Sunday August 16: 9:00 P.M
It was the day before school was scheduled to start in Canterlot high school, and student Sunset Shimmer had a major problem. She needed a plan to dethrone her former mentor Princess Celestia before the portal which connecting Earth and Equestira reopened again, a time less than three months in the future. If Sunset Shimmer did not have a plan formulated and in place by that time, she would be forced to wait three more years before she had another chance to return to Equestria and attempt to take it over, and waiting longer was the last thing Sunset Shimmer wanted to do. As such, she needed a plan very badly, and in a desperate attempt to get some inspiration, she went to the statue in front of Canterlot high (which also doubled as a portal to Equestria) in an attempt to get as close to Equestria as she could during the time in which the portal remained closed. Unfortunately for her however, this had done nothing to spark her inspiration, and had only served to increase her anger at this situation, Princess Celestia, and especially the statue...
“Ugh,” Sunset said in frustration “Why can’t I come up with anything here?! I mean really, all I want to do is come up with a simple plan which will, 1., allow me to become a princess in Equestria and gain rightful power over everypony there, 2., allow me to get revenge on Celestia for lying to my face and then casting me away like a useless pile of garbage instead of giving me what I was owed, 3. Allow me to make sure Celestia NEVER has any power in Equestria ever again once I’m done with her, and 4. can also can be setup and implemented within the next three months. You think this wouldn’t be such a difficult task!” She then turned towards the statue and said“ Well statue, I came here to get inspired, so come on, give me some bucking inspiration already.” However, the statue said nothing and Sunset was still left without any ideas, and this caused Sunset to become enraged. “Ok Seriously, give me some BUCKING inspiration, RIGHT NOW! “ she said pounding her fist into the statue in raw frustration. However, this failed to convince the inanimate statue to give her an idea, and was instead only successful at causing Sunset to yelp and pull her hand back in pain. “Motherbuck!” she shouted “my poor hoof. Er um hand. I mean, GAHHHHHH! You stupid statue, thinking you can cause me pain and consequently make me trip up in what I’m trying to say. Well I’ll show.” she said as she brought her foot back in preparation to kick the statue. However, unfortunately for Sunset, all this action did was cause her to lose her balance and fall forward, causing her to slam her head against the statue. “Ouch, my head,” she said rubbing it. “You stupid…. statue! You’re lucky I’m not in Equestria, because if I was I’d definitely use my unicorn magic to teach you a much deserved lesson. And it would go something like this,” she said turning her head towards the statue and squinting as hard as she could.
At that exact moment, a light began to come out form the statue, and Sunset, noticing it, said “Wait, what the buck? Did that magic spell actually work? That’s would be a first for this pathetic world!” However, as she continue to look she saw the light remain unchanged, and said “hmm, well I guess it wasn’t my magic after all. I guess I just hit my head harder than I thought just now, “she said turning around in irritation. However, just then, noise began to leak from the statue as well, and Sunset, surprised as all getup, turned around and said “now wait a minute, I know you can see lights when you hit your head, but hearing strange noises too? That’s not par for the course. Hmm, either I must have hit my head REALLY hard right now… or maybe…” she said widening her eyes in eagerness, “maybe my brain isn’t damaged at all, but it’s actually a vision coming through the portal form Equestria. I’ve read about these happening, but so far this is the first time I’ve actually seen it in person. Could this be happening because the portal is about to open in less than three months?” she pondered.
Yet, her curiosity was quickly cut off when the vision became much clearer and she saw a field on a sunny day in Canterlot, the capitol city of Equestria. “Hm, looks like I’ll have to look into the science behind why this is happening at a later time, because right now, I have a vision to observe, “she said as she began to watch and listen intently. As she did, the vision panned, and she began to see a bunch of royal guards lined up in two rows on the field, with a central vacant slot in between the rows. “Heh.” she chuckled, “get a load of all those stiffs. Oh I remember how I used to pester the living buck out of them back when I lived in Canterlot. Teasing them, throwing water balloons at them with my magic, saying rude things about their wives. Ah, those were good times, “she reminisced. However, she then stopped joking and said “but seriously, what is with all those guys in armor out there? I mean I know this is Canterlot and royal guards are par for the course there, but this is just crazy. Tartarus! If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone… er um somepony, is being crowned princess or something. Ha, now that would be the day,” she chuckled.
However, right at that moment, she then noticed a couple more royal guards pulling a carriage down the central vacant slot with what Sunset perceived to be a purple unicorn in it, and said “Wait, what? I was just joking. This cannot seriously be a coronation ceremony for a new princess can it?” However, after looking at the vision intently or a little longer, she said “well as hard as I find it to believe this could be a coronation, I fail to see anything else this event could be. Hmm, no doubt this is Celestia’ doing, I mean seriously, who else but Celestia would pick a nerd like HER to be princess.” she said looking on. However, her cynicism quickly stopped when she took a closer look at the supposed unicorn. “Hey, wait a minute,” she said looking intently, “that unicorn has wings! But then that would mean… that it isn’t a unicorn after all, it’s an ALICORN. But.. but how can that be? The last time I was in Equestria nopony had EVER been crowned princess since Princess Cadence many years ago. And CERTAINLY nopony had ever been made into an ALICORN beore. Just who the buck is this purple nerd anyways?”
Right at that moment, singing began leaking through the portal, which caused Sunset to quickly roll her eyes. “Oh my Celestia, not random musical numbers.” she said, “honestly, they changed the number of princesses AND the number of alicorns since I left, but nopony bothered to do something about the number of musical numbers? If you ask me that’s FAR more important than crowning some new nerd to be princess. Pff. And ponies wonder why griffons never take them seriously? I’ll tell you why, it’s because ponies don’t have their priorities in order and break out into song SO often you’d swear you were living in some TV show made for girls under the age of thirteen.” She then sighed and said “Well no matter. While this song is most certainly going to be annoying as Tartarus to listen to, I may as well hear it out. I mean it’s not every day that visions come through the portal so who knows when I’ll get my next opportunity to get information. And who knows, maybe their song will tell me just who miss purple alicorn is.” She then stopped talking and began listening intently.
