Clerks 3: Ponyville

"So I'm just sitting at home right watching t.v. when that stupid ass movie with the hobbits comes on. I said to hell with that and popped in Lord of the Mares instead. So this mare is sleeping in a house inside of a hill, which is stupid as hell anyways. Then another mare bursts in screaming about how some fucking orcs are attacking or some shit. I don't know why but instead of doing the logical thing and running away, they start going down on eachother. The village is getting burned to the ground and they're just goin' at it. Just when they're almost done the door gets kicked down. A midget and some pointy eared son of a bitch come in going on about how they're here to save them. They sure as hell saved them alright. Way better than the original and only thirty minutes!" Randall said.

"Sometimes I wonder why I still listen to you. Everyday you come in and amaze me with your stupidity."

*Ding ding*

The two continued their conversation as the two mares entered the store. Pinkie grabbed a small basket as she walked by the stack as did Rarity. They split off down the rows in search of their items. Pinkie went straight for the candy and slid her hoof across the rack filling her basket to the brim with tasty treats. Rarity set out for cat food but became distracted by a spinning rack of jewelry. After a quick inspection she saw they were a bunch of cheap knock offs and placed the necklace she was looking at back on the display. Rarity quickly located the cat food and placed a few metal cans in her basket before regrouping with Pinkie. The pink pony was trying to figure out how to carry her soda since her basket was already full. She finally pulled it off through an absurd balancing act that shouldn't have even been possible. As the two made their way to the register they passed by the toothpaste section. Rarity covertly dropped a tube into Pinkie's basket, only in the best wishes of her sugar-crazed friend. They reached the counter while the two bucks continued to talk.

"And that wasn't even the craziest part. Then those orcs decided if everyone else is getting a piece, what not us?" His conversation was cut short by a gasp from the white mare.

"Excuse me, not to interrupt this horrid conversation that you two are having but me and my friend would like to make a purchase," Rarity said in an annoyed tone.

"Sure miss, ill take your stuff," Dante said trying to be nice and avoid her causing a scene. Pinkie jerked her back legs and the sodas flew off her back and landed on the counter in a perfect row. "That'll be twenty five bits altogether ma'am."

The white mare sat the bits on the counter and helped Pinkie get the sodas back on her back. With the goods in tow the mares made their way out the front door.

From behind the dumpster out back, Jay and Silent Bob emerged with their eyes as red as the devils dick. They casually strolled back toward the front off the store before being spotted by Pinkie. *Gasp* "Who are those ponies?" Pinkie spouted before hopping off gleefully to meet Jay and Bob.

"Hi I'm Pinkie Pie and I don't know you!" Pinkie practically screamed in their faces which startled the stoned duo. "And thats weird because I know everypony in Ponyville and I'm always looking to make new friends. Who are you guys? Where are you from? Do you like cupcakes? What do you do?" The pair stared off into space, blitzed out of their minds as the mare continued her endless barrage of questions.

"Hold up Bob. I think this pink thing is talking to us." Bob turned and nodded before facehoofing.

"Of course I am silly, I'm not talking to myself but come to think of it that wouldn't be too strange," the mare said before starting to giggle. "So who are you?"

"Well I'm Jay and this chode right here is Silent Bob. We kinda just stand outside stores and sell stuff." Jay replied.

"Neato, that sounds fun! Oooo I just got an idea. You should come meet us at the big tree house tonight. I promise you won't regret it," the excited young mare said.

"Yea I guess we can make it, right Bob?" He turned and looked to his friend who gave him a confirming nod.

"Okie dokie lokie, we'll see you then!" Pinkie said before bouncing off down the road.

***

As the duo approached the massive tree house they could already feel the thumping bass coming from inside. The two slowly trotted up to the door and gave it a small push. As soon as the door opened Jay and Bob were bombarded by a thick stream of milky white smoke. A stage was set up towards the back bookcase that had three light brown bucks with baggy clothing and similar goatee/mustache combos. Their voices boomed from two massive speakers placed on each side of the stage.

Sticky angel, I wanna leave it alone
but never ever ever gotta worry from my home
What that funny sound knocking at the door
Sorry Greenthumb can't talk no more
Please don't follow me into the sun
Hello my name is Dr. Greenthumb

"Now this is a fucking party." Jay said before sparking an excellently rolled doobie. Strobe lights flashed everywhere, filling the room with all sorts of colors.

"Are you mother fuckers ready to party!?" One of the bucks on stage shouted before receiving a loud roar from the crowd. "I can't hear you!" He screamed before the crowd let out a booming reply. "Good. Well first thing we need is a new DJ," he said before pointing at a dark brown buck passed out on the turntables. "Any DJs in the house?"

"Oooo, i got this!" Pinkie screamed before sprinting to a large carved out section in the wall. Pinkie reached in and retrieved a white unicorn with reflective glasses and a alternating blue mane. "I keep DJs stashed all around Ponyville, in case of DJ emergencies!" She said before bouncing off back into the crowd.

"Ok everypony, are you ready to party?" Shouted DJ Pwn-3 before laying a record on the turntables. All the strobe lights in the tree fell dim. The room sat quiet before the sound of a grand piano broke in. With each keystroke a single strobe would flash and the piano was soon joined by the sweet sound of a cello. The music dropped out and the strobes ceased. From out in the crowd a green mare screamed 'DJ, spin that shit!' as loud as she could.

Whomp whomp whomp do do whomp wub wub whomp do do o Weeuurrrrrr o Weeuurrrrrr whomp whomp whomp

The chaos of dub-step filled the room as the strobes fired in perfect harmony. The room pulsed with light and sound as the tree shook to its root from the trampling of hooves.

***

All around the tree ponies lay on the dirty ground, too drunk to stand or stay conscious, let alone make their way home. Only one mare was left standing on the dance floor, a light purple mare with a strawberry and a bunch of grapes on her flank. "Light-weights" she muttered before making her exit.

The group of bucks sat on stage, each smoking a blunt as thick as a unicorn horn. A grey pegasus with a blonde mane walked by the turntable and inadvertently bumped it with her flank. The record fell off and busted on the floor. The grouped stared at her while she placed a plate back on to the turntable. "Whats the plate for?" one buck asked. The pegasus took her hoof and scratched it on the plate mimicking a DJ. "Dude, it's been a long night."