Chapters The Tempest’s Maw
By Daniel “Hekutaa” Saavedra
To Ethan, Leif, and Ryan.
Prologue: “Ribbon”
Soarin' awoke to another gentile morning. Light entered through a small window near his bed, illuminating the small room. Birds chirped jubilantly outside the house, serenading the waking townsfolk with a fortissimo of whistles. He slid out of bed and stretched, fluttering his wings twice.
It was another typical, peaceful day; a day devoted for basking in blissful tranquility.
Soarin' trotted out of the room and down a flight of stairs. He entered his kitchen, spying a steaming cup of tea atop a table near an empty chair. Nopony was near the cup. Instinctively, Soarin' called out the name of his maremate aloud, but heard nothing in reply. It concerned him for a brief moment, but he brushed off his doubts, thinking that she left for some errands; he always woke up rather late for her tastes. As he approached the table, he noticed an opened envelope, its contents spread on the table. The envelope was covered in several stamps and had a plump appearance, as if somepony crammed a ream of paper into the small envelope. The return address bore the name of a city from the neighboring country of Gryphus, but how the letter addressed him concerned him more.
"To Flight Lieutenant Soarin'." It read.
Soarin's heart churned at the recollection. Fifteen years passed since he last heard that title. Fifteen years passed since he heralded and despised that title. The all too familiar smells of burning gunpowder and the stench of rotting flesh and spilt blood suddenly filled his nostrils. The sounds of fillies and yearlings crying echoed in his head. His mind compelled him to not read the letter, but something enticed him to at least glance at the letter's contents.
He took a deep breath and sat in the chair in resignation, taking a sip of the peppermint tea his maremate left him. The minty aftertaste did little to ease Soarin's mind. He took the yellowed pages of the letter, straightened them, and reluctantly read the letter.
“Flight lieutenant Soarin',
“You may not know me, but my town and my people regard you as a national hero. A fantastic legacy remains in all of our hearts, about how the hero of lore defeated the demons that plagued the peaceful town of Außenstadt . However, my people swiftly purge the memories of the war from their minds, often to the point that your existence, the mythical paragon that ousted the fiends from our town, becomes nothing more than words befitting an old mare's tale. The wounds of the war are healing all too quickly, but there still exists one wound that cannot heal.
“ I write to you with the hope that you can remedy this malady. I have no other pony to turn to besides you; your former comrades have all told me to write to you, their flight lead.
“I write to you with questions regarding the two leaders of the 27th Winterhof Skyfighter Command Squadron, Hilde "Engel" Rosenkranz and Fritz "Himmel" Granz.
“You may not want to relive the role that you played in the War of Wings, but hear me out, Flight Lieutenant Soarin': Engel and Himmel were not your enemies. History, and even my own people, tarnish their reputation, labeling them as brigands and lowlifes .
“But I know the truth. I know only the beginning and the middle of this odyssey, but it is the truth.
Chapter 1: He Who Lives by Pride
The Tempest’s Maw: Chapter 1
“He Who Lives by Pride”
I still remember my days as a young colt before I joined the Wonderbolts. War, at the time, seemed nothing more than an ancient, fantastic mare's tale used to entertain (or in my case frighten me into submission) before bedtime. Death and the knowledge of facing a cannon's barrel seemed so surreal, so dreamy, so unwanted that even I experienced an aversion for anything close to combat.
Equestria had a military component of which I enlisted in before the Wonderbolts hand-picked me to join their troupe. Everypony in Equestria had to complete a year's worth of military service if they wanted citizenship; two or three years for prestige, a couple more bits, and a guaranteed job in Cloudsale after that extra time is up. I had been a part of the Solar Empire Peacekeeping Military Police, 5th Aero Division, 48th Tactical Bomber Squadron "Shield Crushers." I still remember the abhorrent smell of explosive powder and metallic bullet casings, and how they forced each and every one of us to fire at straw targets. It was a long two years, I'll tell you.
Truth be told, I never killed -or even injured anypony during my year of service. They taught me how to fly, how to use incendiary bombs, how to raid towns and level them to the soil they built their houses on, but I had never been in any sort of situation that called for such tactics. None of us have. Though my superiors drilled the mantra of "no matter how extensive the peace may seem in a serene world, it will always be shrouded under the pall of war," we never fought a war, or even go against a tiny squabble for that matter. Equestria existed in perfect harmony, for the most part. There really was no need for a military, so naturally war became this demonic entity ready to tear our joyous lives limb from limb while it danced vivaciously to the tune of our bloodcurdling cries of chaos. I, unlike the phalanx of fresh recruits I trained with, dreaded the fear of being drafted into some sort of war. War deeply frightened me, but as a pegasus and a descendant of the mighty Commander Hurricane, I had no choice but to carry on the proud, unfettered name.
When the Wonderbolts chose me to join their troupe near the end of my service, I jumped on such an invitation, not just because I had been accepted as one of the best fliers and subsequently the best skyfighters in all of Equestria; It was a one-way ticket out of conscription. To me, flying for the entertainment of others was more rewarding than flying to destroy. The Wonderbolts never partook in battle: They rallied troops with shows, performed in towns to raise money for war efforts, sat on the proverbial bleachers and rooted the Equestrian army that fought in their stead. Their affiliation with the Equestrian army was just on paper, and their service to the army existed for the sole purpose of flaunting our prowess to the foals and fillies. So I joined without hesitation.
Years passed, and not a single war was declared. By that time, my aversion to war dissipated. I became the poster stallion for the Wonderbolts, a shining paladin that helped guide the light of peace everypony basked in. I felt at peace with the supposedly chaotic world around me. We (that is, the Equestrian army) ushered a lasting era of peace between the foreign nations in the land of Equestria. War was just a distant figment of my imagination, it seemed.
Until that final day of summer…
Boom.
A deafening, ear-piercing explosion was the last thing I heard. A ball of fire engulfed my wings and sharp fragments of shrapnel shattered my goggles as I looked back. Smoke from the explosion filled my lungs, burning them. The hot air choked my throat and singed my lungs, rendering me unable to scream in pain. Spiraling out of control, I desperately tried to remain steady, but the explosion severely injured my left wing. A mixture of blood and sweat danced before my eyes, shrouded in a pall of smoke while my comrades fervently fended off their attackers in a twisted waltz for their lives, the enemies partaking in a delightful hunt of their unarmed prey.
Contrails of black smoke surrounded by bolts of lightning swirled by overhead, covering the skies. Large griffins with monstrous talons, heavily equipped with ballistic weapons, chased after my squadron. A single griffin waited for me to crash into the forest below the skirmish. It circled in the air, waiting impatiently for the large tree branches to impale my weakened body. A bright, yellow claw had been emblazoned below its majestic, awesome wings. I saw the griffin reload her back-mounted cannon with a strange type of ammunition: an oversized bomb that could fly on its own. I was shot down by a single explosive bolt; a Wonderbolt could have avoided a storm of shots without breaking a sweat. It spun victoriously in the air the moment the griffin and I fell into the sea of trees below.
I crashed into the forest. Several leafy tree limbs cushioned my fall, but I felt an unsettling crack reverberate through my body.