Immediately, Sunset heard the purple alicorn sing “Life in Equestria shimmers. Life in Equestria shines. And I know for absolute certain….” Before she was quickly joined by five other ponies: a white unicorn, a blue Pegasus, a yellow Pegasus, a pink earth pony, and an orange earth pony.
Upon them joining the purple alicorn, they all proceeded to sing “That everything. Yes everything. Yes everything is certain-ly fine. It’s fine.” Then, the purple alicorn flew up away from the group and approached rapidly as she said “yes, everything’s going to be just fine,” an action which caused Sunset to jump back in shock and stick her tongue out at the alicorn. The vision then paused there and began to gradually fade, and Sunset remained still for a few seconds taking in what she just saw.
However, she quickly regained herself and said “Well, that was strange. And you know, I can’t quite put my finger on why, seeing those five friends of her royal nerdiness makes me extremely angry, especially that orange one with that stupid cowboy hat.” She then pondered for another few seconds before saying “Regardless, the reasoning behind why I hate those ponies isn’t what’s important here. No, what’s important here is the fact that now I know just who that who that purple BITCH is. She’s my replacement. The pony who got everything I WANTED, INSTEAD OF ME!” she shouted and began punching at her face on the statue, before again jolting her hand back in pain. “I should have been an alicorn, I should have been crowned princess, and I SHOULD HAVE HAD AN ANNOYING MUSICAL NUMBER SUNG ABOUT ME!” she shouted. “And instead all of that gets given to some fricking nerd! Oh that is so it Celestia. I was going to let you off easy if you begged me for mercy after I took you over, but after seeing this from you, you can forget that offer. I don’t care what it takes, I WILL return to Equestria when the portal opens and I WILL get revenge on you my pretty, and your little purple pest too,” Sunset said maliciously.
However, reality began to take hold of her mind again and she quickly began to despair.“But how in Equestria am I supposed to do that anyway?” she said. “I mean let’s be real here. It’s not like I can just walk up to the castle and start firing my unicorn magic at the guards. I may have been the most skilled unicorn in Equestria when I left, but I’m still just one unicorn. There’s no way in Tartarus I would stand any chance against an army of royal guards, not on my own. They’d kick my plot up and down the block faster than I could say buck you, and then just for good measure they’d do it again. No. If I am to have any chance at success, I’m going to need to take an army of my own to Equestria. But GRRR, where am I going to get an army at this time of night?” she shouted to herself in rage.
But this rage was short lived, as Sunset, after thinking a little, very quickly replaced it with an evil smirk on her face. “Oh, that’s right. My fellow students,” she said rubbing her hands together menacingly. “They constitute an army, and judging by how much they adore me, I’ll bet they’d be willing to fight for me too, especially if I ‘guarantee’ them a piece of land in Equestria for their exploits. Maybe then I’d have a chance of dethroning Celestia” Sunset said grinning in anticipation. However, she quickly lost her grin and said, “And maybe the Equestria cubs will win the Equestria series next year. No no no! That will never work. I mean, I know most of my students love and respect me as a whole, but not all of them. There are definitely a few dissenters in there like that hick who ran against me for spring fling a couple years ago and nearly cost me the crown, as well as my position as leader of this school. And that was just because of one person. No doubt more would people would stand up against me if I tried to lead an all out assault on Equestria, even with the promise of land there. And if that happens, there goes my army, and my chances of dethroning Celestia. No, as much as I’d like to, I cannot simply hope the students follow me into battle. If there is to be any chance of my success, I am going to need a way to ensure the students have my back the whole way. But grr, what on Earth could be powerful enough to give me hat level of insurance?” she said looking around in despair.
However, her despair quickly ceased when her eyes passed over the statue again and she caught sight of the crown the alicorn was wearing. “Wait, is that… yes, it is! That’s an element of harmony on the nerd’s head. One of six magical items like it in Equestria which each posess an amount of magic unlike anything else there. But what’s it doing on her head? The last time I was in Equestria the elements hadn’t been seen for nearly 1,000 years, and now all the sudden they’re being used in major political events?” she said in confusion. However, she quickly brushed said confusion off and said “Well, no matter, it’s not important how the element got there, what’s important is THAT it’s there, could easily retrieve it when the portal opens again, and knowing that gives me a fantastic idea.” she said with an evil grin. “When school starts I’ll suggest a design for the fall formal crown which looks exactly like the element princess wierdo is wearing. Then, when the portal opens in less than three months, I’ll quickly slip back to Equestria with the fall formal crown and swipe the element of harmony and replace it with the fall formal crown. Then, before anypony suspects anything is amiss, I’ll return to this pathetic world with the element and put it in the place of the stolen fall formal crown. Then, when the fall formal dance concludes and the fall formal princess is crowned, which conveniently enough will be just a few hours before the portal closes again, I will use the power the element possesses to ‘convince’ my fellow students to lead an assault on Equestria and we will all return to Equestria before the portal closes again. And then, with the help of my army, I will overrun Celestia, dethrone her, and take over as ruler of Equestria. It’s brilliant!” she exclaimed. “HA HA HA HA HA!”
Yet, her satisfaction was short lived, as she quickly frowned and said “but wait, that’s right! As powerful as the elements of harmony are, they have one major limitation, and that is that they can only be used by ponies who represent their pathetic qualities of friendship. And, judging by how miss purple two shoes was so buddy-buddy with those five anger-inducing ponies, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that all six of them represent the elements, and as such it’ very unlikely I could use any of the elements myself, let alone the crown. So that means, even if I did manage to get that crown back here, I’d have no way to use it! Ugh, OF COURSE,” she shouted, “and I was sure this would work too!” she said covering her face with her hands. However, she then calmed down a bit and said “wait a minute, maybe this still can work. Now that I get to thinking I seem to recall Celestia once teaching me a lesson about the effects of the elements of harmony in other worlds”…..
