Guards and Monsters

Luna was waiting for us when we got back. She was not amused by our performance. Apparently, the mission had been a test, and she’d been watching us the whole time.

“My bones still ache from watching what I might generously consider a fight.” She scowled. “I gave you every advantage, and you still barely came out on top.”

“But we succeeded!” Pipsqueak pointed out. “We even got the puppies! Just like you said, nothing but corpses.”

“Were we not supposed to kill the puppies?” I asked, hopefully.

“The puppies are irrelevant,” Luna replied, with a flick of her wing. “I refer to what I was incorrectly thinking of as your fighting skill.” She opened up a flashback window, to show us flailing around randomly as the diamond dogs pummeled us, over and over and over.

But I couldn’t really focus on it. There was a song there, in my head… a lighthearted and bouncy tune, probably done with horns or a keyboard, although of course a lyre would work, since it works for everything. I didn’t have mine with me, so I settled for setting the tune to vocals, while tapping out the rhythm with my hooves. Luna was still talking in the background, but for some reason her angry diatribe in front of a flashback window full of fighting dogs and ponies made the perfect accompaniment. It went something like…

I’m usually not a very angry pony.
I’m often rather fun to be around.
I’m generally totally sane,
I’m seldom writhing in pain
At the thought of what awaits me when the sun goes down.

I usually have ordinary nightmares;
To tell the truth, they’re often totally tame.
I hardly ever wonder what is real and what’s a dream.
And when I’m awake, I usually believe that all is as it seems.
And hardly ever stick my hoof into the flame…

I almost never murder anypony.
It’s rare that I wake up all covered in blood.
I seldom steal souls,
or slit the throats of foals,
and watch them bleed their lives out into… into…

That was as far as I got, the last few lines squeezed out through clenched teeth. Bonnie rested a cloven hoof on my shoulders, and told Luna, “We’re leaving.”

The spell was broken, and Luna’s fascinated stare hardened. “You are not dismissed!”

I’m not sure if there was any more to the exchange; I’m sorry if I’m not living up to my usual standards of storytelling, but then, I’m hardly ever wracked with sobs from no obvious source to the point where I can’t really focus on anything but putting one hoof in front of the other.

It’s kind of a shame, because it’s nice to see Bon Bon being gentle, and that’s really the only time she’ll lower herself to it. She’s usually a pretty angry pony.

===

Later, I was back in Ponyville, helping out Pinkie Pie around that shop of hers. I had to take Cutie Breaker and stab all the customers to death with it, or else they’d find out that she’d run out of sugar and used moon sugar in her cupcakes instead, which isn’t really the same thing. Bon Bon tried that substitution in her candies once, and not only did all the magical effects burn away when she caramelized it, but it tasted like a mixture of vomit and soap. A quick death at the hands of soul-eating spear was a mercy, compared to that.

Unfortunately, I kept just wounding ponies, and then they’d hang around groaning and moaning and complaining about their magic being gone, and little Sweetie Belle kept dodging. I tried pleading with her, “Just hold still! It’ll hurt a lot more if I don’t get you right in the heart!”

Then Princess Luna walked in, and I was a bit torn – after all, she was a Princess of Equestria, and Celestia would be really sad if she got killed, but on the other hoof, a Princess tasting the ruined cupcakes would seal Pinkie’s fate as a baker. “Um…” I said, wavering.

“Lyra?” she asked, looking around at the wounded and bleeding ponies.

“Look, I can explain,” I said. “I should probably stab you first though, just to be safe.”

She gave a little half-smile. “My apologies, but I did not come here to be stabbed. I need you to give me back my spear.”

I clutched Cutie Breaker close. “What? Already?”

She nodded. “Is this a problem?”

YES! Stab her! came the voices in my head. “Well, it’s your spear,” I said, ignoring them. I clutched it in the crook of one hoof and held it out to her. She took hold of it in her magic, and holstered it at her side. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to stab you now, though,” I said, looking around for something to use as a weapon.

“I would prefer you did not,” she said, turning and leaving the building. I followed her out onto the street, which was dark and covered with fog. She glanced back at me, and spread her wings, taking to the air. “Our business is concluded here. Cease thy pursuit!”

“But it’s my job! I have to stab everypony!” I cried, leaping into the air after her.

I chased her around for a while, through the starlit clouds, but I was never any match for the Princess. Eventually, she tired of the game, and pulled a weird maneuver with her wings that sort of pushed me aside as she swung around and bucked me right in the ribs. I couldn’t breathe, and my left wing was paralyzed, and I slammed into the ground with a spine-tingling smack.

She reached down a hoof to help me up, and I realized we were standing in the practice yard, back in Canterlot. Which made no sense since we’d just been in Ponyville. “Oh,” I said. “This is a dream, isn’t it.” I let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad I don’t have to try to explain why I stabbed all those ponies.”

“You confuse me,” Princess Luna said. “You act as if you are unaffected by the violence around you, and yet last night you were in tears, presumably over the deaths which you had been a party to.”

“Yeah, it just sort of hit me,” I said, sitting down on the cold ground. “When I kill… I don’t feel anything, but I still want to be a good pony.” I looked up at her. “You’re a good pony, right? I need to be able to trust that you’re asking me to do the right thing.”

“And you believe that I erred,” Luna said, frowning.

“You said that the puppies were irrelevant, but that doesn’t make sense,” I said. “Diamond dogs are people – either they deserve to die, because they’ve done horrible things, or they’re going to do horrible things, or something like that, or else they deserve to live. You don’t just decide whether to kill them or not based on whether it’s convenient.”

