Friendship is Stupid!

The impact didn't register at first. But when it happened, he was in an explosion of pain. Everything went dark. He opened his eyes just for a few seconds before passing out again. The last thing he saw were two bright blue eyes, and flowing pink hair...

Jack awoke to the sounds of voices, and someone shushing another. He groaned as his eyes tried to adjust to the scenery, and failed. Something didn't feel right. In fact, it felt very, very wrong. "Ugh...I..see colors..."His stomach began making disturbing sounds as he grabbed it in pain, "...I feel colors...."He suddenly lurched to the side of the bed, spewing vomit, which he could have sworn was a rainbow. "...I taste colors..." He spit, then his head fell and landed on a pillow, to which he realised he was on a bed. "...Huh…? Where…?"

"Don't yah worry sugar, you'll be right as rain in no time!" That voice sounded familiar...sounded country...and cutesy?
‘What was that?’ He struggled to get up but a sharp pain in his chest forced him to lay back down. He moved his hands over his chest and felt bandages covering his midsection. 'Wha...what? Why...why is there...' Before he could finish the thought he fell back to sleep.

He awoke several hours later. His first thought was that he got incredibly wasted last night and this was the hangover from hell. But, as he tried to think about it, his mind seemed blank, as if repressing something. He sat up in his bed, his eyes finally adjusting. Everything looked so...cartoonish. He shook his head trying to get his mind clear.

'Just a side effect of a hangover probably, might be under the effects of some kinda drug I took…’...That's when he looked down at his body and realized his chest was covered in bandages, and most importantly he had no fingers. No, just stumps, or rather hooves. Hooves were the last possibility on his mind however. "...Oh my god! My hands...where are my hands?! Why is my skin red?!"He looked himself over, his eyes wide with shock and so he glanced around the room, spotting a mirror. He rolled off the bed and tried to walk on his legs, but found he had no balance. He dropped down to his stumps and braced himself for ungodly pain, but surprisingly...it didn't come. In fact, it felt quite comfortable. 'Oh...oh no...what am I?...What...What have I become?!' Looking up, he spotted a mirror and slowly began walking towards it, not able to look at it straight just yet.. He stopped right in front of it, and gathering up courage to see what monster or deformed creature he had become, he looked up. He saw a stallion looking back at him, with dark red fur and wings resting on his back. The stallion had short messy black hair, and when Jack glanced down a bit he saw the bandages.

That's when he remembered everything that had led up to this moment.

Jack shoved his hoof into his mouth to hold back an angry scream. 'I'm...going...TO FUCKING KILL ROBBY!'. He took several deep, frustrated breathes as he tried to calm down, when he noticed someone watching him from the door. He turned his head slowly towards the peep, and the door closed with an "Eep!" He could have sworn it was the same pink hair from his dream, and those eyes...well all the ponies had huge eyes from what he came across on the internet, but up close? He shuddered at the image, it was kind of creepy. "Keep it together Jack...We'll get through this..."He took another glance at himself in the mirror. ‘Well,’ He thought,’ At least I'm still hot. Wait, no that's a bad thing...I don't want anyone falling for me. This...adventure will be more painful that way...'

He heard the door open again, but this time someone actually stepped in the room. Spinning around quickly, he was met face to face to another pony. "Easy now, I won't hurt ya!" The country girl voice. He finally found himself looking at another person, or rather pony, who was tan colored with long blonde hair done in a ponytail, and a cowboy hat perched right on top of her head. "How are ya feelin? You fell mighty far, it's a wonder you survived!" She said cheerfully. Jack already didn't like her. These ponies seemed creepy to him, and he really hated rednecks. "I'm Applejack! You got ah name stranger?" The pony tilted its head curiously at him.

"Er...yes." AJ looked at him expectantly. "...My name is…”He stopped and thought for a second before deciding he didn’t really care about making up some cutesy name. “Just call me Jack for now.”

“Well howdy Jack! You took ah mighty fall. You were too heavy to bring to the hospital so we had Nurse Redheart come and check you out. She says you'll be fine if you just rest." He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing. "Follow me sugah, we got dinner ready! Oh, and you can call me AJ.” She motioned her head for the door and he sighed as he followed her.

"...Uh...thanks...Apple...AJ." It physically pained him to say their names, let alone acknowledge them. God these creatures were already irritating him…but he had no choice but to act good for once, he didn’t know what to expect from them. They might get violent. 'Oh wouldn't that be a sight?' He smirked to himself.

They went downstairs and there were a couple other ponies there. One rocking back and forth on a rocking chair, a giant stallion who seemed to be eyeing Jack, a small filly staring at him curiously.“Aww, no need to thank me! Big Mac was the one who saw yah fall!"

A much taller pony, who seemed to keep to himself away from the others, uttered a simple "Eeyup."

Applejack nodded and continued on, "And if Fluttershy hadn't helped fix you up, well..."

