Monochrome Diaries

Maybe Twilight won’t notice that I can presume that she wants to ask me many, many questions. She probably thinks it is rude to press me about subjects of the most and so, she'll try to do it subtly. I chuckle loud enough to gain her attention and she looks at me intrigued. “What?” she ask.

“Nothing at all, just thinking of something here,” I respond.

Sometimes I'm surprised how competitive I am. Between the many things that could catch my attention, I realise I'm NOT-considerably behind her and in time I decide to match the gap between us. She talks and talks about all the places we pass while we walk around Ponyville on the way to Sugarcube Corner, always with a smile, excitement and a hint of pride. Now that the establishment is in sight, I wander a little further in the neighborhood with my eyes. I spot a white unicorn with black shades in front of a house with two floors, levitating carefully a few mail. Inside of the house, I see the silhouette of an earth pony with long and black mane, heading to the front door, seeking for the unicorn probably. I ship it like fedex, immediately echoes through my mind.

“Here we are,” she declares and point her hoof to the candy building. “Sugarcube Corner and also the residence of Pinkie Pie and the Cakes. Hope you enjoy the breakfast,” she says with some nervous giggling in the end. I pat her and thank her properly, before realising something.

“What's wrong?” she ask noticing the slight concern across my face. I sigh and without further ado, answer to her question.

“I have no money.”

“No problem at all. I was already expecting such thing, so I brought a couple of extra bits,” she smiles and surprises me with her accurate deduction. I kneel so I get heigh leveled to the princess.

“I promise I'll pay you those bits. Please don't say you won't accept it,” I interrupt her before she attempts to interrupt me. “It's a principle thing,” I finish my sentence. Then, right after I raise and seal the promise.

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in—”

“—My eye!” I say in unison with a extremely familiar female voice. Pinkamena Diane Pie appeared out of nowhere, now hanging in my right shoulder. Her giggling came together with a funny snore and a question she had in mind.

“What was that Pinkie Promise for?” She looks at me with those ocean eyes, full of joy and curiosity. And mysteriousness.

“Oh, y'know... Twilight is going to pay the breakfast for me today, so... you can resume the rest,” I shrug.

“Ooh. So you'll need a place to work then?” she ask and refuse to descend my shoulder.

“Basically, yeah.”

“Why don't you work here?”

“When do I begin?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds good to me,” I nod. “Let's go, Twy?”

Her dumbfounded gaze is hilarious and it just gets better with her mouth agape. “Don't keep your mouth open, silly Twily.” Pinkie tease her and we both giggle as I open the door for the both of us to enter. For the record, Pinkie is still hanging on my slender shoulder.

“The hay just happened?” Twilight wonder, and trying to forget the scene, she follows us to the insides of Sugarcube Corner. Right away, I remove the loose pink pony from my shoulder and place her in the ground gently. I decide to go to the last but one table and let Twilight sit at first and I follow her lead right after. Pinkie Pie out of nowhere again, jumps and introduce us the menu with all the options we can consider to choose. My eyes lend on the 'Chocolate Pudding' option but I decide to go in a lighter way. Further in the menu I see 'Rain Cookie' and that's when my tongue gets wetter.

“Pinkie, will you bring me a couple of rain cookies and a cup of milk, please? Take your time,” I close the vivid menu and lay it on the table. “Okie-Dokie-Lokie!” she nods and wait for Twilight's order. She takes a little longer, looking confused and unaware of what to choose. Sick of wasting time with the menu, she throws it closed to the table, and spit out. “Just bring me the same as his.”

“Okay, I'll be back in a minute,” Pinkie states and take off to the kitchen. I turn to look back at Twilight and she seems irritated about something.

“Is everything alright?” I ask politely and genuinely worried about the alicorn. She seems to be surprised.

“Oh, yes, yes. Perfectly fine, just... a little outburst, that's it.”

“Okay, then,” I smile and comfort myself in the red puffy seat of the cozy store. It can easily fit eight ponies in this whole space, I zone out. After a few a seconds of complete silence with me showing off a face like if I just did drugs and a series of silent goofy laughing, Twilight breaks the ice.

“So, uh... Monochrome,” she snap me out of the trance. “How are things in your world, I mean... how different is it from here?”

I place my fingers in a thinking motion below my chin, and 'hm' to the question. This was mostly because of the pose, not the thinking matter. But I answer her properly.

“It's mostly the same thing, just... there is too much darkness in there. It's depressive,” I explain to the lavender mare, which seems to be paying a lot of attention. She immediately jumps to another question and listening to everything I say.