"Focus, Fleetfoot! No pony survives a shot like that." I heard over my ringing ear. It was my captain speaking, but her voice was faint.
I blacked out.
I awoke in a dark void.
Streams of light flew overhead and into the nothingness before me. I felt a sensation of intense heat, then a chill of a biting frost. Although my mind has become accustomed to the feelings of those sensations, they felt completely otherworldly to me. I could not tell if I experienced a feverish dream, or if I was embraced by Death's own hooves.
The glimmering lights radiated with a greater intensity, congregating into a blazing orb above my head. I blinked and I found myself in an unfamiliar place. Almost instantly, I looked up at the clouds; the black contrails of my allies disappeared.
A clear, but empty blue sky hung gallantly overhead.
The sounds of distant birds chirping filled the air, followed by a stinging ring in my ear. I clasped it, and felt blood run down my hoof. I was still alive, but barely. I scanned my body for injuries. To my chagrin, I discovered that my wing had been covered in blood, and that my legs were rife with small lacerations. I found a large cut on the side of my body, near my cutie mark.
I could do nothing to remedy my injuries. I needed to find help. Dragging my limp body forward, I ventured into the viridian forest. I knew not of my location, but I did not wish to rot in the patch of grass stained a crimson hue. Anywhere would be better than this Purgatory.
I thought of flying out of this maze, but I could barely muster the strength to stand, let alone walk. The strange weapon that shot me down injured my wing, but the fall broke it, just like that griffin anticipated. Even if I could fly with one wing, I doubted that I could reach the forest's canopy without passing out from exhaustion or loss of blood.
A sensation of terror slowly crept up my body while I meandered through the alien environment. I began to call out the names of my troupe in vain, every frantic plea of help meeting only a deadly silence. After a short while, I stopped calling. My voice had been exhausted, my throat dry and irritated by all the swallowed blood. My mind was the only part of my body that did not weaken. It throbbed with greater intensity as thought after thought, fear after fear passed my mind, striking, addling, tormenting my torn flesh.
"No pony survives a shot like that." My captain's voice sounded repeatedly in my head like a broken record. "No pony survives a shot like that."
I could not help but feel that she was right; I probably still had some time to linger with what life I had left. But my mind possessed the need to prove her wrong; it was the only place I could return to. I would become the first to tarnish the Wonderbolt's death-free record since their establishment nine hundred-fifty years ago. Such disgrace would certainly make me a laughing stock for years to come, I imagined. Even though I would face countless insults, I could at least enthrall my comrades with the knowledge that I still lived.
As I brushed off the chilling thought of failure to my squadron, another swiftly sprung in its place: What made the griffins attack without a formal declaration of war? They used explosive powder, a dangerous material prohibited by the laws and customs of war in Equestria and in Gryphus alike. What was even more unsettling was the griffins’ weapon: it was some sort of rocket. It didn’t hit me directly, but the blast was still strong enough to break my wing. And it chased after me, as if it were propelled by an unicorn’s magic or if it had a mind of its own. To think such a huge ball of fire came from that shell half the length of my head!
War, I surmised, would be inevitable. After all, a strong enough push can cause even the most steadfast of boulders to fall down a cliff. Such a thought frightened me. Death would grip the two lands while it hand-picked the fresh souls of griffin and pony kind. I blotted that thought out of my head.
Several minutes of dragging my limp body through the lush forest passed, but it seemed like an eternity. By this time, standing became a near impossible task; I was exhausted, dehydrated. Blood still streamed from my head and seeped into my bright blue uniform. I forced myself for several yards before I collapsed out of exhaustion. I still clung to my life in vain.
No… I can still stand! A Wonderbolt never wavers in times of weakness!
But I could not stand.
I slammed my hoof at the ground in a mixture of bitter self-loathing and despair. I had consumed the last of my energy, and the adrenaline that blotted my pain faded, making every laceration on my body shriek in agony. My heart pounded in irregular intervals while my hooves violently shook. The loss of blood made me feel lightheaded, limp, dizzy. My vision blurred, until the edges of my eyesight slowly became darker and darker, dragging me into a black void from which I had escaped from minutes before.
No longer able stay awake, I succumbed to my injuries and lowered my head in painful resignation. I chuckled as though someone played a twisted joke on me.
I then saw Death appear in front of me through my blackened vision. She extended a skeleton hoof to me, to which I gingerly grasped as if she were a dear friend. Her mouth seemed to move. Even without a mouth, she spoke soothing words to my weary soul.
"Let's get you away from here," she whispered in a gentile, spellbindingly serene tone.
The hoof, despite its cold and grim appearance, felt warm. I closed my eyes, hypnotized by her words, entranced by her kind gesture. I felt my body spring upwards from my blood-soaked grave as a bewitching heat surrounded my body which forced out a sigh of relief as my mind left my immobile coffin.
I slowly opened my eyes, staring at the cracks of a mahogany ceiling. I blinked several times, to make sure that my eyes did not play tricks on me.
Have I died? Is this the realm where all ponies ascend to?
I lifted my head up, but a shock of pain forced me down. I was still with the living. I turned my head side to side, gazing at the room around me: birdhouses and nests hung from the ceiling, the entire room surrounded in animal motifs. My wounds had been dressed in gauze, my broken wing in a cast. Even my uniform had been cleaned, repaired, and left to hang on a rack. Who did this? Though tired, I forced myself out of the bed; I did not want somepony to carry such burden.
I slid out of the bed, only to stumble and crash to the floor with a loud thud. I slowly limped across the room and carefully descended down the stairs. I planned on briefly thanking my caretaker, then promptly leave. Before I reached the end of the stairs, a yellow-colored pegasus with pink hair gaped in surprise, while I stared at her with the same sheepish expression. I tried to speak, but a flood of thoughts passed through my mind; I ended up stammering idiotically in an attempt to explain myself, but the yellow pegasus spoke first.
"You’re not fully healed yet," she meekly stated as she hid her face behind her pink mane. I could barely even hear her, even if we were a forearm's length apart. "Y-you should-"
"I'm fine. You've done too much as it is," I swiftly replied, lowering my head in respect.
I continued down the stairs with a heavy limp. I ran out of breath after only several steps. The mare that saved me was right, but I did not want to look weak. I was a Wonderbolt, after all. And she was a pegasus. But she blocked the exit to her home, steeling herself by stamping one hoof on the ground and lowering her gaze at me.
"Please," she said in a pleading tone. Her voice sounded louder, more commanding. "You'll only hurt yourself more if you try to leave. Look at yourself: You can't fly with that wing. Besides, you reopened that cut on your foreleg by walking. Y-you can’t get far, even if you force yourself."
"I'll be fine," I grunted in the same confident, but weary tone.
I managed to descend the stairs, but collapsed, too tired to continue. I forced myself to stand, but the yellow pegasus tried to stop me. I nudged her away. "Didn't you see that uniform I was in?" I asked, irritated at her stubbornness. " If you haven't noticed, I'm a Wonderbolt, and a Wonderbolt never wavers in times of weakness. All of this is just a trial that I am more than willing to endure. Now let me leave; I'm grateful of your concern, but I'm afraid I cannot accept your kindness."
