The Mouse King called all his knights and Derpy to gather together in the throne room of the Castle of the Two Sisters floating above the Everfree Forest. “I’ve gathered you all here today because I’ve decided to break character!”

He whacked Derpy, and she shattered like glass.

“...Oh, and I’ve also decided to break my promise established in the prologue.”

Godiva wailed, “Oh no! Please don’t do that! I don’t want to play the game!”

“But I have a great plan,” the King said.

Godiva smiled. “Oh, in that case, ok!”

Hauteclaire pouted. “But your plans are never great.”

The King turned to Hauteclaire with a smile and said, “Oh, but Haut, this plan has you giving a play for all of Canterlot!”

Hauteclaire wasn’t about to be suckered by the King. “You’ve always hated my plays. And why do I need to give a play in the first place?”

The King walked up to Hauteclaire and patted him on the back. “Haut, Haut, Haut. Sure, I’m very critical of your plays, and I may come off as a bit crass at times, but your plays have meaning and purpose. Plus, the ponies will gobble it up. What we need is a good distraction that will pull in the entire population of Canterlot, and your plays are the only thing that can do that.”

Hauteclaire raised his eyebrows. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do, Haut. When have I ever said or done anything to make you not have reason to trust me without question?” said the King with an extra large grin. “Now, I need you to book the Canterlot theater and have a sold-out play in twenty minutes. Do you think you can handle it?”

Hauteclaire was overjoyed, but he made sure it didn’t slip through his posture. “I think I can pull off another miracle.” He walked off in the direction of Canterlot, a good many miles away.

The King turned to the rest of his court. Godiva was bouncing up and down. “What do I do? What do I do?”

The King was happy to see Godiva so enthusiastic. “Godiva, I need you to run in circles. Don’t stop until the end.”

Godiva smiled and raised her hand. “Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I run figure eights?”

The King laughed. “Of course you can.” His smile dropped to a scowl. “But don’t you dare run in an infinity loop. Got it?”

“Got it!” And Godiva was gone.

The King turned to Marcus. “Marcus. You are the wisest one here, so I want you to do the wisest thing you can possibly think of.”

“I can do that, I can,” said Marcus, and he left the story.

“So, what is it you have planned for me?” Porthos said.

“Porthos. You have the most important role of all.” He motioned for Porthos to bend over. The Mouse King whispered into Porthos’ ear. “Yeah, I can do that.”

Nineteen minutes later, in Celestia’s throne room in Canterlot Castle.

Princess Celestia turned to her guards next to her throne. “I’ll be just a moment. I need to bake some royal brownies.” The guards nodded as Celestia walked out the back door.

Porthos came stumbling in through the main entrance as soon as the door shut behind Celestia. A half-empty wine bottle was in one of his hands. The other hand was out in the air for balance.

“Oi’m a horrible mesh, *sob*” Porthos said.

The guards quickly jumped to block Porthos’ path. “I’m sorry, but Celestia is not in day court at the moment, and you don’t look like you are in any condition to see her.”

Porthos smiled. “Hey, yeeeeeeew look loike a bunch of shwell ladsh. Wanna play sum cardsh? Oi… Oi’m sho tired of being alone.” Porthos fell to his bottom and cried.

One of the guards got up close to Porthos, but jumped back when he smelt his breath. “Good Celestia! How much alcohol have you had?”

Porthos stopped to think as he looked at the bottle in his hand. It was Canterlot’s strongest brand of Merlot: Canterlot’s Strongest Brand of Merlot. “Terd…Terd….Terd…”

The guards were astounded. “That’s your third bottle of Canterlot’s Strongest Brand of Merlot?!”

Porthos shook his head. “Terdietsh…”

A smile popped onto his face. “Hey. Yeeeeew wanna hear a joke? Et’sh a goodun. HAHAHA, oooohohoho. Uhuhuhuh. Oi’m so miserable. ”

“PORTHOS, DAMNIT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” There by the empty throne stood the Mouse King. “I TOLD YOU TO DISTRACT THE GUARDS BY JUGGLING!”