“And how much darkness are we talking about?” she widen her eyes in curiosity, ready for many of the possible answers. I cease my motion and sigh heavily. Immediately Twilight regrets the question, but the subject cannot be ignored. She seats normally again in her own seat and draws a sad expression on her face. “Sorry...”

“No, no, it's fine. I just get sad when I think about it. You'd understand if you lived there,” I make the wasted effort to make Twilight feel better. Why do I always fuck things up...

“H-how...” she mutters almost in an inaudible tone. “How do you think I'd turn out in this world?”

This question gives me quite the chill. If I tell the true answer about it, I don't know how she'd react. I stare at her for some moments deciding on what should I say. She don't flutter her eyelids until I open my mouth to speak. “Perfectly fine,” I smile and avoid the eye contact. Right after I realize the clue I left that I lied, I try to remain calm, but I feel a heat of nervousness run through my body. Glad it's not Applejack here, I think.

Before Twilight could react to the answer, Pinkie Pie – with her usual perfect timing – arrives with our requests; three rain cookies and a cup of milk for each of us. I take both plates and place Twilight's in front of her. It takes some seconds for her to snap out of the trance my fingers are causing. “T-thank you,” she says. Even after she delivered the orders, Pinkie is still there staring at us having breakfast. I don't care at all, but what bothers me is Twilight staring at my fingers in awe.

“If you want to ask something about these beauties here,” I motion my fingers in a wave effect. It's super effective, Twilight's almost drooling. “Ask right away,” I grin.

“N-no, I-I-I w-wasn't thinking about them at all,” she levitates her cup of milk and begins to drink it. Let's make her spit the milk out, shall we?

“Hm... my fingers are so tense,” I say. Pinkie is smiling wide as ever, but Twilight's attention is now completely locked on her research subject. A devilish grin is drawn in my face. “I think I need to—” Intentionally I interrupt myself to snap one's fingers. Instead of spilling, she almost choke the milk, still spilling some of it from her nose. Wiping off with a napkin that was lying next to her rain cookies plate, she stares at me with worried eyes.

“A-Are you alright?!” she's blushing a little from embarrassment. Pinkie Pie is laughing and snoring, while I chuckle. “Yeah, it's okay. I just snapped 'em, that's all.”

Now, Twilight is looking quite annoyed. “Y-you scared me!”

“I know,” I take the cup with white liquid to my mouth and take a sip. Instead of placing it on the table, I wave it round and round, causing the liquid to do the same movements. “If you didn't like it, I promise I won't do it again so soon,” I say staring at her narrowing eyes, staring daggers at me.

I turn to the window and stare blankly at it. "Have you ever thought of how beautiful things can be?" I say towards the alicorn. "That's what I think when I look... no. That's one of my thoughts when I look blankly to and through the window." My mind travels on thoughts from another dimension together with my eyes wandering in the landscape. My ears become deaf and I feel something I didn't feel in a long time, so as I believed that it was already lost in me.

“Peace.”

Most of time, when I go out and look outside the glass like this, there's nothing interesting happening. It wasn't different this time. Even with nothing interesting outside, I keep on staring because it's exactly this moment I begin to reflect and remember everything that's happened in my life, regardless good or bad memories. I know that Princess Twilight is staring at me and once again, I couldn't care less. As long as she doesn't interrupt these rare peaceful seconds of mine, I'll let her do as she pleases. Once I close my eyes, a song pop up in my mind and quietly I begin to hum it; a sad, mad and slow tune. It my favorite song from Legião Urbana. Some seconds had passed as fast as the song which had had just finished. I raise the cup a little higher than usual, look at the milk and mutter. “Urbana Legio Omnia Vincit.” And finally I finish the cup milk..

I open my eyes and watch Twilight amazed and quiet. I am surprised by the fact that Pinkie Pie is also quiet, not even her usual smile is on her face anymore. Although unlike the princess, Pinkamena looks... understanding. Ironically, I get amazed on the pink pony's reaction.

“Uh,” Twilight interrupts my train of thoughts. “Are you okay, Mon?”

I stare at her with quite scared gaze but as soon as possible I recompose to my normal self. “Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just traveling in my imagination, that's all.” I turn to see Pinkie entering the kitchen in a hurried pace, but with a smile different from the one she usually carries. “Just traveling...”

Since she delivered us our orders, Pinkie did shape no reaction and it left me confused. And preoccupied.

“Excuse me, Twilight. Be back in a minute,” I rise and leave the table, heading to the kitchen as fast as possible. Twilight attempt to call me and ask what's wrong, but I pay no mind to it. Need to apologize my rude behavior later, I think.

