Author's Note

This is the original ch.1 of the story. Much of the later half is still intact in the rewrite since some of the jokes still crack me up and I felt that some of it didn't need improving.

The biggest problem this chapter had was the sudden (and one time) perspective shift from Hauteclaire to Godiva. The prologue is now Godiva's experience, but told from Twilight's perspective (to give the reader a familiar starting point and also give a slightly better idea of how the ponies are handling the Court's appearance since they are not the focus of the story throughout much of it. They will however have a huge part in the third act.

Ye Olde Ch. 1 - A King, a Knight, and a Bard Walk into Ponyville...

Hauteclaire, Godiva, and their King walked through the gates of their new home to where the ground below their feet came to a stop. Below them on all sides was an ocean of trees that went on forever, except for straight ahead. There was the small town that held their first victim: a yellow pegasus with pink splotches on her flank. Or maybe Godiva was just in such a rush coloring its picture that she made a mistake. Or it spilled some taffy. Or it was bleeding. Either way, splotch or no splotch, the pegasus was going to help them learn to speak horsey.

“WAIT!” Godiva shouted, “Since we’re going and NOT playing the game, I don’t need my armor!”

The King was taken aback. “So? You look good in your armor! And besides, what’s wrong with it? It might be useful if these ponies try to chase us away.”

“The ponies won’t do that!”

“They will once they get a glimpse of Hauteclaire’s face!” the King said with a grin, pointing his thumb over his shoulder to Hauteclaire, less than three feet away.

“Hardy-har-har, Your Highness. You’re a real comedian,” Hauteclaire deadpanned.

“Kingy! Stop being mean to Haut-sauce. I’m going to change, so be nice while I’m gone,” Godiva said as she took off back into the castle, shedding her black, steel-plated armor carelessly across the floor.

For once Godiva had a good idea. Hauteclaire checked his clothes for wrinkles and took out his dagger from its sheath and used the side of the blade to inspect his reflection. Everything seemed fine: there was his single pink eye staring back at him. His white fur was spotted with sizeable patches of dirt, rocks, and... diamonds? He inspected his body further and found even more diamonds in his hands and large ears. Even his long, limp pink tail that dragged behind him had become speckled with the valuable ore. Feeling through his sky blue cotehardie and dark gold colored pants, he was able to feel both soft flesh and smooth diamond. Huh. Must have been a volcano nearby.

And then came the big one, the entire left side of his face. Looking back at his reflection, he saw it was unfortunately completely intact. No diamonds replaced or covered up the one giant blemish on his otherwise perfect face. No way did Hauteclaire ever go out without covering it; in all the excitement Godiva caused, he had almost forgotten. Since this was a special occasion, he should go out looking regal.

Just like he always did.

Looking around and seeing nothing to his liking, Hauteclaire settled with a handful of soil. Taking it in his hands, he concentrated as the soil hardened and changed color. This will have to do for now. These ponies won’t know the difference. The soil was now a golden blob that Hauteclaire worked like clay. When he was pleased with the results, he put it over the left side of his face, pulled out his dagger again and admired his work.

“That’s what you’re going as? I don’t think it suits you,” the King said.

“There is nothing wrong with my mask,” Hauteclaire snapped.

“Oh no no no. There is nothing wrong with it. It just doesn’t suit you. I mean, a sun? Really? A rain cloud is more you, Mr. Gloom and Doom,” the King said as a grin spread across his fat cheeks. “Do you want me to call you ‘Mr. Sunny-Sunny-Sunshine’? How about ‘Mr. Sunnycheeks’?”

Hauteclaire groaned and rolled his eyes. The King never stopped.

“I’m back! Let’s go see the ponies! I’m super excited!” Godiva came skipping back. Her armor had been hastily replaced by a simple dress that draped to her knees which had revealed her blue-grey fur and several spots of condensed dirt, rock, and sapphires that dotted her body. Without her menacing, ram-horned helmet in the way, her blue eyes shined under her round cheeks that housed the biggest smile Hauteclaire had seen in ages. Her mace hung on one side and Knebryter tied to the other. The dress was something Hauteclaire never thought he’d see her wear. Well, the Godiva from centuries ago, at least.

The Godiva Hauteclaire knew now was very different from the Godiva from before. She was giddy all the time and it showed through her wide eyes, smiles and shakes. Unlike Hauteclaire, who moved with grace and class, Godiva moved in spurts. She would have her hands to her sides one second, place a cookie in front of her, blink, and when you opened your eyes, she would be happily munching away. Her life was was told in pictures with no movement between them. The only indication that she had moved was usually her tail, ears, or fur whipping in the air. Her speed between these frames of existence often caused a lot of damage, especially to living things, antiques, and counter tops ladened with glasses of milk. Like her speed, she couldn’t control her strength. Whenever she hugged Hauteclaire, it was like receiving a hug from an affectionate ninja boa constrictor: it left him breathless, and he never saw it coming.

