Leaving Kansas - A fic by §üη ßütt, memeber of FFA (Fan Fics Anonymous)
Deep withing the realm of imagination, and across many seas there was a fair land called ponyville. This magical land was filled with ponies of all kinds, shapes, sizes, and colours; some so bright they could burn your retinas, like rarity, which is precisely why we will not mention her. In this lovely land there were two mares deeply in love, so much so that they caused an internet wide campaign on censoring it from existence; unfortunately I am not able to tell this story, so please enjoy this less interesting story about a shy Pegasus, and an orange farming earth pony... The colour not the fruit.
It was a beautiful sunny afternoon with a perfect sky and a not a breeze to be found. In the distance, the yellow winged horse noticed some odd ominous clouds approaching from the east. Fluttershy had errands to attend, and with the sight unfolding like a rubber letter, she knew she would have to make speed. She was coming by to pick up some of the old apples at Sweet Apple Acres, the ones that were starting to rot for some of her animals like the Racoons who ate that kind of crap.
She entered through a rather blatant arch bearing the Sweet Apple Acres sign, signifying the private property of Ponyville's most prestigious of apple orchards, also it's only apple orchard. Fluttershy walked up to the front door and knocked. After a while, Big Mac showed up at the door looking to be in a hurry. Shyly, because how else would such a genital pony like Fluttershy do it, she asked the red apple where his sister was. He looked back, stressed, and moaned into an auditable answer “Uuuuhhhhhh, that-a-way. If you don't mind, I got a... A Meeting.”
Confused, Fluttershy turned and walked down the porch steps in hopes of seeing Applejack and figuring out what was going on. When she located the apple scented mare, Fluttershy questioned her brother's odd behavior, Applejack shrugged. “By the way.” Fluttershy asked while picking up the said rotting apples “Have you noticed those clouds?”
“What clouds?” Applejack questioned “I can't see a single one.”
Fluttershy pointed across the field and explained where the clouds where “Those clouds there.”
“Huh,” Applejack wondered. “Those clouds.”
Fluttershy explained that her animals were scared of storms, “My animal friends are scared of storms.” and that they should hurry so she could get back “We should hurry so I can get back.”
Applejack agreed “I agree” and then turned her head back to helping pick apples. “I turn my head.”
“What?”
“Nothing sugercube.” After a while she thought about it, and concluded “I can't remember anything about the weather going sour like this, have you Fluttershy?”
“No, Rainbow dash would have told me if there was, especially how she know's my animal friends are so scared of it”
The wind finally started to hit, and it was chill like the gaping breeze beneath a stallion's kilt. Surely the weather was turning sourly unfavourable, and Applejack figured best that at this rate Fluttershy ought to head home immediately, or start to bunker down. In the distance, the storm was a brewing. Peering over the bordering mountains, the cloud loomed gravely through the mountain's summit like twin towers covered in deep black smoke spelling disaster.
Applejack felt the ghosts grip, later explained as “g-force” like symptoms, only with 20% less ham hams. She felt it tugging on her as she took notice to the rolling of the clouds like ocean tides. The sun was covered by a small cloud seemingly running for it's poor Pegasus fabricated existence. These were signs, signs that the old pioneers used to receive that kept them out of harms way when exploring the new world; what brilliant sailors they were, and foolish, no one tempts the new world but rookies and fools, and the occasional admiral. Between them and the titans in the sky was Fluttershy's cottage, Applejack knew there was no time, and nothing she could say would stop Fluttershy from heading there to save her friends. But just as applejack knew of the terrors ahead, she knew animals could have seen this days in advance, they were safe. Quickly she grabbed Fluttershy, and pulled her towards the barn.
“Ahh, Applejack!” Fluttershy yelped “What's the matter?”
“Uhh...” She had nothing to really say on the matter. However moving was important. “I got a new hole mak'in device I've been needing to show you.”
“A wha...” Fluttershy stopped and fell on her rump in horrifying aw of the behemoth behind her. She was limp, so Applejack had to tug hard to pull her inside the barn, leaving a trail as yellow as her fur dragged behind the rag-doll pegasus.
A gust of strong wind carried through the forest that could only be seen as a strong wall of dust plowing forward. Still in silence Fluttershy only waited for it's thrust to launch both of them into the barn. As they slid along the ground, Applejack took the initiative and scrambled back on her hooves and went to close the barn door for however long it would last. One side was hard enough, but she propped a chair against it. Who uses chairs, who cares, it worked. “Are you alright Fluttershy?”