“OI’M JUGGLEN’ MOI EMOTIONS!” Porthos screamed back. He stood up and smashed his bottle against a nearby pillar. The pillar broke like glass. He picked up a pillar shard. “DON’T MESSH WET ME OR OI’LL CUT YEW! Ohohoho…. Oi need a hug.” Porthos dropped the shard and fell back down on his butt.

The King face palmed. “Look, the plan was for you, Porthos--” He pointed at Porthos-- “to use your juggling skills to distract the guards--” He pointed to the guards. One of them waved back-- “so that I, the Mouse King--” He pointed to himself-- “could place this whoopie cushion--” He pointed to a whoopie cushion he held above his head-- “on Celestia’s throne--” He pointed to Celestia’s throne-- “and win the game! But you, Porthos,--” He pointed at Porthos-- “are not using your juggling skills to distract the guards--” He pointed to the guards. One of them waved back with a smile-- “so that I, the Mouse King--” He pointed to himself-- “could place this whoopie cushion--” He pointed to the whoopie cushion he held above his head with his left hand, watch on his wrist-- “on Celestia’s throne--” He pointed to Celestia’s throne-- “without being spotted! Now do it right!”

Porthos turned his bleary eyed gaze to the pony guards in front of him. “Yew wanna shee me juggle?”

The guards looked at each other, and one stepped forward. “Actually, that would be quite nice.”

Porthos grabbed the guard and threw him up. He went through the roof. The remaining guards started clopping their hooves. “That was amazing!” “I’ve never seen juggling like that before!”

“Of course you’ve never seen juggling like that! He’s been doing it his whole damn life. He’d better be damn good at it!”

The pony guards jumped back, and pointed at Knebryter, the wooden pony head on a stick hanging on Porthos’ belt. “Oh, by Celestia! It can talk!”

“Of coursh Oi can talk,” Porthos said.

At that moment, Luna walked in. “What is all that racket? It is disturbing our beauty sleep.”

Knebryter’s eyes turned to Luna and widened. “Ohohoho! Who is that tall, dark, and handsome figure over there with the lovely hair?”

Porthos scratched his head. “De Mouse Keng?”

“Not him, you dolt! The one next to him!”

“Oh, dat’s Princess Lewna. Oi don’t t’enk Oi actually met her en de shtory yet.”

“Princess Luna, huh?” Knebryter looked Luna over from head to hoof. “I’d like to get to know her better, if you know what I mean. Hehehe.”

“Yew wanna pork her?” Porthos asked.

Knebryter flinched. “WHAT!? Good god, no! I want to take her out to dinner, learn about her interests and hobbies, build a relationship on trust, stare lovingly into her eyes, cuddle up under a blanket and watch horrible rom-coms, grow immortal together! She looks like the kind of gal I could share a bank account with.” Knebryter snorted. “Pork her? Is that the first thing you think about when seeing a lady?” Knebryter looked back at Luna, smiled and sighed. “I bet she takes it in the pooper.”

Luna spoke up. “Well? What is disturbing our beauty sleep?”

“I’m planning to do something dastardly to Celestia and your kingdom,” announced the Mouse King.

Luna gave a long, hard glare at the King. “Whatever, as long as you’re not doing anything bad during the night, I don’t care. Just keep it down.” She snorted and exited the room.

The King turned to Porthos. “Good! The distraction is gone. Now, Porthos, distract those… Hey, where did the guards go?”

Porthos was sitting alone on the floor in the middle of the empty throne room. “Dey went tew shee Hauteclaire’s play.”

The Mouse King checked his watch, which he had been wearing this whole time but you failed to notice because you don’t notice the little things. Like the butterfly earrings I wore on our anniversary. What makes you think I’m still angry about that? I have no idea where you’re getting that from. Anyway, the Mouse King checked his watch, which you failed to notice. “OH CRAP! Is it that time already? We’re really falling behind! Be right back!”

And with that, the Mouse King ran off.

