Silver Under Midnight

V:Arranged In Beautiful Designs

Luna had left about half an hour ago, leaving me alone in the room, quiet and calm. I was left alone with my thoughts, solaced to think about what life had handed me. I had tried to take my life. Was it worth it, or was it just a split second decision?

To be fair, I thought it a simple spur-of the moment action slash cry for help.

I sat there, alone. Was it worth it? That question continued to dance through my subconscious, forcing me to think about it. Heavy thoughts began to ring in: why did I have to do this to my friends, what must Luna think, how everyone must look down on me now. In fair terms, I rolled on to the floor, drawing my legs into my chest, resting my head on my legs and staring out the open window. The warm, summer night air gently filling the room. Taking to my feet after a few minutes of silence, I headed for the door. Donning my heavy jacket around my shoulders, I carefully slipped out of the room, trying not to make any noise. The doors had a nasty tendency to creak. The hallway was silent and desolate, expected for this time of night. I shoved my hands into the pockets and made my way through the castle, heading for the garden entrance. Dark pangs of guilt still plagued my mind, and I thought a walk would ease any tension.

I made my way down the stairs, making a right turn and heading for the entrance. The interior of the castle never ceased to amaze me, its regal decoration offering a splendid ambience, but something was missing; something important. Not a sound could be heard as I wiggled through the front doors and out into the sprawling city that lay before me. I strolled down the sidewalk, the cool, night breeze washing over my face. For a second, I felt safe. I was by myself, alone with my thoughts, finally able to reflect on my past actions.

Admittedly, it felt heavy. I knew that I had damaged the friendship that I have with my friends, and the thought of having done that to them

was almost unbearable. A cold pit formed in my stomach, landing hard like a sack of wheat. I swallowed hard, pulling my hood over my head, shrouding my face. I continued walking down the street, paying no attention to the ponies that meandered around in the night's cool blanket. I felt eyes looking at me on the outside of my vision, forcing myself not to turn to see who it was. I didn't know where I was going but I kept walking, through winding alleyways, across broadly lit streets, past a club with blaring music and other landmarks. Where I was going I wasn't sure, and didn't care much for the time. I just needed to be alone.

Reaching a bridge, I placed a hand on my right arm, feeling the tight bandages wrapping me in the only form of comfort aside from Luna's hugs. Jogging my memory back to the day I was recovering in the hospital, I remember all my friends that came to visit me wearing faces of hurt, betrayal and confusion. My stupid short term want had probably left me short a few friends, them casting me aside like yesterday's unfinished paper. I felt a lone tear streak down my right cheek as I looked out onto Canterlot's marina, full of expensive looking yachts and privately owned boats. I didn't want to hurt my friends, or leave them stressed out, of which I could tell because their visit to me was only a few hours before boarding a train back to Ponyville.

All because of my stupid needs. Old memories long repressed from Earth pushed themselves forward, haunting me of my teen-hood and early adulthood. I had always considered myself socially awkward, never fitting in to anyone's cookie cutter. But that's what you're supposed to do, right?

Create your own cookie cutter.

A brisk gust of wind blew my hair into my face, making me correct the problem instantly. I needed a hair cut desperately; it was starting to grow past my ears and eyebrows. I had tried to keep it well maintained through my life, but since I arrived in Equestria, it's been a lesser priority. My mind wandered back to burning question at hand: did my friends think differently of me now because of what I've done?

Were they saddened? Frightened? Happy.....?

The answer plagued me, constantly poking at me, practically forcing me to turn my entire attention to it.

I turned away from the marina, walking back down the street, the question still hovering in my head, like some angry cockroach that refused to die. I shoved my hands into my pockets of my sweatshirt, which was flapping loosely in the midnight breeze; a silver moon glowing under the black sky dotted by twinkling stars.

I had a lot to think about; and some concerned friends to console. But more importantly, some sleep to catch up on. As I looked up the sky, my right arm started aching, a dull pain making itself known once again. The same pain that had I had felt only a few hours ago. And the same one from years ago, buried deep in my subconscious. I continued walking, lazily scanning the now empty streets around me, feeling safe enough to walk down the middle of the wide, cobblestone road. A barely audible wind blew through the suburb. It was slightly unnerving seeing the capitol city of Equestria this time of night: and finally able to appreciate the wordless display Luna created. It was truly amazing, I was completely in awe at her raw ability to create the nights for all of Equestria to enjoy. I never fully understood why she did what she did all those years ago, and everytime somepony brought it up, it nearly brought her to tears. To think that someone that happened a millennium ago still holds your heart captive.

Reaching the same bridge that I had seen on my way out, I thought about wandering towards the other side of town: but at this time of night it didn't seem like the most opportune thing to do. Continuing on my current path, I meandered between the street itself and the sidewalks, carelessly pondering questions that still needed answering. However I did not notice the gentle gaze of a familiar alicorn not too far away, wings silhouetting against the moon.

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The castle's warmness and silence greeted me once again, the large front doors sliding closed behind me. A sigh escaped me before sauntering back up the stairs towards my room; deeply lost in thought. I didn't even notice Luna peeking around the end of the hall, watching me with her glowing azure blue green eyes. Her mane gently flowed as she followed me towards my room, silently trotting; me perfectly unaware. She smiled warmly, pausing as I entered my room. Was she considering talking with me this late? Or perhaps she was just checking in on a friend?

I'll never know.

I tossed my jacket and shoes aside, landing on the carpeted floor with a thud. It gave me comfort knowing that no matter what I did, or how bad I screwed up, that somepony was always looking out for me. That thought alone gave me solace as I squirmed to get comfortable on the bed, a smile appearing on my face as I finally faded into sleep, the silver moon glowing under the twinkling stars.

Luna closed her eyes and smiled to herself, strolling away from my cracked bedroom door, gently and silently closing it behind her.