Kindled Change

Chapter 2: Lost

My vision has left me, though I'm unsure. I do not see the darkness like I used to. Its blurred, if it can be. Like mist hogging up the eyes. This realization scares me. I do not want to become them. What is there left for me to do? I can't hope this all away. I've lived in the shadows, as a shadow, and shadows cannot strike back. Darkness has been my haven, but I've lost that too. This darkness is not so remorseful or kind, the one shielding the veil of color, the one of blinding light.

I cannot see even the shadows that were once part of me. Fear is brought up again. I fear not being able to see again, but... it feels as if I'm fading. Fading away into nothing. It is strange, confusing, and that is was scares me the most. The fear of not knowing... of what could be beyond or of what change can bring... and what it could destroy.

Hear the sound. A subtle blow of a breeze strokes my hair gently, almost as if saying hello to an old friend. It held me close, comforting, cool and kind. It speaks words that I cannot yet fathom. Too old a friend, one that I've missed greatly. This... a delight. I cannot say for sure how much joy it brings me. This breeze is different from the one in the darkness. The other was a fragment of its true self, shaped and corrupted by the walls and crystals. This however... this is pure, a strong gale both gentle and graceful.

Listen to the world. I hear... A rushing sound, it's familiar. I cannot place my thoughts on it. It seems familiar yet so distant. As if I have forgotten it. A similar sound appears, more gentle and discreet. I lose myself in the sounds. Where am I? I don't dare open my eyes. I am afraid to open my eyes that are shut from the blinding colors. I'm afraid that I could be truly blind. But, now my heart eases as I do not hear the hissing from before, all is silent, all is still.

Touch the ground. As I took steps, tiny soft prickles began to rub against me. Tired from the fear, I fall to my knees. Softness wraps around them, the sharp soft prickles is grass... How was it that I knew all of this? Fragments of my memory began to fill me. It is painful as they begin, but leave wonders in my head. The touch of the wind, the embrace of the earth, the sounds of rising life... I still dared not open my eyes. It all feels so soft... So warm... I quiver at the touch of the prickling cold sensation of the dew gathering on the grass. I do not have words for this, words that I would be able to recite in my thoughts. There is no words for this, none that I could even conjure up even in my right mind... A feeling way beyond what I could have fathomed. Years lost, but found, and somehow I wish for the return... the return to something familiar. As wonderful as this may all be, I long for the bittersweet shadows...

Sweet scents that swirl. This voice... The air lightly brushes by my nose. A sweet scent rests in my lungs. The aroma strong but sweet, the smell of maple sap close by. How is that I know this...? The scent is mixed in with the musty and fresh smell of wet dirt. It is refreshing as I fill my lungs with the cool air. I can smell flowers. Rosemary, daffodils... Lunaria Annua... How... My thoughts are in turmoil once more, but they quickly fade into the scents of the mixing aromas. My nose distracts my panic, and I lose myself in the scents once more. Now more then ever, I wish with all my heart, that I am able to see, if just a little more, I want to be able to see the wonders. I want to open my eyes... but I am afraid...

Open your eyes, and see the world. That voice... it fades this time, fades into the air itself. I do not know what to think. I do not know what to do... Do I dare open my eyes? I'm blind... I fear that what I feel, what I hear, and what I smell could be a lie. I fear to be truly blind. I fear... fear... Maybe... maybe I will. Maybe I can. I will. I can.

Slowly, I open my eyes, my eyelids feel heavy, almost drowsy and exhausted. The light is blinding. I cannot see, and before panic could set in me, my vision begins to... clear... I hold my breath, I become numb, I become deaf... all of this... this... I am truly lost at words.

Tears begin to form in my eyes. They cloud my vision, and in a panic I brush them away. The world... all of it... all I had wished for, and more... Full of color, of wonders, of greatness. I can see. I can see. I can see. I repeat this in my head as I scan my surroundings. The sky darkened by grey clouds, all with a silver lining. The dark rough bark of the maple trees, the swift movement of the green leaves gently coaxed by the gentle breeze, the birds who flew by, perching occasionally on the long branches. The grass swaying in rhythm with the world around.

I am weak, but I manage to walk to a nearby pool. Standing over it, I look down to see my reflection. My tears begin to agitate the still water with ripples. My tears... of joy. I see a familiar shade of yellow. My eyes are how I remember them... pure and untouched... all that time... My skin is a pale black color. It isn't as deep as the others, but it marks me. It is a mark of who I am and what I am... My hair is glistening, small beads of water begin to drop onto it, making it shimmer in the clouded sunlight that scarcely shown through the increasing number of dark clouds.

The smell of wet dirt, the cool breeze, the birds nesting under shelter, the faint sounds of trickling water. I was too tired... I was lost. Unsure of where to go, the rain washes over the land and I am left to sit in the middle of the storm. Everyone has already gone, but that's a good thing. I pick up my weary body and follow blindly ahead towards the direction of the small colorful birds, my eyes unwilling to blink, unwilling to miss any of it all. All I have known seems pointless now... void... This sense of freedom... this sense of joy. It is all so... alien. It feels so strange... but... good... I want to lose myself in this world, but I am afraid... I'm still very much afraid...

I do not know of where I'm going, of who I am. Though I do know that I'm still alone... I still do not know where I am... I am lost...