It's another Human In Equestria fanfic, cos' that's never been done before!
The peace of the Sunday morning that lingered over the Golden Oaks Library was shattered as the sound of hooves banging against a wooden door interrupted Twilight Sparkle's sacred reading time. Letting out an annoyed grunt as she rose to her feet, Twilight contemplated on just this once using her magic to send the perpetrator who desecrated her day of solitude and quietness to the deepest depths of Tartarus.
"I swear if it's another stallion spreading the word of Nightmare Moon or whatever," Twilight growled to herself, "I'll take a leaf from Celestia's book and banish him to the moon!"
The banging continued even as the purple alicorn approached the door. "Okay, okay! I'm here! Stop making a racket!", the librarian princess yelled. She stopped just in front of the door, and brought her hooves to her head as she massaged the sides of her temples for a few moments to relieve some of her stress, still a tad bit upset about having her private time disturbed.
She grasped hold of the door handle with her magic, and opened it. Outside, she was met with the bouncing party pony Pinkie Pie, who very much to Twilight's surprise had a worried look on her face. A big deal indeed, since Pinkie Pie scarcely ever expressed anything like that, unless whatever was the cause of it was serious.
Twilight immediately forgot why she was angry in the first place, and took on an image of concern. "Pinkie Pie? What's wrong? Has something happened?", the alicorn asked her friend.
Pinkie stopped bouncing as she locked eyes with Twilight. "We've got a Code Ten Eleven Thirty-Three!", she blurted out.
"Twilight thought quickly, mentally rummaging through her mind trying to remember what a 'Code 10-11-33' situation was. Her face fell into a frown when she realized its meaning. "Please tell me this is a joke, Pinkie. I'm really hoping this is just a joke..."
Pinkie Pie shook her head. "Sorry, Twilight, I'm not. Look for yourself." The pink pony stepped aside to allow Twilight to see a body laying on the ground. It wasn't that of a pony, but of another creature, and one which Twilight - in fact, which nearly all of Equestria for that matter - was quite familiar with.
"Oh, Celestia help us all, it's another human," Twilight sighed as she raised a hoof to her forehead. "Where in Equestria do they keep coming from? I swear, a human or a group of them just pop up out of the blue every week or so."
"I know right?", Pinkie said, as she began to tuck into a muffin that she seemingly brought out of nothingness. "Remember the other month when that one human came here dressed like Darth Vader?"
Twilight nodded. "Yes, and then he claimed he never had - what did he call them? - 'Jah-Die' powers or something, until he arrived here? And he didn't even know how he wound up here in the first place?"
Pinkie Pie scoffed the last crumb of her muffin and licked the tips of her hoof before replying. "Yeah, and then there was those people dressed like Pokemon the week after, too?"
Twilight let out a mock laugh as she recalled that event. "You know, until the first time it ever happened, I only read about things like that happening in stories with poorly written, overused plots and terrible character developments. Now that it happens every once a week or so, I wish it had remained that way." She turned her head to get a better look at the human, who she immediately noticed just now appeared to be passed out.
The human was a male, Twilight also immediately noticed thanks to her experience with humans beforehoof, both from her adventures in their world and from dealings with those ones that often got 'magically got teleported' to Equestria. He had a scruffy head of hair, and he looked young in appearance, perhaps in his twenties, the alicorn surmised. He wore a t-shirt that was white in color, or at least HAD been at some point before becoming slightly dirty, and he wore black trousers along with a pair of red sneakers. His arms had a bit of muscle to them, suggesting he worked out frequently or perhaps daily.
So in short, another common standard human being.
"So, what are we going to do with him?", Pinkie Pie asked, gesturing to the unconscious human.
"Well, usually when these humans appear in Equestria out of nowhere, the first thing they do after waking up is panic and start asking questions about where they are. I highly doubt this one will be any different, Pinkie. On a plus side though look like he's in costume, so we don't have to worry about him gaining 'mysterious powers' and wrecking half of Ponyville," Twilight replied.
