The Tale of Bath2pounge Too: Return of the Bath2pounge

I run out into the dark night Canterlot air.

I found it hard to keep running with tears streaming from my eyes, so I sat down on a bench to cry some more. Fucking Twilight Sparkle, what a bitch, taking away my penis like that, what a bitch. She won't give me sex, but she also made my penis too small to suck on. I can't suck my own penis anymore! I CAN'T SUCK MY OWN PENIS, GUYS!!

I angrily hit my hoof against the back wall of the bench; I am met by a metallic ring and a stinging pain in my hoof. For the moment, I stop crying for the moment. I stand up from the bench and concider where to go: down one way there is Twilight, and down the other is unknown, but at least I know Twilight isn't that way. I set off, away from Twilight, again.

My head really hurts, it's throbbing in a way only my penis usually does. Hahaha ;-;

My thoughts turn to my mother. She's still in prison for raping me. She was sentenced to 10 years, but that was 7 years ago, so she only had 3 years left to serve. It's crazy that she's still serving time for a crime that I, the victim, have moved on from. I should go see her, eventually. Also, where is my dad? It's the 21st century, I should be able to find this information. Wait, I totally can, his name is on my birth certificate, so I can just check there and then look him up. Damn. I thought he was the bad guy for not finding me, but he thinks I'm dead, it's totally my responsibility to find and reunite with my father. But first, I need to either get back to Ponyville, or get back with Twilight: on one hand, Twilight has greatly upset me; on the other, she holds the key to my huge penis.

I would have kept debating, but just then I happened to walk into a frat house mid-party. Some beige unicorn hands me a red solo cup filled with a singularly beige liquid. Beer. I had only drunk beer one time, at that party that I didn't score with Lyra at. Now that was a party. Suddenly I'm picked up in unicorn magic, something I'm most used to from bagging Twilight with many magical enhancements. The crowd is screaming, and as I'm carried across the room, I know what's going on: I'm going to be a human sacrifice. I wiggle, but I am unable to get free. And just as suddenly as I was picked up, a tube is forced into my mouth and I'm facing a shinny metal circle. I know what this is! I read about it in one of my books: it's called a keg-stand, and it's gonna kill me.

"Guys, I have a condition," I try to protest as the watery brown liquid jets into my mouth, and it comes out sounding more like Twilight gagging on a couple dozen gallons of cum. This beer doesn't taste too much like alcohol, more like wheat and water. Given the alcohol content, I might survive this. I keep drinking: if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die partying. But wait, Twilight would be devastated, but she shrunk my penis! MY PENIS!! Yeah! I'm gonna kill myself with alcohol poisoning and make Twilight feel super guilty, and then I'll haunt her forever, and we'll have ghost-sex like in Ghostbusters. I notice how full my stomach feels, not unlike it is after Twilight busts a nut inside me. How long have I been drinking this beer? It was before I was thinking about Ghostbusters, so that's like 3 hours ago. Wait, I'm not drinking beer, I'm laying on the ground.

"What the hell?" I ask, standing up off the ground. My head hurts, and my vision is blurry.

"Oh man, thank Celestia you’re okay. You totally bailed in the middle of that keg-stand, and then you curled up in the corner. We thought you might have died, but you're okay now," some blue-ish horse says.

"Wow. That's crazy. Agh," my head throbs with pain as I try to get up. I collapse back onto the floor. "Is there anything you have for this headache I've got?"

"You know, you're surprisingly drunk for someone who only had like two mouthfuls of beer," he tells me as he leads me to the house's kitchen.

He makes me a glass of water. I grab it and then it's gone and my face is wet. I'm on the floor again. Fucking floor.

"Jeez dude, is this your first time drinking?"

Now, just don't slur your words. "No! I'm just… I got a condition, it's a bloods." Perfect.

"Alright: I got you drunk, so I'm taking you on as my responsibility." He punches me.

Next thing I know we're fucking walking around into some dirty basement that smells like the breath of a vegan smoker who hasn't brushed her teeth since 1937.

No, wait, I'm sitting down, everyone else is walking around. There's that blue horse who's taking care of me! I wave. He looks over at me, smiles, and goes back to his conversation. What a nice young boy.

My hoof hurts, it's on fire. I drop the fire. Somepony is immediately stomping it out. Was I smoking? Am in a crack den? Oh Celestia, I'm in a crack den, I just smoked crack, I'm gonna become a crack whore, I'm never gonna see Twilight again. I curl up into a ball and start crying. Ball is safety, ball is home.

There's a hoof on my back, I open my eyes and see it’s the nice blue horse. "Hey buddy, how're you holding up?" he asks.

