The Tale of Bath2pounge Too: Return of the Bath2pounge

I wake up before Twilight and roll over to look at her sleeping face. She's so cute when she sleeps, her already beautiful features even more blissful without the worries of reality to bother her. I really want to jack-off on her face.

Twilight stirs, and my time watching her sleep is cut short, sadly. She groans and opens her purple eyes. "Oh, goodmorning Spounge," she says, rolling over and getting out of bed. "Did you sleep well?" she asks.

"I was next to you, of course I slept well," I say, also getting out of bed. I retrace our steps from last night, searching for my beret before finding it on the stairs.

"That's good," she says, "get the mail from Spike and I'll start on some breakfast, okay?"
"Aught," I say before clopping down the stairs and grabbing the mail from Spike, who doesn't look at me. It's nothing but expectable: bill, reminder that my rent is up at the end of the month, personal letter… personal letter? Who sends personal letters these days? Is someone trying to give Twilight anthrax? It's a Canterlot address, so it might just be something to do with Celestia or the unicorn matriarchy.

"Twilight! You got a personal letter!" I yell up to Twilight as I cross the living room. Our snack from yesterday is still there because we forgot to clean it up. I silently scold myself, "that's how you get ants."

Twilight then comes clopping down the stairs and grabs the letter from me. She shreds the envelope with her magic and begins reading.

"Oh," she says, "it's from my parents, they'd like me to come and introduce my coltfriend to them." She closes the letter and puts it down on the table. "You up for it Spounge?" she asks, turning around to face me.

"Yeah, I suppose so," I say, "if they're anything like you, I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly."
Twilight nods affirmatively and makes us three breakfast. Spike watches Twilight as she downs a couple glasses of "milk", just as horrified as when he walked in on me bleaching my own anus.

• • •

I haven't been to Canterlot since I was fighting the unicorn patriarchy to get my articles published. It looks like it did back then: clean, fancy, full of gardens.
Twilight leads me up to her parent's house. This is too fancy to be a house. It should be a museum, or a sculpture, but not a house. But that's Canterlot architecture for you.
We knock on their door, they open it shortly and we step inside. Twilight greets her parents with hugs and kisses.

Her dad looked roughly like that dude I found in a pile of his own shit in the back of Sugarcube Corner after that party Pinky threw that I almost got a blowjob from Roseluck at. Her mom looked a lot of Twilight, only paler, and with a bigger ass. A mom-ass.

She kisses her hot mom, right on the lips: my penis tingles. Confound my penis. I want to bang Twilight's mom, but then I remember what Twilight told me on the train up here, "don't have sex with my mom. If you absolutely need to cum and can't get me, you can even buy a prostitue. I don't care. Just don't have sex with my mom." Confound my penis.

She introduces me to them, Twilight Velvet and Night Light, respectively. I drop the usual "I can see where Twilight gets here good looks from," line, and I'm on my way to getting their blessing.
"But lets not linger in doorways, come on," Night Light says, leading us into the parlor. He pours his wife a glass of wine and then goes on to offer me and Twilight one. Twilight accepts.
"No thanks," I say, "I don't drink."

"Don't drink? Why not my boy?" Night Light inquires. 'My boy' that's good sign.
"I have anemia, if I drink even a little I could be at risk of alcohol poisoning," I explain.
"Anemia eh, how's that treating ya?" he asks, sitting down in an arm chair opposite me and beginning to smoke a cigar.

"Well I'm usually fine as long as I take my iron supplements. It's worse in Cloudsdale, but I'm usually fine," I elaborate.

"Oh, is the elevation here bad for you, dear?" Twilight Velvet asks.

"Oh, no I'm fine. I'm usually fine as long as I take my supplements."

"So, Bathspounge, what do you do for a living?" Night Light asks.

"Well, um…" I begin nervously.

Twilight cuts me off, "He's an author, and although he hasn't been published, I can vouch for him that he's very good."

Her parents nod in satisfaction. I can't see how they could be mad, Twilight is still a student, after all.