“Yes!... no, I'm upside down behind a hay bale, and there are some interesting tools back here.”
“Ignore those.”
“They don't look like they belong on a farm...”
“Ignore those and help me.”
Fluttershy sprung into action at her perilled friend's cries. She slammed into the door with both hooves. “Get the lock,” Applejack requested sternly as her grip started the faultier, “it's in the back.”
“The what?”
“The lock.”
“Like a padlock?”
“No, like one of Big Mac's caramel coloured plot devices. We don't use padlocks, it's illegal in old country to lock doors, we use braces. Granted, this is not old country, but still.”
“Like a board!...”
“Yes, a board.”
“Then why not say a board to begin with? Or a brace?”
“Go!”
“Ay sir!... Ma'am”
Fluttershy leapt back into action, looking for a board. She thought that Applejack was lying about the caramel coloured, anyway “Will a rake work?”
“Nooo, A rake most certain will not work, the board.”
“I don't see one, it must have got knocked around when the wind blew through.”
“You see the green one?”
“Green what?”
“Round, long, kinda hairy.”
“Not ye... Oh... My...”
“Right above the green one, left of the blue one, don't touch the white one.”
“Found it!”
“And this is why we have extra boards.”
All the way coaching Fluttershy though acquireing the board, Applejack was being pushed somewhat back. The howling wind was enough to send anypony who wasn't focused on not dying, to quiver into a ball and commit Sadoku. Fluttershy helped brace the door and purge the brace with the door, finally putting an end to their endeavour.
“Alright, good job Fluttershy.” Applejack applauded, wiping the sweat from her brow.
“So what is with the, um...”
Applejack sighed, muttering to herself she replied under her breath “Only a sixth of the pony population is male, and he has to go chasing stallions of all things...”
Fluttershy was about to sit down herself and let her heart rate returned to normal, but not before remembering her poor animal friends were still caught in the storm. She panicked and rushed to the back door. “Wait!” Applejack called out.
“My animal friends.”
“No Fluttershy, they are safe, they are smart enough to find shelter. They can predict weather better than those featherbrains up in cloudsdale can... Especially today.”
“But angel!...”
“Angel is fine too, he's got just as much sense as the rest of them to find himself a hole and hide.”
Fluttershy gulped, but held on, and nodded, but another shock came over her. “But angel isn't that smart.”
“But he has instinct.”
“Yeah, but he's a cocky little self absorbed twat, he'll just take it as a challenge.”
Applejack only looked in shock, she never expected to hear something like that come from fluttershy.
“But,” Fluttershy said lowering her head shamefully, “don't let him know I said so.”
“He's also a scared little shi...”
Behind them there was a loud explosion, or something flying into the front doors of the barn at an alarming speed. They stood there for a moment before the door cracked open sending two objects flying though the barn. One being a cow that had been gifted with flight at the cost of having no wings. The other was a cyan blur calling out to them. “SHIT JUST GOT REAL HOMMIES” She was then plowed through the back door. Shit got real alright, shit got so real it turned into Kraft yogurt and took a 1st class flight over the handlebars, Air Rainbow INC. In the distance they heard her cuss “I knew they shouldn't have put that chemical 'x' into the testing machine.” As she lost the handlebars, she did an acrobatic pirouette out of control and into some trees.
“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy called out “That poor cow...”
“Don't worry about Betsy, you can't hurt nothing that fat.”
The loss of both doors made a vacuum suction straight through the barn , blowing the two mares hard, until they came flying out with it.
Applejack didn't know what would happen to them. Outside was a world devastated in dark grave disrepair. Being the action hero that she was however, and more helpful than a certain rival, she noticed the cellar almost perfectly in line with their trajectory. Applejack grabbed Fluttershy and with her pirate like leg strength, she bucked Fluttershy into the hole knocking her friend out cold. Applejack's fate would be decided at the roll of the dice *...And they they went, bloody windstorm.*
Fluttershy awoke into a dark chamber, kinda like what one might see in a thriller play, where the villain mad off his rocker would arise and lay down the plot for the audience. Beside her however, was the sweet smell of apples, she was sticky, and even reminiscent of peanut butter. Applejack's coat was softer than she remembered, and smelled sweeter as Fluttershy inhaled the aroma of her friend's parfoom. “haaey, what' ya thin yer do'in?” A younger voice abstained.