Sugarcube Corner's kitchen

I rush inside, expecting for Pinkie to be baking some new treat for later customers, but the pink party-pony is seen nowhere in the kitchen. “Strange,” I mutter looking around for some door or for the pony herself, when suddenly my back is filled with a weight that wasn't there a second ago. The smell of cotton candy gives her away. “Hello again, Pinkamena.”

“Hi!” she laughs and snorts. “Nopony calls me Pinkamena, y'know?”

“Any problem? I could use or Pinkamena or Diane.” I say and take her on my arms. “Pinkamena is easier to say, but Diane is prettier.” She blushes to the compliment.

“Oh, shucks,” she motions her hoof and I chuckle. I place the pink pony in the ground for the second time this morning, but now I kneel to get eye leveled with the beautiful mare and look deep into her ocean eyes.

“I know by your smile after you entered here, that you can understand me like nopony can, but... I'm still not ready to talk with you. I still have to lead with the fact that... I will never see my friends, my parents and the rest of my family again.” Tears I wish I could restrain begin to fall from my eyes and run down my cheeks as fast as Rainbow Dash. My voice once confident and strong is now contorting. Painful, I confess. “I'm sorry.”

In a kindness act, Pinkamena wipes off my tears and smile brightly to me. It sure makes me happier. “I'll wait for when you're ready.”

“*sniff* Pinkie promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she dances and complete with the hoof in her eye. Once again, I chuckle. “C'mere,” she calls and then she hugs me.

This moment last for a few seconds before I break it and rise, with a smile that Pinkie put on my face. “Diane it is.” Pinkamena stares at me and just laughs and snorts whilst I remember that my rudeness with Twilight is still to be forgiven. Both of us walk off the kitchen and she seems to be back to her 'normal' self. I call Twilight when we reach the balcony and she get off the seat to approach myself.

“Are you sure you wanna go already? You have eaten nothing this morning,” she says. Then I realize she's right; my belly has been snoring the whole morning and I got nothing to eat.

“Take one rain cookie for me so I won't starve until lunch, please.” Twilight nods, before handing me two rain cookies and the last one for herself. I chuckle to that. “Y'know, If ya overdo with the eating, your flank may get even bigger than it already is,” I tease. The blush on her face, the dumbfounded gaze and the blow she gave me in the thigh give the victory away. Once I pleasantly deal with it, I bite down a piece of my breakfast treat. Delicious, I think. “Bye, Pinkie!” I wave my hand, leave the candy store and the bitten rain cookie within it. She waves back and turn to the new couple of ponies; a mare and a stallion with the same white coat and ginger mane.

Before we head towards the Ponyville Park, Twilight seems to be in an intern conflict to decide if she does or doesn’t question my conversation in the kitchen with Pinkamena and once again, curiosity wins another battle. “What were you two talking?”

I turn to look at Twilight. After she questions it, I think and think of what should I answer to her, because the truth is out of question. I can’t decla—

“She’s the only living being that can understand me. We had the strangest conversation, I cried to the circumstances and we hugged each other before we left. Nothing more and nothing less.”

...Fucking *Hell*, conscience!

Twilight is stunned with the answer that came and at first, she couldn’t believe my words. Her mind changes once her doubted eyes land on me. Which leave her even more confused. “W-wha-what do you mean?!”

“Chill,” I say. “It was a thing that not even I can explain what it is. Maybe Diane can, but I have no—”

“Diane?” she raises one eyebrow. I think it was one of the rarest times somepony called Pinkie by her second name. “Why not Pinkie?”

“In the middle of the conversation, Pinkie and I had decided I'd call her or Pinkamena or Diane, and I decided it shall be Diane because it's prettier."

Once again, Twilight carries a dumbfounded gaze with the classic gaped mouth. Although it doesn't stop her in the tracks and we still head to the park.

'Ts gonna be a long day

The night gets closer as the sun sets on the vast horizon. We are in front of the castle and I'm ready to head back home for a nice cup of milk, a good time drawing and a good night asleep. "Too bad we didn't find Rainbow."

"Ya right. Although, I bet she'd be suspicious about me," I shove my hands in my pockets. "And Fluttershy is nicer than I thought," I declare quite impressed. I have seen the kindness of Fluttershy back on Earth but I never thought she'd actually give me a massage in the back. It was supposed to be just a joke; it did feel amazing though. A loud and long yawn scapes from my mouth, which means my weak and stupid body wants to rest. "Sorry 'bout that. My body is a pussy and it wants to rest so badly."

"No problem," Twilight let out a yawn of her own, but she wasn't caught off guard, since she rose her hoof to the mouth. "I'll be writing a letter to the princess about you and the day I've had."

A cold wave shivered through my body and I almost sneezed to that. An old feeling I haven't felt since junior school is back to torment me.

Fear of *Rejection.***