"Then endure trial by letting your wounds heal here," the mare deadpanned in a motherly, but amused tone. A giggle escaped her lips as if she took delight in twisting my words.
I stammered nonsensically to create a counterargument, but ended up laughing wryly; she had won. I had no choice but to rest in her house. Sighing in resignation, I reluctantly agreed to the pegasus' terms.
I saw her smile widely as she spoke "Now let's get you back into bed" as she gingerly placed my arm on her shoulders while we ascended the stairs.
"I-I'm Soarin', by the way," I said.
"I'm… Fluttershy," she replied, hiding under her pink mane once more. Her voice was reduced to a near-inaudible squeak.
"Fluttershy," I repeated blankly. Her name sounded familiar. "Thank you for saving me."
I couldn't think of anything else to say. Fluttershy was a national hero, I soon recalled. I’ve heard stories. Having overcome obstacles with ease and annihilating travesties that can destroy even the most well-seasoned combat veterans, her prowess far surpassed mine. She had the strength of unparalleled fighters, but possessed the charity of a saint. She would speak swords, gaze javelins, feign cudgels, but use none to defeat her enemies. Even a pony who leapt into the abyss of Tartarus would be greeted by her extended hooves for one more chance. Perhaps that is why she bore the Element of Kindness.
“You're welcome," she replied, glancing back at me. A small smile appeared on her face, which was still obscured by her pink mane.
She led me back into her room and helped me back into bed. She then placed a hoof on my head, then reached for a pill and a glass of water. She told me to take it to alleviate my aching wing pain.
Fluttershy asked what happened to me, sitting on a chair next to the bed. An air of curiosity surrounded me, according to her. Besides, I had fallen from the sky and appeared in a forest bloodied up. I suppose I had to explain myself, but I was trapped in deep thought for a while; Fluttershy thought I had suffered unseen head injuries. I laughed as I reassured her that most of what happened occurred in such a vivacious turn of events that I did not know when to begin my story, for I remembered what happened before the attack, but I could not remember the attack itself. I told her that our squadron was practicing for an upcoming show, but our flight lead suddenly told us to retreat. A flight of griffins, armed with missiles, charged at us. As we fled, this strange cylindrical explosive chased after me, and shot me down.
“It all seems so strange, now that I think about it," I admitted. "The Wonderbolts are full of pegasus that have retired from the Air Force. The most we can do is rally for support. Maybe they thought that we were an attack squadron." I smiled gratefully at Fluttershy. "I'm just glad that you found me, otherwise I wouldn't be alive."
She smiled back with a serene look, although she expressed her concern with an expression of shock. She, like myself, could not understand the griffin's motives.
"I-It's over, so try not to think about it too much," Fluttershy said, standing up from the chair. "Now you rest until all of your wounds healed, okay?"
"I will."I smiled. "And thank you. For all of this."
I saw her smile gently in return as she left the room. As I lay in her bed, I felt completely tranquil. Despite my near-death injuries, despite my self-deprecation in the forest, despite my pride, I was at peace. It had been some time since I could experience such a feeling.
I could not help but feel envious of Fluttershy. She lived a satisfied life in a small house, away from a large, bustling city like Canterlot, but still held the reputation of a hero. She’s pegasus, but she rarely flew. She was a hero, but never craved the perils that surrounded it. Such tranquility was alien to me, but I found refuge in her abode. I always wanted a life like this, away from war, away from the chaos of the outside world, and bask in the tranquility of rural life.
Two weeks passed. My broken wing had been reduced to a mere fracture, thanks to Fluttershy's aid. I was still incapable of flight, however. During my stay, I tried to acquaint myself with the animals she welcomed to her home with open hooves. I became enamored with the many songbirds that took refuge around Fluttershy's abode, and spent the day listening to their jubilant serenades. They made me feel free, free from all responsibility, free from all my fears, free from the looming thought of war. There was something mystical about Fluttershy. She somehow managed to soothe all of my worries; at times, I even forgot that my wing was broken and tried to fly without thinking, much to her skittish disapproval.
Later that day, a pegasus delivered a letter to Fluttershy's doorstep. It was sealed with a Royal Canterlot emblem on one side. Curious, I flipped the envelope.
"Soarin'," it read.I tore open the envelope and immediately read the letter.
"Flight Officer Soarin', of the Solar Empire Peacekeeping Military Police, 1st Drill Squadron "'Wonderbolt,'
“You appearance is requested at the Ponyville library at noon. “You will be given your sitrep there.
“-Princess Celestia"
I glanced at a nearby clock. It was five minutes to noon. So I left the letter on a table and rushed to the library, rather than write her a note myself.
Chapter 2: Fettered Pride
Chapter 2
“Fettered Pride”
As I neared the library, I noticed a long line of ponies, all of them pegasai, enter the library. They had very short manes and even shorter tails, a tell-tale sign that they were part of the military. When I stepped through the wooden doors, a cacophony of chatter filled the air. On the opposite end of the door stood Princess Celestia. An aged, gargantuan griffin dressed in regal vestments stood, conversing with her. The pair stood on a large platform with a map of Equestria and Gryphus behind them. A tinge of uncertainty appeared on their faces.
The roar of conversing ponies subsided as Princess Celestia stepped forward. We bowed.
"Rise," she said. Her voice sounded strong and confident, but there was this strange inflection when she spoke, as if she feigned her powerful timbre. "Now I'm sure that you've all heard the frightening news of the attack on the Wonderbolts one week ago. I've spoken with-"
"Sorry I'm late!" a red-haired pony roared upon opening the large doors.
It was Spitfire.
The crowd immediately turned to her, glaring while she slowed her hurried pace towards the winged unicorn. Spitfire immediately bowed when she rose the steps to the throne, meeting a slightly amused grin of acknowledgement from Princess Celestia.
Spitfire looked exhausted: her eyelids drooped, her posture was slouched, her torso swinging back and forth like a pendulum. She breathed heavily while she tried to regain her composure, and then joined the crowd of pegasai listening to Princess Celestia's speech.
Was Spitfire searching for me before she came here? It's not like her to be late.
Princess Celestia continued her speech. "As you all know, the griffins attacked two weeks ago, mortally wounding one of our own in the process. They attacked without formal declaration of war and I have since spoken with Lord Möbius, King of Gryphus and discovered that a group under the name of "Lumisade" has broken off from the griffins. They acted against Lord Möbius' rule and aim to secede from Gryphus. He has since asked the nation of Equestria for assistance, and because of our good relationship with the griffins, we cannot sit and idly watch. We must fight for the sake of retaining peace and harmony in the world."
She stepped backwards and pointed to the large map behind her.
"The griffins, like our pegasai, possess robust flying prowess. However, intelligence from Lord Möbius has revealed that the rebels possess a weak ground power. To take advantage of this, we have planned a two-pronged assault on the cities under Lumisian control."
"The largest group will attack in the east near the city of Aquila to distract the rebels, while this group will attack the south, where their armaments are located. If this plan succeeds, we can strain the militia's fighters and their munitions until they cannot fight back."
"A two-pronged strike?" a soldier repeated. "Just how large is this rebel force?"
