Stupid Sexy Sombra

"Run that by me again, Luna?"

"I need you to assist me in the management of a prisoner," she said.

"Luna, sweetie, why would you come to me, of all people, for assistance with the guard?"

"Well--" she started before I cut her off.

"No, wait. Why do you have a prisoner? Isn't that a bit, y'know, outside your Equestrian way of handling shit?" The princess frowned at my language. "I mean, you only had me go through a basic history course when I got here, but haven't the dungeons been empty for something like a hundred years?"

"You are correct, Drake, absolutely. But this isn't some average criminal. He's a much more... malevolent being."

I formed as mall "O" with my mouth. "Now that's a word," I said. "'Malevolent', huh? How so?" I interlaced my fingers, resting my chin upon my hands and my elbows upon my knees as I watched Luna for an answer.

She sighed somewhat, and in a manner that revealed no emotion to me. "This pony has a long history of violence and domination, and an obsession with power. He has no problem leading armies to planned failure and casting his allies to the side."

I nodded. "So that means it's one of those 'big bads' your sister always sends the elements to take care of. That narrows it down to, what, a good fifty?"

"Four, actually."

I locked eyes with the mare. "Luna, you're a great friend, but I'm not a very patient man. Who the hell do you have locked up down there?"

"I can't tell you unless you accept my terms."

Bullshit. "Nope, ain't happening." I shrugged, shaking my head noncommittally and getting up to leave.

"Fine, fine, it's Sombra!"

I turned on my heel, locked eyes with her, and raised my brows. "Haha, yeah. Fuck that, Luna."

"You're rather grouchy tonight."

"It's like two in the morning, Luna. I'm usually asleep. Speaking of which, I'm going to bed." Once again, I turned to leave.

I felt the mare's hands clutch at my ankle, and I looked to see her groveling at my feet. "Please, help me with this, Drake. You are the only person in the entire city that could possibly convince him to cooperate!"

Being the sensible man I was, I had no plan to do anything of the sort, but I did sort of want to hear what Luna had to say at least. She had my curiosity. "Cooperate?"

The princess was suddenly back on her hooves. "Yes. Let me explain that. You remember Discord, correct?"

"Wish I could forget," I muttered.

"You remember what I told you about how he and Fluttershy, one of the element bearers, are now close friends?"

"Luna, I had a tea party those two. I will never forget. The memory has scarred me so incredibly deeply that my bones will have that evening written on them in MLA format."

She shot me a funny look. That mare thinks I'm the weirdest guy in the kingdom, I swear, and I kinda like it. "Yes, well, my sister and I hope to do something similar for Sombra."

"Make him friends with Fluttershy?"

"No, we hope to reform him."

"Oooh," I said. "Well, good luck with that. Just keep it all far away from me."

"Come on, Drake. Don't be like that. If you don't help, his stubbornness will get him petrified and put in the garden!"

I scoffed at that. "And just what makes you think I care?" Drop it, girl.

"Drake, don't think I didn't see you with help that old mare with her bags on your way to the castle."

I understood what she was trying to insinuate, but it didn't mean much to me. I'm a softie, but I'm a lazy softy. What she wanted was, by far, too much work. "So? She needed help."

"And so does Sombra," Luna added.

"I think the difference is that she's a sweet old mare, while he's the former tyrant king of the frozen north."

The princess was clearly becoming immensely frustrated with my insistence on refusal. She drug her hands down the sides of her face hooking fingers on her lips momentarily in an ugly but clear display of displeasure. The mare sighed, and looked back to me. "Please, Drake, do this for me."

"Luna, don't."

But my plea fell on deaf ears. Luna's lower lip puckered out in a pout. "Help me?"

"No, Luna."

Her eyes watered up, little drops waiting to spill off her lower eyelids. "Please? I'm depending on you."

"Fuck off."

The tears spilt and a high whine sounded from her throat.

I couldn't take it. "Okay, okay, Jesus Christ, stop making that face! I'll do it!"

And, instantly, she was back to smiling and her eyes were dry. "I knew you'd come around," the princess said.

"And I knew you'd be a pain in my ass from the first time I saw you," I slipped in.

"Now, let's go over what I need from you." Luna was suddenly serious again, with a straight face and no hint of her earlier jokiness. "Sombra has a dislike, or even a hatred, for most things. His enemies are at the very top of that list. For that reason, he will absolutely refuse anything offered to him by me or my sister. By extension, he will likely also refuse anything from our subjects, guards, and staff."

"Mmhmm," I hummed, wearing an over exaggerated  bored expression.