The theater was crowded to the brim with with ponies, all silent as they gave the performers their full attention. The play was at its climax, with the heroine (played by Hauteclaire) about to commit suicide to be with her lover (played by Hauteclaire) who died while saving an orphan filly (who was blind) and her puppy (that had cancer) from a bunny stampede (the bunnies also had cancer). There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

The heroine held up a bottle labeled ‘bleach’ over her head. “And I take this poison, so that I may be with you forever, my beloved. My cutie-patootie. My snuggle-bear. My love ferret and his one-eyed wonder weasel. You have shown me that I cannot live for myself and that the best solution to life’s problems is not to learn to live and persevere for a possibly better but uncertain future, but to throw it away! My worth is judged not by how I value myself, but how others value me. Thus, since all that value me are dead, I too must die. Goodbye, cruel world.” She chugged the bottle’s contents and lets out an enormous belch. “And now, I die a death that cannot be undone because I will be dead. Death, like loneliness, hardships, and the time between seasons, is infinite. And as I die, I’ll always remember our song. Chacarron Mocarron, my love. Chacarron, chacarron, chacarron, mocarron.”

And she died with all the subtlety of a train wreck involving clowns, children, kittens, and dynamite.

The room was filled with sobbing. Mares wailed and stallions openly wept. Just then, somepony kicked the door in - it was the Mouse King. He cupped his hands around his mouth.

“BOOOOOOOOO!”

And he left.

The Mouse King ran back into the throne room. Nothing had changed in the two seconds he was gone, except for Porthos. He was passed out on the floor, and a guard was poking him with a stick. The guard turned to the King. He smile and waved before going back to poking the passed out Porthos.

“Good job, Porthos! Keep up the distraction! I just need to…” The King turned around, and there was Princess Celestia! She was looking right at him!

“What are you doing here?”

“PORTHOS! EMERGENCY! DISTRACT THE PRINCESS!”

Porthos sat up and grabbed the guard. “Yew wanna shee me juggle?”

“No, I’d rather…”

Celestia didn’t have time to finish her sentence before Porthos flung the guard through the roof. He did jazz hands, called out “Ta-da!” and fell back onto the floor unconscious.

Celestia looked up at the holes in the wall. Me-damnit. I’ll have to get Twilight to fix those. She turned back to the Mouse King, but he was gone. There wasn’t a hint of where he had run off to, except for his tail which came out from behind her throne. She sighed. I’ll get Twilight to look for that troublemaker later; tell her it’s a test or something. Right now, it’s time to get back to day court.

She turned around and sat on her throne. A long squeaky sound erupted from under her cheeks. “What in the--!?”

The King jumped out from behind the throne. “BWAHAHAHA! YES! I have done it! I. Have. Done. It! You have fallen into my trap! The game is over! I win! I win! IwinIwinIwin!”

“Not so fast!” came a familiar voice. Five mares busted through five of the stained glass windows in the throne room. Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash stood in the center of the room, surrounded by shattered glass. Applejack looked around. “Hey, where’s Fluttershy?”

The ponies looked around. A bumping noise turned everypony’s attention to the sixth, unbroken window.

*Bump* “Ow.” *Bump* “Ow.” *Bump* “Ow.”

Rainbow facehoofed. “It’s a pull, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” The glass shattered, and Fluttershy daintily landed next to her friends.

The King looked at them and their determined faces and laughed. “You think you can stop me? It’s too late. I’ve already won!”

Twilight smirked. “Oh, I don’t think so. We knew what you were up to from the very beginning! Check again.”

The King stared at the the ponies. His smile began to falter when he couldn’t see any signs of defeat in their eyes. He picked up Celestia from her throne. Staring back at him wasn’t the whoopie cushion he had left just moments ago, but a filly.

“Hi! I’m Twitht! What’th your name?”

The Mouse King dropped Celestia, fell on his knees and pulled on his ears. “NOOOOOOOO!”

Twilight and her friends started to glow. “FRIENDSHIP CANNON, ACTIVATE!”

The power of friendship, in the form of a rainbow beam, shot towards the King.

“Do you think the power of friendship can stop me!?”