"Large enough to take over the city the thrice the size of Manehattan and large enough to gather support the splitting Gryphus by force," Lord Möbius replied. "And seeing that Lumisade will not listen to diplomatic means of peace, Princess Celestia and I have agreed on lifting our ban on explosive powder."
Concerned whispers broke the still air. Such weapons would simply feed the furnace of war that devoured the griffin nation, we all feared. The Princess, however, had no choice but to fight back. My flight instructor was right after all these years: No matter how extensive the peace may seem in a serene world, it will always be shrouded under the pall of war.
"For the sake of this mission," Princess Celestia continued, "There are only two groups we will use: The Tempest Flight the Comet Squadron."
"Spitfire. Rainbow Dash," the Princess called. "Come forward."
They broke from the crowd and saluted.
"Soarin’," the princess said.
I wanted to step forward, but I hid beneath the many faces of the crowd. Do I remain dead? Should I live in blissful apathy and watch the war from afar? "Soarin'?" I heard again. The bile in my stomach ran up my throat. My heart twisted as it palpitated violently.
No. A Wonderbolt never shows cowardice.
I stepped forward and saluted. The soldiers erupted into chatter like a flock of loons, heralding that I was an apparition still clinging to my worldly existence for a chance at revenge. They ogled and commented about my broken wing and bandages covering my body. They thought I was the product of some experiment to see if my rotting corpse could be restored to full health. It only served to frighten me and remind me how powerless I was without my wing. My eyes winced at every whisper, my head sharply turned away from the crowd every time I heard my name.
"Follow Lord Möbius," she said.
The aged griffin gestured up a flight of stairs, to which we followed with sheepish compliance.
"Soarin'! Is that really you?" Spitfire asked.
"Yes," I replied.
There was nothing else to say. I couldn't even bear to look at her. She probably searched for me in the Everfree Forest ever since I fell from the sky. Even though she said that I couldn’t survive the attack, she must have wanted to give me a proper burial.
And I did not tell her that I still lived. I really am a stupid stallion. All this time I could have written a letter to her, but I was so focused on recovering that I assumed it would take just another day for my wings to fully heal. But it took another day for my wings to heal, and then another day. I wanted to return to Spitfire as a strong stallion; I did not want Spitfire to see me in this decrepit state.
"Why didn't you tell us that you were okay?" she asked, her voice a mixture of betrayal, and of anger.
Because I didn’t want you to see me in such a helpless state.
“Answer me!” she said. Her voice had a mixture of anger, of betrayal.
Because I couldn’t swallow my pride.
"Cut the chatter!" Lord Möbius said sharply.
As we reached the second floor, we were greeted by a purple unicorn in front of a map of Gryphus. She gave us a cordial smile, but the unicorn's face then turned serious.
"Is this the team Princess Celestia created for the operation?" she asked.
Lord Möbius nodded. He walked to the map and turned to us.
"I'll explain your task in brevity." Lord Möbius said. "You four are now part of the Solar Empire Air Force, 2nd Aero Division, 56th Tactical Bomber Flight 'Tempest.' Your mission is simple: obliterate any source of ground fortifications before the Lumisians have any time to launch an effective counterattack."
He pointed to the southern half of Gryphus. He directed our gaze to a red circle around the town by the name of "Außenstadt," close to the border of Ponyville and Gryphus.
"Lumisade's forces have concentrated here, a town with fortress wrought of stone that holds immense amounts of weaponry. Destroying the fortress and the weapons concealed within them are vital to the success to ending the war swiftly."
He pointed to me. "You're leading the Tempests. Unfortunately, until your wing heals you cannot participate in battle, so you'll be helping our friend, Twilight Sparkle. She's a student of Princess Celestia and she will be-."
"Wait a minute!" Rainbow Dash said. "She's a unicorn! She can't fly!"
"Let me finish." Lord Möbius said harshly. "Twilight Sparkle will be using a balloon to provide long-distance surveillance. She'll help alert your team of any enemy combatants, and tell you where to concentrate your attacks when you bomb the fortress."
Lord Möbius looked to Twilight, nodded, and went downstairs. We looked back to Twilight. An unsure smile was on her face.
"Alright then." Twilight said, giving us a salute. "Twilight Sparkle, at your service."
"I'm Soarin’."
"The name's Spitfire. Nice to meet you."
"You already know me, Twilight." Rainbow said, snickering at our introductions.
"I'll finish the briefing," she said proudly. "Our first mission is to destroy Stummer Fortress in Außenstadt before Lumisade has any time to transport their munitions elsewhere. However, we don't know the location of the explosives, so we have to use our weapons to scare the griffins out of the fortress so that our armies can secure their munitions. If this mission succeeds, we can both dishearten and disarm Lumisade and push them towards peaceful negotiations. That is all."
With that, we headed downstairs. The soldiers immediately focused their gaze on us, completely silent. Every step I made echoed throughout the room.
"Have you completed your briefing?" Princess Celestia whispered to us.
"Yes." Twilight nodded.
"Then you understand the gravity of the situation. I need not remind you of the dangers that you will encounter during this campaign." She said, turning to the troops before her. "May luck be the wind beneath your wings."
They gave the two teams uniforms while Twilight and I filled her balloon with equipment for the two teams. I could smell the repulsive stink of gunpowder beneath the wax cylinders that held the bomb together. Before long, the two teams emerged from the library, ready to take for the skies. Princess Celestia and Lord Möbius wished us luck as we ascended into the air. We were in high spirits, but my legs shook with frightful anxiety. I had this strange feeling that this simple bombing run would not be so easy as Princess Celestia told us.
The ride to Gryphus took several minutes. Twilight and I kept a vigilant eye from the balloon with binoculars, scanning the air for any sign of Lumisian resistance along the way. Some of the Comet Squadron members began to chat amongst themselves, making bets if any griffins would attacks us, how many they would shoot down, how many shots it took to kill a griffin. I tried to acquaint myself with them, but I only got the name of their squadron leader, who went only by the moniker Haze. He was a little older than me, probably by a year or two, but I could sense this fiery passion to defend Gryphus when he spoke. He said that he had some friends that lived in Gryphus, so he sympathized with Lord Möbius' plight and wanted to see Gryphus reunited once more.
Soon, I could see Stummer Castle through my binoculars. It was atop a hill surrounded by the evergreen trees that covered the mountain range nearby. It was a stout fortress, proudly waving the flags of Lumisade.
"There it is!" I called. "Tempest Flight, move in. Comet Squadron, get into formation and defend them."
"Keep up with us, Comets!" Rainbow Dash said, "Let's knock them out before they can even see us!"
"Comets 2 through 6, follow me! The rest 'a you, follow Spitfire!" Haze yelled.
Rainbow Dash and Spitfire flew next to one another in a horizontal line, while the Comet Squadron split into two groups and flew in a dispersed skein behind them. Even though the mere thought of war was distant to all of us, they executed a flawless attack formation without hesitation: Uniform speeds, altitudes, even their beating wings moved in synchronization. They left me in awe, and a little jealous. For a brief moment, I wanted to be in that formation, to fly with them, to defend Gryphus.
As they neared Stummer Fortress, I saw what appeared to be a flock of large birds flying in one large skein. An icy chill ran past my broken wing; it was a griffin squadron, confronting the Comets.
