"While Frank Sinatra sings stormy wea-" John's Cake alarm clock abruptly cut out as it was flung from his nightstand. After rolling off his futon, he got up and walked into his bathroom with the intent to shower. This was of course never to happen, as his bathroom was replaced with a swirling black vortex. The only thing that John could think to say as he was sucked in to the anomaly was: "Shit". Knowing that this was not a dream, as he had never had a lucid one before, he resigned to soil his pants.
Only moments later, John exited the vortex to find himself in what appeared to be a great city. Closer inspection led him to believe that it was Canterlot, a fictional city from a tv show that he sometimes watched. Even closer inspection still, showed that the changeling invasion was currently taking place. to make matters worse, or potentially better, he appeared to have taken the form of one of said changelings. Luckily for him, he already grasped the concept of 4 legged locomotion from playing the ponified version of qwop.
After laying there for a while, he decided to scramble to his hooves. This of course, happened to be a mistake as he was immediately knocked down by a blast of magic from a near by guard. He screamed as his shoulder lit up with pain, most of the carapace was melted off with the flesh under it severely burned. The pony had a smug look on his face as he trotted up to him, intent on delivering a finishing blow. Whatever confusion he may of had surrounding his current situation was momentarily pushed aside. Luckily for John, his new body came equipped with changeling instincts, and without thinking about it he fired a bolt of magic into the forehead of the guard, blowing off his horn and most of his skull. he was dead before he even hit the ground, his head still sizzling. John looked at the guard, disgusted at what he had done. Sure, he'd brutally murdered many a foe in the games he played, but it did little to prepare him for the real thing. Swallowing the bile that threatened to exit his throat, he assured himself that what he did was necessary. Looking down at his shoulder, he saw that the bolt had cauterized the wound in the same way a light saber would have, so he was not in any danger from bleeding out.
Steeling himself, he took stock of the battlefield around him. About 13 meters to his left, he saw a changeling barely fending off a spear wielding pegasus. He had no real reason to help the changeling, as he was just thrown into this world and held no ties to the species he currently had the form of. Considering how he already killed a member of the royal guard though, it didn't seam likely that he would be able to side himself with Equestria. Realizing that his only good options were to hide out until the battle ended, or actively take part, he figured he might as damn well. Luckily for him, basic magic seemed to be "you think it, it happens" based, so he had no trouble aiming his horn at the pony and firing off a bolt like he did before. He of course couldn't help himself from yelling "MAGIC MISSILE!" as he did so though. This appeared to be a mistake as it caused the pegasus to turn to him and notice the bolts of hot plasma about to impact him. To John's chagrin, the pony dogged out of the way, only taking a glancing blow.
Resigning to keep any references he wished to make in his head for the moment, John watched as the other changeling took an attack of opportunity. The guard was not nearly as lucky this time, as the bolt hit him in the neck, almost ripping his entire head off. The changeling gave a nod of thanks to John and turned to find another guard to engage. It was at this moment that he heard a voice in his head, one that seemed to push every other thought aside as if it was demanding to be listened to: "Roam free my changelings, we have taken Canterlot!" Recollecting his thoughts and assuming it to be Chrysalis, he figured that he didn't have long until shinning armor and cadence's spell threw him out of the city. Not wishing to die, John made up his mind to warn the Queen, or stop the couple himself.
He charged towards the castle as fast as he could with a screwed up shoulder, being careful not to trip because he would become a target for an opposing opportunist. Passing by a few green-goo bound guards, John ran up the steps to the castle's cathedral. After entering the hall, he saw the bride and husband to-be already in the middle of their spell. Trotting towards them, he fired a few bolts of magic. John heard a loud gasp, and watched as a purple shield was thrown up in front of the bolts by Twilight. Cursing, he continued his charge, hoping to go around the shield and spear Shinning with his horn. While attempting to do just that, his vision was consumed by a bright pink light, and he knew only pain as the magic wall crashed into him, flinging him into the air.
Time seemed to slow as he was sent hurtling passed canterlot and the surrounding villages. Despite what various media had him believe, John did not see his life flash before his eyes. If anything, his mind was relatively calm. The only thing he could think about was how shitty of a time his first few minutes in Equestria had been. Well that, and he was probably going to die, but really? He got to live every brony's dream for like, what? 10 minutes? And the cost was death? Raising a metaphorical middle finger to whatever force sent him here, he closed his eyes, shouted "gg no re," and awaited his fate.
Author's Note
Little did our main character know, there will indeed be a rematch. Unless I wake up tomorrow, choke on orange juice, and die before I can continue the story. Who knows.