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“Sunset, will you please stop looking through those books for two seconds and pay attention to today’s lesson, “ Princess Celestia said.
“Come on Celestia,” Sunset replied, “Can’t today’s lesson wait? I need to research ways to defeat nightmare moon.”
“Sunset,” Celestia groaned, “please. This is important.”
“Yes, it is important,” Sunset said, “because I’ve been doing research and, if my calculations are correct, then in less than five years’ time it will be the 1,000th anniversary of the summer sun celebration, and when that happens, the stars will aid nightmare moon’s escape and she will return to Equestria to bring everlasting night, and I have to find a way to stop he before it’s too late.” she said turning back towards her books.
“Sunset, “ Celestia said exasperated, “ I was referring to today’s lesson when I said it was important.”
“Oh of course you were sunbutt” Sunset exclaimed, “that;s all you ever care about isn’t it? Those boring lectures. Well no offense, but I highly doubt some boring old lecture can have nearly the level of urgency that finding a way to stop a madmare who intends to bring eternal night to our land does. So if you would, please forget today’s lesson and come help me research a way to stop her will you?”
“Sunset Shimmer,” Celestia said sternly, “If I have told you once I’ve told you 1,000 times, don’t call me sunbutt!”
Sunset then glared at Celestia and said “Are you serious right now? I make a valid and well thought out argument for you helping me find a way to stop Nightmare Moon, and all you take from it, is that I called you bucking SUNBUTT!?”
“No, of course that’s not all I took form it, “Celestia said, “but in any case it doesn’t matter, and that’s because no matter how you try to argue otherwise, you cannot change the fact that nightmare moon is just an old mare’s tale, and as such I am not about to cancel today’s lesson just so you have more time to look into it. Now, if you don’t mind, please come here and take your seat, and save your research for your own time.” Sunset attempted to protest, but was unable to finish as Celestia cut her off and shouted “NOW!”
“Ok, ok,” Sunset said, “Starswirl the bearded, don’t have a hissy fit on me”, she said as she sat down.
“Thank you,” Celestia said, before she turned around and said “now, as has been the case every day for the past month, today’s lesson will be about the elements of elements of harmony. And, in particular, today I will teach you what happens to the elements of harmony in worlds outside of Equestria.”
“WHAT,” Sunset said in shock, “Are you bucking kidding me!?”
“Sunset Shimmer, please watch your language, “Celestia said.
Sunset however, replied and said “and why the buck should I? You tell me to stop looking into something important, something which could potentially end our way of life as we know it, because ‘you have something more important to discuss.’ So what do I do? Against my desires I agre, and stop my critical research to listen to you. But then, all you have to tell me is some nonsense about things which have not been seen for years and how they act in places which don’t exist? Why shouldn’t I be pissed?”
“I understand why you’re frustrated,” Celestia said, “but that does not change the fact that this lesson need to be taught to you. Now if you will, please stop complaining and pay attention to my lesson Sunset Shimmer”
“Fine,” Sunset grumbled angrily, and she sat back down.
“Good,” Celestia said, before continuing with her lesson. “Now, as you are aware if you’ve been paying attention in the recent past” Celestia said, before noting Sunset’s bored expression and saying “something I often have my doubts about, the elements of harmony each represent a quality of friendship. While for most ponies coming in contact with an element has no effect, should a pony who exemplifies the quality of a particular element come into contact with said element, the element will resonate with that pony and they will be able to wield untold power.”
“And in other news, one plus one equals two, my tutor is named sunbutt, and I am bored out of my mind,” Sunset said sarcastically, and proceeded to chuckle at her sarcasm. However, this quickly ceased when she noticed Celestia glaring at her, and Sunset promptly lost her smirk and sat upright.
Celestia, satisfied her point had been made, then continued and said “However, while in Equestria the power of the elements can only be accessed by those that exemplify their qualities, in other non-magical worlds, no such restriction is present. As such, the elements can be used by anypony who wears them, be they good or bad, and this has the potential to be dangerous if the wrong individual should manage to get their hooves on an element. And what’s more, should somepony who actually does exemplify the quality of a particular element manage to come into contact with said element, the element will again resonate with the individual, but in this case it will continue to build upon itself until it has magnified the most exemplary trait of the individual 1,000 fold. Now, while this wouldn’t be such a big issue with some of the elements like kindness and generosity, since the ponies who represent them tend to be inherently good, with elements like loyalty, which can be to present in both good and bad individuals, this could spell disaster if the element resonated with somepony whose heart was not very pure. Were that to happen, there is a very real chance that the pony in question would have their dark side magnified 1,000 fold and would inevitably turn into, for lack of a better word, a raging she demon who was capable of mass destruction and destruction, assuming of course the individual in question was female.”
“Hmm, well there’d be no need to worry if I resonated with an element in another world, because all that would happen is that I would have my boredom magnified 1,000 fold,” Sunset said and again chuckled to herself. Celestia then glared at her, causing her to sit up straight again.
Celestia then continued and said “For these reasons, it is IMPERATIVE that the elements never be allowed to leave Equestria, because if they were to fall into the wrong hooves, the result could be nothing short of catastrophic. And even worse, in all likelihood this catastrophe would not be restricted to just the world the resonation occurred in. This is because, in a non-magical world, regardless of whether or not an individual actually represents an element, once an element and an individual have come into contact, the element latches onto them so strongly that both the element and individual behave as one thereafter. And, since the laws in magical worlds which typically govern the elements do not apply to individuals, this means that, using their unified status, and individual who is bound to an element is able to override these laws and use the power anywhere, regardless of whether or not the laws in a world would otherwise prevent that from happening. Now that is not to say that this connection is so powerful that it cannot be broken. Indeed, should the element and the individual become separated at any point, the connection will sever and the rules which normally govern the usage of the element will immediately take hold once again. However, this task proves easier said than done against a rogue tyrant who is souped up and the elements power, and indeed, the last time such an event happened, many perished under the individual’s tyranny before the connection was finally severed and the their reign of terror was put to an end. So now do you see why today’s lesson is so important miss Shimmer?” Celestia asked.