"I wanna see Twilight again~!" I bawl.

"You will, buddy, you will," he assures me, patting me on the back.

How am I gonna see Twilight again if I'm a crack whore? Does Twilight smoke crack? No, which means she deals crack! Oh no, I'm dating a crack dealer.

"My marefriend's a crack dealer…" I mumble.

"And is this marefriend Twilight?" blue horse asks.

"Yes!" I say, before even realizing that I've accidentally told him everything he needs to know to track down Twilight and steal her away from me. I'm not even dating a crack dealer anymore.

"It's okay, it's okay." He turns his head away from me. "Yo Tony! You know a crack-dealer named Twilight?"

"Nah!"

"Sorry pal," blue horse says, turning back to me, "not sure if we can find her."

I start coughing really violently, and then everything is really dark.

And then it's really bright! There's a light in my eyes! I'm strapped to a chair! They're extracting my kidneys! No, that's stupid.

"Is this a crack-den?" I ask.

"No," chuckles the unicorn holding the light. "Not anymore, anyway. How do you feel?"

"My head still hurts, but I can see better than before, and my voice is back to normal."

"Now you got dumped on the hospital's doorstep last night. You were full of cheap beer and weed. Any idea how that got there?" he asks me.

"No clue man, all I remember from last night is going to a party, passing out, waking up in a crack den, and then I'm here."

"What party was this?" he asks, putting something in my left ear.

"I don't know, I just wandered in. My marefriend kicked me out last night, and I just found my way in."

"Okay. Well you seem innocent in the whole thing, plus Luna showed up while you were asleep and told me to, so I'm not gonna call the cops. Anyway, you're good to go," he says, unfastening the chair. "Now go home and get some rest."

I start walking off, but then I turn around. "Can I sleep here instead? I don't wanna go home to my marefriend right now."

"Yeah, sure, there's an infirmary on the left. Find a spare bed and lie-down."

And then I slept.

I'm in my childhood home, in my room, sitting on the floor making a tower of blocks. I'm still a grown adult, though.

"Hello Bathspounge," says a smooth and sultry voice. I look up, and princess Luna is laying on my bed.

"Oh hey Luna, I haven't seen you in a few nights, what's up," I ask, putting my blocks down safety so that they don't knock over my tower.

"Our affairs are quite alright, although not of interest to you. How did we come to find you in that hospital?"

I sigh. "Twilight threw me out last night after a big fight, I stumbled into a party, and then got dragged to a drug-house. I didn't mean to hit rock bottom in a single night."

"That's isn't rock bottom: rock bottom is heroin."

"Lets hope I don't hit rock bottom, then." I go back to my castle.

"What do you plan to tell Twilight?"

"To make her forgive me? Well, the fight was about me only valuing her for sex, so I have to prove that I love her mind. I think I'm gonna write her a book, and then probably accept her proposal to not sleep together for a while, since that's what I'm getting now anyway."
"That's quite mature of you."

"Now who's having a wet dream about me right now?!" I ask, springing to my feet.

Luna sighs and opens the curtains of my window to reveal that the window is actually a screen displaying Fluttershy being brutally railed by me.

"Nice," I say as I scoot next to Luna and put my arm over her back.

"Do not forget: you are still in a hospital infirmary," Luna reminds me.

"Good point." I let go of her and close the window. I sit back down and keep building my block tower. I think these blocks are heavy enough to make this balcony free-standing.

"You should really be thanking Twilight for getting you to that hospital, she told me to watch out for you last night, since she knew you wouldn't let her near you."

"Twilight shrunk my penis, man. And I like my penis a lot. That's like taking Fluttershy's animals, or Rarity's dresses, or Pinkie Pie's cakes, or Rainbow Dash's… man, Rainbow Dash doesn't really own many things. Does Rainbow Dash own anything? Does Rainbow Dash live somewhere? Is Rainbow Dash homeless? Luna! Is Rainbow Dash homeless?"

"No, she lives in a cloud, you've been there, you banged her there in chapter 4."

"No I banged Shinning Armor in chapter 4, or rather, I thought about banging him. I mean, I thought about the time that I had banged him."

"I meant chapter 4 of the first Tale of Bathspounge."

"Oh yeah!" I exclaim, "I totally forgot that happened."

"Don't feel bad, everyone forget about that chapter."

I shrug and finish the buttresses.

"Dose thou truly Twilight, or dose thou just want thine old penis?" Luna asks me.

"Jeez Luna! What are you? Flankspeare? You've been here for like a year, speak proper!"

"Our apologies. Sorry, my apologies-"

"I mean the royal we is fine, it's even kinda a turn on, but I don't want to have to translate what you say on the opposite page."