"Twilight, do you see that?" I asked.
She didn't answer. Her eyes were transfixed on the confrontation.
The squadrons stopped in the middle of the air. There was a long moment of silence; Haze was probably trying to convince the griffins to stand down. But griffins don't stand down, nor will they tolerate anything that gets in their way.
The griffins charged at the Comets, causing me to put down my binoculars. I feared for Haze and the Tempests, but something compelled me to watch. By the time I found the squadrons again, they had already broken their neat formations and transformed into a fervent, dizzying fandango for their lives. Small wisps of smoke from the gunpowder cannons the skyfighters used shrouded the fight.
My heart began to beat faster than my rapid breaths. I was focused one Comet, watching him evade countless cannon shots effortlessly. The Comet then made a sharp descent and under the pursuing griffin. The pegasus fired several rounds, but all of them missed; the griffin was too agile. They flew in nauseating circles in a desperate attempt to get even a single shot at the other's body, hoping that the other would make a misstep and leave themselves open.
Can they really win this battle?
"Soarin', somepony's coming towards us!" Twilight suddenly exclaimed. "I-It's one of the Comets!"
I saw the grey and red uniform of the Comet headed towards us, but there were more red blotches around his wings; it was his blood. He could barely keep himself with one wing. Twilight and I moved and gave him some space to land, only to crash on his head along the basket of the balloon.
My stomach churned at the sight: Bloodied feathers were scattered across the basket. The pegasus’ baleful eyes shook in a mixture of rage and terror as Twilight began to cast a spell to stop the bleeding. She asked for the progress of the battle.
"They're stronger t-than we expected." The Comet said weakly, withholding tears from his bloodshot jade eyes. Blood dribbled from his nostrils and mouth as he spoke. "Comet 6 is headed this way, and Comet 12 took a shot to his forearm, but she's still strong."
"What about the Tempests? Are they hurt?" Twilight asked.
"They managed to slip through the crossfire."
"How many griffins are there?" I asked.
"No more than ten, but we were only able to get one," he said. "We're outnumbering them twelve to ten."
I removed the back-mounted cannon from the Comet, and placed it near the reserves of ammunition. My eyes and nose drew me to the surplus bombs nearby. They were neatly placed in a large pouch, no larger than my flank. Out of curiosity, I lifted one pouch, and to my surprise, the pouch wasn't too heavy; I had to fly with training weights much heavier than the pouch. I turned back to the injured Comet. His wounds were closed thanks to Twilight's spell, but an expression of agony was on his face as he lay soaked in his own blood. His eyes strayed to the battle, shining with fury.
"This is Comet 6! I'm landing!" we suddenly heard.
Another pegasus flew into the basket, opening a compartment on his back-mounted cannon. His uniform was not tarnished with blood, unlike the injured comet, but sprinkled with black explosive powder. Comet 6 told us that he needed ammunition, as he went through all of his reserves in a matter of minutes.
"Fire only when you see the nostrils on their beaks." I said as I handed him several clips.
He mumbled, "You'll be lucky if they're stupid enough to be in front of you for that long." Comet 6 took an extra clip of ammunition from my hooves and stuffed it between the straps of the back-mounted cannon. He explained that Comet 10 was low on ammunition.
Before he left, he asked the injured pegasus which griffin shot him down.
"The one with the yellow claw on his wings." I heard him reply.
With a nod to the injured stallion, Comet 6 flew off.
It was then I realized why the Comet Squadron had so much difficulty trying to fend off the griffins. They were against him . Normally, we pegusai benefit from superior speed and agility due to our smaller frame, but the griffin was as fast and supple as I, perhaps even faster. He probably had that destructive weapon as well. I had to warn Comet 6, but he already flew back into the fray.
I briefly thought of revenge against the griffin, but my injuries denied me that opportunity. But my mind threw aside my long aversion to war; malice and spite began to fuel my every thought. I began to think that my injuries would miraculously heal in time join the fray. Was this the result of war?
"Twilight, can you remove these bandages? I'm going to help out." I said, picking up the pouch of explosives.
"Are you insane?!" Twilight roared. "You're still hurt!"
"I-I know, but I have to help the Tempests. If they can't destroy Stummer Fortress fast enough, then more of the Comets will end up getting hurt. We can't risk having more injured flyers after our first mission."
She turned away and looked at the fight with her binoculars and scoffed. "You have to believe in them, Soarin.' Rainbow Dash is the kind of pony who doesn't waste time. And Spitfire has some military training as a skyfighter, right? I'm sure they'll be fine without you."
I tried to tell her that Haze and the other Comets could not fend off the griffins, even if they outnumbered them. My reasoning however, fell on deaf ears. Twilight kept telling me that the Tempests would destroy the ammunition in Stummer Fortress soon. But kept telling her that the ammunition hid within the stone walls of the fortress; it could take several minutes to even find the stockpile, and the Comets could be defeated before they even initiate the bombing.
A sensation of mediocrity began to creep into my mind. Fear of the Comet Squadron's death began to haunt me, and the sight of Spitfire being shot down raced in my mind. I was hypnotized by my fears: It convinced me that both teams died by my inaction, that the griffin with the yellowed insignia effortlessly obliterated the Comet squadron and the Tempest flight with the cannon that exhaled the black smoke of Death.
A Wonderbolt never wavers in times of weakness.
While Twilight stared at the fight through her binoculars, I began to unroll the bandages around my wing and fastened the pouch of bombs to my body. I flapped my wings slowly, being careful not to make too strong of a breeze to attract Twilight's attention. To my surprise, my injured wing did not sting when I moved it.
"I'm taking off." I said.
As I leapt from the balloon's basket and flew into the skies, I cast my fear of war aside. The need to protect the Comets and Spitfire from suffering my fate transcended my passive nature.
"Soarin', you're not strong enough! Come back!" I heard Twilight bellow.
I didn't look back, I kept flying.
Soon, I entered the pall of smoke and dove into the dogfight. Comets flew by, pursued by griffins. The sounds of cannon fire echoed through my ears. I sped through the battle in attempt to reach Stummer Fortress.
"Winterhof 6, engaging!"
"Winterhof 4, engaging!"
I heard bullets whiz past my ears. I looked back, and saw two griffins attacking me, along with a trail of black smoke and lightning. I instinctively made the Wonderbolt's signature contrail and idiotically drew attention to myself. As I swerved to avoid the rain of bullets, I felt a disquieting shock of pain tingle from my injured wing. I found myself beating my uninjured wing twice as hard just to stay in the air.
"Hey Haze, we got an injured pegasus in the combat area." I heard a Comet nearby. "Is that Comet 9?"
"That's Soarin'!" Haze bellowed. "Comet squadron, protect Soarin' at all costs! If he falls, Gryphus falls!"
The several Comets began to follow my pursuers and shot at their tails, causing the griffins to retaliate at their attackers. I got lucky; if the Comets did not attack soon, I would have died. I kept flying to the castle, but my wing began to ache, began to writhe with every flap, began to burn
Black smoke billowed from the windows of Stummer Castle. The Tempests managed to elude the griffins. A duo of pegasai flew closely together, tossing bombs into the open windows of the castle. They were wearing white uniforms, with a green stripe around the fetlocks, connected to a large green stripe on their spine and on their underbellies.
