The Convoluted Scientific Guide to Equestria and the Universe

For those of you wondering: yes, evolution is a thing. No, Princess Celestia did not create the universe from [Clay, Dust, Magic, Cake, etc.]. At current estimations, based on DNA samples that I personally retrieved from the Canterlot Castle royal kitchens (go on, Royal Guard. Prove it.), as well as cross-referencing sixty-four archives and historical texts, I have placed her birth at approximately 200000 years ago.

Since it's already established that Centauri is at least four billion years old, and life is at least 3.5 billion years old, it is, without a doubt, proven that bucking Celestia did not invent or make any known species, or had any part in the creation of the universe. It is a known fact that she had parents and grandparents, and thus could not have helped in the universe's creation. Unless of course you count time travel, but all records show no evidence to support the "Celestia is her own ancestor" theory. She did not create ponies. Neither did Luna. And do not start with Cadance and Twilight.

Alicorns are not deities! If they were, they wouldn't suck so much at chess and checkers! Or Twister! I refuse to believe in goddesses that can't reach front-left-hoof-blue!

Now then, on with this chapter's topic: evolution. Yep, it's real. Ponies did in fact evolve from rodents, and we are closely related to donkeys and zebras. Suck it up, because it only gets weirder. You may ask me: "But Lyra! What about Discord? What about Chimeras and Pegasi and Changelings? They totally don't follow evolution!"

First off, that's grammatically incorrect. It should be "Chimeras, Pegasi, and Changelings?" Second, it's been figured out back in 946 AD: Conjugation. Also known as horizontal gene transfer, it is the phenomenon in which organisms transmit genetic information between two or more organisms to give rise to new genomes, each with DNA sequences from the originals.

Why is this so common? Because evolution, dinguses! Which is better at surviving? A lion, or a lion with dragon wings and a scorpion tail? The latter, otherwise known as a manticore, can freaking kill its enemies in at least three different ways. Compared to its ancestors, it is much more likely to survive.  This doesn't mean all non-hybrids are screwed, however, as the creation of these mutants has some drawbacks:

1. It is extremely random. There is evidence of horizontal gene transfer between bears and fish. Why haven't you heard of them? No, it's not because you're ignorant, it's because they went extinct 850,000 years ago. A 500 pound furry fish thing wasn't cut out for small streams.

2. Despite their name, their gene pools are below average. It rarely happens, so the amount of viable and fertile hybrids in the same generation at the species' origin is limited. The lack of genetic variation actually lowers the chance of adaptation of the species to changing environments.

3. Their magic is screwy. A cockatrice is the result of a chicken and a snake mixing. How does have petrifying abilities? By random chance, their DNA and magical auras mixed in such a unique combination that gave rise to this attribute. Other species are not so lucky.

4. Evolution still applies to non-hybrid species. And with limited gene pools, some hybrid species might actually evolve slower than normal species!

Of course, examples are needed, such as: Griffons, manticores, draconequui, changelings, chimeras, pegasi, possibly centaurs, fruit bats, and cockatrices are all examples of this odd phenomenon.

Now, evolution is a complicated idea. It is not "the strong survive, and the weak die, so eventually the strong take over." Most of evolution is random chance. Yes, over time an abundance of powerful and incredibly dangerous animals has appeared across Centauri. No, that doesn't mean the rest are screwed.

Also, only some traits are heritable. Prench biologist Cheval La Mark theorized that acquired physical characteristics could be inherited by one's offspring. Today, we know that is not true (except in the case of epigenetics, but that's way too niche for this book) and that traits acquired in life are not inherited. A unicorn who exercises his magic frequently to increase his magic reserves will not have foals with larger reserves because of it. An earth pony who exercises her hind legs bucking trees will not have kids with a similar muscular growth.

This is all due to genetics, which I will now explain.

A genome (sum of all genes in an organism) is the recipe for said organism. Everypony has genes, even you, dear reader. It is the code that tells your cells what to make, how to make it, how much, and where it goes. It decides your color, your species, and helps make you you.

Take for example, a group of one thousand fruit bats. In this group, they can all mate with each other and give rise to more fruit bats. But if you look closely, you'll see that each fruit bat is somewhat different. Some are larger, others are taller, and still others have less fur. Among the differences are mouth size, height, weight, wingspan, body size, color, feet size, and shape of the tail. Oh, and they are being ruthlessly hunted and eaten alive by cockatrices.

Every single part of a fruit bat's body is determined by genes. There is a gene for fruit bat color, like red or blue. There is a gene for the size of their feet, or the shape of their tail. While they all have genes that code for the same things, there are alternate versions of each gene, called alleles, resulting in slightly different results. Say a cupcake recipe calls for vanilla frosting. It doesn't specify what color, so you have two different kinds with you, white frosting, and blue frosting. They are practically the same and get the job done, except for one minor difference. That is essentially what alleles are.

The cupcake is a metaphor for you.

Back to the fruit bats, their habitat has changed recently. For an unknown and probably chaotic reason, the fruit in the area have doubled in size. Now it is much more difficult for them to eat, and thus get less food each time they go scavenging while avoiding their natural predators. There is this one gene that determines jaw size. The fruit bats in this population with larger jaws are able grab the larger fruits more effectively and fly away from certain doom. They are more likely to survive, and thus are more likely to mate and reproduce.

The next generation is more likely to inherit the larger jaw genes, so the average jaw size of the population shift slightly higher. Over the course of many generations, the smaller jaws will be nonexistent, and larger and larger jaws will become the norm. Eventually, the fruit bats on this area would have "evolved" larger jaws to compensate for the larger fruit.

Hopefully, I've gotten you ponies interested. For more information, I direct you to Dear Whinny's On the Origin of Species, from which I shamelessly ripped off the title. You here that? I have no shame, therefore your meager attempts to embarrass me will prove fruitless.

I also recommend Jean Splicer's Playing Goddess and Pesky Mist's Social Dear Whinnyism for what to expect from ponies who have no idea what they are talking about.