Clerks 3: Ponyville

It was a bright and sunny day in the small town of Ponyville. The birds were chirping a joyful tune as everypony went about their daily routines. Donkeys pulling wagons rolled through the town, their carts filled to the top with candy, snacks and all sorts of miscellaneous objects. The wagons were heading for the new convenience store that had just opened down the road from Sugar Cube Corner. A small neon sign above the front door read Qwik-Trot in red and green lettering. The front window was covered by a metal grating that reached down from above. To the right is a dark blue movie store connected to the building. From off in the distance a grey earth pony with a messy black mane and a black scragly goatee is making his way down the street. On his flank is a small race car and he walked like he hadn't got a good nights sleep in days. Slowly he walked up to the metal grate and grabbed a short woven strap to lift the fence. To his dismay upon lifting the grate he noticed that someone had sparay painted 'Eat Pussy' across his brand new window. From down the way a group of schoolcolts laughed before trotting away back to the schoolhouse. Dante shot them a spiteful look and proceeded to unlock the front door.

Damn kids. Always fucking everything up. He thought to himself as he fiddled with his keyring trying to find the right key. At last he found the right fit and opened the door. As he does every morning Dante slowly walks over to the coffee pot to find it on... again. Damnit Randall, I told you a million times to make sure the pots turned off. After pouring himself a cup he turns around and to his surprise a light brown buck with a backwards baseball caps is standing before him.

"What's up big guy," Randall said before punching Dante in the shoulder with his hoof.

"You left the fucking coffee pot on again," he said, obviously annoyed.

"Oh did I? Sorry about that, you know how I get around closing time." Randall said with a forced smile.

"One day we're gonna come in and this place will just be a pill of ashes. Is that what you want?!" Dante said becoming more frustrated.

"Calm down Captain Buzzkill, I won't forget again." He replied as he thumbed through the latest issue of Mares Monthly. Randall was quite the connoisseur of adult media, his apartment walls adorned with posters of mares in 'suggestive' positions, along with an extensive collection of Dvds.

"Well make sure you don't," he said before attending to his cup of coffee. "Did you see the beautiful painting on the front window?" Dante said before pointing his hoof at said window.

"Yea I did and I for one think it's pretty bad ass. Them kids didn't mean any harm by it. Probably just wanted us to know they were here," he said before he started chuckling.

"Yea well they have a pretty shitty way of letting me know. Damn kids."

"Come on dude, it's not that bad. They could have done a dick that wraps around the whole building or a giant robot with tit lasers. Eat Pussy actually seems pretty classy if you ask me."

Randall, what the hell is wrong with you? And why aren't you next door doing your job?" Dante asked.

"Come on, we both know I won't have any customers. The selections so bad no one in their right mind would rent from there," he replied as he poured himself a slurpie. "And besides why would I stay there when I could hang over here with you?"

"Maybe because you get paid to run the video store?! I don't care, get fired. No skin off my nose."

"You know the half wits that own this place wouldn't know what to do without me. Hell, I practically run the place!" Randall boasted triumphantly.

"Yea right, and I'm going to get signed to a pro hockey team tomorrow. Why don't you go out there and clean off the window?

"Aye aye captain. Just remember this ain't the fucking Amistad, you can ask nicely," he joked before starting to head out side.

"Ok, would you pretty please go out there and clean the fucking window. Better?

"Just right"

***

Out front beside a Sunrise Sarsaparilla vending machine stood two shady looking unicorns. One was a dirty white with a short black mane that ran down and connected to a full beard. He was slightly heavyset and wore a long black trench coat. The other buck was skinny with a light brown coat and a long blonde mane. His head was covered with a beanie and a cigarette hung from mouth, which he only took out to take a swig off his can of Buckwieser. Beside them they had a boom box blasting some really brutal metal song. A really epic part in the song arrived and it compelled him to punt a half full beer into the street. To the displeasure of two passing by mares the can landed right at their hooves. They shot the two an angry look and started trotting along.

"Hey ladies, wanna take this party back to my place?" Jay shouted after them. They continued to ignore them and kept on walking. "Well fuck you too, sluts!" He turned to Bob and took a drag off his smoke. "You saw that, them bitches totally wanted me. You saw that." Bob turned and gave him a look that amounted to 'whatever you say' and took a drag off his own smoke. "Well fuck you too then. I don't need approval from and fudge packer like you."

From off in the distance a bouncing pink pony accompanied by a stylish looking unicorn were making their way through town.

"Pinkie dear, do you mind if we stop at the Qwik-Trot for a moment? I forgot to get some food for Opal and that will just not do."

"Sure I don't mind. I'm gonna get some candy and soda and cupcakes and maybe some more candy!"

"Maybe you should pick up some toothpaste while we're here, don't you think?"

"Nope"