"Tempests, you're now a group of three!" I said, flying in the middle of them.
"Let's take the east wall, Soarin'," Spitfire said.
I followed Spitfire; I had difficulty keeping up. Every other movement of my injured wing caused me to stumble midflight. The light bag of bombs began to feel heavier.
The moment we reached the east wall, Spitfire slowed her beating wings and began to carefully toss bombs through the windows. I did the same, accurately throwing each bomb strong enough to break the glass windows of the castle. Seconds later, I saw a satisfying red glow of fire, a calming roar of ignited gunpowder, and a hideous cloud of black smoke and the repulsive odor of ash that followed.
"You're not strong enough to fight, are you?" Spitfire asked, an expression of restrained anger across her face. "And don't lie: I can tell your wing slid out of that cast too soon."
"You're right. I just thought I could-"
"Come on," she grumbled, flying to the north wall.
I followed her, and we repeated the same bombing procedure. But this time I heard screams of pain, bloodcurdling screeches of agony, and ear-piercing cries of terror after each explosion. I tried to block the sounds from my ears, yet I could not. When Spitfire and I ceased our attack, I still heard the shrieks of pain. The burning flesh mixed with smoke, forming this abhorrent stench that reeked of Death’s hoofwork. I could feel my heart sink and my stomach spin in disgust. I stared into the flickering flares, hypnotized by their chaotic appearance.
"Soarin'! We're done here." I heard Spitfire call. I looked up, and she gestured me to follow her; Rainbow Dash had already began to fly back.
I followed them back to the balloon. We soared high above the clouds to avoid the fight between the Comets and the griffins. Strangely, I heard no cannon fire, but voices.
"Winterhof Squadron, let them go. It’s no use." I heard.
"I'm sorry, Engel. We couldn't defend her," another said. “And it’s my fault we lost Rot; I was supposed to be guarding his flank.”
When we arrived at the balloon, nearly half the Comet squadron had suffered injuries. Haze was among one of the uninjured, yet his face no longer held the shining optimism he radiated minutes before. He had that same half-awake, vacant gaze as the rest of us. He had his head down as if he was on the verge of tears, just like the rest of us.I asked him if he was alright, and he replied in a strange monotonous voice:
"I'm... alr-right. I'm alright."
The flight back to Equestria was marked with silence. When we reported the victory to Princess Celestia, we had no victory celebration. Just an empty library. We were rewarded with a command to assemble at the library at the same time in three days.
I was just a child when the war erupted, and how the entire nation split when Lumisade took over Southern Gryphus, and how that split brought Death upon us. I was one of the many griffins uprooted by war. But my tender roots could not sustain my frail body, so Engel and Himmel took me under their wings when I was separated from my parents.
“I still remember that day, the day the war spread to Außenstadt. I was in the middle of a street, and hundreds of griffins flew off into the blue skies to seek political asylum. I lost track of my parents under the pall of griffins scrambling into the air. The moment I could call out for my parents, all the griffins that crowded the streets had disappeared. Without my parents, I was completely alone. I remained in the street, weeping, praying in vain that they would come back.
“They did not return. Cannons lined the streets, ready to shoot down anypony that dared to enter the city. But I returned to that spot day after day until I called that desolate space "home." One day, as I wallowed in despair and self-pity, I suddenly felt Himmel ruffling the feathers on my head, trying to pacify my shrill cries by smiling widely. Engel tried to coax me into talking with her as they brought me back to their base.
“ I despised them at first, as they separated me from the few I called my own, but I could not help but admire their bravery, their steeled minds. During my time with them, I began to look up to Himmel and Engel with the aspiration becoming just like them: A proud skyfighter, a knight to protect the weak, a hero.
“Although Engel and the others that rebelled against Lord Möbius' reign were regarded as "rebels that don't know their tails from their heads," I found solace in their presence. Himmel became my aloof, but kind-at-heart father and Engel transformed into a composed, gentile mother. As the war raged on, I forgot my parent’s faces. To Engel’s embarrassment, I innocently called her “mother” on more than one occasion. Leaving them, I discovered, was not an option. They treated me like their own flesh and blood, even though the only thing that bound our fates together was this war.
“They were just like you, my parents, and I; they loved life and valued freedom, just like anypony would. Perhaps that is why they rebelled against Lord Möbius.
“In the skies, the Winterhof Squadron were ruthless skyfighters and fought with fearful vehemence. I knew this because of the way Himmel’s gaze changed whenever he went on sortie. I’ll never forget the change that came over in his eyes: his soulful expression that exuded his sagacity gave way to a piercing stare accompanied by a wicked smile. And whenever I approached him after a skirmish, he would blink his wide eyes and breathe heavily as if he were purging demons from his body.
“‘You should have seen me, Ribbon! Even with this metal weight, I’m still the fastest one out there. Nopony’s even close to hurting me.’ Himmel would always say as he gasped for air at every other word. I would always humor him by believing his words.
“Against both Equestria and Gryphus, the constant threat of death loomed among them. They greeted that stifling fear with a dissonant, calm demeanor. In the skies, they were like heartless, emotionless demons. On the ground, their heinous actions did little to scathe their conscience. Pride was their façade of choice.
“Except for Engel and Himmel.
Chapter 3: A Kind of Pride
“Every night, Engel, and the rest of her squadron congregated at a local café, where they exchanged stories, soaked themselves in drink, and tried to forget about their desperate war against the griffins and ponies under masks of joy. Engel, according to the café owner’s kill count, held the record. But all of the ponies and griffins that died by her talons visibly upset her. With every passing night as Engel left the café, she lamented those lost in combat and even prayed for forgiveness for what she had done.
“‘War’s a vicious cycle, Ribbon: it never ends.’ she once told me, ‘You hurt somepony, and somepony’s gonna hurt you back because your hurt their friend. And then that friend gets hurt by your friends. It’s a cycle, kid- it’s only a matter of time before I’m the one who gets hurt. And I just hope whoever ‘hurts’ me is strong enough to stop this war.’
“Every time I saw her fly off on sortie I noticed a glint of determination in her eyes. At every skirmish she searched the skies for such a worthy opponent. When she returned later that night, her eyes seemed alight with sorrow and despair when she could not find a worthy adversary.
“Her eyes blazed with sorrow for weeks.
“During that period of time, she had downed twenty-one combatants. Every time she explained her sadness, Engel would tell me that she would ‘rather die with brevity from the hooves of a pony with the same resolve as she had than live out her days under false accolades.’ She said it as if she read it line by line from a tragedy.
“One night, two of the ten members of Winterhof squadron did not come to the café. She did not speak to me. I asked a squadron member what had happened to Himmel and Rot, the two missing members, but the squadron member tried to hide the truth because of my tender age.
“‘Himmel’s just… helping Rot. Rot got hurt, y’see. Got hurt real bad.’ He said. But I knew that Rot died and Himmel went to drown his sorrows elsewhere; Himmel had a tendency to isolate himself whenever something hurt his pride.
“I didn’t see Himmel at the café for quite some time after that.
