Art Thou Freaking Kidding Me

Celestia was old, older than equestria itself. Though her countless lifetimes of experience there was but a single thing which constantly eluded her despite her best efforts.

A special somepony.

None could say whether it was the overbearing and constant scrutiny of her guard which drove away potential suitors or merely the demands of court. But every budding relationship had ended in disaster.

Her last potential suitor had ended in a spectacular failure. If she was forced to admit it she had come to find the whole affair tragically amusing.

Her Elite guard had foiled every attempt at intimacy by throwing themselves between the ill fated couple. As if the immortal all powerful princess needed them to protect her from her close friend she'd asked out to a picnic in the gardens on a whim.

Now she had decided the only solution was to date a Prince .......

"Guards!" She called, almost using her royal canterlot voice. A guard immediately showed up to request orders from the queen.

"Yes my queen." He bowed. "What is it you need?"

"I need you to conduct a geographical search for all attractive..." She cleared her throat nervously. "I mean, available princes in all of Equestria."

"I'll do my best."

"I know you will." Celestia said, quietly shooing him off to finish his task. "Luna." Luna quietly entered the throne room, looking up at her sister expecting something to be wrong.

"Am I crazy?" Celestia asked.

"What art thou referring to sister?" Luna responded quizzically.

"I need to date a prince, but I feel as if I'm becoming too desperate."

"Why must thou be a prince?"

"Dating commoners are so annoying, they're all hooflickers."

"That's a strong way of putting it."

"Yeah." Celestia didn't particulary enjoy the political system in Equestria, except for the absolute control she had over her subjects. Oddly enough she didn't meet very often with royalty from other lands. She never needed to, none of them ever posed a threat. World peace is a great thing; but when it's interminable, it gets to be a little bothersome.

"So... art thou just going to show up in some strange land and say 'date me'?" Luna had a point, Celestia will have to make up some sort of reason to go somewhere. Maybe just a casual visit... if they would buy it.

"No, sister. I will find a reason. Although I don't see that there necessarily has to be a reason to travel and converse with fellow royalty is there?"

"Art thou be firm? Or art thou going to let a random budding romance spark out of nowhere?" Luna said, concerningly.

"I will make my intentions known when the time is right sister." Celestia responded, when out of the corner of her eye she spotted a guard, trotting towards her out of breath.

"I found... A prince... in haystonia... a cute one." The guard said, in between breaths. Luna raised an eyebrow.

"How does thou know what a cute colt looks like? Ares't thou into mares?" Luna questioned sternly. The guard quickly blushed.

"Well... um."

"Sister, it is not right to question a royal guards sexual orientation. We do not discriminate." Celestia replied, "Why don't you tell me what you know about him and how you were able to gather this information."

"With pleasure my queen, this political magazine Totalitarianism Monthly..." He began to levitate an article for all of the princesses to see. "Shows a white unicorn colt with a long red mane, a cutie mark of black and white rings, and a peasant bowing next to him in shackles. The Haystonian prince in question is named Obediah." Luna scratched her head.

"Totalitarianism Monthly? Aren't we a democracy here?" Luna asked quizzically.

"Actually," The guard replied, "Celestia is the princess who most often appears on the cover of the magazine."

"I guess me and him aren't that different then." Celestia said, smiling.

"But sister, the shackles? The menacing look in his eye, doesn't thou remind you of evil?"

Celestia shook her head. "Nonsense. It's just for publicity, to get more people to read the magazine. That doesn't mean he's a power-hungry tyrant."

"I'm sorry sister." Luna said, "I just wanted to make sure thou would be okay." Celestia nodded.

"I will be fine Luna. Guard, why don't you send a telegram to Prince Obediah and let him know we're coming." The guard smiled.

"Right away princess." The guard said as he went away to fulfill his task.

"Now..." Celestia said, "The question is who will be in charge of Equestria while I'm gone."

Luna squealed inaudibly with delight.

"Prince Blueblood!" Celestia bellowed in her famous royal canterlot voice. Luna's jaw hit the floor.

"What? Art thou gone mad sister?" Luna yelled and spit in disgust.

"I still don't trust you, you are too easily corrupted." Celestia glared at Luna. Prince Blueblood entered the throne room, Luna babbled incoherently as he spoke.

"Yes Princess Celestia?" Blueblood bowed and smiled pridefully.

"You get to be in charge of Equestria while I'm gone. Don't let Luna tell you otherwise. I trust you'll do an excellent job." Celestia explained.

"You can count on it."

Luna protested again. "Thou say I'm too easily corrupted." She scoffed, "As if thou could never become corrupted thyself."

"Luna, you still speak in old English. How can I trust you will take care of modern Equestria?" Celestia argued.

"I was trapped in the moon for 1,000 years. I couldn't exactly take an English class." Luna spat.

"Stop this Luna, the point is that you have been corrupted before, I have not." Celestia mentioned, "And I will no doubt continue to be pure and stay true of myself for the good of Equestria."

"Sister, there is no way thou will go an eternity without becoming corrupted. If that prince is who I think he is, then thou are likely to be corrupted within an instant. Prove that thou will stay true to thyself and not change for him, and then I'll believe you." Luna snorted in derision and left.

Celestia, glad that the argument had finished, left to go pack her things. "I can never be corrupted. Especially not from a common unicorn prince."