Luna paid me no mind and went on. "So, that leaves only one option. You'll need to talk to him. You aren't one of our subjects. You owe us no loyalty. You aren't even a pony! If he'll let anyone convince him to cooperate, it's going to be you."

"Sure, sure, okay. I get that." I nodded sagely but falsely. "Why though?"

"Why what?" she asked, head cocked to the side like a curious puppy.

"Why are we trying to help him?"

"Drake, here in Equestria, we don't believe that anyone is beyond redemption."

I shot her a deadpan. "Sappy little horse people," I muttered.

"Hush, you."

Luna and I stood at the dungeon gateway. It was a massive wooden door suspended with some sort of metal framing, likely enchanted iron. Aside from the guards, Luna and I were alone, as it was late at night and Celestia's immortal status doesn't keep her awake eternally. The mare needs her rest, and she trusted us to handle this.

"Drake, I trust that you know what to do?"

I patted her on the nose. "Shh, mom, I'm a big boy now. I can talk to strangers all by myself."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Are you sure, sweetie?" she joked. "I could hold your hand and walk you down the stairs if you'd like."

"Mooom, you're embarrassing me!" I hissed.

She laughed softly. "Well, okay, but in all seriousness, I'll be just up here if you need anything."

I nodded. "Good, I'm gonna need your help when this bastard breaks out and tries to bite me." I walked towards the door, and the guards pulled it open just enough to let me in. "Remember, the signal is the cry of a snow goose."

"Of course."

I entered the crack, and when I cleared the gateway the doors were shut behind me with a groan that filled the chamber. I looked around. It was small, maybe a ten foot cube with an iron door to the side. That likely entered into the cell itself. There were no guards there, so I assumed it was vacant. Following the flickering torchlight of the stone chamber to a stairwell, I began to descend.

The stairwell sounded immense. The acoustic effects of the chamber were so powerful that my breathing echoed down and returned to me far louder that it should have been. I shivered, and followed the steps in the dim orange glow.

After I had walked to several subsequent floors, finding each to be empty, I became somewhat concerned at the size of the dungeon. I also became bored with the silence and the darkness.

I moved more quickly out of nervousness. Partially to entertain myself and partially to flight my growing unease, I counted the floors as I stepped lower and lower into Canterlot mountain.

Very quickly, I found the prison to be much larger than I had initially estimated. By the time I was fifty floors below the castle's cellar, was surprised. When I actually found my target, on the very bottom floor, I was absolutely winded and somehow impressed that this didn't collapse in on itself. I stood a hundred levels below the solar sisters' castle, deep within a mountain.

The two guards held spears towards me. "State your business," one ordered.

I pulled a letter from my pocket, sealed in wax with a royal seal, handing it to him. He tore it open clumsily and read. Looking back up to me, the guard held a grim and unreadable expression. "Very well," he said. "Brother, open the gate."

The other, a unicorn, nodded. He undid an external magic quad-lock on the door and slid aside what sounded like a massive deadbolt. The solid iron door opened, revealing that it was easily half a foot thick.

I gulped and entered the chamber.

The door shut behind me, and the bolt slid back into place. The sound was jarring from this side. My teeth chattered and my bones shook as the impact rang out through the chamber. The deadbolt must have been ridiculous.

The cell was dark. It was the sort of impenetrable black that left your eyes screaming for something until they created imaginary and desperate fireworks in your mind. I was blind, meaning the prisoner was as well. But, he didn't speak. The silence ate at my nerves.

I felt around in my pocket and retrieved a crystal flare, given to me by Luna. When shattered, it would light for around fifteen minutes. She had provided three more, just in case.

I threw it to the floor, and it crashed to pieces, each immediately lit with a blue light that flooded the chamber cumulatively. I finally got to see the state of our prisoner, the former tyrant king of the Crystal Empire.

It was almost sad. Not enough to affect me, but I definitely felt some pity. He was pinned to the wall, standing tall with his arms held out wide as if he was crucified. His eyes were closed, but his head was held high. I spotted a magic limiter on his crimson and grotesquely curved horn. It was made from a dark green metal. For somepony as powerful as him, it was likely mythryl.

I lifted a fist to my mouth and coughed loudly.

He ignored me, or didn't hear me. I don't know what kind of enchantments they've put him under.

"Sombra," I said with soft authority.

He did not open his eyes, but this time, he did respond. "What do you want from me?" His tone was flat. I couldn't read him.

"I've just come to talk, Sombra. I have an offer to make to you."

His eyelids lifted, slowly and calmly. An ethereal smoke, dark violet, poured steadily from the whites of his eyes. He gazed solidly at me from behind dark crimson irises. "Well then, speak," he commanded.

