Crystal Clear

All of the spectators were silenced as they sat in the dark, waiting. Heavy armored guards watched them all until darkness came. Lights flashed on abrubtly. A ghastly smoke descended onto the stage before everypony.

The band began to accompany the host with upbeat samba music. The smoke cleared, revealing king Sombra sitting on a couch in front of a brick wall decorated with flora and a big screen displaying a live, magnified view of the couch where Sombra sat. Sombra, instead of his old dictator attire, wore a silk royal blue suit that screamed “Hold It!”. The music stopped.

“Thank you, everypony. This is Crystal Clear. I’m Sombra, king of T.V. ! You probably know me as the old tyrant of the kingdom. I may not have been the nicest guy, but still I know a thing or two about politics given – well – a thousand years of work experience and, I gotta say, our new ruler, y’know – Cadence – she’s as evil as I was.

She’s enforcing love. My gosh. I never caused rampant vomiting in the Crystal Empire while I was in charge.”

The crowd laughed.

“I kid you not, she goes around on weekends and makes arguing couples stop and get romantic. She’s been doing this for decades all the way back in Canterlot. I need to ask her exactly how she knows when two ponies are just brother and sister.”

An uproar of laughter followed.

“So…“ Sombra hesitated, his voice being overshadowed by the audience. “Now… Okay… SILENCE!!!” Sombra boomed, shaking the studio, hushing the viewers.

“Anyways… we’re seeing some big changes in the world of politics. In a matter of three years, we find ourselves living in a completely different place. I feel that it would be a little refreshing to speak to another tyrant who’s been in the game as long as I have.

Everypony, please stomp for Princess Celestia.”

An alabaster alicorn walked onto the stage via a long, gradual staircase, accompanied by a highly zealous applause which continued even after she had sat on the couch across the stage from where Sombra sat. It went on and on...

“ENOUGH!” Sombra roared.

Sombra cleared his throat and calmed himself, retaining his slick showmanship.

“So, princess, tell us, what’s going on in Equestria, today?”

“Well, so much has happened lately. There was the assault of Chrysalis not too long ago. We are just getting through picking up the mess at the capital. Also, recently, I appointed my apprentice to the position of princess.”

“Really?”

“Yes. In best highest judgement I believe that she has proved herself worthy of being a symbol of the nation serving Equestria by me and my Sister.”

“I see. So now there’s four rulers over Equestria?”

“Six, actually. There’s Blueblood, a prince that is usually looked over along with Shining Armor ever since he has married Princess Cadence.”

“Hmm… So there’s six all-powerful in charge? One in charge of another nation, her spouse, and two sisters with issues?”

Sombra paused to turn to his audience.

“Nope.” He said sarcastically. “Absolutely no chance of civil war as far as I can see.”

Laughter of the spectators came, making Celestia disgruntled.

“I remember, I was kicking back watching her and her sister have their little dispute that they seriously had to make a full-on war.”

“Excuse me?” Celestia asked.

“You get into it with your sister, you just call her a name then somepony leaves. Her? She’ll blast her to the moon for squeezing the toothpaste from the middle.”

Snickers ensured.

“What?!”

“I bet my clean shave, that if you go to Canterlot castle, you’re gonna find a big cannon that says “Nag-Launcher” on the side.”

Celestia pounced across the stage throttling Sombra. Cheers, gasps, and laughs came from the audience.

Pointing at the main camera, “Go to commercial! Go to commercial!” Sombra gurgled.

The theme song played and the light over the stage dimmed. The cameras faded, leaving the T.V. viewing audience with the final image of heavily armored security prying Celestia off of Sombra before playing an ad for Ponyville’s “Hay and Stay”.

****************************

Cheers resounded as the show continued with three juggernauts standing around an aggressively satisfied Celestia and Sombra whose chair was scooted far away from the princess.

“Welcome back to Crystal Clear. Now, as you know, we are seeing a rise of the princess of love, but apparently the princess here serve be as an attractive, well-suited substitute.”