“OK! Walk this way!” The King turned and walked back towards the cliff before them. OK. He never walked. He strutted. He held his head back and puffed out his chest, though it would never be as far out as his stomach was. The few rubies that had become part of his body became more noticeable against his grey fur as they shone in the sunlight. And his dark-grey, fat, hairless tail dragged behind him with his overconfident strides. Hauteclaire moved to the side and turned his head to let him pass. Not only to avoid the embarrassing display, but the one time he wasn’t careful and his long nose knocked the King’s crown off his noggin, His Highness lost his marbles. It took Hauteclaire a week to find where the King hid his nose.

The King stood at the precipice, threw back his cape with one hand, and thrusted up the other triumphantly. He shouted to the sky, “Look out ponies! Here comes the Mouse King!”

Godiva giggled and clapped.

Hauteclaire groaned and rolled his eyes.

“So you’re telling me you had nothing to do with this?” Hauteclaire said, absolutely certain he knew what the real answer was.

“Nope. Not a clue! Maybe they don’t recognize me since I changed out of my armor.”

As soon as they had teleported into the center of town, they were greeted by screaming ponies. Now Hauteclaire had seen a lot of things in his ungodly long life. He’d seen face cream, he’d seen ice cream, but never had he seen ponies scream. It was so weird for him to see and hear something so un-equine come from equines.

The Mouse King was just smiling and enjoying the show, “It seems my reputation precedes me! Or they have never seen something quite as horrendous as Hauteclaire.”

Godiva’s mace knocked the King’s head to the side but didn’t stop his laughter.

Hauteclaire rubbed his temples as the screaming and the King continued to drill away at his ears and patience, “Now explain to us again, Godiva, exactly HOW you met this yellow pony.”

Godiva put a finger on her chin. “Umm…”

Godiva, the Mouse King’s “Black Knight,” was running around the town. The streets were empty. She had spent all morning watching them from a distance and finally decided to get up close and personal. When they saw her before, she took off at full speed. She may have smashed some fences, knocked over a couple of trees, and it was possible that she left holes in two sides of a clock tower, but she wasn’t paying attention. She had ponies on the mind.

Before coming here, her best friend, silent companion, sole scouting partner, and trusty steed Knebryter was the only pony she had the good fortune to meet. And she had carved him out of a large branch. Now there were real ponies everywhere!

What kind of town had so many ponies in it? What kind of people lived in a town that kept so many ponies? HOW COULD SHE GET A PONY? WHAT WOULD IT COST FOR SOMEBODY TO PONY UP A PONY? PONY, PONY, PONY!

Lost in thought about ponies and pony accessories, Godiva missed a turn and collided with explosive force against a pair of big wooden doors. Splinters and dust filled the air and clouded her vision as Godiva got up on her knees.

Knocked out of her train of thought, she began to feel around for Knebryter. She would never abandon him! Never! They’d been through too much together! Nothing would ever tear them apart! Not even every… pony… in the...

Hundreds of wide eyes were staring at her.

Pony eyes.

Godiva stared back.

...world.

Silence reigned supreme as Godiva took it all in. This whole building was filled with ponies. Ponies of all the colors of the rainbow. Ponies with wings. Ponies with horns. She even saw one with both!

Slowly, Godiva got to her feet. The gears in her head had completely stopped. That voice in her head was speechless. Her jaw slowly gave in to gravity, as did those of the ponies.

Shaking, Godiva pulled her fists up to her chest. She took in a long, deep breath.

“PONIES!”

Godiva zipped to the nearest pony and snatched it up. These ponies were so much bigger up close! They were just as tall as she was, but that didn’t stop her from lifting this one into the firmest and friendliest bear hug she could muster.

The ponies must have been overjoyed by her appearance, too, because at that moment, they all started to cheer and prance about. The grey pony in her grip flapped its wings and made a silly face; it was so adorable that Godiva squeezed even harder.

The poor thing’s back popped, and it farted.

Godiva let out a giggle, “Oops! Did you just fluff? I didn’t squeeze you too hard, did I?” She let go of the pegasus, and it collapsed to the floor. Hey! Since when could ponies do that with their eyes?

