Roger Moore's Horn is Fake and Filly Fleur Dis Lee Travels to the Moon with Luna

Roger Moore rubbed his head wearily. It had been a tiresome night full of bright flashes, blasts, and changing. He flickered his eyes open to reveal a soft, mellow ground covered in blades of grass. It looked much more peaceful than his usual landscape, full of rough and torn patches of ground. He tried to get up on his legs, but only fell to the ground and bumped his chin.

"That hurt," he said in a very mysterious and luring accent. "W-where am I?" Moore looked at his hands, which were missing fingers and now were just nubs. "Are these.. Hooves?" He scrambled up again, only to fall once more. "Am I giraffe?"

"No silly!"

Moore looked around. He couldn't see where the voice was coming from. He only heard it. Not only was he worried about his changed hands and probably feet, he was worried about the mysterious voice that was so ever delicate. Let's face it: That's exactly what a doll's voice sounds like, and dolls are not a good sign of anything.

"You're a pony," came the voice again.

"Who's saying that?" Moore asked, a stupid question in any horror movie he knew. If you asked "who's there?" or "who's saying that?" or "what are you?" you're almost certain to die first. Inside his brain, Moore thought he looked pretty silly to people passing by. Asking "who was there?" in a frightened tone to a squeaky voice that probably wasn't even threatening and lying on his tummy, legs spread out. He didn't even worry about what she had just said previously.

"Are you gonna get up?"

Moore quivered.

"Here, I'll help you."

A magical force surrounded him. He felt himself get lifted into the air. His skin trembled with fear.

"Who the hell are you?!" he cried. "Please don't kill me! I have four wives and three children! Oh please, please, please!"

"Relax silly. I'm not going to kill you. I'm only six!" The voice put him down on his hooves and faced him toward her. "Hi! I'm Fleur De Lee."

Moore blinked in shock. "Y-you're a horse! And you're talking!"

"No I'm not. I'm a pony," she corrected. "You're a pony, too!"

"What are you talking ab-" Moore raised one of his arms. They still had those plump, brown hooves. "Oh my lord. Am I really a pony?"

"Well duh stupid. Everypony here is a pony," Lee said.

"No no no! This can't be happening," he wailed. "I'm trapped in a show for three-year-old girls!"

"Not everypony here is three-years-old."

"Why am I a pony?" Moore threw Lee's statement behind and started to worriedly on the ground. "This doesn't make any sense!"

"You're strange, Mister," Lee commented.

"Can you get lost?" he shouted.

Amethyst Star, who just happened to be walking by with Dinky Doo, scolded the pony. "Shame on you! Yelling at a filly like that!" she said.

Moore blushed with partial anger and embarrassment and dipped his head. "Sorry."

"You'd better be." The pink mare padded away and dragged her grayish, blue sister along wit her.

"God, how am I going to get back home?" Moore's eyes scanned over his flank. "What is this? Why do I have a tattoo on my butt!?"

Lee toppled over laughing. "You're funny Mister! Strange, but funny."

Moore grabbed the filly by the scruff with his hoof and dangled her in the air. Her back legs jabbed the air with joy.

"He hee!"

"Listen you little brat!" He lowered his voice slightly so he didn't get yelled at by another angry mare. "You'd better change me back to a regular human, or I will rip your stubby little horn off."

"I didn't change you into a human," Lee implied. "I'm six!"

"That doesn't mean you're not evil! Look at the movie the Omen, or Good Son!"

"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are those ponies you know.. Or like family members?"

Moore smacked his face with his hoof leaving a giant bloody bruise as a souvenir. "Damn, I forgot I have hooves."

"You're really awkward. But you're funny. Hey, let's be friends!" Lee bounced up and down, her pink mane bouncing along with her.

"I am not being friends with you, you demon child!" Moore wiped the bruise on his head repeatedly. "Gah.. That hurts."

"Here, I can help!" The mare sung. A pink aura surrounded her white horn but Moore covered his face in fear.

"Please! Don't do anything to me! I don't want your help."

"I was just going to heal you with my magic." Lee tapped her horn with thoughtfulness. "But I guess I can just bring you to Ponyville hospital." She picked him up with her magic anyway and dragged him along to the hospital.

"Help! I'm being dragged to hell by an insane child!" Moore screamed, flailing his hooves in hope of one of them grasping the ground so he could resist her pull.

Dinky Doo blinked as she saw the man being pulled by a filly.

"Mommy, why is that man screaming?" she asked.

"That's what we call a Lindsay Lohan," Amethyst star replied. "They belong in a place called an 'asylum'.

"Oh.." Dinky and her mother walked away.

"Don't worry mister. We'll have that bruise fixed in no time at all!" Lee joyfully skipped along the path of her home. She stopped at Saint Marey's Hospital. "Come on, let's go inside!"

"I have to go inside even if I like it or not," he grumbled.

Lee slammed him on the counter, making his bones crack and the secretary be astonished.

"This man has a bruise!" she declared.

"Child you can't just throw ponies onto the counter like this!" she exclaimed, flabbergasted.

"I don't even care about the bruise anymore," he moaned. "I think she broke my ribs.."

"Wha- Wha Where are your parents?" The secretary managed.

"I live in an orphanage," Lee replied. "They're at the foster home."

The secretary mare reached into a drawer, grabbed her Fuji water bottle and a container of Advil, and forced down two chalky pills. She picked up the phone.

"We need a doctor down here please. And a police guard."

In a moment, Nurse Redheart was downstairs. She was leading a pair of stallions who were carrying a mobile cot with them.

"Well fella. That's quite a bruise you got there," the cream pony said, whipping her pink tail over his cheek softly. "Come on boys. Let's bring him upstairs."

The stallion used their magic to bring Moore onto the cot and march upstairs.

"Can I go see him?" Lee asked politely.

"You nearly broke his back, kid." The secretary leaned in.

"But he was gonna walk me home," she pouted, her ears flapping down and her tail resorting between her legs.

"Don't worry. The nice police man is going to walk you home."

Lee crossed her front hooves. "Well he'd better be here soon. Supper time is coming up and if I miss it I'll have to scrub the latrines again."

"What did you say sweetie?" The secretary was shocked at what she had just heard, but she was sure it was just a misunderstanding.

Lee looked up slightly. "Huh?"

The secretary raised an eyebrow.

The police walked in through the door. A tiny colt was by his side, his blue mane combed neatly and swirling around his horn. He walked up to the secretary and smiled warmly. "There's a little filly that needs to get home?"

"It's about time!" Lee whined aloud.

The officer turned around and ruffled her mane. "Did you wonder off little one?"

"I'm six!" Lee urged. "I didn't wonder off. My friend got hurt so I brought him here!"

"Well let's just get you home, okay?" The officer took the mare's hoof and started to walk with her out the door. The secretary waved as the colt hopped up next to Lee.

"Hi! I'm Fancy Pants!" he greeted kindly.

"Hi.." Lee said glumly. "I'm Fleur Dis Lee." She never usually said her full name.

"What's the matter?"

Lee sighed. "Everything.."