“Hmmm.. yeah, I’m goin to have to say NO” Sunset replied sarcastically. “Because as you have taught me,” Sunset said, “the elements have been lost for nearly 1,000 years, and as a result, it really doesn’t matter how they behave and where now does it? And do you know why? Because without any elements or any other worlds to take them too, there is no risk that an element will be taken to another world, and as such this lecture was a complete waste of time.”
“Sunset” Celestia said, “don’t be so hasty to assume that something is irrelevant just the items the issue concerns have not been seen for a long time period or because you have not seen them with your own eyes. I can assure you that while you have never seen them, other worlds do exist. And I can also assure you that, while the elements have not been seen in nearly 1,000 years, they will resurface again, and when that happens, the risk of them being taken to these worlds will return as well. In fact, when that does eventually happen, the only way that Equestria will continue to remain safe if ponies just like you dedicate themselves to making sure none of the elements ever finds its way outside of our land.”
“Yeah, well when that does happen, you be sure to send me a scroll,” Sunset said getting up. “In the meantime however, I am going back to my studies to try and solve an ACTUAL PROBLEM, one that WILL affect us in a very short amount of time unless action is taken immediately, the return of Nightmare Moon. And if you’re not going to help me in my research for ways to stop Nightmare Moon, then please do me a favor, and stay the BUCK out of my way with your annoying lectures.” Sunset said as she brushed past Celestia roughly. She then used her magic to open the door to the room, before she exited it and subsequently slammed it closed as hard as she could.
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Sunset, having finished her flashback, stood up in front of the statue as a wicked grin came across her face. “Hmm, it looks like you were right after all sunbutt, just like you were about so much. The elements were found again weren’t they, which means that despite what I thought at the time, that crazy lesson actually was relevant. But while you may right about a lot Celestia, for once, you’re going to wish that you weren’t, because now that the elements have been found and I know about it, there’s absolutely nothing stopping me from taking one from Equestria and using its power against you. And do you know what the best part of all of this is? You told me all that stuff about the elements because you thought I would be able to use that information to help you defend Equestria from those who wished use the elements to take it over, but were it not for you telling me all of that information, I wouldn’t be knowledgeable enough about the elements right now to know I could use them to do just that even though I am not actually a bearer of them. Talk about cruel irony. Well in any case I hope you enjoy the next three months of power you have over Equestria sunbutt, because once my plan is put into motion, I can assure you that you will NEVER again be in charge. MWAH HA HA HA HA! MWAH HA HA HA HA! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Sunset laughed evilly
Eventually, once she had had her fill of evil laughter, Sunset whipped out her phone and began typing a text message. It said “Urgent, Meet me before school tomorrow. Big plans for this year,” and upon finishing it she typed in the contact information for her two lackeys Snips and Snails and hit the send button. She then laughed again, but quickly stopped as she thought of something, and promptly brought her phone back out again and typed another text message to Snips and Snails. In it, she said “and make sure to show up EXTRA early. Knowing your intelligence, or lack thereof, I’m guessing I’ll probably have to explain my plan to you more than once and I want to make sure I have enough time before class starts to do so” She then sent that message too, and her business done, got up and began walking away from the statue towards her home. As she did, she said “Oh boy is this going to be a good year. Not only are my dreams finally going to be accomplished, but I am also about to be remembered in history books for years to come as the first pony who ever dethroned the great and powerful Celestia. Man won’t that be great! And heck, who knows? Maybe if I play my cards right they’ll even make an animated movie about my plan and release it a few select theaters across the county.” With that said, Sunset laughed evilly again, and then turned a corner and disappeared from sight.
Sunday August 16, 10:00 P.M.
Pocket Pair was sitting at his computer with his tiny domestic shorthair cat Princess on his lap, hoping to win his first major online texas hold'em poker tournament. In terms of appearance, Pocket pair was a tall 17 year old male with dark blonde hair and white skin. He was fairly thin, and was currently sporting a pair of shorts, glasses, and a shirt that said “I don’t even fold laundry” and which displayed each of the four playing card suits below that statement. Princess on the other hand was a very small full grown cat whose hair was mostly black save for some white patches on her paws, one of her back legs, and in a streak running from her chin down throughout most of her belly. She also meowed often and when she did, it sounded distinctly like “mow ow”.
“This is it! Heads up at the final table Princess. Only one more player to bust and I’ll win my first major tournament”, Pocket Pair said to his cat as a notification indicating play would soon resume played on his computer. “This is it, this is my time to shine, my game to win, and I am not going to let anything ruin this for me” he said as the break ended and the cards were shuffled. “Sure, I have slightly fewer chips than my opponent right now, but I have a VERY good read on him and know exactly what he has all times. So if I can just make a few plays and bluff him off a few key hands, I should be able to take the chip lead form him. And once that happens, barring a HUGE cooler like set over set or aces over kings, only the jaws of life are going to save him from a second place finish,” he said as the cards were dealt.
He then looked at his cards and said” Oh yeah, no complaining here. The ace of clubs and the aces of spades, good old pocket aces. Let’s keep the pressure on” he said as he raised to 3 big blinds and was called by his opponent from the big blind. The chips were then collected in the middle and they both saw a flop of queen of spades, ten of hearts, seven of clubs. His opponent, first to act, waited a few seconds and then checked leaving the action on Pocket Pair. “Well, no reason to back down now,” Pocket Pair said as he quickly bet 5 big blinds into the pot. However, rather than folding or just calling as Pocket Pair expected him to, his opponent took him by surprise by raising him to 11 big blinds.