Godiva turned around and saw so many more ponies running around. Some ponies wearing fancy-looking armor were approaching her. “Aw! You’re all so adorable in your little armor. Who’s a little knighty-wighty? You are!”

An armored pegasus flared its wings and lept at Godiva. Godiva zipped back up the wall until she was standing upside down on the roof. “If you wanna play tag, you’re gonna have to do better than that!” She squealed and danced in place. “So many ponies! This is amazing! Oh! That one is wearing people clothes!”

Godiva rocketed off the ceiling onto the floor below and landed right next to a big, light blue mare with a pink mane wearing an apron and hoisted her in a hug. “Oh! You got more to love! More hugs for you!”

In the corner of her eye she saw a lankey, amber stallion with a hat and bowtie run towards her. Godiva’s smile grew even wider under her helmet. “Don’t worry! I’ve got enough hugs for every pony!” She dropped the wiggling mare and lept onto the stallion’s back and locked its neck in her arms.

She was enjoying the ride the pony with the bowtie was giving her until the world suddenly went dark. She let out a squeak as she felt the pony’s neck slide from her grip and her arms constricted to her sides. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t see, and she had no idea what was going on. She continued to struggle. “Don’t worry, ponies! I’ll be out of here in a second.”

Several more seconds of struggling passed. Godiva’s struggles began to weaken and fade. Her violent wiggling was slowly replaced with heaving sobs as she began to fear that she was trapped for good. “Please, I don’t like small places! Let me out! It’s so dark.” Godiva continued to cry as she focused her thoughts on the wonderful but short time she spent in heaven. Why was she trapped? What trapped her? Why were the ponies taken away from her? She wished Knebryter was with her. He’d know just what to say to comfort her.

Her constant sobs prevented her from hearing the voices and growing clip-clops just beyond the darkness. The constriction around her head laxed, and she was able to look up. There was light just above her! She struggled to wiggle her way free. She was only able to get part of her head out before it tightened around her helmet again.She was only able to see glimpses of color through her helmet’s visor. Just then her eyes were flooded with light as something yanked off her helmet.

When her eyes finally adjusted to the light, she saw a cerulean pegasus with a multi-colored mane hold her black helmet by its horns. Beside it was another pony with wings and a horn that was glowing. They were surrounded by the armored ponies, and further back against the walls were all of the other ponies that had only been moments earlier prancing with her.

With a little bit of shifting, Godiva was able to free her entire head and look down at her body. She was wrapped tightly in a tapestry that matched many more that hung on the walls. The tapestry itself was covered in a purple glow just like the unicorn/pegasus hybrid’s horn.

Having escaped the darkness, Godiva’s breathing slowed a bit, and she looked around. The ponies were talking with one another. All the armored ponies answered to the same hybrid that held her in place. These ponies were capable of communication, just like in fairy tales! And she could have sworn she knew some of the words they spoke, or at least she may have known a similar language at one point in her long life.

Through her teary eyes, she could make out Knebryter on the ground, being poked and prodded by a pink pony while a white pony turned green in the face. “Please, don’t touch him on the stick. He doesn’t like that,” Godiva said in a warbly voice. The ponies didn’t seem to understand, except for one.

A yellow pegasus with a long pink mane flew over to Knebryter and calmly shooed away the pokey pony, picked up Knebryter, and slowly worked her way towards Godiva.

As she drew closer, the room fell silent as every eye was glued to them. She slowly approached Godiva and lightly placed Knebryter by her side, crouched down and looked deeply into Godiva’s eyes.

The yellow pegasus spoke to her, her voice soothing, her eyes not leaving Godiva’s. Those eyes and her smile were magnificent in their warmth. A feeling of comfort flooded through Godiva; she relaxed her body completely and stopped struggling.

The pony stood up and turned to the hybrid. Godiva watched intently as a conversation took place. Godiva then put as much effort as she consciously could to save this pony’s image to her memory. When she had finished studying every feature and mark on the pony, she turned her attention back to the conversation.

The yellow pony spoke calmly and quietly, occasionally gesturing in Godiva’s direction with a hoof. Meanwhile, the hybrid continued to shake her head while the blue pegasus constantly raised its voice. Other ponies, including pokey pink and sickly white and a new one with a hat, joined the conversation and seemed to side against the yellow pegasus, but she remained determined and not once flinched from their sporadic verbal barrages. The yellow pegasus’ patient determination paid off as pony after pony gradually stopped their protests, with the rainbow-maned pegasus being the last one, although begrudgingly.

