Stupid Sexy Sombra

I rolled in bed, stirring awake. Celestia's morning light filtered in through the part in my curtains, so when my eyes opened, I saw my flat dimly lit by the yellow glow. There was a small pile of dirty clothes in the corner, but clean clothes were hung up neatly in the closet.

I sat up quietly. Scratching my dark skinned and shaved head, I immediately noticed a raging tent in my boxers. I briefly pondered the fact that I hadn't had morning wood like that in quite a while. There was a faint memory of a strangely black and fuzzy dream, already dissipating into the day. I did remembered Sombra being part of it, but I didn't remember how exactly. It didn't seem to matter though, so I let it go.

Ignoring the massive bulge waving about as I moved, I slipped out of bed. My knees and back crackled and popped as I stood, the stretching sensation just as pleasant as it was every morning. I made some coffee in my pony keurig. I hate coffee, but I take it black because all I really need from it is its little energy boost. I downed my mug all at once.

It was Sunday, so I was off work. Beyond not working, though, I really had no idea what I wanted to do for the day. I could go fishing or something. I dunno. Really, days off weren't all that fun because my only friend that's not a coworker is a princess who's pretty much always busy.

I started getting dressed. My mind floated back to entertain me momentarily with the events of the prior day. The thoughts bounced from Luna to her request to Sombra, and then stayed there. He was a bit sour. Consistently. I wondered if he was always like that or if he had just been in a bad mood like me. I also kind of wondered what Luna was doing with him today to work on his reformation. Maybe I could drop by and mess with those two for a little while? Now fully dressed in jeans and white polo, I grabbed my wallet and headed out.

My apartment complex was fairly nice, all things considered. It was in the lower district of the city, so the rent was manageable. On the downside, though, the landlord is a bit cheap and, although he keeps necessities like heating and plumbing in working order, he refuses to pay for any cosmetic updates. As a consequence, the place looked a pretty shabby, but was sturdy and acceptably functional.

He was also fairly lenient in regards to rent, so anypony who's late gets some slack so long as they don't fall behind often. My neighbor's job isn't steady, so he's been saved by this several times.

I slipped down the steps and out the gate, entering into the streets of Canterlot. As always, they were pristinely maintained. The bricks of the walk shimmered in the sunlight, and the various shrubs and bushes growing along their sides were neat and evenly trimmed.

I had seen this hundreds of times before, so I paid it no mind. Turning away from home, I walked the clean streets up towards the castle. Some ponies waved at me in friendly recognition, and I waved back. But, mostly, I just kept to myself.

As I neared the castle gates, the condition of the streets changed from good to great. There was a sort of ripple effect within the city. The closer you get to the castle, home of the royal sisters, the more effort is put into aesthetic maintenance. The ponies must love to impress them.

The castle gates were open with day guards doing their thing on either side. It was probably about eight, so the day court had begun, and ponies were milling about on their own business. Luna usually didn't head to sleep until around noon, so I figured l could probably find her off messing around somewhere.

I passed the threshold into the castle, and as always, the guards glanced my way. I stick out a bit, not having fur. But, also as always, they let me pass. I followed the crowds. There was a denser herd across the main hall and up the steps, somewhat obscuring the great archway into the celestial throne room. The day court was busy and crowded. It tended to be. Luna had it easy.

Celestia, though, likely knew where Luna was. I figured I had to either ask her or wander in hopes of crossing paths with the night princess. Resigning with little enthusiasm, I found a place at the back of the crowd and waited my turn.

Then I felt an impact on my head. A paper airplane fell to the floor at my feet. "Huh." I bent to pick it up, and unfolded it on impulse. There was neat script inside, penned in black ink.

She's having breakfast, Drake. Say 'hi' for me.

Celestia

She even had a little copy of her cutie mark sketched expertly in the corner. I thought it was kinda cute. Nevertheless, that solved my problem. I broke from the crowd and wandered off through a different door in the main hall, this one leading to the dining hall.

This room was wasn't exactly a public space, so it was out of the way. Unless there's a special occasion, it's usually just for the use of the princesses and castle staff. However, they don't take names or anything so just about anybody can waltz on in like it's nothing. That's what I tend to do.

Passing through the nondescript door to its front, I immediately scanned the several long tables of breakfast eaters for the darker princess. She spotted me first, and waved vigorously.

"Greetings, Drake!" she called, a little too loud, startling the rest of the groggy staff. "Come and sit!"

So I did, weaving my way through the crowds of ponies, both eating and serving food. When I got within a reasonable ear's shot of Luna, I spoke. "Hey, g'morning'. How's breakfast?"

"Castle waffles, Drake."

"Enough said?" I asked.

"Enough said."

I smiled at that. I'd been lucky enough to eat there once or twice, and the food was equivalent to a high-brow restaurant. Food aside, though, I felt there was something I needed to say. "Hey, Luna. I'm, uh, sorry about the attitude last night."

The mare waved it off. "I take no offense to grouchiness, Drake. You were up far too late, so your actions were perfectly forgivable." She took a bite of her food.

"Cool. Hit me when I get like that, though. I act like an ass."

She swallowed. "That's racist," she joked.

"Donkeys aren't a race, they're a species. Therefore, it's not racist."

Luna rolled her eyes and took another bite.

As she chewed, I pulled out a seat. "So what's the bugger up to?"

"Who? Sombra?" she asked.

"Yeah. We got him to agree to cooperate last night, so what's he cooperating with? What'cha got him doing?"

"Well, he so different if you try to compare him with Discord, I actually wasn't sure what do to with him. I ended up deciding to just put him to work. I thought maybe he could build some character that way, or become friendly with the staff."