“A check-raise?," Pocket Pair said, "I was NOT expecting that. I mean that doesn’t look like a dangerous flop, but I know this player, and if he is going to make this play, then regardless of how safe the flop does or doesn’t look, it’s clear he must have connected with it pretty solidly. Maybe I should just fold the aces,” he said as he moved his mouse over to the fold button. However, he quickly stopped moving his mouse and said “But wait a minute. Now that I think about it, I really don’t think he actually has me beaten. I mean it is clear that he must have something if he’s going to play this hand like this. But if it WERE something I was behind like two pair or a three of a kind, I see no reason why he would ever choose to reveal it to me on the flop, especially considering how dry the board is and how aggressive I’ve been. No, if he had something that strong he’d probably wait until the turn to reveal the strength of his hand. So since he raised me now, I’m willing to bet, 25 big blinds to be exact, that he either has some sort of hand like king queen and he flopped top pair, or had has a hand like king jack and is trying to semi-bluff me off the hand and buy the pot.” He said as he reraised his opponent to 25 big blinds.
His opponent, after thinking for a few seconds, reraised all-in on him, and Pocket Pair, after taking in a deep breath, made the call. The cards we then revealed, and Pocket Pair quickly that his opponent had king queen and his aces were way ahead. “I CALLED it, I CALLED his hand,” he said excitedly. “And if I can just fade a king or a queen here I’ll win this hand and this tournament will be all but mine” he said as the turn card was dealt. Upon seeing it was the ace of hearts giving him a three aces (also known as a set), he jumped up and said “YES,” knocking his cat off his lap in the process.
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Oops, sorry, “he said picking her up. “I guess I got a little excited there huh?”
“Mow ow,” Princess replied.
“Yes, I know I should tone it down, but how can I, I just won my first major tournament,” he said putting her in his lap again and sitting back down facing the screen. However, he then looked at the screen and caught sight of the chips being shipped to his opponent before a message popped up congratulating him for his second place finish. “WHAT?” he shouted, “but I had a set of aces and he had one pair, how could I lose?” he said looking at the hand history. However, he quickly realized what had happened when he saw text saying his opponent won the pot with an ace high straight.
“AAARGH,” he shouted jumping up in rage and knocking Princess from his lap. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THEY SERIOUSLY GAVE HIM A JACK ON THE RIVER TO BUST ME! YOU FUCKING PRICKS!” he shouted before kicking his computer tower.
“Mow ow” Princess said.
“OVERREACTING, WHO’S OVERREACTING?! I’M NOT OVERREACTING!” Pocket Pair said. “I JUST MISSED OUT ON 500 MILLION BECAUSE OF THAT FOUR OUTER ON THE RIVER! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD AT SUCH AN OUTRAGE”
“Mow ow, “Princess said
“AND WHAT DOES IT BEING PLAY MONEY AND NOT ACTUAL MONEY HAVE A THING TO DO WITH IT?” Pocket Pair shouted. “IT’S THE PRINCIPAL BEHIND IT DAMNIT. THEY GAVE ME THE SET, AND AS SUCH IT WAS MY HAND TO WIN. FOR THEM TO TAKE IT FROM ME AFTER THEY GAVE ME SUCH HOPE AND LET ME GET SO FAR AHEAD IS JUST CRIMINAL!” he said before kicking his tower again.
“HISSSSSSSS”, Princess said.
“Woah woah woah Princess, no need to get all angry at me,” Pocket Pair said, before he thought a little bit. After he stopped thinking, he said “Ok, maybe I did overreact a little bit just now.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Ok, A LOT, I overreacted a lot,” Pocket Pair said “But in all fairness, can you blame me? Here I am, my last chance this year to finally make something of myself and be a winner, and I am about to make the most of that chance and claim my first major tournament. I have this guy dead to rights, he needs a jack and a jack only on the river or I will take the dominating chip lead with my set of aces and be almost guaranteed to win the tournament. But then, at the last possible second, the RNG lets that guy hit a jack, a FOUR OUTER, on the river to take it all away from me and bust me in second place with a straight. How would you feel if that happened to you?”
“Mow ow, Princess said.
“What do you mean I can just play again?” Pocket Pair said. “I mean technically that’s true but do you know how hard it is to make it to the final table in a tournament with that many entrants? I’d be lucky to do it again anytime soon even if I was on top of my game constantly. However, I know for certain I won’t be happening, because school starts tomorrow, and with it will come so much effing homework I won’t even be able to concentrate on anything else with any degree of efficiency. Of course it’s not like that matters that much because even if I could concentrate, I’ll be so depressed because of the jerks there feigning interest in me and then ignoring me completely that I highly doubt I’ll be in anywhere near the right state of mind to play poker even remotely profitably for several months.”
