our collars? Wh... who do we belong to now?"

"You belong to us all", Anaphainos said, gently calming her down. "I mean, we all belong together, don't we?", he asked, more to me than to her. "We are one people, aren't we?"

Once again, I smiled.