Twilight Sounds Discord's Urethra With Fire Ants

I, Twilight Sparkle, am known to be a keeper of lists. Long lists. Short lists. Checklists. Finalists. Lists of ingredients. Lists of historical battles. List of laws and ordinances in Ponyville related to Pinkie Pie. Yes, I have a plethora of lists. Out of these many, many lists, there is one in particular I'd like to focus on today: the list of "Things Discord has regretted saying".

Once upon a time, say, sixteen centuries ago, Discord thought he was perfect. Maybe not perfect in a classical sense, or in any way harmonious Celestia would ever define the word, but perfect inasmuch as he was completely happy with himself and his actions. He's moved a long way from that. He now recognizes that he--amazing though he may be--like everyone, makes mistakes. Often, these mistakes involve his fat mouth, and when this is the case, I enjoy recording them for posterity and our kids (should we chose to reproduce) to appreciate. Perhaps It's not the healthiest idea from a relationship standpoint, but I do enjoy bringing him down a peg now and then. He's tough; he can handle it.

Yesterday, we had the following conversation:

"Surprise me."

"Surprise you? That's somewhat difficult for several reasons. First off is the difficulty of getting the drop on--"

"Tch tch tch," he said, a finger to my lips. "I mean in bed. Tonight."

"Oh," I responded, brows raised. "Um?"

Don't disappoint me!" He chimed, then burst into smoke off to... somewhere. Probably to check on our diplomatic mission in Tangrislan.

"I can probably arrange that, I think!" I called after him, but he was already gone.

Boy, do I ever have a new phrase to add to that list.

Twilight Sounds Discord's Urethra With Fire Ants

A My Little Pony Fanfic by Super Trampoline

Seven hours and forty-two minutes later, Discord reenters our home. He often is back before I am done working. Seeing how I work from home, this is occasionally a problem. Today it isn't; he patiently stands in line to greet me, which I think is pretty cute. He probably figures the sweeter he is, the better the sex  tonight will be. It's a strategy I'm certainly not going to complain about, that's for sure. I like pampering.

So, he stands in line in the throne room, and It's gotten to the point where most ponies just sort of ignore him as long as he isn't actively making life more difficult for them. So soon enough, he--having not caused any miniature disasters for once--has made way to the spot in front of my gilded chair.

"Oh, hello there, royal subject," I coyly say. What brings you here?"

"Ooooooh, nothing much. Just looking forward to tonight," he says with a smirk. He leans in for a kiss. He gets a hoof bop to the muzzle instead.

"Hey lover boy, see these ponies?" I ask, gestering behind him. "They came here for advice on magic and friendship, not to watch you pull slick moves on me. If you want to make yourself useful, make some dinner. There's Ricotta in the Icebox. As you'd say, "Surprise me. Now shoo." Slightly disappointed but understanding, he raises a wrist to snap himself away and into the kitchen, but before he can, I magic him in for a hug, using the gesture to whisper into his ear. "I'm going to blow your mind," I tease, and when he finally does disappear, his cheeks are in a sufficiently rosy condition.

Eager now to run through the remaining ponies, I scan the line. I notice a small green earth pony trying and failing to stifle a giggle with a hoof. Her mother, tall lanky Apple Bloom (Who I swear was just a filly hardly a few years ago) is also chortling lightly. I scrunch my face and crane my neck to see what Sour Green thinks is so funny. I seemed to have sprouted a second set of wings. From my flanks. Oh, he's so getting it tonight.

When I move my real wings these mini ones flutter in unison, and all the fillies and colts think it's the darnedest thing. I notice they are in fact attached with velcro, and I am about to rip one off with my teeth, when I see the foal that was crying earlier is now giggling up a storm. Oh, I can look silly for another twenty minutes. I leave the butt wings be and with the grin I've perfected over the years I invite the next pony in line to come forward.

Some ponies strive to compartmentalize their lives: work and home, public and private, friends and family, etc. I've never wanted to be that pony, but I've become her. For me, it's the public/private divide I must make. Before I came to Ponyville I didn't have a public life, seeing how I was a teenager with no friends. Now I have all the friends in the world, and it's magical. But even the princess of friendship needs a respite from her friends. If you've ever tried to keep cheery and happy all day, putting your short face forward, you know how hard it can be. Even Pinkie Pie, Ponyville's premier party pony needs down time. So as I was saying, though I may work from home, I try my best to keep the two separate.

I arch my back and roll my shoulders, making popping sounds as I trot through the door that divides the public areas of the castle from my inner sanctum.