The yellow pony and the hybrid walked up to Godiva while a ring of armored ponies circled all three of them and took defensive stances. The yellow pegasus waved them back with a hoof. The hybrid’s eyes concentrated on Godiva as she felt the tapestry loosen around her and lift up above her.

Now free, Godiva picked herself up slowly as she closely watched all the ponies around her. The clanking of her steel armor was the only sound that could be heard.

The yellow pegasus approached and said something to Godiva. She didn’t understand, but whatever it said, it was certainly assuring. The tone alone was enough to ease the confusion and thoughts that raced through her head.

The pony took another step forward. Godiva’s head quickly turned left and right as she checked all the other ponies in the room. Is this pony being nice to me? Godiva thought. Slowly, she removed an armored glove from one of her hands and reached out towards the pegasus. Sudden movement in the edges of Godiva’s vision made her retract her hand. Other ponies had recoiled in fear at her approach, but the pegasus before her did not.

Once again, Godiva reached out and touched a finger on the base of her ear and started scratching. Whispering erupted throughout the room and the pegasus eyes widened but only momentarily as she then leaned in to it, leading to an even louder roar of mumbles.

Other than that, there was no movement. Godiva just stood there, stupidly scratching the ear of a pegasus. A pony pegasus. A pony. A real pony. The wheels in her head began to turn again. She ran her hand through the pony’s mane once before pulling it back. It then hit her, These aren’t just animals. These ponies are people! This is their building! They have knights, too! That hybrid must be their leader!

Godiva’s eyes sank to her hand. This, this is the greatest thing ever… A civilization of ponies! OH NO! The King! He still wants to play the game! I don’t want to play the game with these ponies! Oh, but if we don’t play the game, he may make us leave. I don’t want to leave this place! If only I could convince him… MARCUS! Yes! I’ll get him to ask the King! He is the only one the King listens to!

Godiva slipped her glove back on, “I’ll be right back!” she chirped and then took off towards the door. Before any of the ponies could react, she had already made her way out the door and halfway to the forest. She ran through the woods with a mission. No tree or river could stop her as she plowed through or ran over them. Arriving at the floating castle, she jumped and landed feet up on the underside and continued her manic marathon. She passed through the front doors and ran through the hallways, until finally she saw the Mouse King, Hauteclaire and Marcus standing in a room with their backs to her. She lifted Marcus over her head and took off back to town. She ran until she stopped abruptly right in front of the building which now had a huge hole where a door used to be, plopped Marcus on the ground, grabbed his nose with one hand, pointed with the other and said, “LOOK!”

Marcus adjusted his brown tricorne hat that fell over his eyes and looked in the direction his nose was being guided. In front of him was a bunch of ponies and a doorless building. All of them sprayed with dirt. Some ponies were spitting, wiping their tongues or rubbing their eyes. One with a purple mane was wailing. “Dir’z pohneez heer, dir iz,” Marcus said, his nose still in Godiva’s grip and a branch in his mouth.

“Yes, Marcus! Ponies! Look at all the ponies!” Godiva said, starting to jump up in down again with excitement, still holding on to Marcus’ nose.

Marcus pushed Godiva’s hand away with a touch of his, spat out the branch, stood up and dusted himself off. “So, is this a pony ranch, is this?”

“No! These ponies are the town! The people here are ponies, Marcus. These little ponies are the inhabitants,” Godiva said, her happy tone slowly turning to one of concern.

“Oh… OH! I see, I do. So, you want to side with them, do you?” Marcus said, thinking he knew what Godiva was getting at.

“No, Marcus, I don’t. I… I… I don't want to play the game at all! If we play, when it’s over, we leave. I don’t want to leave!” Godiva started to throw a fit and kick dirt up. “I’m so tired of the King’s stupid game. It’s play then leave, play then leave. Marcus, this is a world with ponies! I don’t want to play the game, and I don’t want to leave!”

Marcus waited for Godiva to finish her tirade. He looked over at the confused and dirt-covered ponies. His gaze then looked around at the town around him. “They seem like a peaceful bunch, they do.”

“See? We won’t learn anything here. We will win in no time and go. But I don’t want to leave! Please Marcus, let’s stay and not play the game,” Godiva pleaded, doing her best to give her best puppy-dog eyes.

Marcus gave the town and the ponies in the hall a final look over before turning to face Godiva. “I’m tired of the game, too, I am.”

What he said took a moment to register, but when it did, the reaction was explosive. Godiva jumped up and down, cheered, and did backflips and cartwheels. Marcus even caught the fever too, the growing smile on his face the only symptom. “And I’m pretty sure the others are, too, they are.”

“Really!?”