He then fell backwards onto his bed and turned towards Princess. “Princess,” he said, “do you think maybe I could just quit school this year and play poker to get by?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Yes I know I’m being overly optimistic,” Pocket Pair said, “but please hear me out on this. I have consistently turned a profit in all the cash games I’ve played up to now. And while I have not yet played online for real money, that doesn’t change the fact that I would have won a major tournament with over 10,000 entrants tonight if that four outer didn’t hit to crack my set. I have skills, my track record proves it, and while they’re not perfect, I truly feel they’re enough to allow me to at least hold my own in a low stakes real money cash game. And that’s as they are now, they’ll only continue to get better over time as I get experience playing against better players and move up to higher stakes. Who knows, if I keep improving my play and my bankroll I might be able to move up to a sustainable limit within just a few months. So what do you think Princess?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Oh yeah that’s right.” Pocket Pair said losing his enthusiasm, “My parents. There’s no way they’d ever agree to let me do something like that for a living. I mean after all, they’re so obsessed with me not having any free time for fear I’d supposedly use it to do something bad like take drugs, waste away at home, or have unprotected sex that there’s no way they’d let me take off enough time to make a full time poker career. Unless of course I get job in the meantime, but that would be no better than school as I’d still be super busy all the time and too stressed to read people.” He then groaned and said “Honestly, sometimes I wish I could just tell them to buzz off and leave me be to live my life as I wish, but of course I can’t do that because every single time I try to give them the message they’re being overbearing, they always pull the authority card and tell me to stop bashing the rules in their house or I’ll have to leave instead of hearing me out like mature adults. So, even though it’s completely unfair to me and what I want to do, in the end I guess I still have to waste my time doing something I hate and give up on my dreams. And since no matter what I do I’m still picking an evil, I may as well just give in and return to Canterlot high so I can eventually graduate eh Princess?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Pocket Pair said. “And that really sucks too. I mean REALLY REALLY sucks. As if it’s not bad enough I’m forced to do constant work for people I don’t even know for literally no pay, in the one and a half years since I transferred to the school I have got NOTHING out of it in return. Literally nothing. Not one accomplishment, not one award, not a smidge of popularity, and not even one single new friend. And why? Because those people at that school are all too stupid to see me for as cool as I truly am because they’re idiotic assholes.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“And what about Ralph and Applejack huh Princess,” Pocket Pair said. “They may not hate me like almost everyone else there, but that doesn’t mean they’re my friends. At best they’re just my acquaintances, and honestly even calling them that might be giving them too much credit. I mean serious, when was the last time either of them had me over? Last year? If ever. Yeah, they really like being with me so much now don’t they? And do you know what the best part of it is? Instead of owning up to their errors like mature adults or at least providing a legitimate excuse for their behavior, every time I confront them on the issue they never accept any blame. Instead, they always come up with some cockamamie excuse that makes no sense whatsoever to justify themselves. And if there’s one thing I don’t like it’s having people lie to my face and act like I’m too stupid to see through it.”
HE then said. “Honestly, I really need to find a good friend for once, someone who will actually invite me over and own up to their effing mistakes. But how on Earth am I going to do that anyways? I’ve already tried making friends with people so many times in the past in that school and every single time they always let me down like the immature high school students they are. Am I really expecting that doing the same thing his year will yield any different results? Puh, I’d love to see that!” he said rolling his eyes.
However, before he had finished rolling them more than halfway, he stopped and said “hey wait…. Yes, yes, YES, oh my goodness it’s perfect. Why didn’t I think of this before. Love!”
“Mow ow?” Princess said.
“You know, love.” Pocket Pair said. “Like love and romance. If I could find that this year, it might finally be the end of friendship problem. And what better way to do that than to find a girlfriend. After all, girlfriends spend time with their lovers, talk to them, make plans with them, respect them, support them, and just all around love them in general. Having one is just like having a best friend who lets you fuck them once in awhile, and lord knows I’d love to have THAT too. Yes, I have to get a girlfriend as soon as possible!” he said passionately. He then turned to face Princess and said “And I have JUST the girl I want to ask in mind.”
“Mow ow?” Princess said.
“Who is she,” Pocket Pair said. “Well,…. The name doesn’t matter. What matters is that she’s nice, concerned, considerate, selfless, prides herself on her generosity, and just between you and me, her ass… ooh my god, what a glorious piece of work that is.” A statement which earned an eye roll from Princess. He continued and said “All in all, she can only be described as well… a true Rarity. And if I can get her to go out with me, I might finally get the friend I deserve and actually have something to look forward to in life for once,” he said, before he slumped down and said, “but what are the chances that would happen?”
“Mow ow?” Princess said.
“Why wouldn’t she go out with me,” he said. “Well for starters, I have no job and won’t be getting one anytime soon, I don’t have my license yet, I have no friends, I have no life outside of school, I tilt sometimes at poker…”
“Mow ow” Princess said.
“Ok I tilt a LOT a poker.” Pocket Pair said, before adding “whose side are you on anyways?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Maybe,” Pocket Pair said. “In any case I clearly have a lot of flaws, and I’ll be honest, I’m not even entirely sure that I like myself. Why on earth would I expect a hot perfect fashionista like HER to like me? I mean after all, I bet she has men lined up down the street dying to ask her out who are far more popular and better off than I am. Why would she choose me out of all of them?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Yeah that is true,” Pocket Pair said, “I am nice and I do have a knack for being able to make people laugh... But even so, I highly doubt she would be willing to overlook my major shortcomings just because I’m nice and can make her laugh. Heck, I have my doubts as to whether she’d even so much as give me the time of day, given my current social standing and all. No, if I am to have any chance with her, I’ve got to ask out some other girls first, work my way up the social ladder a bit, and improve my reputation. Maybe then she wouldn’t turn me away the moment I said hi to her.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Deceptive?” Pocket Pair said. “It won’t be deceptive. I’ll only ask them out for one date before I move on, nothing more. That way, none of them will get too attached me and won’t give a second thought when I don’t ask them out for a second date. Heck, they’ll probably be happy more than anything else that I’m not asking them out for a second date, what with all my issues and all.” However, he then sighed and said “But thinking of that brings up another problem. In all my years on this planet I’ve never so much as asked anyone out, let alone gotten them to say yes. I mean it’s not like I haven’t WANTED to, because I always have. But my problem is that, due to my lack of experience and not having any wingmen to back me up, every time I attempt to approach someone I never have any idea what I’m going to say or how to even start talking to them, and as such I get cold feet and bail. What’s to say I won’t just do that again this school year?” he said looking around dejectedly.
