Paul Bass: Loser Extraordinaire

Applejack looked ready to kill me for hitting Pinkie and any other thing I might have done wrong throughout my life. I'm sorry Mr and Mrs Bug No.7454 I didn't mean to step on you or any of your species. Although that bastard of a wasp deserved it! Gulping I slowly backpedaled to try and escape but stopped as soon as I felt the tingly, glowing, purple wall of... something behind me.

"If you even think about running I will hunt you down and bring you back." I heard Rainbow whisper in my ear.

"Ah want ta punish ya mighty for hitting Pinkie yesterday. But luckily for ya she has convinced me ta go a little easier on ya than Ah intended. So after coming ta a decision with the other girls we have chosen ta give ya a choice either A, work on mah farm for a month or B, Ya don't wanna know." Applejack said with a harder glare than before. giving me only one option there really because seriously, 'you don't want to know?' what kind of choice option is that? I decided to share my thought with the four mares in front of me and after some bickering between them and some internal conflict I decided to step into their argument and give my answer the only way I knew how, Jump between those arguing and yell,

"SWITZERLAND!!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I've made my choice." I say as nonchalant as physically possible when trying not to laugh at their confused faces. "I'll work on the farm."

"Good ya can start now. APPLEBLOOM!" Sheesh she knows how to yell Applejack yelled with a smirk until a small yellow filly with a red mane and bow "Ya'll be working with Big Mac for a few days okay Applebloom?" the fil- Applebloom then did an amazing puppy-dog eye look to her sister.

"But AhppleJahck..." Oh god that accent is so BAD what is this a badly done Mockbuster? "... I usually work with yah. Why do... ah... have... tah... EEEP!" Nope. she's DEFINATELY louder than Applejack and all she did was eep! Applebloom complained but one look at me shut her up and no I didn't giver her an evil glare or anything like that she just caught sight of my feet and then started to look up my body thus terrifying her. Lying down so that I'm eye level with her I say

"Young one, calm down." Now I feel like Yoda a bit. Y'know what? I'mma play it! in my best Yoda voice I said "Harm you, I shall not." Giggling a bit she said

"Yah sahnd funnah." And you sound like a fucking goddess GAH!

"When 21 years old you reach sound as good you shall not Hmm?" She continued to giggle and started to laugh a little Mission: demolish fear is a outstanding success. as soon as she recovered from her giggle fit she climbed onto my head and told me to 'mush' so being the good little steed I am I got onto my hands and knees and started to crawl in circles. She was laughing her head off and the mares were staring at me with looks of... well... they looked broken. As in like Blue Screen of Death broken. turning to look at Applejack I said

"Do I go to work now or..?" She shook off her 404 and finally decided to return the other mares to the land of the living while talking to me

"Applebloom Get off of Paul and find yer brother. I'm sorry Paul Ah didn't know she would panic like that, but ya seemed to handle it quite well. In fact Ah'm tempted to hire ya as her bahbyseetter..." Oh dear god! "...But Ah'd need ta do so much work which Ah ain't got time fer so I can't..." Oh thank god "...So Ah guess Ah'll just get ya ta work on the farm like we planned." Phew I honestly thought that she'd make me babysit that poor child with the HORRID accent but meh this shouldn't be too ha- NO! Don't EVER tempt fate Paul!

"What do I need to do?" I ask her to which she just points behind me and says

"Applebuck." turning I see an apple orchard that span further than god could see. "Don't worry ya haven't got ta do the whole orchard just a quarter." She says with a small smile that looked a bit like a smir- Oh- ho- ho- I see what you're doing you're trying to fake challenge me so I end up giving myself more work to do. Not happening!

"You want me to work on a quarter while you and your siblings take the other three? Simple enough." I say as I walk into the orchard to start work and then realize, I don't have the faintest clue what 'Applebuck' means "Um, what does Applebuck mean again?" I ask causing Applejack to just roll her eyes and buck the tree next to her shaking a few apples loose and onto the ground, until she went and picked them up and put them in some baskets nearby. "Or I could just do this..." I say as I just reach over and pick an apple and place it in the basket with one hand and do the same with a different apple with the other hand.

"Yeah Ah guess ya could d'that taa." Applejack says with a single raised eyebrow... area? What? She has no eyebrows. I then realize that the others were very quiet for this whole time so I turn to them and... see that only Rainbow and Twilight are still there.

"Where's Pinkie?" I ask confused

"Went home, said she doesn't like seeing her friends punished, unless they break a Pinkie Promise..." Rainbow said with a light shudder at the end. "I'm gonna go now too 'cause I'm bored." and with that she flew off Never to be seen again DUN DUN DUN... I need a hobby, other than making wise cracks in my head.

"Are you going to go too now or..?" I turn to Twilight.

"In a minute I just want to ask how you were so good with Applebloom. It's like you already knew what to do with her when she was scared." she wonders to me

"Well... I did have two nephews and three nieces that I'd have to take care of from time to time. Speaking of time, what time is it?" I ask noticing that it was only just starting to get dark I've only been here a day and a bit and I've been in hospital for on of those days, punched somebody and made to atone for my sins by picking a quarter of a HUGE apple orchard at least a couple of miles across, or is that normal I've never seen an orchard before... Twilight after looking towards the sky said something but my dumbass of a brain had to choose to babble then. "Pardon I didn't catch that?"

"Sigh I said it was somewhere around ten-ish." she repeats with a sigh. That means I should probably get to sleep soon, or do they want me to work n-

"Ya can start work t'morrow it's pretty late." Oh, cool. TO THE TREE!

"Thanks, I guess." I say as I walk towards the tree I slept in for a couple of hours. I notice Twilight following me so I decide to bring it up with her.

"Oh," she replies like no one would ever notice a purple unicorn walking alongside them. "I was just wondering where you were going since you don't have a house." You cheeky b- alright.

"I'm going towards a particularly comfy-" Not really but still "-tree that I like the look of."

"You can't sleep there!" She yells in my face as she jumps in front of me.

"I've done it before." I retort

"No y- wait yo- not the point! I don't think it's right that you sleep in a tree!"

"Too bad." I say as I walk around her in a 'The REAL Ghostbusters' intro kinda way and soon enough we arrive.

"Get back here." She shouts to me so I stop not wanting to cause more trouble

"Why won't you let me sleep in a tree?"

"It's not right..." She says with, puppy-dog eyes? HAH!

"You know that puppy-dog eyes don't work on me right?" I say with a smirk as I start to climb the tree

"Huh- wha- how- whe- what?" she tries to say as I unzip my zip pocket hoping that- Yep my phone's still here. I pull it out with my headphones and put them in as I say to Twilight

"Hey, I'm going to sleep now so please don't disturb me." Slowly I hit play and hope she leaves me alone as I close my eyes and listen to the Crash Bandicoot theme after a few minutes of nothing I assume she's gone and get comfortable sleep quickly taking me