Luna sighed. “I meant only that they were irrelevant to the point I was making at the time, related to your fighting skill.” I nodded, then tilted my head, when she looked likely to leave it at that. Luna grimaced, and continued. “In truth, I did not anticipate their presence. I would not have ordered their deaths, but it was likely that they would have grown up to menace ponies, just like their parents. They were old enough to remember, and to seek revenge.”

“But that would have been our fault,” I said. “It wouldn’t have been because they were bad people, it would have been because we broke them. It wouldn’t be fair to kill them because they were likely to come after us because we killed their parents. It would make more sense to kill ourselves.”

“Things are simpler with them dead,” Luna said. “I find it difficult to regret their absence.”

“But it was wrong,” I said, tapping my hoof on the ground. “They didn’t deserve to die.”

“What do you want me to say?” Luna asked, lightning flashing from the clouds gathering behind her.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Something clever, that I haven’t thought of. Otherwise I’d just say it to myself.”

Luna paused, looming there in the darkness, and then lowered her head to stare me in the eyes. In a solemn voice, she intoned, “Perhaps it was meant to be. Nothing happens without a reason.”

I gave her a dubious look. “That’s not ‘clever’, just ‘vague’.”

Luna scowled. “You may be thinking of my sister. She would know what to say. I only know what must be done.” She started pacing back and forth, her hooves clattering on the rocky ground. “I ordered the deaths of everyone in the cave because I did not anticipate a raiding party bringing along their families. Pipsqueak killed them because he thought that their deaths would please me. At its heart, it was an accident, and the reason that they were in harm’s way was their parents’ decision to hunt, murder, and devour my little ponies!”

“So… blame the dead?” I said, smiling a little. “I suppose they’re not likely to argue about it.”

===

In the afternoon, when we woke up, everypony’s weapons and armor were gone. We were all still bat ponies, of course – the spell ended when we died, not when we took off the armor – but this was only the second time we’d been allowed to go to bed without getting killed, and the first time we’d gone to sleep in our armor. So I think this was the first time I saw any bat pony out of uniform. It was certainly the first time that I noticed we still had our cutie marks.

Although that made perfect sense, since they’re a magical effect that follows your spirit and mind, and not just patches of colored fur that would be a part of your body.

“So… did Luna come in here during the night, and strip us naked?” I asked.

“She stripped you naked,” Diamond Tiara replied. “The rest of us who didn’t throw a hissy fit were able to undress ourselves.”

“It wasn’t a hissy fit!” I protested. “I was crying, not hissing. I think that makes it a ‘crying jag’, although I’m not sure what ‘jag’ is supposed to mean other than ‘fit’.”

DeeTee just stared at me. “That’s still just as embarrassing, so I don’t know why you’re even bothering to argue.”

“I know!” Pipsqueak said. “It’s like you don’t know the first thing about schoolyard squabbles.”

“I went to a private school for unicorns. We fought magic duels,” I explained. “They were a lot of fun! I think they were supposed to be humiliating when you lost, but I’ve never gotten the hang of being humiliated. Attention is still attention, right?”

“That explains so much,” she said, sneering at me.

“Oh good! Somepony gets it!” I hugged her. “You’re my new best friend. Come on, give me a kiss!”

“I call next!” Pipsqueak said, while DeeTee struggled, with a look of disgust on her face, and eventally managed to shove my face to the side and squirm free. I rubbed the spot where her hoof had planted itself in my cheek, and noticed Pipsqueak waiting there, expectantly.

I took a step towards him, and nuzzled his cheek. He gasped, and his tiny little bat tail raised and curled behind him, his wings fluttering a bit, all excited. I nipped his cheek, running my fangs through his fur… letting my long snakey tongue slither out of my mouth and tickle at his ears. At his gasp, I lowered my muzzle to nibble beneath his cheek. He raised his head, and lifted a hoof to stroke my shoulder.

And then I sank my fangs into his throat, with a crunch as they quickly sliced through the meat and lodged against his windpipe. He jerked back instinctively, doing a good job of slicing up the soft flesh of his throat against my fangs, but I lunged and bit again, this time getting a good grip on something solid, and squeezing until I felt it give between my teeth. Blood was everywhere, spurting across my face and pouring down both our chests and forelegs, and as he struggled I lost my balance and we both went down.

There was a burst of flame, and after coughing up a few stray pieces of ash, I was clean. Pip reformed across the room, looking a bit shocked. I looked up at him, and licked my lips. “Was it good for you?” I asked.

“Are you out of your mind?” he asked.

I stalked across the room towards him, fluttering to land on top of a bed, and then hop from bed to bed to couch to table as I followed him from the ‘barracks’ half of the room to the ‘lounge’ part. “Do you want to go again?”

He kept backing up, until he was up against the row of blacked-out windows. “I mean, are you literally insane? Lyra, stop!”

I stopped, freezing in place with my mouth open, fangs showing as part of a snarl… it would have been a bit scarier if he’d waited until I was actually close, but on the other hoof he did look pretty scared.

“Lyra, go!” came a voice. It was a bat pony’s voice and I wasn’t looking to see who said it, but it doesn’t sound like the kind of thing Bon Bon would have said, so I’m guessing it was Diamond Tiara. At any rate, I lunged at Pip and he squealed and closed his eyes and flailed adorably at me with his little pony hooves.

I did mention that the bat pony bodies were ridiculously strong and fast, right? I pinned him down easily, and started licking his neck which for some reason he’d exposed to me when he twisted his head aside so as not to have to look at me.

And then he pissed all over me, which kind of ruined the mood.