However, he then noticed his computer and said, “Of course, the internet. While I may not have experience, other people do, and I’ll bet anything that if I look around enough online I can find and read some of their experiences and see what the dating demographic is like so I have a better idea of what I’m up against. Then, after reading enough of them. I can compare and contrast the techniques they used and see which approaches didn’t work, which ones did, and how well they did. Then, once I’ve compiled enough techniques which work really well, I can combine them into one grand master plan and be GUARANTEED to win over any girl I talk to.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Oh of course it’s that simple” Pocket Pair said. “I mean these are high school girls we’re talking about here, the demographic notorious for being the most easy to get with. I highly doubt winning them over is going to be like rocket science.” He said reaching over and grabbing Princess off the bed. He then sat down with her in his chair and said “In any case I hope you used the litterbox recently Princess, because I can guarantee we’re in for a long night,” before he reached for his mouse and moved it to take his computer out of sleep mode. He then opened Google Chrome on his computer and typed ‘men’s dating stories’ into the search box and began the process of constructing his plan for success…
Monday August 17, 3:00 AM
“Ugh, what is that,” Pocket Pair’s father said as he noticed light coming into their room. “Sher, did you forget to turn the light off AGAIN?”
“No, it’s probably YOU who forgot to turn the light off, “ Pocket Pair’s mother said, “after all, you’re always playing dice with buddies. You probably were playing and fell asleep before you could remember to turn off the light.”
“Oh really,” he said sitting up, “Well at least I don’t have a literally a ton of paperwork in the basement keeping it from ever being clean like you do,” Pocket Pair’s father said.
“Oh, here you go about this again, “ his mother said, “I told you, those are essential records for cases I’ve covered in the past ten years, and if I got rid of even a single one…”
“You’d be at a loss in the one in a million chanc3e you actually needed it,” his father said sarcastically,” yada yada yada, always the same excuse with you. That’s why our house is a mess.” He said as he looked down the hallway and saw the light was coming from his son’s room. “uh, I should have known,” he said, “the light is coming from Victor’s room. I’m guessing he stayed up late playing his silly poker game again. Doesn’t he know school starts in like three hours?”
“Probably, “his mother said, “but just in case he doesn’t, you make sure to ask him when you go check on him,” she said as she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.
“What!,” his father said ,” but this time is your time to check on him.”
“That may be, “his mother said,” and I would have done it, but then you said something about me being a hoarder just now and it did not do wonders to help my motivation to get up right now.”
“Grrr, ” his father said getting up,” ok fine, I’ll do it this time, but you owe me for this. The next time I auction a coin on Heritage you had better help me advertise it and proofread its description without any whining moaning or complaining or else.” he said, before he left the room and went down the hall to check on his son. Upon entering his son’s room, he saw him on the computer and said “Victor, go to sleep.”
“Oh, hi dad,” Pocket Pair said turning to face him nervously, “what are you doing up right now?”
“I should be asking you the same question.” his dad said, “Don’t you have any idea school starts tomorrow, or rather today, since it’s 3:00 in the morning.”
“Well I uh…” Pocket Pair stalled, “ I do. In fact I’m working on a project for school right now. It just sort of took longer than I anticipated to finish it…. A few hours longer.”
“Ok fine, I guess that’s at least a legitimate reason to be up ,.. sort of, “ his dad said. “But since it’s three now, you need to get off the computer and go to sleep. You can always finish it tomorrow.”
“NO, “ Pocket Pair shouted, before he covered his mouth.
His dad then raised an eyebrow and said “why not?”
“Because… “ Pocket Pair said, “it’s…. it’s kind of…. It’s just really important that ‘I finish this BEFORE school actually starts. And besides, I’m literally almost done now. No point in not finishing when you’re 99% of the way there right?”
“Hm, well when you put it that way….” his dad said, “alright, I guess I’ll let you finish this project.” He said turning back towards the door and taking a few steps causing Pocket Pair to sigh in relief. However, he then turned back to him and said “but be warned, I better not catch you still on that thing in thirty minutes or else it will be gone tomorrow. Capiche?”
“Got it” Pocket Pair said.
“Ok then good night then Victor,” his dad said leaving the room and shutting the door.
“Phew,” Pocket Pair said, “That was close. If he has gotten any closer he might have seen my master plan” he said as he grabbed Princess off his lap and put her on the bed, waking her up in the process.
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Oops, sorry about that.” Pocket Pair said, “Hopefully you weren’t having too good a dream.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Yeah, that does sound good,” Pocket Pair said somewhat regretfully, before saying “but hey, at least now that you’re awake, I have someone to explain my plan to.”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Yes it will be good. Now just give me one second to get the research…” Pocket Pair said as he printed his research from his computer and then shut it off. He then grabbed the paper from his printer and turned to face Princess as he held it in front of himself. “Ok,” he said, “here’s what I found. From browsing the stories on sites like yahoo answers, playersoftheyear.net, and bag50anight.com, it appears that girls on the whole are very shallow, and many of them will only consider dating a guy if they have: higher education, a large and stable income, good looks, assets, and physical endowment, which comes as no surprise to me since I always suspected it to be the case before. However, one thing I was surprised to learn is the fact that, even though many girls are shallow in that way and want those sorts of things from their mate, there is one thing men consistently found them to want even more from them, a good personality.”
“So,” Pocket Pair said, “since ‘good personality’ is a very vague term, I did some further research to figure out just what personalities girls viewed as ‘good’, and based on the stories and life experiences from other men which can be found on getlaid2nite.com and seabearsandfairytalesarereal.net, I inferred that the best personality in the eyes of a girl is one where the man listens to them, supports them emotionally, and above all else, always tells them they’re right no matter what. So, using this information, I constructed the perfect master plan, which I will tell to you right now. I will approach girls and act like a Myron from now on, and will always tell them they’re right regardless of if the actually are and I will listen to whatever they have to say no matter how outlandish it may be. In doing so, I should be able to get in good with any girl I choose, and over time should be able to use dates with select individuals to boost my popularity and make myself more desirable. Eventually, after I’ve boosted myself high enough, I will use this plan to woo my crush, and once she says yes, which she will, we will date and live happily ever after s best friends and lovers. So what do you think?” he said turning towards Princess.
