Author's Note

This isn't a well-written story, it's not comedic, it's not clever, and it's not worth reading. Seriously, read the chapter title. Don't waste your afternoon. You could be doing something much more productive than this. Turn back. Turn back now, and never let the curiosity overcome you.

Just because I wrote this crap, doesn't mean you have to read it. For all of you who do not heed this warning, may your chosen deity have mercy upon your soul.

That said, if you are insisting on subjecting yourself to this, perhaps you'd like to try the first chapter out in audio form (as created by a fan).

You have one chance to turn back. I suggest you take that chance.

Twilight galloped across Ponyville. She saw terrible monsters and devious demons pouring out from the Everfree Forest attacking young, innocent ponies. 'My Sweet Celestia' she thought 'What's going on?'. Smart purple pony looked in the cottage for the shy yellow one, but she wasn't there. She looked in the clouds for the fast blue one, but she was nowhere to be seen. She tore up a nice dress to summon forth the white ~~supremacist~~ one, but she heard no moans of self-indulgence. She denounced apples to bring forth the orange inbred one, but she was not in her brother's bedroom. She even pre-read this story in search of the pink diabetic, but she was nowhere in the scripture!

My little pony realised she was all alone. She cried as the world around her fell apart, but there was no time for tears now, only dreams.

A loud rumble was rumbling behind the pretty purple princess pony. She observed a large, black void in the sky. She knew not what was happening, nor what was to happen. The big, round blackness sucked Twilight in. One trippy transition later, and she found herself in another world.

"Hey!" a voice called from below. "Get offa me!" he screeched. Twilight's large, well-rounded, sexy rump was parked precariously upon his chest.

"Oh my!" she moaned. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay." he said, brushing off the dirt and grass from Twilight's mud-covered ass. "Hey, I don't think I ever seen you before. What's your name?"

"I'm Twilight Sparkle," she smiled "and you?"

Sonic observed the mare's over-sized backside, peering curiously at her butt stamp. "Is that a tattoo?"

Twilight looked at her butt "This? It's a cutie mark. We ponies get them when we find out what we're good at."

Sonic scratched his head "A bit trashy, but okay." He realised he hadn't answered Twilight's question "I'm Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog.".

Twilight snorted at his 'trashy' remark. She did notice, however, that she was somewhere entirely new. The grass and the trees seemed different here. She'd never seen greenery like this before "So, uh, where am I?"

Sonic didn't reply; he'd just noticed the large portal that Twilight had been sucked through. "Whoa, what is this?"

Twilight shook her head "Well, it's a portal, but I have no idea why it's here."

Sonic curiously reached up. The next thing he knew, he was in another world. Twilight panicked. "Sonic!" she shouted, but she received no reply through the portal. "Great, now I'm going to have to follow him in." she sighed, taking a quick look around before leaping through the portal.

Unbeknownst to either of them, there was a sinister presence near by, chuckling quietly to himself - the dreaded Dr ~~Eggman~~ - ha, ha, haaaa... no. Doctor Robotnik. Robotnik. 'Eggman', my arse.

Anyway. Twilight and Sonic found themselves on desolate land. It was light brown dirt and rocks as far as the eye could see. Their attention was caught by a thundering boom, followed by more thundering booms. The thundering booms thundered and boomed. There were two objects jumping across the sky at blinding speeds, crashing into each other, causing huge disturbances in the air and the ground.

With one mighty whomp, one of the objects came speeding past Twilight and Sonic. It was a man! He slammed into the ground, churning up rocks and debris, and leaving a trail on the ground leading to his body. He got up just as fast as he was knocked down, screamed in anger and flew off again. As he made his way back, he was suddenly consumed by another portal that appeared in the sky!

Twilight gasped. Her mind was trying to figure out just what was going on. She flapped her pretty princess wings and proceeded to penetrate the precarious portal. Sonic followed.

On the other side of the portal lay a dark and mysterious world. The sky was dark and empty, rivers ran red, and the grass was jet black. Twilight and Sonic found the man who had flown through the portal. He was on the ground, struggling to get to his feet. Twilight and Sonic helped him up.

"Hey, thanks, guys" he groaned.

"No problem!" exclaimed Sonic.

"What happened?" the mysterious fellow questioned.

Twilight looked up to the portal "I don't know. Something is happening to these worlds, and whatever it is, I don't think it's good."