Jack looked around and saw the pony who ran away earlier, staring from behind Big Mac. She just blushed and mumbled “H-hi...” Jack cocked an eyebrow at her, but nodded to her anyways. Suddenly, a pink blur burst through the door, followed by a light blue unicorn with familiar blonde hair...

"OHMYGOSH AJ! I FOUND THIS PONY AND HE’S NEW AND WE NEED TO THROW HIM A PARTY BUT HE’S MISSING HIS FRIEND AND WE HAVE TO FIND H-"The pink one began to talk at an incredible speed, but spun and landed on her flank as the blue pony ran past her and straight towards Jack.

Jack was tackled into a bear hug, and he could feel his ribs crack from the pressure. “HAIIII JACKKKYYYY!"

The pink pony darted next to them right away, “OHMYGOSHWEFOUNDHIM! I have to throw you both the biggest parties ever! A REUNION PARTY. Oh but wait it's also a welcome to Ponyville party...A WELCOME TO PONYVILLE AND REUNITING WITH YOUR FRIEND PARTY!”

“OHMYGOSH,” Robby began to speak just as fast. “WE WOULD JUST LOVE A PARTY! IT COULD HAVE DESSERTS AND MUSIC-”

Applejack covered Robby's mouth with her hoof. "Now calm down you two! Pinkie he's injured, I don't think he should-"

Pinkie Pie wasn't even listening as she continued Robby's thought. "AND DANCING AND FRIENDS AND SINGING ANDANDAND..."

They both began to squee, and Jack muttered what was on everyone’s mind. “Oh my Celestia there’s two of them now…”

Feeling the pain raging through his body, he grabbed Robby by the back of his neck and spoke into his ear. "Get. Off of me. Or I'll show everyone here rule 34."Jack uttered in a low voice, causing Rob to immediately jump away with his lower lip shaking. "You would never!"

"Try me Buck Boy."

Applejack cut in again, trying to get things settled down "Calm down now, the both of ya! Lets just eat some of this amazing food we cooked up!"

Robby was about to open his mouth when Jack said firmly, "No, we were just leaving."

To which Pinkie blurted out "ButWHY?! Cmon stay a whileee!YourFriendToldMeYouGuysWeren'tFromAroundHereAndYouNeedAWelcomeParty!"

Jack looked her dead in the eye and said bluntly, "I hate parties."

The room filled with a deafening silence as everypony slowly back away from Jack. All, except for Pinkie. "WHAAAAAAAAT?!"

Jack blinked and looked at her awkwardly, his angry demeanor failing. "Uhm...I don't like p-"

Robby immediately covered his mouth. "Nono! He meant he loves them but uh...he's tired! Yeahhh, and uh...confused. He loves parties! I swear! "He glanced at Jack with a pleading look to play along. Jack returned the glance with an annoyed expression as he pushed Robby's hoof away.

"Listen, I just plummeted from the sky and probably broke a lot of my everything. I'm still wondering how I'm walking right now." The pain still wasn't fading in his chest. Noticing that Pinkie was giving him puppy dog eyes, he sighed. "...At least give me some time to gather my bearings, alright?"

She just pouted, "Fine! But you’re getting a party whether you like it or not!"

A vein popped up on Jack's head as he grumbled angrily. He glared at Robby, who returned his stare with an innocent smile. He motioned for his friend to talk in private, to which they huddled up in a corner, unaware they could still be heard. "...I hate you. So, so much. Why, oh Celestia why did you force me to come here!?” Jack whispered angrily.

"Well...it's just your so depressed and dark and moody and stufff!"Robby frowned sadly. "When you’re not drunk, you’re moping around! I thought you could do with a little color and happiness...Besides, you get to learn the magic of friendship!"

And then Jack yelled out something that caused gasps from the eavesdropping ponies, "Well you know what?! Friendship is stupid!"

"YOU’RE STUPID!" They immediately broke into a slap fight. Those who had recovered from the shock of what Jack said started to giggle as they watched the fight.

"Dah! Stoppit!" Robby cried out.

“Nevverrr!”

“JAAACKKYYYYY QUUUIIIITTTT ITTTTT!”

"I’LL STOP WHEN WE LEAVE THIS P-...pla......Robby." Jack froze in midair as his eyes opened wide. "...We...we never asked how to return home."

"Oh....Oh yeah..."Robby pursed his lips in realization, then grinned sheepishly at Jack.

"...I'm going to go find out if I can tie a noose with these hooves." He turned around to find Pinkie Pie in his face. Understandably, he jumped back with a slight cry.

With every word the pink monster got closer to his face. “You can run…but you can’t hide. I. Will throw you. The Best. Party. Ever." Her eye twitched a little, making Jack uneasy.

"...Uh...Rob, some help here?" Robby immediately stepped forward, smiling his innocent lovable smile, "And we'll love every moment of it!"

"YOU TRAITOR!"