She rolls her eyes at me. "Do you want Twilight back, or the penis that comes with getting her back?"

"I want Twilight back, I live with her rather than Fluttershy, who's the one I have the best sex with, so it should be obvious I'm not just in it for the sex," I respond, only slightly irate at how blind and stupid everypony but me is.

"'Tis a shame, as we had intended to cast Twilight's penis spell on you ourselves," Luna mocks.

"Oh, please go ahead and do that."

"Very well," Luna says before standing up from my bed and walking out of the door. I finish my tower and eventually wake up.

I get out of bed and almost fall down. Jeez! Were my balls always this heavy? I peek under my torso. Yep, they're all back to being huge, even a little bigger than they used to be. I pull the curtain aside and walk out. I see Rainbow Dash in a hospital bed on the other side of the room.

"Oh hai Rainbow Dash!" I say, channeling Tommy Wiseau.
"Hey Bathspounge, what's up?"

"Twilight dumped me."

"Oh man, bummer."

"Yeah. Oh! Quick question: are you homeless?"

"No. You've been to my house. You banged me there in the last book."

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that."

"Don't feel bad, everyone forget about that chapter."

I shrug and leave the hospital, walking bow-legged to stop my balls from chafing against my thigh-fur. Seriously, was I this big before? I can't have been, Luna must have embellished me.
As I enter the crisply cool Canterlot air, it's nighttime. I think I should still give Twilight some time, and I still have nopony else I know in this town, so I wander some more.

~~~

I don't know how I got here, but I'm happy-ish to be here. It's an orgy, at least. Everypony is wearing masks like its that sexy masquerade scene in Labyrinth.

SPONSOR!!!

Speaking of which, there's a MFFF foursome going on over there, that means that at least two more dudes could jump in without it getting weird or gay. Unless that's his harem. But why would you bring your harem to an orgy and only fuck them?

So I move in and start grinding against one of the mares who isn't immediately fucking the one guy. She grinds back against me, cuddling my sheath between her flanks and pushing one flank back against one ball each. She gyrates against me, her ample ass jiggling against my also soft and jiggly cock and making it grow harder, and also jiggle. A shot of cum shoots out of my cock and hits her upper back, splattering all the way up to her as well as the upper half of her back.

"Did you just cum?" she asks, reaching a hoof behind her to feel the wet spot.

"No. I just do that when I start getting excited, my real cumshot is much larger," I eagerly explain.

She spins around and looks me in the eyes. "Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but you're too much for me." She looks down at my cock and gasps. "Holy…" she trails off.

"And I'm not even hard!" I declare.

She looks like she just came. "I can't take that," she mumbles. "I don't think anypony can."

Are you sure? No size queens in here?" I ask, a little loud so nearby size queens will hear me.
She nods and goes back to servicing the stallion she had been foursoming with. At the same time, I get a tap on the shoulder. I look over to see a tall, thin, and pale unicorn wearing a red plague-doctor's mask.

"How big are you?" she asks in a soft voice filled with the sound of heated lust.

"I'm not sure, but at least 4 feet," I whisper back.

She leans against me, clutching my chest. "Take… me…" she moans, her eyes fluttering into the tops of their sockets. She turns around on wobbly legs and bends down in front of me: putting her head almost on the ground and her ass up at penis-height. My penis throbs and another stream of cum coats her belly even whiter. I start sliding my semi's flare against her presented slit, mixing the semen dripping from my tip with the marecum flowing from her and smearing it all over my wide flare. High-pitched moans beckon me harder as she pushes her flank back against me, lodging just the flare inside her. The flare that's thicker that my hoof, and still getting thicker.

"Put it in me!" she moans, starting to gyrate her hips. The squeezing muscles of her vagina pull my cock farther into her, dragging me into the depths of her marehood. I am now fully erect. I can now tell I am about 5, maybe 6 feet long, and 8-inches thick. So the mystery is solved, Luna only tampered with my balls. As I begin to thrust into my partner, my balls start swinging back and forth, brushing against her lower thighs and they go forward, and brushing against mine as they go back. The cum inside them sloshes as they swing, waves crashing in the seas of cum inside me. I can tell they're filling up from the sound of cum pouring into them, churning inside me, starting to tingly as the sperm becomes more and more densely packed. They grow heavier as they fill, dragging my hips down and making me thrust at an odd angle. My partner seems to like it though, as she's moaning louder than ever.