Suddenly, they all heard a rustling of the grass behind them. Another strange man, dressed in a weird blue coat, matching trousers and a pair of oversized boots came floundering toward them. "There's another one! Another one!" he whipped out a strange device from his coat and pointed it toward the portal. It lit up and made a strange buzzing noise. The portal began making an ungodly sound, before slowly closing and disappearing. "There! All better."

Twilight looked stunned "What did you just do?"

The strange man looked at Twilight, perplexed. "Did that uni- peg- ...that purple, uh pega...corn thingy just talk?"

Twilight snorted again "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and yes, I did. And who are you exactly?"

The man stood tall, smiled proudly and decreed "I am the Doctor!"

Twilight rolled her eyes; "Doctor Who?" Everyone cheered as Twilight took the bait! "Oh, grow up!" she growled.

The Doctor caught the eye of the blue hedgehog "What the hell is that thing?" he enquired. Sonic perked an eyebrow (I think... does Sonic actually have eyebrows?). "Does that one talk, too?" the Doctor quizzed.

Sonic sighed "I'm a hedgehog, and yes, I do. Name's Sonic."

Twilight intervened "Okay, well, that's enough of the introductions. Jeez. If we keep having to repeat everyone's name every time a new character comes in, this entire story will just be made up of people introducing themselves, and I sincerely doubt anyone wants to read several thousand words of that."

"Well, you know" the author wrote "it's not like anyone is reading this trash by now anyway, right? I mean, come on, an MLP/Sonic/DragonBall Z/Doctor Who crossover? People are going to take one look at this and just 'nope' the fuck out of here."

Sonic interrupted "So if nobody is reading this, then what's the point in writing it?"

"Meh. I'm bored, and I need something to do to fill my time in between writing stuff that people might actually enjoy. Thus, this monstrosity is born. Besides, it's not as if you've done anything good in your career since Sonic Adventure 2. I might have to fix that one myself. I'd have to make it another crossover, though, if I want to host it on Fimfiction." the author paused for a second, pondering the idea, before continuing "My input on this story is going to have to be limited anyway, it's called the 4th wall, not the Berlin wall."

Suddenly, the gang heard a bleeping. It was coming from the only guy who hadn't been introduced properly. He reached inside of his clothing, pulling out a strange, oversized pocket watch. The screen pulsed and a small dot flashed near the top right. The holder was bemused.

The Doctor creeped toward him "That's a pretty big watch you've got there."

"Where are we?" asked the stranger "We're not on Earth, and we're not on Namek, but the Dragon Radar is picking up a Dragon Ball."

The Doctor's eyebrows came together "Dragon Ball?"

The large-haired guy smiled "Yeah. There are seven mysterious orbs created by Namekians which yield great powers. They can grant you any wish you want!"

The Doctor frowned "Wishes? Oh, come on. You believe in such nonsense? Who are you, anyway? With your big hair, big eyes and orange karate costume, you look like some kind of anime character!"

"I'm Goku!" he smiled gleefully. "And I'm not making it up. Once you've collected all seven, you summon the Eternal Dragon who grants you any wish you desire. I've made plenty of wishes before... usually bringing my friends back from the dead, though, now that I think about it... and panties, that one time." The rest of the group weren't quite sure what to say. "The radar thinks there's a Dragon Ball near by. Wait here a minute and I'll go scope it out." and in a flash, he was gone.

Twilight stared at the Doctor with her special eyes "What are you?"

"I'm a Time Lord" the Doctor smirked pretentiously, like he was a smug-as-shit God or something.

"What does that taste like?" asked the blue ~~faget~~ hedgehog.

The Doctor leaned back, like Michael Jackson, or those guys from the old Fosters adverts, sniffed in a huge whiff of his own self-importance, and with a sense of complete self-admiration, cocked his head to one side, staring off into the distance and said "Oh, nothing special, I just, you know, travel time, defeat the bad guys, save the Multiverse, sonic a few things... no biggie."

"Multiverse?" Twilight quizzed as Goku magically reappeared, holding a strange ball.

"Found it!" he beamed. "But it doesn't look like any Dragon Ball I've ever seen. Look! It's blue, it's got weird lightning bolts on it instead of stars, and it's shaped like a-"

"Emerald!" Sonic piped up, staring at the gem.

"And those lightning bolts look like the cutie mark of my friend Rainbow Dash!" Twilight explained.

The group gazed at whatever the hell was in front of them, trying to comprehend the meaning.

"Well," the Doctor swaggered, peering at the gem whilst twitching his spectacles "seems like our meeting wasn't an accident! It looks like we've all been brought together for a purpose. What that purpose is, though? I have no idea."

Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnn!