The air was palpably tense as we sat down for dinner. It was if there was some unspoken hum of tenacity, like the sound of a shower and/or vacuum cleaner running on the other side of the house, only intense instead of showers. The table is a circle; to my right is Twilight, then her mom, her dad, and Shinning Armor, and then me again, because the table is a finite circle.

"What would you all like to drink?" asked our serving pony.

"Water!" I splurt out, probably seeming rude, but actually strategically going first so I don't have to wait through everypony else's orders. They all ask about wine selections, and pairings, and other things alcoholics care about. I use this spare six or seven-ish minutes to deduce what the best foursome would be once I get home. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. No! Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. Ooh! Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie! Or… Twilight, Rainbow Dash, as Fluttershy, yeah, that's the one. I could have Fluttershy sitting on my face, Twilight gargling my balls, and Rainbow Dash getting her throat ruined by my cock. And they could switch periodically, to switch it up. Rainbow Dash could even turn around and have me fuck her Rainbow Gash after I filled her belly, and then when she sits on my face I can eat my own cum out of her.

Unf. H-O-T-T Hawt.

It's so amazingly hot that I have to resist popping a boner, especially cause it'd go all the way under the table and skewer Twilight's mom, which I'm forbidden from doing.
But anyway, I get my menu. It's surprising how limited a vegetarian menu made by an omnivorous author is. I pick out some vege-rice-thing with a chesse-sauce and return to fantasizing about Rainbow Dash. I wanna crash into her gash, mash her ass-sh.

Ooh! Bread-basket.

While everypony else is busy trying their wine and complimenting it to the servingpony, I yoink the prime bread and dig into it, pulling off hunks of the soft, porous flesh with my teeth and chewing it into a paste before swallowing and diving back in for more. I finish my first one and dive in for more, dipping this one into the accompanying herb-infused olive oil.
Sweet Celestia. This. Is amazing.

I have two more before leaving the rest for my theoretical family? Future family is too optimistic, and future in-laws isn't much better. Uh… gawsh, I guess I'll just call them my marefriend and her family. This makes me think: Twilight had never met any of my family, and she likely never will, given that even I don't know my dad, and my mom is incarcerated. I'm only pulled back to the land of the living when Twilight actually punches me in the face. Well, not an actually punch, more of a prod, but our fists and our singular fingers are identical, cause they're both hooves.
"What? Yeah!" I say, shaking my face.

"Pay attention!" Twilight hisses. Actually hisses. She hisses at me.
"Now how are things going with the princesses, Twilight, are we still getting box-seats to the wonderbolts?" Nightlight asks.

"I can keep getting them for you if you like," she munches some bred, swallowing it likes she swallows oh so much of my sperm, "one of my friends is a big fan, so I'm not sure if Celestia would be upset with me asking for 3 season-passes next year."

"Well she can just take mine," Twilight Velvet responds, "I never liked those races anyway."

"Well that means you'd be sitting with Rainbow Dash, dad, would you be okay with that?" Twilight Sparkle asks.

"She's the blue one, right?" Nightlong asks.

"Yes, dad, she's the blue one."

"Well she's a bit of an excitable filly, but I'm sure we'd get along. We both like the wonderbolts, at least," he chuckles.

By god. These people are so boring, it's as if they are intentionally trying to have uninteresting lives. When Twilight and me and her friends have dinner, it's a hoot. It might be less awkward because I've fucked all of them, or because we're all young attractive people, but it's something.

"Speaking of getting along, how did you and Bathspounge get to know eachother? Outside of the scholar's guild, I mean."

"Oh man! Let me tell you about it!" finally, something interesting, "Twilight used magic to make my cock huge, not as big as it is now, but still freaking huge, so then I'm fucking her, and after a coupla hours I cum, and then we have to go to the hospital because I mutilated her internal organs or something; but then we get back and I'm fucking her again, and I've got her pinned to the bed and I'm just bottoming out, I mean balls deep in her pussy, and it's magical." I'm not really conveying how hard I was fucking her, I need a diagram! I grab two long, kinda baguette-shaped rolls and ram one into the other length-ways, turning it inside out. Yeah, that's some mighty-fine work. "So it's like these two rolls: I'm about to tear out her other end with who big I am, oh yeah! She made me even bigger, real size-queen here." I tussle Twilight's hair affectionately. "So I'm fucking her the best she's ever been fucked, hell! The best anyone's ever been fucked, and then I cum, and-" I need a diagram for the cum, ah-ha! The gravy from the bread-basket. I grab the pitcher and, after pulling my roll from Twilight's, fill her with gravy. "So I've filled her to bursting, and this roll doesn't stretch, but Twilight did, she was basically a cum-balloon out there, right? So then I keep fucking her." I plunge my roll back into hers, squirting the gravy out in every direction, at least some hitting each of the ponies at the table. "And then Twilight's super worn-out, and she just can't take any more, so she gets her friend Rainbow Dash," I grab another roll, this one more of a soft circle, like a breakfast biscuit, and ram my roll into it. "And after I've absolutely ruined Rainbow's throat, I put in her pussy." I spin the roll around and ran my roll into the other end, pushing out the hole I already made. "And then after a while I cum her in." I pour the gravy into one hole, but it just falls through the other one and onto the table I'm standing on. "And then I think I fucked Fluttershy? And then Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight, at the same time! And then all of them again. And by the end, I think we had all grown as ponies." I sit back down and start chewing on one of the rolls from my lecture. The whole table, and the table next to us, and the whole staff, and pretty much the whole restaurant stare at me as I nonchalantly eat my bread.

Then Twilight moves.

In the blink of an eye and she grabs me in her magic and pulls me into the mares' bathroom, locking us in a stall.

"Bathroom sex? Guess my story got you all rilled up, but I can dig it," I say.

"No! Are you insane?! What the fuck Bathspounge?! What the actual fuck?! You just told my whole family what we do in the bedroom! I can't believe you!" she punches the stall-wall, actually punches it, not fake punches it like she punches me. "But, I'm not mad, I'm not mad, I- just need you to not say anything for the rest of the dinner, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally," I say, relaxing as I no longer fear Twilight murdering me.

"Now give me that bathroom-sex, I need to let off some steam."

Bathspounge always gets the yes.

~~~

We walk out of the bathroom to find the restaurant perfectly normal again, I guess we were in there a while. I sit down and wince, I guess my pussy is still a little sore. Man, and Bathspounge didn't even cum inside me. One day without sex and he fucks like it's been a year without it.
I judge the room and see that my parents don't want to talk about what Bathspounge just did, and that Shining is more or less just embarrassed for me.

We finish our dinner in hard silence and go home.

"Would you like to join us in the drawing room, I think we could hook-up the projector and put on a film?" mother asks.

"No, no, we're fine, me and Bathspounge will just be going to bed," I say, putting a hoof over Bathspounge's shoulders and leading him upstairs. He clearly thinks we're gonna fuck, which is what I want, so I can have him alone.

We sit down beside eachother on the edge of the bed and I begin.

“Bathspounge, looking back over the past two weeks I feel like you’ve just been a sex machine. You’ve been a romantic partner the same way a pitching machine has been a baseball partner,” I begin.

“You’re right, I have been a sex machine. I just have sex... and nothing else.” He stares at the floor, existentially. “I’m so sorry. What do you want me to do, to make this right?”

“I want you. Not your penis, you,” I tell him.

“I am engaged by your mind Twilight, that’s why I fell in love with, and why I moved in with you.”

“Are you really in love with me, or are you just in love with having sex with me and my friends?”

“No, I am in love with you.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?"

“Twilight,” he takes my hooves in his own and looks into my eyes as he continues, “even if I didn’t have a penis, and couldn't have sex, I would still be with you.”

“D’awww~” I daw.

“I’m not perfect. But I’m so flattered that you were honest with me that I want to hold you down and kiss you, right on the lips,” he says as tears start leaking from his eyes.

We hug, but I don’t let him kiss me, I’m still mad from what he did at dinner.

“Can I tell you about a new spell theory I’m working on?” I ask, wiping away my own tears.

“I might not understand it, but I wanna hear it anyway, for you,” Bathspounge says, smiling despite his tears.

Bathspounge listens intently, nodding as I come to the end of a line, and asking questions when he’s confused. He’s often confused, but I explain myself every time. And once I’ve explained my theory to Bathspounge we fall asleep in a nonsexual cuddle.

I wish I could say that happened, but sadly, both Bathspounge and I are imperfect creatures.

I sit Bathspounge down on the edge of the bed and he immediately reaches a hoof between my legs. I swat his hoof away, and begin.

“Bathspounge, looking back over the past two weeks I feel like you’ve just been a sex machine-”

“You're right, I am a sex machine! Thanks, toots,” Bathspounge responds, moving in to kiss me. I push him away and continue.

“And by that I mean that you’ve been a romantic partner in the same way a pitching machine is a baseball partner,” I say, only a little frustrated. I lead in with something deceptive, after all.

“What’s a pitching machine?” he asks.

“Okay, nevermind. The point is that being a machine is bad here,” I respond, a little agitated, although I don’t really have the right to be, pitching machines aren’t too common.

“How?” he asks.

“Well, it’s like you’re a washing machine or a dishwasher: you do a singular job, and that singular job is sex,” I explain, still agitated, and more justified in it, since Bathspounge is only giving me single word responses while I’m pouring my heart out for him.

“But I do it very well.”

“Yeah, you do, but that doesn’t make up for it!” I raise my voice.

“I guess that’s a fair point. So, what do you want me to do, to make our relationship better, I mean?”

“Listen to me, and have conversations with me,” I say slightly more calmly. He understands that there’s a problem, and that’s the first step to fixing the problem.

“We do that now, though. Don’t you remember, like, 2 days ago, with the hummus?”

“Yeah, I liked that. But I want that to be our mean interaction, and right now it’s just fucking eachother’s brains out.” He’s denying that we have a problem, denial is the first step of grief, does he think we’re breaking up?

“So, you don’t want to have sex anymore?”

“No, I do want to keep having sex. But, I want to do other things. Here’s my proposal: How about I make your cockand balls smaller, that way you’ll have less of a sex-drive, and need to have less sex?” I propose.

“That sounds like a really bad idea,” he says, almost frantically, “a really, really bad idea.”

“I’ll make it bigger again later, this is just to make sure that we work without it,” I reassure Bathspounge

“But, what if normal, not-hyper sex isn’t as fun and ruins our relationship?” he asks, equally frantically. Does Bathspounge only love me because of the sex?

“The point of doing this is so that we have less sex, so if we have less sex, it’s not a problem.”

“But what about your friends? Don’t you think they’d be upset if I wasn’t having sex with them like they’re used to?”

“Bathspounge, are you really in love with me? Or are you in love with the hyper-cocked sex with me and my friends?”

“No! No, remember the hummus, with the pita chips?”

“Listen Bathspounge. I know you love your cock too much too ever agree to this, but we’re gonna be much better if I do this, so I’m just going for it.” I wrap his body in a field of magic and begin unmaking inch after inch of his cock.

“NO! TWILIGHT! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP!” he screams and begs, squirming in my magic field, but unable to escape. I’m good at magic.

His cock stops shrinking at 18 inches(hard), not super big or super small, but decently large.

Bathspounge stairs in awe at his crotch, prodding his flaccid cock with a hoof.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this!” he yells before running out of the house.

Author's Note

AN: This chapter is based on an RP I did.

If you wanna RP with Bathspounge, send him a PM.