I AM CAPTAIN TIVON ARNOLD OF THE INTERGALACTIC HOUSE OF PANCAKES ORDERING YOU TO SEND ME HOME!

"I must say that that's a weird name." Rarity said

"I get that a lot." Tivon said, "Now if you don't mind could you PLEASE send me home."

"Um funny thing." Twilight nervously said

"I'm trapped here am I." Tivon finished

"Um, yes, you are." Twilight finished

"Well I have only a few things to say now." Tivon said

"What are they?" Cadence asked

"SON OF A *HONK* *HONK*ING *HONK* BEAST! WHY THE *HONK* DOES ALL THIS *HONK*ING SH*HONK* HAPPEN TO ME!? WELL AS FAR AS I CARE, YOU MISERABLE *HONK* CAN HAVE A *HONK*ING SH*HONK* ORGY WITH A GOD DAMN PIG!"

"Pinkie, please." Celestia said to Pinkie who was honking a horn

"Sorry princess, me horn's actin' a bit shaunky." Pinkie said in an Australian accent before going back to her normal voice, "And it's fixed."

"Thank you now what was it you said?" Celestia asked

"You don't wanna know." Tivon said looking at all the shocked faces

"Well now that that's out of the way, I've been meaning to ask you something." Celestia said

"Well ask away." Tivon said

"What does your cutie mark mean?" Celestia asked

"Oh it's just the Lambda symbol from Half-Life." Tivon said, "I don't have a degree in physics or science in general, but I do know how to work computers."

"Half-Life?" Twilight asked, "What's that?"

"Very interesting story." Tivon said, "Well the story goes-"

All of a sudden a lightning bolt zapped Tivon in the ear making him pull out a crowbar from nowhere using levitation.

"AH! MY EAR! I GOT SHOT IN THE EAR! WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO KILL ME?! I'M A CIVILIAN, YOU DON'T SHOOT YOUR CIVILIANS LIKE THAT!" Tivon shouted in pain

Tivon then turned around to see a unicorn guard wiping his noes from a sneeze.

"So you're the asshat!" Tivon shouted as he switched to a pistol, "I'll blow your brains out!"

Firing three shots the bullets went straight through the poor guard revealing a changeling.

"Oh fuck." Tivon said, "Something tells me I might've just angered someone. Ah well not my world and not problem."

"Oh this is bad!" Twilight and Cadence said in fear

"Twilight it's just a changeling, if it was an army, then we might be in trouble, but it's just one changeling that's dead, I mean you act like we angered a tarantula queen." Tivon said, "Actually that would be kind of cool to actually fight one considering nobody likes those things, especially me with my arachnophobia."

"You don't understand what you've just done!" Cadence said

"All I understand is that I need to find a way to get off this world." Tivon said as he went up to a teleportation book, "I AM CAPTAIN TIVON ARNOLD OF THE INTERGALACTIC HOUSE OF PANCAKES ORDERING YOU TO SEND ME HOME!"

Nothing. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash suddenly bursted out into laughter as to how silly Tivon was looking.

"Seriously?" Applejack said

"Well it was worth a shot." Tivon groaned, "At least the thing I killed wasn't a pony, I would've been in SERIOUS trouble if he was."

"I would've had you arrested on the spot." Shining said

"And I'd make the argument that it was in self defense when it was all but an accident." Tivon added, "You know for some reason I've got the feeling that this is gonna come back to haunt me at some point in my life, but eh I don't care, not my planet, not my problem."

"Actually this IS your problem." Rainbow stated

"Yeah I actually knew it was." Tivon said, "I'm like Gordon Freeman with trouble, it follows me everywhere I go."

"TWILIGHT TIME!"

"Oh, no." Twilight groaned, "The Cutie Mark Crusaders."

"Otherwise known as the MLP Three Stooges in my opinion." Tivon added as the CMC came into the room, "And here is Moebloom, Larry Belle, and Curlyloo. Already I can tell this is so not gonna end well for me."

"Eeyup." Pinkie said chewing on a muffin

"Uh where did you get that muffin?" Tivon said to Pinkie

"Muffin button." Pinkie said

"There is no muffin button!" Tivon said

"Yes there is, it's on your suit." Pinke pointed out

"I don't have a muffin button!" Tivon said

Pinkie then pressed a button on the suit and all of a sudden a muffin was right in front of them. Derpy looking through a window was in shock.

"Oh my god." she said

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Tivon and Pinkie went as they continuously pressed the button

They stopped and soon found themselves eating away like a saiyan, *cough*Goku*cough*, along with Derpy who snuck in through the window.

"MUFFINS!" Derpy and Tivon shouted together

"I love you friend!" Derpy said hugging Tivon and pressing his muffin button

Tivon's face went red as he fainted in pure joy.

"Too cute." Tivon said before passing out

"To the bedroom, away!" Derpy stated before kidnapping Tivon

"Oops." Pinkie said in a German voice as she counted the muffins, "Einz, eh, uh, I do not zink we brought enough body bags."

"I'll go rescue him then." Rainbow groaned as she flew past German Pie

"Hey! Du bist derjenige, schriftlich...." Pinkie said before-

"FALKE-DURCHSCHLAG!"

OW! Okay, okay I'll turn you back!

"Danke, dummkopf!" Pinkie said

Whatever, du jävla rosa ponny. Now back to the story in the next chapter.