"What do you write?" Velvet asks, breaking the silence.

"I wrote a few sociological pieces that never got published. Other than that I've been helping Twilight research and improve flow. I really stopped writing a lot after I was denied a deal I thought was certain, so I haven't that much to my name," I admit, excluding my many writings on the failings of the unicorn matriarchy, considering that I’m in a room with three unicorns: all of them upper-class, two of them mares, one of them my girlfriend, and two of them her parents.

"Twilight, how has Ponyville been?" Twilight Velvet asks, once again eager to break the awkward silence.

"Oh, you know, small town problems for small town ponies," she says, blushing. Why is she blushing? Is she ashamed to talk about me? Aw~ it's like that song "Dirty Little Secret."

"How did you two meet?" Night Light jumps in, ending another silence.

My turn to answer, especially after Twilight saved me earlier. Fuck, how do I explain this without sounding like a stalker or talking about sex. Well, I did actually meet Twilight before then, I guess I can tell that story.

"We met at a party," I begin, Twilight looks up at me with a "oh no"-face. Why would she be upset with that story, it's not a lie and it's G rate- oh no. I forgot why we ran into each other at that party, fucking Pinkie Pie. I can save this. "For the scholar's guild. It's pretty small in Ponyville, all the non-farmer's guilds are. So, it was just us and then one of my friends who had to leave early. We talked for a long time and became friends. Later, we started dating." Whew… made it through it. It's not too much of a lie, even; we did run into each other again in the Scholar's Guild, albeit it was after Pinkie Pie introduced us with "you guys are both bookworms, you should hang out. Also, my bedroom is empty if you need it." Coincidently, we later did have sex in her bedroom, although Pinkie was also there.

I wasn’t paying attention to what Twilight’s Dad said next, but Twilight answered him so that’s fine. I’m pulled from my forlorn fantasy of other good threesomes I could have with Twilight and her friends by Twilight’s mom asking her daughter if her and I will be sharing a bed or not.

I blink. I wasn’t planning on fucking Twilight during this trip, but I guess if her parents are okay with it then I’d gladly rail her.

“You have two other bedrooms setup?” Twilight asks.

“You and Shining’s rooms are still furnished, along with the guest room,” her mom answers.

“We can just share my room, then. We’ve moved in together at my house in Ponyville, so it’s fine.”

Her mom gives her a look, and her dad gives me a look. Looks that say “Scandal,” and “Nice, bruh,” respectably.

“Speaking of him, Shining is coming over tomorrow to meet Bathspounge. We’re having lunch with him at L’enclos,” Twilight’s mom says. Ooh… Ritzy.

“We’d also like to take you two out to dinner tonight; the L’enclos reservations were expensive, so you’ll have to pass for [insert pony restaurant pun here].” Twilight Velvet continues.

“Ooh… Ritzy,” I josh. Which means to joke, everyone knows that; except for you, Nathan from school.

• • •

FUCK YOU NATHAN FROM SCHOOL!! Stop PMing me on Neopets! I don’t want to play with you! And if you’re actually gonna listen to me, for some reason, stop linking people on there or at school to my fanfictions. Fuck you!

• • •

Me, Twilight, Twilight’s Dad, and Twilight Velvet all go to [repeat pun from earlier] and all eat the delicious hay-burgers and hay-fries, lot of hay in our diet really. Anyway, afterward Me, Twilight, Night Light, and Twilight’s Mom all go back to Twilight’s Parent’s house and since it’s like 9:30 the elder two pones go to bed. Me and Twilight also go to bed, and then we………………………..

Don’t have sex; we’re at her parent’s place after all, can’t be having intense screaming pony sex with each-other, we’d stain the shit out of the sheets, and we’d be heard by her parents for sure, oh! And she’d have to waddle out to the bathroom, and that’s it’s own whole can of worms: she might be seen, the bathtub full of semen, the floor dribles, and the crusty towels. Yeah, so since we don’t, and even can’t, have sex we just cuddle and grind lewdly against each-other while mumbling about stallionsim.

But then, the next morning, some major shit happened.