I scrunched up my brow. "Really? And he's just going along with it?"

She yawned. "I don't know. I left him with the coordinator and came up here to eat breakfast."

My frown deepened. "How long have you been awake, Luna?"

"A little over forty-eight hours. The stress of all this has kept me awake. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. You just make some poor decisions when you're tired."

Luna punched me in the shoulder.

I trudged through the kitchen. The coordinator had been somewhat resistant to helping me find Sombra. Apparently he's been difficult and more than a little hateful, and everyone was getting more than a little tired of it. So, when I lied and told him I could do something to manage the angry baby king, of course he told me where to find the guy. Now I was looking for the main sink, where Sombra was supposedly doing dishes.

I entered into a new chamber of the very non-royally tight kitchen, and spotted him. He was standing alone, other ponies giving him a wide breadth, and he was slumped sort of sadly with his back to me. The strangest thing about him though, was the dinky wooden sign held around his neck. I couldn't read it from behind him, so I approached.

"Hey, Sombra. Heard they put you to work."

He hissed, loud and drawn out. "Yesss, creature. They did. Have you come to mock me?"

He turned to me, and my eyes opened wide when I was able to read the sign he wore. It was massive and heavy looking, carved of cheap wood and painted on in white print. The text read "UNDER REFORMATION".

I was shocked, and reasonably pissed. "No, Sombra. I haven't. I actually just wanted to see how you were doing, and I think I have an answer to that."

He nodded, turned back to the sink. He didn't work. He just stood there and stared at the dishes radiating anger and sadness. The fallen king said nothing.

Suddenly, I didn't care what he'd done before. It hurt me to see somepony hurting like that. I reached out to grasp the rope holding up his sign.

He flinched away from me. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Relax, man. I'm getting this sign off of you. It's stupid and unnecessary."

He sighed, casting his eyes down. "I was told to leave it--"

I laughed a little. "Don't fuckin' matter. It's got you upset. You don't deserve it." I reached out again.

He didn't pull away this time. Rather, he watched my hand approach his neck, eyeing it with distrust, as if I were intent on harming him. He seemed to think I wanted nothing more that to trick him.

I grasped the rope, my dark fingers brushing his fur momentarily, and lifted. Then, I took the awful sign and trashed it. "There you go."

Sombra sported strange expression after I helped him. I didn’t quite understand what it meant, it was so conflicted and backwards. I tried to pay little mind to it. He remained silent and watched me.

I soldiered up a smile of sorts. "You need anything else?"

His head tilted to the side, and he scrunched his brows. Still, the dark unicorn said nothing.

My smile widened, and I chuckled nervously. "I... I think you're supposed to be working, dude. Not really sure I can get you out of that."

Sombra's mouth turned down into a scowl. The shadows on his face seemed to deepen. In that moment, he looked as intimidating as anypony I've ever seen, especially given his large stature, which was considerably bulkier than mine.

I ignored that, though. "But, tell you what. Scooch over. I'll help you get this done."

The strange and conflicted expression returned. "Help?"

"Yeah. Y'know, the thing where I do part of the job to get it done sooner?"

"I know what it means, imbecile. But why?" he asked.

I put on the cheesiest face I could manage. "Because, you're so sweet and kind."

He squinted at me and growled. Turning back to his work. I assumed that this meant he was done speaking with me.

I pushed him aside, and he staggered over a foot or two. "Let me in here, man." I picked up a dish and a sponge and a plate and began to scrub little circles.

Sombra looked on in surprise, likely not having expected me to pursue this farther than his irritated cut off. He sighed roughly, and turned to his side of the sink, silently starting the chore as well. We didn't speak. The sink was quickly emptied, and the dished were slowly lined up on drying racks. About the time we finished, I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

"Drake? What are you, uh... What are you doing?" Luna asked.

Sombra skittered away quickly. He seemed afraid of the princess.

"Helping my buddy, here," I answered.

I turned to face her. Luna looked at me like I was crazy. She was subtly dumbfounded. "Your 'buddy'?"

"Yeah, my buddy. Sombra here seemed like he was having some trouble."

The mare pulled me aside. "Look, Drake, I'm ever so grateful for your assistance with yesterday's ordeal, but I've got this covered. I would greatly prefer you did not interfere with my work in his reformation."

"He was flipping out, Luna. There was a little emotional stall out," I said.

"That's simply part of the plan. And where's his sign? I learned to use a saw just so that I could make that!"

"It was messing him up. Hurting his feelings. Getting in his way. I got rid of it."

Luna's eyes opened wide. "Drake, that's part of the process," she whined. "We have to break him down before we can build him up."

"I... I don't really feel comfortable with my actions leading to you 'breaking him down'. It seems a little cruel."

"But he's one of the most cruel ponies of all time!"

"I don't think that means we shouldn't treat him like a person," I said, my tone slightly more dark and serious than before.

The princess gazed at me absently for a time, then finally spoke a new idea. "Drake, if I you think you know more about this than me, then why don't you take charge of his reformation."

"Luna, come on. I have no idea what I'm doing. I just don't want to treat him like shit!"

"Regardless of what I do, he will be treated as he was before. I think that, if you want to give him kindness, you’ll need to take charge and do it yourself."

"But--" I started.

"In fact," Luna continued," this is a royal order. You are now Sombra's official caretaker and the overseer of his reformation.

I had a feeling that Sombra and I were sharing the same flabbergasted look at that moment.

Luna nodded, sure of her decision. “I wish you luck.”