'Twas Hearth's Warming Eve
'Twas Hearth's Warming Eve, and all through the land
The ponies were rubbing their eyes free of sand.
For morning had come, the sun risen at last,
And Hearth's Warming day was approaching quite fast.
Yes, only one night, then the big day was there,
So ponies did naturally race everywhere.
There were presents to buy; there were dishes to cook;
There were frantic librarians tidying books!
Yes, the last-minute prepping now ran at full steam
As they chased after their Hearth's Warming dreams.
But for all of the shopping and wrapping last minute,
There was one house where clopping of hooves wasn't in it.
Cadance awoke with a yawn, or at least tried to, before quickly discovering she could not, in fact, yawn. This quickly lead into her trying to scream, but that produced no results either. On the whole, she seemed thoroughly unable to move air through her lungs. This naturally resulted in a bit of a panic, but she soon discovered that she was not suffocating, and this panic quickly subsided in to annoyed confusion.
For Cadance awoke in a body quite foreign
--Though pony in shape--on that bright sunny morn.
That's odd, she thought. I can hear a narrator. Usually only Pinkie Pie suffers from that, if Twilight's correspondence is anything to go by. It was at this point that the long-lost ruler of the Crystal Empire (though this distinction remains fairly irrelevant in this story) realized she had been so busy worrying about lungs and omnipresent voices that she had forgotten that she had eyes. They happened to be open, and in as much, she proceeded to scan her surroundings, as ponies are wont to do.
What she discovered shocked her to the core. She was lying above the blankets on her crystal bed (the bed-frame was crystal, mind you. Not the bed itself. That would be quite uncomfortable for everypony involved, which was usually just her and her husband, but not always) and her husband was not there. This part was not shocking, as Shining Armor had a corn dog-eating contest to officiate or something Shining Armoryish, which she faintly recalled him telling her about. No, what shocked her was that the ridges in the blanket, the bed, and what she could see of the surrounding room seemed quite vaster than usual. The ceiling seemed so high as to be the roof of an enormous cavern, but Cadance didn't dwell on this comparison given her unpleasant history with caverns. Regardless, she quickly concluded that not only had she been somehow paralyzed, but that her room had grown perhaps a hundred fold overnight.
Or, perhaps, thought Cadance, It is I who have shrunken. Verily, that seems the likelier explanation, for it would take quite a bit of magic to transmogrify the entire room into...
"Hellllloooooo, Cadance!" the narrator declared,
And the poor hapless alicorn could do naught but stare.
For above her there towered the most handsome of creatures:
A suave draconequiis with good looks and fine features.
Well, that explains everything, Cadance sulked, out of luck
As she took in the wonder above her, and screamed, "Discord, stop putting me in rhymes!"
"Well, All right, well, all right," the gay creature did chortle.
"Huh, wow, it's easy to slip into rhyme 'round immortals.
Anyway, hello, Heartbutt. How are you?"
It was now that Cadance realized she was suddenly able to talk--and by extension, yell again, and was about give Discord the full Royal Canterlock Voice, but she stopped herself in the nick of time, instead imagining herself doing that hoof-swooshing exercise she was so fond of. She had to make do with imagining it, since well, she couldn't move.
Having calmed herself thus, she proceeded to speak: "Discord. I am going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt, and trust this to be merely one of your pranks and not something more sinister. I don't think anypony will give you yet another chance if you mess up again. And believe it or not, I do actually sorta kinda mildy maybe tolerate you as a friend. So, now then, out with it. Why am I--with the exception of my mouth--paralyzed, why is everything else so large, and why do I feel, I now suddenly realize, so very flat and prone?"
Discord shrunk himself down, and he plopped on the bed,
And slid over to Cadance on a miniature sled.
"Oh, dear Princess, my love (Mi Amore in Latin),
It is, true, yes indeed, that I did make you flatten
For--*ahem* Yeesh, sorry, it's so easy to slip back into verse when you're doing these cheesy holiday specials. As I was saying, yes, I did prank you, and quite well, I might add. But I did so with good reason."
"Good reason?" Cadance scoffed, and if she had been able to move more than her mouth, Discord was sure she would also be scrunching her eyebrows like Backgrou--err, Applejack was so fond of doing. "Discord, it's Hearth's Warming Eve and I have an extremely hectic empire--well, vassel state if you want to be technical--to run. My crystaline subjects have inherited the rest of Equestria's enthusiasm for wanton commercialism, but not its expertise. The result is naturally chaos. Come to think of it, that's probably why you're here."
Discord chuckled. "Moi? Chaos? Please, perish the thought. I simply want some alone time with you."
Cadance suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable. "Um, what sort alone time?"
"Please, oh Princess of Lurv. Nothing of that sort. The truth is, I need your help."
"So you shrunk and froze me?"
"Well, you're so hard to get a hold of!" Discord pouted, "Always so very busy."
"Discord!" Cadance groused, "I'm a princess. Of course I'm busy. Please turn me back to normal, and we can talk briefly."
"Very well," said the dragon, returning his size
To about that of where his weight usually lies.
"But first I must show just how cute you now look!"
And he held up a mirror he produced from some nook.
Cadance stared up into it, and staring back at her
Was a miniature Cadance, but plastic, and flatter!
Yes, to her utmost horror, she had turned to a trinket,
If she had hope before, this reveal then did sink it.
She was Perler beads--melted together perhaps--
Caught in the clutches of Discord's fowl traps.
Would she ever escape, could she still help Discord?
I bet that's answer to which you must look forward.
Worry not, dearest reader, for I give you forwarning:
This story concludes on Hearth's Warming morning!