"I dunno... I'm not fond of being told what to do."

"Then leave, creature. It makes no difference to me."

He didn't like the small talk. It was understandable. I cut to the chase. "We're interested in giving you a chance at freedom, given certain conditions."

One of his brows lifted up. Of course he questioned me. "And what might those conditions be, strange one?"

"Well, we'd like for you not to try and overthrow any empires, just for starters."

Sombra nodded. "Then I'm uninterested. You may take your leave."

"Not a chance, buddy. Y'see, I don't think you understand just what kind of position you're in. Things are so bad for you that I felt the need to take time out of my busy day just to walk my black ass down here and help you out a little."

He laughed. It was a dark and hateful sound that clashed oddly with the smile he now wore. "Well, then. Please, tell me. How severe is the situation? I am oh so unknowing, and I need your help."

I growled in my throat. His attitude pissed me off a bit. "Sombra, do you know where you are? Like, specifically?"

"I'm in a cell in a dungeon, creature."

"Yes, but be more precise. Where?" I urged.

"Likely Canterlot. I'm unfamiliar with the city structure, so I cannot answer any further."

"You, my friend, are in the dungeon of Canterlot castle, a prison that hasn't been used in over a century. They apparently spent an hour trying to find the key. Your cell is at the bottom, and it's the most secure. The only way out is a hundred levels of stairs leading into the center of Canterlot castle."

He snickered darkly at that. I'm not sure why.

"You are literally trapped in the center of Canterlot Mountain. There's only one way out, and it leads directly to the only ponies that can defeat you. You're helpless here. We'll let you out though, so long as you cooperate," I said.

Sombra's jaw was clenched and trembling. He was biting back frustration and rage. His response was one word, hissed between his teeth. "Never."

I nodded in understanding. "Alright. That's cool. Tell me though, do you like where you are."

He didn't answer.

"Because we don't have to let you out. You're immortal. You could be here forever. Trapped under your most hated enemies."

He looked away from me, snarling and clenching his eyes shut.

"Look, Sombra.  I just want to help." This wasn't getting anywhere, so I decided to bluff. I moved towards the door. "If you don't accept, you'll never leave. After the whole Discord fiasco, the princesses, er, began to question the use of petrification as a punishment. They won't turn you to stone. You will literally be down here until the mountain erodes enough to expose you."

I watched him for a moment, quietly. He was unresponsive. His eyes were closed, as if he simply refused to acknowledge my presence any farther.

"They won't even feed you, Sombra. Being immortal means you don't need sustenance, doesn't it. But you still get hungry. You'll suffer that for a long time."

"I decline, creature," he stated quietly but with immense certainty. "Leave me."

"Okay, I will. But first, another question. Do you like the dark? I get that your name means 'shadow', but I have to wonder if that has to do with your personality or just what you've done to those around you. I kind of think you chose it just to sound intimidating."

He opened his eyes, looking at me incredulously. "What does that have to do with your offer?" he asked.

"You won't have any light while you're down here. The guards will have no reason to light this chamber. It's not like you'll be moving. You won't need to see."

His jaw slackened. I was getting to him. He was cracking.

"You'll be down here all alone, in the dark, for as long as you live. The princesses won't visit you. Nobody will. That would just increase your chances of escaping."

His eyes were wide now. "Leave," he commanded.

"I will. Don't worry." I knocked on my the cell door. "Open up!" I yelled. The deadbolt slid open, and the chamber trembled. I turned back to Sombra. "Last chance, bud."

He didn't answer.

I nodded solemnly. "Fair enough. I'll be sure the princesses check up on you in a few centuries, just to make sure you're still here." After walking through the opening, I looked at him once more. "Once this door closes," I said,"the offer is rescinded."

At that moment, the crystal flare went dark, giving Sombra a taste of what he now believed his future to hold. The cell door inched shut, forced by the unicorn guard, until finally it groaned to a close. The locks began to reengage.

We all thought that was it, but then we heard him. Through the massively thick iron barrier, we heard the former tyrant king of the frozen north scream and beg. "Please, wait!" he called. "I accept! I accept! Come back!"

I was stunned. Glancing over to the guards, I saw similar reactions. I knew there was really only one thing to do. "You heard him, guys. Open the door."

"We were strictly ordered to only--"

I didn't let him finish. "Open the door," I said, this time more forceful.

They complied, and as the locks unhooked, Sombra's screams subsided. I threw in another flare, lighting up his cell. His eyes were wide, terrified, and his breath was rapid. He was heaving air in and out like he had run a marathon. "I accept," he gasped once more.

I smiled kindly. "I'll go get Luna."