“Mow ow,” Princess replied.
“Bad idea!?” Pocket Pair said,” how on Earth can this be a bad idea? I spent several hours looking up information on the most credible sites around to create this plan. How can you say it’s bad?”
“Mow ow,” Princess said.
“Ok maybe seabearsandfairytalesarereal.net can be stupid sometimes”, Pocket Pair said, “but it’s also dumb so… wait, I mean. Gah, it’s not dumb, stupid SpongeBob tripping me up. I meant to say that what they say on there and all the other sites I checked for that matter makes total logical sense. After all, I myself like to be told I’m right and have someone I can talk to in my time of need, why should girls feel any different?”
“Mow” Princess tried to say, but was cut off.
“Oh what do you know anyways?” Pocket Pair said. “You’re a female domestic shorthair cat. I’M the human here, and as such I think I know a little bit more about the dating game than you do Princess. And as for this plan, I’m sticking with it because with its sound logic and backing by countless other men’s experiences there’s no way it can possibly fail. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to head to the bathroom and brush my teeth.” he said as he exited the room and went to the bathroom.
Upon reaching the bathroom, he got out his toothbrush and said “ heh, bad idea? What does she know about dating anyways? This plan is perfect. It took into account everything that worked with many other men as suggested by their online stories. How on Earth could it possibly fail when that’s the case?” He said as he put his toothpaste on his toothbrush. However, he didn’t brush as a new thought popped into his head and stopped him.
“But wait,” he said, “while I know for a fact this plan is great in principal, one thing I don’t know is whether or not it gives girls the wrong impression about me when I use it on them. I mean after all, if using this plan gives women the impression all I want from them is nookie, (even though I really do want that a lot), then it honestly doesn’t matter how well thought out it is, in the end I’ll still be screwed if I use it. Well actually, on second thought no I’m not screwed, in fact I’m anything but screwed, because if I deter everyone before I can even get a date with them, then there’s no chance I’ll actually get laid by using this plan. If only I could get a second opinion on this plan, besides of course that of Princess, but who can I even tell this to? Certainly not my parents or my sister; that would be way too awkward. GRRRR, this is where having actual friends would come in handy. But all I have is those lousy acquaintances Ralph and Applejack? What am I supposed to do here?” He said in frustration.
However, his frustration waned after he thought about the issue a little more. “You know,” he said, “now that I think about it, maybe telling Ralph and Applejack about this might not be the worst idea after all. I mean I know they’re not my friends or anything, but at least they won’t tell my parents if I tell them my plan like my sister would. And what’s more, they’re far more likely than anyone else I know to at least hear me out on this thing…. Well at least Applejack is” he said and thought a few more seconds.
Finally, after a few more seconds he stopped thinking and said “yes, talking it over with Ralph and Applejack is what I’ll do. And since I have the same lunch period as them this year I should be able to talk with them about this at lunch tomorrow. However, just to make sure they remember in case I don’t, I better send them a text right now,” he said as he whipped out his cellphone. He then composed a text message that said “need to talk to you tomorrow at lunch. IMPORTANT!” before he sent it to both of them separately and then finished brushing his teeth.
After finishing the skirmish against plaque, Pocket Pair headed back towards his bedroom and put his phone on his dresser. However, before he got into bed, he was surprised to hear his cellphone vibrate on the dresser. “Odd, who could that be?” he said as he picked up his phone and brought up the screen. Much to his surprise, he saw the source of the vibration was a text message to him from Applejack. “Hmm, what is this now?” he said as he opened the text message and read it.
“Howdy! I got your message and responded as soon as I saw it. Everything ok?” Applejack said.
Pocket Pair, irritated at being delayed form slumber, hit the respond button and typed a message that said “First off, what are you doing up at this time of night?” before he sent it to her.
She quickly responded and said “yeah about that. Applebloom was having trouble sleeping and she wanted her big sister to help sleep. You know how younger sisters are. Well anyways I went to help her get to sleep, and needless to say it took a little longer than expected for her to actually fall asleep, hence why I’m up right now. But regardless, enough about me, what did YOU want to talk about?”
“Ugh,” Pocket Pair said, “enough questions” before he typed in a response that said “I don’t feel like explaining this now.” And sent it to her. However, before he could even put his head on the pillow and attempt to go to sleep, he received another response from Applejack which caused him to get up and say “OH MY GOD WHAT NOW?” as he got up and checked his phone again.
“Sugarcube please,” Applejack said, “I know you well enough to know something’s wrong. I want to help you, but I can’t do anything to help you if you won’t tell me what it is. So please, won’t you let me know what’s going on?”
Pocket Pair, not wanting to answer, turned off the phone and said, “Friend? Friend? You’re my friend? And you pride yourself on your honesty? Puh-lease. Real friends don’t always come up with some excuse why they can’t invite people like me over like you do. And they also don’t stare at people like they’re weird all the time and talk about them behind their back, both of which you do TO ME on a regular basis. And you say you want to help me? Bullshit. Your actions make it clear you don’t really care about me at all, so why should I waste any time telling you what’s going on in my life?! Now, how about you just SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!” he shouted as he chucked his phone against the wall in rage.
He then sighed and said “Honestly, people are always pretending to care about me and then never so much as make an effort to prove their statement. Do they even understand just how much constantly having to deal with that takes out of me? Just for once I’d like to have an actual friend who won’t pull that shit with me. That’s why I really hope this girlfriend plan works, because I don’t know how much more of this fake bullshit I can take.” he said as he stroked Princess a couple times before he stopped and closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
