Liberty Prime Invades- I Mean, Saves Equestria

Liberty Prime Invades- I Mean Saves Equestria

Part Eleven: Deities and Romance! (Collab With RainbowBob)

“Hey, God, get off your fat fucking ass and get out here!” a voice shouted from beyond the gates of Heaven, while also repeatedly buzzing the doorbell obnoxiously.

Meanwhile, the holy entity that was God almighty was too busy rocking out to eight-dimensional music that you, the reader, will never understand… neither will I. Anyways! Once he finally heard the doorbell, he stood up and walked over to the gates of heaven. “Vanu damnit… Where’s that fucker that keeps the gate… Told him to forward everyone to hell while I take a break.”

The annoying ringer of Heaven’s equally annoying doorbell was none other than Fausticorn. Otherwise known as ‘that one pony bitch’. Her coat shimmered with a splendid white and her mane fell down her sides in a majestic river of hair. But that was pretty much where the beauty ended, for boy did she ever look pissed at God. “Took you long enough. Bet you’d be here quicker if some girl scouts were here to sell you cookies to stuff you fat face with.”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” God spat. “Besides, girl scouts don’t go to heaven anymore… I don’t know why.” He scratched his beard. “Oh… right. Jesus did something with a few of them… But I won’t share that.” He slammed the gates closed, into Fausticorn’s face, leaving her face stuck in the metallic panel, providing a very angry-looking pony dent on the other side. God, meanwhile, walked over to his computer, whistling to himself.

“Hold it right there, lardbutt!” Fausticorn shouted, her horn glowing in a heavenly light. In an instance she had teleported past the gates and into God’s domain, which typically smelled like the inside of a frat house. “I’m not leaving until you get that thing that’s rampaging in Equestria out of my lands!” she scolded him, frowning disappointedly at Him.

“Oh come on!” God sighed. “It’s funny!” he cried out. “It’s not my fault that you’ve no sense of humor. Besides, your domain spawned out of my domain, so.” He snapped his fingers, prompting a large roll of paper to spawn out of nowhere and unroll itself. “By law, I own you. Sure, I shouldn’t be doing much to your empire, but when you see a place filled with technicolor horses that believe in ‘friendship’, you just see a recipe to fuck shit up. So I did it.” He tossed the contract at Fausticorn’s face.

“This… this is bullshit!” she protested, throwing the contract on the fluffy cloud floor and stomping on it. “You’ve gone mad with power and boredom! Your giant robot is going to tear my world apart!”

“Implying the robot didn’t do that already.” He turned around to face the pony. “Implying I give a shit.” He looked her in the eyes. “Implying your world isn’t gonna survive anyways.” He opened another hole in the clouds, looking down at the human Earth. “You’ve any idea of how many times I’ve tried to annihilate this piece of shit world? It just never happens!” God then looked back up at Faust and took a few steps towards her, whispering, “There are greater things out there than you and I…”

“Wait, I thought you were God? The God! What can possibly be greater than you?” she asked, wincing at his raunchy pizza breath.

“We’re all slaves to fanfics here…” he muttered. “And this… this scene just took a turn for the romance.”

“... Why are my wings suddenly rigid and my nether’s inflamed with passion?”

And then they banged.

Pinkie Pie continued to run on the opposite direction the massive crowd of ponies were taking. Her smile was as wide as a vinyl record, looking up into the sky and into the single eye of a massive war machine that was stomping through Ponyville. Her small rodent brain processed the only possible course of action… to sing and dance a stupid-ass musical number in order to give enough time for everypony to escape the town.

Much like a rodent and other such vermin, the pink mare was notoriously hard to kill. From the debris that fell from overhead and the lasers creating fiery pathways in the town, Pinkie avoided all of this as she continued to sing like a twit and bounce like a mentally retarded bouncy ball.

Once she got within a not-so-reasonable distance of the machine, she skidded to a stop and stood in her back legs, then proceeded to sing. “Aahhh, when you’re killin’ and you’re burnin’-” she managed to get out before being stomped on.

Liberty Prime fist pumped the air, firing off more lasers in the crowd to celebrate.

Note: I forced RainbowBob to write this chapter with me.