“Oh.” Fluttershy jolted, this was not Applejack, this wasn't applejack at all.
“So, you're awake.” The voice of her saviour arose; the real figure of Applejack stood before her.
“Where are we?”
“You're in my cellar, we managed to luck out and I tossed you in here before we got swept away. I only managed to get in barely by the skin on my teeth.”
“And who is this?”
“I'm applebloom,” The strange filly replied.
“What were you doing down here?”
“Try'n ta get ma cutie mark in apper'sauce mak'in”
“Haha, it's funny, because you'll never get it.”
“Hay!”
“It's 'hey' not hay, you don't eat a sentence.” Applejack corrected chuckling
“When'd you become all whord'sical all the sudden?”
Suddenly the air pressure was starting to change, so much so that even in the confined underground stronghold, that the could feel it push on them. Some glass jars shattered causing panic in the small dark hole. The glass that fell made echoing noises that pierced the ears, as though time has slowed down to a crawl, it lasted a while each time a shard twacked off the ground. Mindlessness, utter mindlessness for what seemed like forever, trapped inside a time vault ready to be unleashed.
Everything became normal once again, the phenomenon had come to a halt. The wind had stopped, and the applesauce turned to wine. The ponies aged not, but the dim light that peeked through the cellar doors caught their attention, and were drawn to it.
“What do you think it is?” Fluttershy asked.
“I have no idea.” Applebloom followed
“Of course you have no idea.” Applejack stated. “I have no idea...”
“Is... it safe?” Fluttershy cowered
“I don't know... I'll go check.” Applejack pushed the door open just a crack, and the smell of fresh air swept through the musty old, newly wine cellar for all to appreciate. Above there was clear sky. Applejack left slowly, and peeked behind her in disbelief. Above was a world changed by centuries of absence. No remains were left of life before other than the ruins of old rotten wood, and a-many-a Big Mac's silicone toys which apparently are not very biodegradable. “Come outside.” she called to everyone, and they did just that. The world was clean, brought to mother Gaia, earthen was kept untempered by the hooves of mortal fowl. Shit needed to take a return flight soon, this was getting too freaking weird.
“Wow.” Fluttershy awed.
“Huh... Maybe ah can get ma cutie mark in nature exploring.” Applebloom exclaimed
“No one cares!” Applejack informed
“Ah, hell no, ah care, ah care a whole hella of a lot damn you condescending older...”
“Shh...” Applejack hushed “Everything is quiet... I'm not sure there is a pony alive but us... So, I guess no one will ever care either.”
“HAY!”
“What does this mean?” Fluttershy quickly prompted. “What about the animals?”
“Ah don't know sugarcube.” Applejack replied speechless. “I could only assume they ended up like everyone else.”
Fluttershy shed a tear at the though that she should have braved the storm, for what might have ended her too “I...”
“Don't fret it, you're still alive, and so am I.”
“And me!” Applebloom reminded angrily.
“Now where to go from here...” Applejack pondered aloud.
“You can start by apologizing!”
“We have food abundant, assuming that time whimy phenomenon hasn't made the apples into oranges or some dumb crap like that.”
“Don't you ignore me!”
“And maybe... You... And I...” Fluttershy stuttered at the though. “Could...”
“Make a lovely couple.” Applejack finished for her friend. “Ain't no one else to my knowledge, it's gonna get pretty lonely otherwise.”
Fluttershy Blushed “It's not like we can repopulate ponyville
“How are foals made?” Applebloom questioned.
“But no one is gonna complain.” Applejack grinned
“Are you even listening to me?” Applebloom exclaimed.
“I... *cough* am sweetie...” a mysterious voice called from hollowed ghostly grounds. From which emerged from the ground, a white old mare older than the hills, literally. “Taaaake, a lot more than a little storm to kill Granny Smith, I've been alive for all 600 years of you being down in that cellar, if I could have climbed stairs I would have checked on you...”
*Bang*
A mysterious bullet was fired from an antique 600 year old gun. To which you might be wondering where such a device could come from, especially in the world where pies are used as mortars, and trains are pulled by draft horses, ahem* ponies.
“Now, we can live in piece.” Applejack reassured, blowing the smoke off of a piece of technology that would surely shatter the world forever, stupid timy whimy bullshit.