Heads in the crowd start turning toward us. It shouldn't be unusual to see ponies having sex at an orgy, so seeing a stallion with balls each bigger than his head must be the shocking thing. Whispers of "oh Celestia", "how is he so big?", and "where is his mask?" abound. My balls keep packing full of cum, and soon it's too much for my legs to handle. I collapse, dragging the mare I'm fucking to the ground as well. Her mask pops off and I'm shocked to see that it's renown model Fleur de Lis. I lift myself up as far as I can and return to thrusting into Fleur, my balls dragging across the ground. My balls ache and audibly strain to contain their load. I go faster, my balls slapping against her ass whenever I bottom out, pushing her a little farther forward from the transferral of inertia. She pushes herself back whenever this happens, sliding up on my cock as I slide out of her, doubling the friction and keeping more of me inside her longer. I need to cum soon. If I don't, I might actually explode. Two mares bend down behind me and start to suckle my balls, alleviating the pain only slightly. But that removal of pain leaves way for more pleasure, enough to push me over the edge.

I start cunning and I just can't stop. Rope after rope of cum shoots out, not even waiting for the first to stop before the next starts: cum just shooting out of me in a constant, thick, and heavy flow. The cum just seconds before splashing around in my balls now splashes into Fleur's womb, her womb starting to inflate and round her out within seconds of me starting. Her moans become screams, drowning over all the other mares' ecstasy with her own. She throws her head back and yells at the ceiling, turning even more heads to our superior display. I buck my hips and the second wave starts: the shots now coming with a little space between them, but still just as fast as 128th notes. Each one is a few cups, splashing into the sea forming inside Fleur and making her swell farther. Her bulge grows farther, starting to show around the sides, pressed out by her weight on top of it. The pressure starts to leave my balls, which lets me enjoy this sex more, and therefore cum more. I wrap my arms around Fleur’s growing size and snuggle my face against her soft back fur with my soft face fur. Contentedly, I sigh as I pump Fleur full of seas of splashing semen. The amount of semen grows large enough to develop it’s own tides, surfs of sperm. The tide rises and spills from around my cock, unable to cork her after the pressure reaches high enough. The semen was forced to condense under the intense pressure inside my balls, but even after being released it was unable to expand far inside of her. However, as the semen pours from her it is given room to expand, rapidly becoming a fjorg of fuck-fluid. I stop cumming, for now. However you couldn’t tell that from the outside: the vaginall vacancies soon filled by undensifying cum. I stand up, and then take a few steps back to get my softening cock out of Fleur.

“I could keep going, but you look like you need a minute to recover from my awesome penis,” I tell her, “I’m gonna go clean myself up.” I look up and address the crowd, still in shock from watching the most spectacular sex ever. “And after that I will be ready for a round two with any number of mares and/or stallions, or anywhere between, actually. I love me some dickgirls, yo.”

I wonder off to find the bathrooms. In a hallway adjacent to the orgey-hall, I find a room marked “Powder Room.” Now powder rooms can mean one of two things, and given that we’re not on a ship, I know it’s the bathroom one. I walk in and realize that I was wrong about the sign’s meaning. I should have expected this. I’ve never done cocaine, but given yesterday’s events the validity of that statement can’t be determined.

“Hey man!” snaps a pony standing in the corner. “You’re the one that just fucked Fleur’s brains out, right?”

“I sure did!” I state proudly.

“Well she’s the host, so she said to give you any pick me up you need to keep going you need.”

“I’ll probably be fine. No need to break the law, yo.”

“Probably? Trust me, you really don’t want to be giving Fleur anything less than 100%.”

“Your argument is convincing.”

And then I fucked everyone and came so much they had to use the firehouse to clean it up. I assume. I kinda blacked out until I was laying on the floor of the real bathroom, which was next to the powder room, who knew?

“Bathspounge, Bathspounge, Bathspounge.” A voice says.

I look up, it’s Twilight! How long has she been there? How long have I been here? I ask myself, but decide to ask Twilight none of these and instead “how did you find me?”

“You told me. Listen, I’m from the future and-”

“Wait! You’re from the future, you should tell me how to get back with you.”

“I can’t do that Bathspounge, otherwise we could cause a paradox. But, for yourself, you need to get the Elements of Radness.”

“The Elements of Radness?” I ask. “Is that like the thing you and your friends do that saves the world?”

“Not at all, but you do need to get them. There are, as far as we, I, know, eleven of them.”

“And I need to collect these in order to get you to take me back?”

“No. Don’t do this for me, do this for yourself. Now I don’t have long, so listen fast. The elements are: Discipline, Love, Intelligence, Dedication, Passion, Compassion, Cumpassion, Faith, Ambition, Radness, and Badness,” Twilight barks. “Good luck, and I love you, even now,” she says, kissing me on the forehead before evaporating.

Radquest.