Searching for Answers

"Look at them Pinky. Watch as they run around with their toys, toys, toys, always making so much noise, noise, noise!"

The lone man said as he watched the ponies from the edge of the Everfree, talking to himself like a loon. His left eye focused on the "equine abominations" as he dubbed them, while the right eye kept moving in various directions, all with what would normally be an intense glare if it was not so comical. Shame no one would be able to appreciate my humor with them being unable to see my eyes... Wait, DAMMIT! I need to stay in character if I want this to work, which means I want them to see me as just some random loony that happens to be a mild menace! Why you may ask? Simple, they have something I want, and I cannot let them know I want it, so I must divert their attention to my crazed antics as opposed to my devious plans.

How did I end up in this situation? That is a long and complicated story.

*FLASHBACK*

As our Main Character-

"My name is Melvin."

What?

"I said my name is Melvin!"

Fine then. Wait how can you even- You know what, I do not want to know.

"Whatever, strange narrating voice in my head. You are a lot more annoying than the other voices I-"

*AHEM* As "Melvin" walked out of his front door, he saw the sky filled with grey clouds. It was a cold and windy day, and the neighbors were outside talking about something that he really did not care enough to listen to, as he gazed at the sky.

"There he is!"

"Him? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure! He is fucking insane!"

"Now that seems a touch harsh."

"He walked out into the middle of the street and shouted "I am fucking insane!""

"It sounds like he just has a really twisted sense of humor."

"You say that now, but just wait. Any moment now, he will say the most diabolical thing you could ever hear!"

As they now stare at him, Melvin simply sighed and said with a small smile "What a lovely day."

"TAKE THAT BACK YOU FIEND!"

He remained completely oblivious, despite the constant yelling, until a sudden flash caught his attention.

"Now you are mine to command demon, and with your power I will rule ALL OF EQUESTRIA! MUAHAHAHAHA!" A rather stupid unicorn shouted triumphantly, only to be completely ignored as the "demon" he summoned proceeded to look around him in a confused manner.

"What? Why am I in a forest? Where did the clouds go? Oh god, did I kill someone again!? SHIT! They are going to catch me for sure this time! I knew I shouldn't have shouted "I am fucking insane" in the streets, I just thought it would be funny! Now I am the first person they will investigate! No, I just need a new name, then I move to Canada disguised as a mutated rat. They will never suspect a thing. Now, where am I going to find a Pinky to go with my Brain? I know! I will be both! At the same time! I am a GENIUS!"

The unicorn proceeded to stare dumbfounded at the strange, and possibly retarded, creature he summoned. It is a Bipedal being with pale furless skin, and long dark-green hair that reached its mid-back. Then there were the clothes it wore, dark blue pants covering its legs, the ends of which were covered with solid black shoes, and a black short-sleeve shirt.

This is what is supposed to help me conquer Equestria? I want my money back, that book of conjuring cost me a small fortune! As if that was not bad enough, I had to do this whole ritual in the BUCKING *EVERFREE** to avoid getting caught!*

Walking up to the creature, he pulled on his pants leg to get his attention.

When Melvin felt something tugging on his leg he looked down to see an odd equine. What was odd about it was the strange color combination of a dark blue coat with bright green mane (gag me with a chainsaw, that is disgusting.), a tattoo on its ass in the appearance of a closed book, and the absolutely terrifying giant eyes! To top it all off- "Is that a horn?"

The moment he noticed the horn, he kicked out as hard as he could, hitting the "vile abomination" square in the jaw. With the unicorn downed, he proceeded to grab the biggest stick he could find.

The unicorn, after getting kicked in the head, tried to get up hoping he could use his magic to hold off the strange daemon he summoned into the world. His hopes were dashed as he felt a shoe push him back down, and upon looking up saw the weird demon holding a branch, poised to strike.

"Please don't break my face."

...

"No."

After a few good swings, the unicorn was properly unconscious. With the insult to nature properly dealt with, he was feeling pretty good about himself, until-

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY HAIR! I have never dyed my hair before! You can drag me to some strange forest and leave me with a unicorn, and get away with just being murdered a little, but when I find the one who fucked with my hair, I am going to hang him by his own intestines, rip his balls off to make a hat, set him on fire, and THEN kill him!"

To this, the unconscious unicorn instinctively clenched his... everything.

"Wait..." As Melvin suddenly had an epiphany. "You spoke!"

Roughly grabbing the unicorn and violently shaking him he screamed "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!" To which the STILL UNCONSCIOUS unicorn could only reply with his lolling tongue.

"Oh, right." And so, Melvin tied him up with some vines and waited for the unicorn to wake, when he did the unicorn attempted to use his magic to banish the "demon". Melvin immediately went about hitting his horn with a rock the moment it started glowing, all the while screaming "FUCK, HE HAS A BOMB! MAKE IT STAHP!" Leaving the unicorn a weeping mess when the horn finally broke.

Melvin later shoved the horn up the unicorns ass and left him tied to a tree when the only answers he could get out of him were crying and "magic".

"Friggin' smart-ass" He said angrily as he walked away, taking the unicorn's book with him.

"Long and complicated. I need in that library, now how best to go about this?"

Melvin continued to talk to himself like a crazy person. Well, he IS kinda nuts.

"I heard that!"