The power of friendship stopped him.

“Oh no! I’ve been stopped by the power of friendship! I… I… I feel funny.”

The King stopped and inspected himself. All of the rubies in his stomach were gone and replaced with flesh. The dirt that made up small portions of his body were also gone. The King reached up and pulled out a whisker. “OW!” He rubbed his snout. “That hurt. That actually hurt!”

The King smiled, ran up to the ponies and gave Twilight a huge hug. “You’ve fixed my brain and removed our curse! I’m flesh and blood again! Thank you so much, Elements of Harmony! Now I can go back home again!”

Twilight tried to wiggle out of the hug. “Uh-huh. That’s terrific. Now go. Please.”

The King ran out and jumped onto his floating castle. “Ponies!” he cried out. “I am going to reclaim my home from the evils that have stolen it from me. I need your support!” So every pony in Equestria gave the King a thumbs up. The King took all of the thumbs and set course to his homeland, the Castle of the Two Sisters his ship. And that is why to this day ponies are born without thumbs.

The End.

Cheerilee closed her book and look up to the class. “Any questions?”

Scootaloo was flabbergasted. What the hay was that? She looked to Applebloom to see her reaction. Applebloom, perplexed as well, opened her mouth to speak, but a pink and grey blur busted through the wall and abducted her before smashing through the opposite wall.

Scootaloo turned around towards Sweetie Belle’s desk. There sat Marcus. He pointed to the back of the classroom. Scootaloo looked, and sure enough there was Sweetie Belle, but she was wearing socks and making out with Silver Spoon.

“Blank flank! Blank flank!” droned an annoying voice. Scootaloo turned her head towards the source. Diamond Tiara wore the nastiest grin as she focused all her taunts on Scootaloo. “Blank flank! Blank flank! Blank--” The roof crashed down upon her, and she was flattened by a disoriented royal guard.

Scootaloo turned back to Marcus. “What the hay is going on?”

Marcus reached over and pinched her on the cheek.

“AAAHHH!”

Scootaloo shot up from her bed. She was drenched in sweat. Just another bad dream.

A voice came from down the hall. “Scootaloo, honey, are you alright?”

Scootaloo slowed her breathing. “Yeah, I’m alright, mom. I just had another bad dream, that’s all.”

An earth pony mare walked in through the door to Scootaloo’s bedroom. “Oh dear, it wasn’t the one with the hairless minotaurs trying to adopt you again, was it?”

“No, mom.” Scootaloo constantly had the weirdest dreams. The most recurrent one was that she was being watched by a bunch of hairless, hornless minotaurs that kept trying to adopt her because they thought she was an orphan. She wasn’t an orphan, she had her parents! The minotaurs just never saw her with her parents, and because of that they automatically assumed that she was an orphan. In some dreams, the minotaurs would chase her and try to adopt her, but she was usually too fast for them and escaped their cheese-dust-covered fingers. She would really have to talk to Twilight to get Luna to help her again with her dreams.

Scootaloo’s mother stroked Scootaloo behind one ear. Scootaloo fidgeted under her mother’s comforts. “Relax, honey, mother’s here. Would you like a drink of water?”

Scootaloo nodded. Anything to keep her overly-affectionate mother off of her. As her mother made her way to the kitchen, Scootaloo leaned back onto the back of her bed. She let out a sigh. “Stupid dreams.”

Her peace was pulverized as a pink, grey, and yellow blur bulldozed its way right through her bedroom. “MOOOOOOOOOM!”

The wind whipped through Applebloom’s mane and her bow fluttered about as she was forced to enjoy the ride that Godiva had taken her on. After a while it became enjoyable, but her heart jumped up her throat every time a wall, tree, or pony got in the way; and as soon as she became used to the idea of being stuck going over nine thousand miles-per-hour, Godiva skidded to a halt, pulled out a brush and started brushing Applebloom’s fur while humming a little tune.

“Why did’ya stop?”

Godiva giggled. “Because, silly filly, it’s...

Author's Note

Happy April Fools everyone!