Hitmares: Accidents Happen

A few drops of rain fell down on the landscape of northern Equestria. The area north of Manehatten typically lived in the shadow of it's bigger sister, but that didn't make it any less pretty in it's own right. Grass glistened in the early spring as snow melted away and gave birth to new green life. With the return of green shades also came the revitalization of visitors to the local museums.  One particular museum, the Museum of Dangerous Objects and Very Sharp Things, had recently been joined by a new chief of security.

The new chief was the very reason that some guards had snuck out on their day off, secretly making their way towards a derelict building on the edge of town. Splits, a rather young guard, had been the first to arrive, not bothering to wait for his other two compadres. The building was dark inside, and even lighting up his horn did little to sway the shadows of the abandoned room.

The unicorn stopped in front of a blank table, looking down at it. He'd been told to wait for the others outside, but it was hard for him to withhold his enthusiasm. He'd heard about the pony they were hiring, and supposedly they were a legend.

"Splits- oh thank Celestia-" Splits turned around as two other unicorns stumbled into the room. His best friend, Citric, and his boss, a mare they had come to simply know as Ginseng, had both entered behind him. Ginseng had a briefcase with her that hung from her side where a saddlebag would normally go. Splits stared more worriedly at the briefcase than he did the relief on his friend's face. Hopefully it would be enough...

"That's all of you, then?" A medium and unreadable female voice said. Splits whipped around, trying to brighten his horn a little and locate the source of noise. Citric put his hoof on Splits horn however, lowering it and putting out the light.

"Don't do that, she doesn't like lights!" Citric hissed. Splits let his horn go out as he stared into the darkness. A quick blink of light caught his eye, and then two blinks. A pair of eyes- purple, with diamondlike slits for pupils were staring at him from across the table. How he had not seen a pony there before- or indeed, if she had even been there before, escaped him.

"That's all of us." Ginseng said. The room illuminated with a little bit of light as she set the briefcase down, opening it up and revealing the contents. One thousand golden bits glinted faintly, even in the darkness. The purple eyes half shut in a wince as they traced along the golden coins. Even though the eyes were watching the coins, Splits had a creeping feeling on his neck that told him he was being watched, and a shiver went down his spine at the thought of whoever was hiding behind the shadows.

"Is there anything I need to know? What sort of intelligence do you have for me?" The mare in the shadows asked quietly. Citric instantly asserted himself and presented his side. A week ago he had a tail hanging behind his flank, but no more. It had all been sliced clean off, and he had been lucky his flank didn't go with it.

"The chief cut off my tail!" He said indignantly.

The purple eye blinked. "How did that happen?"

"Well, this one day I was taking my duties of being night watch when the new chief thought it would be funny to mess with some of the equipment. I dodged getting crushed by a giant anvil, but that was the least of my problems! This new mare is a total disaster. She's a clumsy flying pegasus that is suicidal! I seriously think she's suicidal, she's always moping around one moment and the next moment nearly killing us with things that need to stay in a glass case. Either I get crushed by a giant anvil, or she cuts my butt off with a large griffon axe!"

"It did not happen that way." Splits said. "She forced you to shave your tail off because of a bet. The axe almost cut your butt off because she dropped it."

"It's the same difference!" Citric huffed. "Besides, look at you!"

Splits blushed a little bit. "I'm doing just fine thanks, I didn't like that house anyway."

"What happened to you?" The shadowy figure asked Splits. Splits backed up a bit, not sure that she would believe this. Still, if she bought the first story, surely she might believe his story?

"Uhm, well," Splits could feel his sheepishness spreading across his face. "The chief burned my house down."

"She burned your house down." There was a thump as something landed on the ground. The purple eye twisted around, a pair of them now gazing directly into Split's eyes.

"Yes, ma'am... she, she burned my house down." Splits repeated.

"You can't just leave me with that," The mare said, "Details, details."

Splits sighed. "It's a straw house."

"Was." Ginseng inserted.

"Was a straw house." Splits said.

"It was a night of partying. I was happy at having completed my 98% straw house, and we were celebrating with some wine. After all of us were pretty drunk, the chief fell over and spilled an entire bottle of wine, soaking the floor. I was furious! I didn't even let her pay me back. I kicked her out and then decided we all just have some cupcakes and leave. Trust me, cupcakes weren't my idea, I'm not sure why you'd mix that with wine, but my boss thought it was a good idea. The new chief was outside using the housewarming gift that I was supposed to get- a sparkproof lighter. Well, it wasn't exactly... sparkproof.

"You built a house out of STRAW?" The mare in the shadows said incredulously, her voice soaring a little higher than normal. "What is wrong with you?"

Splits blushed, hiding his face. Ginseng stepped forward, pointing to the bits.

"Are you going to take the job or not?" Ginseng asked, motioning to the bits.

"This really doesn't seem like it's worth killing somepony over, but you've got my word." The mare said. "How many other ponies will be on guard tonight?"

"Just three." Ginseng said. "Don't know who."

Splits watched carefully as the mare in the shadows shifted around. Tense moments ticked by her eyes bobbed up and down, indicating that she was nodding. "You know where the money is to be sent too?"

Ginseng grinned, closing the case. "I took care of that already. All you have to do is mail it."

"Good. You can leave now- and Ginseng." Ginseng didn't turn with the others, staying behind just a bit. Splits was quite ready to be gone from this place- and any other place where the mare in the shadows would be. He didn't hear the last few words exchanged, but Ginseng quickly caught up with the two of them, hurrying outside into the weak and fading sunlight. A few rays had managed to get through the rain, but it was only a brief respite before the stormy night.