Author's Note

That's right. I'm doing this. You can't stop me :P

It's a LoHAV parody, so keep that in mind. I'm trying something new, dammit! Tagged mature for language, you sperglords :V

Latex Remix

The doorbell rang, rousing me from my dead slumber. The persistent fucker just wouldn't go away, and, realizing that he/she/that sonufa- wouldn't go until I showed them my frazzled face and possibly-hazardous morning breath, I dragged my arse out of bed and shuffled to the door, lamenting the loss of my cocoon of warmth - shut up, I'm stupid at describing shit when I just wake up - and twiddled with the doorknob as I groggily remembered how hands work.

Grasping the knob and twisting, I wrenched the door open to a bright-eyed young man, holding a box big enough to fit a Nike worker's meal - that is to say, about the size of a generously-sized slice of bread, and a small clipboard. The incessant dick woke me for this? I grumbled angrily, reaching out and taking the box. My arm was suddenly weighed down - the box must have weighed at least three pounds! Grunting, I swung about and tossed the box into my house, hearing something distinctively like glass shattering, and turned back to the man with a mild string of swears. He smirked. Bastard. A brighter voice than his outfit's white sheen rang out, his demeanor reflecting his happiness as he asked for my signature. I scribbled a gruff 'Asshole' on the line, smirking as I finished with a slam of the door. As the lock slid into place, I had fulfilled my human contact requirements for a day and could safely retire to my room for the rest of the day.

Picking up the interestingly-small-but-heavy-as-fuck box, I stumbled back to my room, trying to remember what I could have ordered. It wasn't the latest in a long line of guitar picks I was cycling through, and it wasn't strings, since I'd bought those last week. I shrugged, grabbing the decorative-but-still-sharp Master Sword off my wall and heroically slashing through the tape, slaying the beast with but one swipe. In reality, I had carefully slit the package open, having had terrible knife incidents from similar stupidity fits in the past. The edges of a black plastic bag slid out, and I staggered to alertness, realizing it was the final shipment for the bodysuit I had ordered weeks prior.

I won't lie, I've had my share of kinky times, despite my virgin naivety, and certain... interests have gotten into my kinks. Namely, fuzzy, adorable, totally-badass-but-also-totally-emotional ponies. Particularly Dash. Many a night had been lost to thought of the lithe mare, her form and wings, her agility and brash loyalty, her tomboyish-but-still-girly personality. I wanted it all for myself, and I had finally discovered a way to make it happen. Bodysuits had been browsed before on my histories long deleted, but never to the extent that my current piece was. Each painstakingly-accurate detail was meshed straight from numerous artistic renditions and show artist's opinions, down to the last feathertip. Each and every feather was real, with the bluish shade splashing over my furniture when I spread them in the sunlight. The retractable appendages were powered by battery, and coiled by a winch, soundlessly and speedily opening and closing them at the press of a button on the inside of the hoof.

The mane, consisting of real, dyed pony hair, waved in the light breeze blowing through my window as the eyes shone their magenta hues despite the pupils being slightly gray due to the mesh of the eyeholes. The rest of the bodysuit, which was designed to seamlessly attach to the head, found itself in the sunlight for the first time, spreading out in all its cyan glory. I scrubbed the sleep-crust from my eyes, and tossed the box in the trash, before turning about and affixing the head to the body of the suit as per instructions. The sealant they had included was so strong, if one were to stick a pair of boots to the side of a sky scraper, they could stand up straight in them without tearing them off. I reeled from the fumes - the headache felt slightly silly, and yet painful at the same time. Perhaps this is why they tell you not to sniff the glue?

I opened my back door, taking in the light breeze that now joined the window's in a welcome, albeit exhaust-fume-filled, draft about my house. My skin tingled with anticipation, and I stomped back up to my bedroom to collapse once more to the titan of sleep.

~'~,~'~,~'~,~'~

I awoke to the smell of sealant and cat shit as I stumbled out of bed - and right into said pile. Cursing my fat-but-adorable cat to the nine rings of hell cats must have, I wiped my foot on a discarded towel - I needed a new one anyways - and made my way downstairs. Upon reaching the living room, I took in the sight. My bodysuit sat pristine, shimmering in the light of the afternoon sun, its cyan curves accentuated by the rainbow mane and tail, the real hairs reflecting the bands of light as they slowly sank across its form. I watched the breeze waft in, spreading the strands of mane over the now-seamless back of the latex. My body shivered with delight. I felt a warmth spread in my chest as I touched the latex, my hand squeaking across the surface. Perfect.

PoneCon was but a day or two away, and this outfit would win the costume contest for sure. I had researched countless hours' time, digging around to find voice clips and practicing the lines. I had her voice down pat, and now I had the looks. I just needed to fly.

I picked up the suit, it felt light, yet firm, about six pounds in weight. Heavier than most of my outfits, but much more divine and free. Unzipping the back, I stepped a leg in, feeling the latex mold fit snugly around my foot like a second skin, the fit allowing no air in - making me slightly itchy. I scratched absently at my leg as I began to fill the suit with my body, easing the latex around every inch, the form caressing me and making me shake with anticipation. I shimmied around, getting the latex to sit right in places, before lowering the head down with a shudder. I shivered as the eyes sealed over mine, and my vision became filled by tons of tiny holes, the mesh making sight bearable - as long as I kept both eyes open.

I grasped the zipper between my hooves - I have hooves! - and eased it up, sealing my body in the suit. I sat in the middle of the floor, enjoying the sensation of the plastic fibers sealed around my skin, every movement eliciting a tiny squeak from the material. I stood, briefly getting used to standing without express aid of my toes, but found balance on my legs easily. I looked about, before dropping to fours, and striking what I hoped was a triumphant pose, before belting out, "I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flier in Equestria!" My voice cracked on the second 'e' in Equestria, but it sounded tomboyish enough to be her. I smiled, before removing the suit and bringing it into my room to prepare for the next day.

Little did I know, that next day would be Hell.