As we left the library, Rainbow Dash invited everyone to a café called "Sugarcube Corner." She told us that her friend was an apprentice baker, and that we all needed something to cheer us up. The ponies without any injuries blindly followed Rainbow Dash, while the injured were escorted to the Ponyville hospital by Twilight Sparkle.
We dragged ourselves to the pastel-colored shop. Sugarcube Corner was empty, except for a pink-haired earth pony that blended in with the pink paint of the café walls. She instantly sprung from behind the counter to greet Rainbow Dash.
"Are all these pegasuseses your friend, Dash? That's so wonderful! I mean business is soooo slow today for some reason and I seriously need to get rid of these lemon bars I made earlier!" The earth pony said in a storm of quickly-spoken words.
"I guess you could say that, Pinkie Pie." Rainbow Dash chuckled. “’Ya mind if we can stay here for a bit?”
She shook hooves with all of us, and brought us into the lonely café. Before we knew it, the remaining six Comets and all four Tempests were seated and had a large lemon bar on a small plate next to a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of them. I was seated alone, in a small table secluded from the others. The earth pony asked if I was alright sitting alone, to which I told her that I needed some time alone. Alone, I nibbled at the corners of the oversized lemon bar drooping over the plate.
Faint echoes of chatter erupted from the pegusai as they began to eat. I even heard a chuckle escape a pony's lips. But that all disappeared when somepony entered Sugarcube Corner.
It was a griffin.
Silence replaced the light-hearted atmosphere. Everypony -myself included, glared at the griffin. I had an urge to leap from my seat and strike the griffin without any provocation. Such a feeling was strange; it's not in an Equestrian's nature to act so coldly or so violent to anypony.
The griffin had this lax, half-awake gaze. The tips of his wings were dark-red in color, and a small patch of yellow was on his folded wings. He lazily scratched the back of his head with his large, yellow talons as he saw the earth pony bound towards him. He wore a brown bomber’s jacket, so it was probably a member of a friendly griffin squadron.
"Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!" The pink earth pony said, merrily jumping across the room to meet the griffin. "Oooh! A griffin! I haven't seen a griffin in such a long time! Have you met somegriffin named Gilda? She's a friend of Rainbow Dash and she’s a griffin, too!"
"I-"
"Oh look, I guess I got sidetracked again! I bet you're here 'cause you're hungry, aren't 'ya?"
"No, I-I just-"
"No need to look so spooked, friend! I'll find you a seat right away!"
She dragged the griffin to the table where I was seated. The griffin had this look of sheer surprise on his face. The earth pony disappeared, then suddenly reappeared with a lemon bar and a cup of hot chocolate in her hooves and placed it on the table. The griffin began to laugh. I smiled slightly as I continued nibbling on my lemon bar.
"I just wanted a glass of cider, and I get a meal." the griffin sighed. "where I live, mothers would kill for something like this."
"Why's that?" I grumbled blankly, trying to avoid eye contact.
He leaned forward and used one of his talons to obscure his beak from the rest of the pegasi, who seemed to have returned to their conversations, but their heads were leaning towards my table.
"We're fighting a war in Gryphus. But don't tell anypony; I'd rather not see another Pegasus squadron destroy our base."
"That's odd." I said, looking up. "What’s happening in Gryphus?"
"It's a revolution to overthrow Lord Möbius. He’s settin’ our prosperity back by refusing to expand. Here's the thing: If he won't expand our nation, then we'll just burn Gryphus to the ground, start over, and spread our uninhibited prowess to the ends of the earth ourselves. Without Lord Möbius, of course."
I shot him with a glare of disbelief.
"You're one of them, aren't you? You're one of those… Lumi-"
"Lumisians? I'm surprised you know about us." The griffin said, letting out a smirk.
I pointed to my injured wing. I asked him if he knew the griffin that shot me down a week ago. I told him everything that happened that day. My name, the color of my flight suit, even the formation we flew in. His twisted smile grew with every detail I gave.
"Our squadron mistook you for griffins.'" The griffin said. "Some blockhead in mission command misplaced some zeroes here and there and I nearly killed you. So I’m sorry."
"You?!" I exclaimed. I tried to keep my voice low; I think I attracted the attention of several pegasi.
He let out a sigh of exasperation, sat upright in his chair, and saluted. "Flight Lieutenant Fritz Granz, of the Lumisian Aero Force First Division, 27th Winterhof Skyfighter Command Squadron. But call me 'Himmel.' My mission that day was to intercept a flight of bombers headed for Stummer Fortress, but instead the nation of Equestria points their weapons at us because I downed a veteran. Does that answer all of your questions?"
"Why tell me all of this, Fritz? I'm supposed to be your enemy."
"Himmel." He corrected, sliding back into a relaxed position. "If Lumisade's going up in flames because of my mistake, then I at least want to die knowing that this jumble of misunderstandings has been straightened out."
He begun to chuckle again, drinking his cup of hot chocolate in a single gulp. With a quick wipe of his talons on his yellow beak, he stood up. He placed several bits on the table and rose from his seat. As he left, he said something under his breath.
"I'll be seeing you, friend. Do me a favor and take care of that wing."
The moment Himmel left Sugarcube Corner, the pegasui erupted in chatter. Some of the Comets began to flock to me, and asked to reveal my conversation with Himmel. I didn't want to tell them about Himmel's affiliation to Lumisade, but they wouldn't listen to my pleads when I asked them to leave me alone. So I paid for my half-eaten meal and left.
Princess Luna had already graced the sky with her powers when I headed to Fluttershy's house. It was rather calming. Looking up into the dark veil of the night bejeweled with far-off stars helped soothe my racing mind.
"Soarin'." Somepony said.
It was Spitfire. A troubled look was on her face.
"Out for a walk? Mind if I join you?"
"Go ahead. I just need some air."
We walked for several moments. Neither of us talked. I glanced at her, hoping that she would glance back at me. Her eyes bore this gaze of immeasurable fury, so I looked away.
"It's crazy how I still remember my old bombing techniques, eh Spitfire?" I asked, trying to break the silence.
No answer.
"Do you know why Princess Celestia would send us Wonderbolts to do a mission? I mean, the only reason why we're part of the military is because of our old ties before our recruitment, right?"
Still no answer.
She suddenly stopped. She turned her entire body towards me, her orange eyes ablaze with anger.
"What were you thinking?!" She yelled. "About that stunt you pulled earlier, and about how you tricked me into believing that you were dead? What in Celestia's name was running through your head?"
"I-"
"And don't even think of throwing another excuse at me!"
I couldn't answer. I couldn't look at her either. My heart felt as though Spitfire had wrung it like a towel drenched in water.
"I-I didn't… I didn't want you to-uh-." I stammered after a minute of silence.
She slammed her hooves at the ground. "Out with it!" She bellowed.
"Nopony survives a shot like that." I growled.
She stepped back. That flare of anger that radiated within her eyes suddenly went out.
"You said it yourself." I said, my voice sounding more spiteful with every word. "'Nopony survives a shot like that.' I wanted to prove you wrong. I wanted to show you that I could still live even if a shot like that tore off my wings. So I wound up here so I could heal. I wanted to write to you, but I thought that I could surprise you by appearing to you in perfect condition."
She gazed at me with eyes of disbelief and anger.