“Yes, but I don’t know how this will go over, this will. You should let me do all the talking, you…” Godiva grabbed Marcus’ hand and waved to the ponies, “Bye, ponies! See you real soon!” and took off, dragging Marcus through the air behind her.

The whiplash when Godiva turned back to collect Knebryter and her helmet nearly severed Marcus’ head.

“...Godiva?”

“Hmm?” Godiva stopped staring into the air in front of her and turned to Hauteclaire.

Hauteclaire sighed. “Godiva, I asked you a single question and you spaced out.”

“*Giggle*. Oh yeah, I’m sorry. What was the question?”

“How did you meet this pegasus?” Hauteclaire asked.

“Oh yeah! I…” Godiva began her answer but quickly stopped herself. She looked around for a few moments and scratched behind her ear. “...I, uh, smashed into a building full of them and was like--” Godiva swung her mace around and slammed it to the ground-- “‘Yo, yo, yo! I’m the Black Knight of the Mouse King army, and any one of yooz got a problem with that can just suck it--” She thrust her hips and grabbed her crotch, a gesture-threat combination she learned from Porthos-- “Yooz see dis here mace, here? Well, it would be a shame if I were to, yooz knowz, smash up the town like I did dis door here.’ And then they were like, ‘Oh no! Please don’t do that!’ and the yellow pegasus came up to me and was like, ‘You can have your vacation here! Let’s be friends!’ And I was like ‘Aight. We coolz.’ And that was how I met the yellow pegasus,” Godiva finished with a huge grin flooding her face, obviously proud of the convincing lie she just weaved together.

Funny, Godiva’s presence alone used to make whole armies rust their armor with liquid fear. Now she was just a sad parody of her former self. Funny or not, Hauteclaire could feel a major migraine coming. “That was the stupidest…”

“You really did that, Godiva? Oh, I’m so proud of you!” The Mouse King broke into applause. “I knew you were the toughest of my knights! You are my shining star, baby. Hauteclaire, you could really learn something from this one.”

No amount of magic or aspirin would make this go away. “What makes you think she’s telling the truth, Your Highness?”

“See for yourself,” replied the King smugly as he grabbed Hauteclaire by the chin and turned his head towards a building in the center of the town that had a huge hole in it. “Only my Godiva could cause so much damage.”

“Well, what about those crocodile tears you mentioned earlier, Godiva?” Hauteclaire said. Let’s see her lie her way through that one.

Godiva was taken aback, “I, uh, did I say ‘crocodile tears?’ I meant, uh, ‘crocodile sneers.’ Yeah! Crocodile sneers! You know! I threw off my helmet and went ‘GAAHHRRRRR’!”

“Wonderful! Wonderful!” The King kept on clapping.

Hauteclaire admitted defeat by face palming. My life is hell. Hauteclaire brought down his hand and saw now that the streets were empty. “Great. Now how are we going to find this pony?”

“You’re too quick to give up, Hauteclaire,” the King said. “You should be more positive, like Godiva and me!”

“Hey! She’s coming this way!” Godiva cheered.

“See, what did I tell you?” the King said as he turned from Hauteclaire and towards the stampede that was heading their way.

A large herd of ponies and unicorns in armor supported by a swarm of armored pegasi came charging at the mice. At the head of the assault was a bouncing ball of cotton candy, a marshmallow and a flying stick of butter. Oh wait, those were ponies too. And from what Hauteclaire could tell from what little he saw of the flying stick of butter as it hid behind the marshmallow and cotton candy, Godiva’s drawing was dead-on, taffy stains and all. Now they just had to catch her. Simple enough.

Hauteclaire turned to Godiva, “I thought you said they wouldn’t chase us.”

Godiva shrugged. “Like I said, they probably don’t recognize me without my armor.”

“But didn’t you take off your…”

“Godiva, I’m so proud of you, I’ll take care of this for you.”

The Mouse King stood in front of Hauteclaire and Godiva and threw his arms open dramatically. “All ye who dare challenge the Mouse King must be ready to face the thunder AND KNEEL!” and clapped his hands together. A boom dispersed from his hands in all directions. The pegasi dropped like rocks, those earthbound slid to a halt, and they all fell to one knee. In a single act, the King had effortlessly disabled an entire town’s defenses. Even the ponies that were foolish enough to be within the blast radius had been forced to prostrate themselves to the diminutive monarch. All except for the flying stick of butter.

“Hahaha~. She was right. Just a bunch of pushovers.” The Mouse King crossed his arms over his chest and admired his work. He turned to Godiva and said, “Well, what are you waiting for? Get her.”