“Oh... Thank you, Sombra. I had always thought of myself to as a great multi-tasker. Given the chance, I suppose it would be possible for me to see the prosperity of Equestria and the Crystal Empire while raising and lowering the sun every day.”

“-All that and maintaing your wild love life?”

“Yes of course… Wait, what?” Celestia questioned as “Ooh’s…” filled the studio.

“We’ve got word that you have a thing for your guards… maybe your “apprentice”, but definitely your guards.”

“That is not true!”

“Oh, really now? I’ve got numerous reports from Equestrian journals and the guards that say otherwise.” Images of the evidence appeared on the screen behind him showing numerous newspaper clippings and pictures of royal guards. “Heck, she’s even gone out with me.”

“Ooh…” jeered the audience.

“No... we didn’t.”

“Oh yes we did! We had a nice dinner date.”

“I swear to Luna, it never happened.”

“I was the first stallion online she wanted to meet.”

“Lies! All lies!”

“She’s even went out with one of her garden ornaments! I’m not even kidding! He’s even here today.”

Celestia had a look of panic on her face.

“No, no, no, no! You did not bring him here!”

“Yes we did, fillies and gentlecolts. Give it up for Celestia’s first victim.”

A loud engine roared. A snap resounded and heavy metal music that reflected the ego of the guest. Discord, wearing a toga with an olive crown, rode into the studio on a motorcycle, waving at all of the spectating ponies.

Celestia could not dig her hoof into her face any deeper.

The song was at "Bow down to the, bow down to the king!" when Discord reached the stage. He snapped his fingers and the motorcycle and costume disappeared and the music faded into silence.

Discord languidly took a seat on air.

"Thank you, Sombra, buddy, for having me here."

"No problem. Now Discord, is it true that you have had a romantic period with Celstia?"

"Oh, yes. She was sooo into me. You would not believe."

Celestia's jaw hit the floor.

"Sombra! Sombra! Sombra!" the crowd chanted.

"She was such a wild. To her, I must have looked more alluring to her than a MMM cake. It was a wonderful time we had together. Ah... A thousand years of age hasn't done anything to diminish her beauty."

"Awww…"

"I do remember her hair being pink for a time."

"It was a phase." Celestia grumbled, restrained from strangling Discord by the security guards.

"Filies and gentle colts, " Sombra announced. "Discord has written his story and published his bestselling story entitled "My Sunshine"."

From behind his chair, Sombra pulled out a book with the image of Celestia's cutie mark and a sticker with an orange staircase insignia.

"It's my choice for the book of the week for its vivid imagery and detailed accounts of the Lord of Chaos's heart-warming love story." The book's cover was displayed on the big screen, forcing Celestia to blush and pale. "Could you fill us in a little, Discord?"

"This story covers the episode of our union and how our love has brought us to where we are now. It's all about who we were and who we are and our hopes of what we can become..."

Discord put his arm around Celestia.

Celestia pointed to a pony wearing a suit, holding a clipboard, standing by the camera.

"Is this a televised torture now?" she asked him.

He put a hoof to his ear. He ran up to Sombra and whispered into his ear, then ran off.

"Everypony…" Sombra called out. "…I've got some news for you. We have found the Nag-Launcher!"

"What?!"

The image on the big screen changed to an image of a familiar pink and blue cannon with "Nag-Launcher" written on the side in black marker.

"Hey!" Celestia yelled. "That Luna's-"

The eruption of jeers from the ponies watching stopped her from finishing.

"You know what this means…I'm going to have a beard next time you see me!" Sombra said. "As for now, that's all the time have today. Make sure to tune in next time… OR PERISH! Alright, play us out!"

Discord snapped his fingers and the three suddenly bore sombreros on their heads. Discord and Sombra waved to the camera as Sombra's theme song played.

"This is why I hate T.V. … " Celestia grumbled as the screen faded to black.