"I swear it to the moon above us, Spitfire. Please, believe me."
"But the trail of blood I followed; that trail suddenly stopped. I thought you were eaten by some manticore!" Spitfire said.
"Fluttershy saved me. I owe her my life, and I have to repay her by staying here and healing my wing." I began to laugh. In a joking manner I said, "she's keeping me prisoner, Spitfire. I thought I asked her to write to you today, but I suppose she forgot."
I had to tell her that lie. I still clung helplessly to the shards of my shattered pride. And I didn’t want her to worry about me. But she half-believed me and gave me a wry laugh. I couldn't argue. Nopony would trust me after what I did to keep what pride I had left.
There was another silence between us.
"You still take all of those Wonderbolt tenants to a grain of salt, eh Soarin'?" She said with a fake smile. "Just remember to think things through once in a while, alright? It'll help you one day."
I told her that I wouldn't do anything rash as long as she's my captain.
"You always say that." She muttered under her breath as she parted ways.
I returned to Fluttershy's house. The letter was still on her table, unperturbed since I had left it there. I trotted quietly through the house so as not to disturb the sleeping animals. But when I reached the stairs, Fluttershy appeared before me. We gazed at each other in silence, but this time Fluttershy had a look of contempt mixed with her motherly worry. Her piercing eyes became imprinted into my own. I felt her gaze groping the inside of my head, sifting through my thoughts for an explanation.
"Your wing." Fluttershy commented with a slight tone of surprise. "Is it healed?"
I could not speak. It felt like I was talking to another Spitfire. I tried to answer her, but no words flowed through my mouth when I opened it, for I feared that my words would betray her. I wanted to tell her the truth - how I participated in the slaughtering of griffins, how I recklessly flew with my broken wing just to make myself believe that I still had some sort of value when the very wings I relied upon became a debilitating crutch.
I tried to formulate another lie, but my mouth leaked the truth when I spoke. I told her everything: about my heedless attempt at flying, the screams I heard through the burning rooms in Stummer Fortress, and Himmel.
Her eyes showed fear. Pure terror. She looked at me as if I was some sort of monster. And I was. Who would think that I was still Soarin'? Because I was no longer Soarin'; I was just another blade for Death. I was no longer covered in my own blood or covered in my own weakness. Innocent blood stained my coat, and there is no way to wash away the blood from a life killed by your own hooves.
Fluttershy put my wings in another bandage and put me in bed. She didn't talk to me, nor did she even look at my face. Her eyes averted even my hooves.
I couldn't sleep that night. I could hear screams inside my head. I tossed and turned in the darkness. The stars and moon shrouded the room in a dark-blue curtain. But I could see red. I could see the embers stained a crimson hue. Fiery talons sprung from the fires, flailing helplessly in an attempt to escape the clutches of Hades.
You're not alive. You're dead. You can't hurt me.
The screams grew louder. The bloody ambers began to surrounded the edges of my vision, the otherworldly spirits trying to drag me into Tartarus where I belong. The fire spread and several griffins emerged from the fires. My breathing fell short and my hooves clawed at the mattress, as I felt their pitchfork-like talons tear through my flesh and grip at the spaces between my bones as they dragged me into Hades where I belonged.
You're not alive! You're dead! You can't hurt me!
"You're not alive! You're dead! You can't hurt me!" I screamed.
I scrambled out of bed and lit a nearby lantern. I frantically searched my body for wounds, and found none. I let a loud of sigh of relief and then a chuckle, trying to laugh at my nightmare. But the laughs transformed into sobs. I've never cried so loudly before, even when I was a child. I commanded the demons to get away from me as I saw their grasping hands slowly disintegrate as they clawed at the light of the lantern.
They disappeared when the door flew open. Fluttershy ran towards me and tried to comfort me.
"I-I can see-see them! They're-they're gonna drag me straight into Tartarus!" I said, pointing my hoof at the afterimages the blazing shadows left behind. I could still see their faces and I could still hear their beckoning cries.
"They won't." Fluttershy said in a soothing, calm tone. "They can't hurt you."
I stopped crying, but tears still ran down my face. I could only think of how helpless I was. A stallion like me reverting back to a child frightened by the mere movement of a curtain. There was no more pride to carry in my wings, no more pride to hang over my head, no more pride to make myself look like the stallion in the posters.
And yet, the Element of Kindness still watched over me. Even after my actions she appeared to guard my tainted soul. She was silent the entire time I lay there, helpless and pickled in my repulsive tears.
My drenched eyelids could no longer support themselves. As they closed, I felt her warmth disappear and leave the room.
Fluttershy and I did not talk after that night. For the next two days, our communication reduced to nods and gestures. I was again a stranger to her. I could not speak her language, as my mind was in shambles after I threw away the last fragments of pride. I threw all of my ailments at her in hopes that she would cure them, and she did. In awe, I formulated a way to thank her, but I could think of no such way to repay her. Showing her that I could fly with my once injured wing would not suffice.
The third day came.
My heart raced at the mere thought of going to the library again, yet my heart knew the consequences of straying from one's duty. I had to fight those griffins again. I had to burn down another fortress. I had to hear those cries of fear again. I had to choose between being a bloodstained murderer undeserving of the care of a hero, or be a worthless soldier in the middle of a battlefield.
I woke up early and snuck out of Fluttershy's house.
The sun was beginning to exchange places with the moon by the time I reached the library. I feebly knocked on the door, hoping that the resident librarian would allow me to stay until the meeting. To my surprise, Twilight Sparkle answered the door.
"Soarin'." she grumbled as she combed her hair. "What're you doing here so early?"
"There's a lot to explain." I said.
She stepped back and opened the door all the way. She gave a comforting smile and asked me to join her for breakfast. I told her what I saw in my dream and why I had to leave for the library so early. It took a while to explain, but she was more than happy to listen; Twilight told me that she liked long stories.
"I don't blame you for having nightmares; nopony can kill and not experience feelings of guilt. But Fluttershy is right: I mean no offense when I say this, but you have neither the mental strength nor the physical ability to keep fighting right now. If I were you, Soarin', I'd opt out." Twilight told me. She looked sincere, as if she had suffered the same injuries as I.
"Don't you think I see that?" I snapped. "When I was in that balloon the other day, I felt so weak and useless looking at my friends fighting for their lives from afar. I couldn't stand the thought of my friends dying while I sat back and did nothing."
"Rainbow Dash is my friend, too." She defended in a calm, but lecturing tone. "I was just as frightened as you were, and I couldn't do anything about it, too. I was stuck there with Comet 4. My magic was unable to heal his wounds and I felt so useless because my magic didn't work."
We were quiet for a moment. I did not realize that another pony experienced the same feeling of uselessness as I. Our shared feelings made it easier to talk to her.
"When I broke my wing, becoming useless was my greatest fear. I just thought that if I could help in the slightest bit, I wouldn't seem so useless." I explained.
"Cheer up." she said, "just give it a couple more days - a week at the most. Then you can fly."
"But that's what I'm afraid of. What if the war drags on for that long? More and more pegusai like that Comet will end up hurt, or worse. I just want all of this to end as quickly as possible."
“And so do I, Soarin.’”