Twilight's horn was enveloped by a purplish aura, and so was the slumbering human as he was lifted from the ground, hovering in the air for a few seconds before Twilight walked back into her home, the floating body following after her.
"I'll see to this one myself, Pinkie," Twilight said loudly over her shoulder. "You might as well go on back to Sugarcube Corner now if you have something else to do." She turned her attention to the human still in her telekinetic grasp. "It looks like my Sunday is going to be busy dealing with this one when he comes to."
"...barrel-rolling bastards, the fookin' lot o' yer...", the human suddenly murmured in his slumber, as he tried to roll over in his sleep, but being held aloft by Twilight's magic he simply kept spinning around and around in mid-air.
"Twilight gave a deadpan expression. "Yep, it's another one of those 'Human in Equestria' days, all right..."
So this just happened, and that happened, and stuff as well...
Pyschadelicsnake, AKA Lee, had seen better days.
This morning, Lee, or 'Snake' as he preferred to be called, thought that the only thing he had to worry about was a nasty hangover from the previous night's drinking, which he couldn't quite remember fully, but he was sure Janey had put him up to it. He was also fairly sure he didn't want to go drinking, that he wanted to stay in and just carry on playing 'Castlevania: Lords of Shadows', but he couldn't be absolutely certain.
What he could be very certain of, however, was that wherever he had woken up, it definitely was not Janey's house, and it wasn't his house either. He didn't recall his house being made of this much wood, or having this many bookshelves, or having a talking purple pony most of all.
As a veteran of horror video games, Snake had experiences in being in situations like the one he was in now, where he suddenly woke up after blacking out to find himself in a location completely different to the familiar surroundings he knew beforehand. He had experiences in meeting strange characters, however bizarre or odd they were. So, with all this knowledge that he had acquired over the years at his disposal, Snake knew exactly what to do when the alicorn began to talk to him.
He screamed like a little bitch.
That was over an hour ago. He had screamed for a full ten minutes (a new world record for him, actually. He never screamed for as long when he was playing Fatal Frame 2), before Twilight shut his mouth up with her magic and brought out a projector. The past fifty other minutes of that time Snake had spent watching an old-timey film about a magical kingdom named Equestria, and of the ponies who lived in it, along with an insight into its culture and society.
Snake wondered to himself the whole time if Janey had perhaps slipped some sort of hallucinogenic drug into his beer. Considering he was now tied to a wooden chair, made to watch a black-and-white film about some place called 'Equestria' by a talking purple pony, he might as well have been on hallucinogenic drugs or something like it.
As the film reel drew to a conclusion, Twilight flipped the light switch, bringing the lights of the library back on. She removed the magical hold of Snake's mouth, after seeing the new human calm down during the movie. She smiled to herself as she praised herself for coming up with the genius idea to make a documentary about Equestria for new humans to watch whenever they popped up out of nowhere into their world. It made explaining their situations to them a lot less stressful and repetitive for Twilight. Plus oddly humans seemed to pay more attention to a movie screen than to her. Most curious...
"So, basically I'm stuck here in Equestria for seven days for some fucking reason, and I can't go home until after seven days, also for some fucking reason?" Snake asked Twilight as she approached him to undo the ropes that kept him tied to the chair he was in. He stared forward and shook his head in disbelief. "Unbe-fucking-lievable, man."
Lee let out a sigh. "Well, since I'm hanging about here for a while, what do people who wind up here usually do their first day?"
"Well, the occasional human usually thinks they've gone mad and screams for ten hours, and some believe they're dreaming and try to fly off cliffs or fight mantcores," Twilight replied. She shook her head as she said that last part. "Those people tend to a horrible mess the most."
"However, since you've somewhat held your head together this long, I suppose you could start your week in Equestria by heading down to Sugarcube Corner."
Lee cocked an eyebrow. "Sugarcube corner? Really? What, is it some house literally on a street corner that sells sugarcubes?"
Twilight walked over to Lee and placed a hoof on his shoulder as she gave him a sly smile. "Oh, my dear human. You'd be surprised what we ponies have to offer you..."
