Diamond shuts off Applebloom's TV, tears streaming down her face "I... I always cry... at the end of each season..."

Silver rolls her eyes "It's not like they're really dying! They're just changing actors!"

Applebloom shrugs, setting down her book "Ah guess that out of th' three of us, Diamond is th' most emotional"

Diamond rubs her eyes "But... but... it sums up what every single fan was thinking at that exact moment! And... and he was..."

"Look, it's just a TV show. It's fiction, There's no such thing as aliens, monsters, or the occult. It's just people trying to apply outrageous ideas to seemingly illogical events and places. Nothing more, nothing less"

Diamond stares at Silver flatly "We just time traveled yesterday, met space pirates, and you were almost married to the captain. And you can say that with a straight face? You're possibly the most cynical cynic in the world"

Silver rolls her eyes "The fact that Sweetie Belle can somehow travel through time and space does not change my stance on the complete and utter stupidity that you believe in. I'll believe in aliens when I meet one, I'm agnostic remember?"

"That means that ya think all religions are wrong, right?" Applebloom asks

"No, it means 'Without knowledge', I don't believe in anything until it can be explained by science. Magic is for charlatans and the feeble-minded... and nerds like Diamond" Silver says, pulling out her phone

"Oh really? then why is it that I can hear you?" someone asks

Silver rolls her eyes "Because you aren't deaf, duh- Wait, who just said that?"

Applebloom looks around her room "Ah don't know... Diamond, are you a ventriloquist?"

"I'm taking classes for it... but I can't throw my voice across the room yet..." Diamond replies, shivering

"Well, how about you look at the glass nipple?" the voice asks

Diamond and Silver blush "Wh-what?"

"He's talkin' about th' TV" Applebloom says, turning their attention to it

On screen is a tall, thin man in a grey suit, a tie the color of the rainbow fastened in a complex knot and neat red hair under a silver bowler hat obscuring his face. Behind him is a faded marble bench covered with moss, tall, dark trees blot out the sunlight above him and several odd-looking plants fill the rest of the screen "Thank you Miss Apple, I forget which colloquialisms are and aren't vernacular these days... sometimes I make myself feel old"

Silver crosses her arms "Okay, which one of you slipped in a DVD or something?"

The man sighs, sitting down on a moss-covered bench "You're possibly the most cynical cynic in the world. Would it hurt you to just accept that there are some things that can't be currently explained by the sciences? String and quantum theories are both mostly based on conjecture, yet you're a genius when you can talk about it half-way decently"

Silver rolls her eyes "Seriously, is there a hidden camera and a mike somewhere? There is no way I'm having a conversation with someone on TV... this isn't 'The Pride Family'"

the man seems to grin "Well, if that were the case, I'd be a TV personality, and you'd be a Hispanic-mulatto girl who's alone in front of the TV. But alas, you are a pale cynic with a rich otaku friend and a southern slice o' heaven if ah do say so m'self"

Applebloom rubs her face "Ah have no idea what y'all're talkin' about, but ah know when ah'm bein' insulted"

"It was a compliment! But then again, I am a strange man talking to you through your TV set so... no reason to believe a word I'm saying I guess, up to you"

"Okay... so why are you talking to us?" Diamond asks

"Ding ding ding!! We have a winner!" he cheers, clapping his hands "You asked the right question Miss Tiara, I am talking to you because... quiet frankly, I have a soft spot for you and your other friends who are busy turning a reptile into a walking armory at the moment. So I thought that seeing as how you three were all together, You deserved to get to know one of your biggest supporters. You can call me Edward Nigma"

Diamond snorts "So that's who you are? The Riddle?"

He removes his hat, smiling "Exactamunda"

"That's a Batguy villain right?" Silver asks

"Yeah, or he was, he became a PI some time ago. So why is a detective talking to us? You're a long way from Emotham, Eddy"

Putting his hat back on, Eddy snaps his fingers "Another good question from Miss Tiara, you should be on Adversity. Anyways, that's the question isn't it? Why would a fictional detective decide to talk to three girls via TV broadcast? How am I able to hear and see you? What do I have to gain from this? Where am I talking to you three from? And finally, who am I really?"

Applebloom shivers "Please tell me ah'm dreamin'..."

"Okay, you're dreaming" Eddy says

"Not you! Someone else!"

He shrugs "You asked, don't get so riled up"

Silver massages her forehead "Why is it that strange always seems to follow you guys? Why couldn't we just sit here and watch some drivel so I can complain about it?"

"Because that's a waste of time Miss Spoon. Now, I see only one of your number pondering the questions you asked. Would it not be conducive for you to assist her?"

Applebloom snaps her fingers "Ah know only one person who uses those kinds of words. You're my big brother!"

Eddy shakes his head "Sorry, Miss Apple, I'm afraid not"

Diamond sighs "First, to either teach us something, or bring something to our attentions, something we missed. Second, you're hacking both the TV broadcast and all of our phones. The phones give you audio, but Silver's is the only one who's phone is turned on and the camera is pointed at all of us, which gives you visual information. Third, the knowledge of having helped someone you respect, because you said you had a soft spot for us. Fourth, the Canterlot arboretum, the bench you're sitting on is a relic that was owned by the founder and it's placed in the restricted, dark section of the arboretum where they keep endangered and dangerous plants like the nightshade and foxglove at your feet. And finally, Wild Card, VP Luna's rumored head of security and bodyguard"

Eddy sits stock still before clapping enthusiastically "Bravo! Brava! Brassiere! Banka!! You've deduced the answers to your questions!"

Silver blinks "What? Who's-"

Eddy snaps his fingers, a cloud of gas engulfs him and the screen, a happy tune coming from within.

A few seconds later, the cloud dissipates, a man with unkempt silver hair and wearing well-used clothing sitting on the bench with a folded piece of paper in his fingers "There are a few more reasons as to why I hid my identity and the like. For example, I wanted to wear a costume. Anyways, the main reason I'm bothering you three is to deliver a message from Vice President Luna"

He unfolds the paper and clears his throat "' Applebloom Apple, Sweetie Crystal Belle, Rainbow 'Danger' 'Professionalism' 'Snake milker' 'Monster hunter' 'Speedy' 'Trustworthy' 'Greatest' 'Deadshot' Petunia Dash, Scootaloo Dash-Wheels, Barbara Sours Seed, Silver Veritum Spoon, and Diamond Dazzle Tiara. It has come to my attention that all of you are involved with a project that could, in the wrong hands; I.E. my sister's and any government on the face of any planet, cause untold destruction to both this and any other countries. I implore you to cease your pursuit of creating a living, amphibious tank. If you are dead-set on following through on that project. I will have to ask you to not divulge how you created such a thing and under no circumstances, are you to sell it, or any subsequent creations. Keep all information to yourselves, and never tell anyone about this message except for those in direct contact with the ventures.

Wishing for continuing peace and a possible friend

Luna Starshine Moonbeam'"

Silver shakes her head "Why am I on that list? I want nothing to do with any of this!"

Wild Card shrugs "I'm just relaying the message to you. Anyways, remember, never sell, divulge, or speak of this and anything you just heard"

The TV turns off, leaving all three girls in stunned silence

"... That just happened, didn't it? I'm not dreaming?" Diamond asks, leaning against Applebloom

"Eeyup... that just happened... we just got an order from th' Vice President" Applebloom replies, stone still

Silver blinks and shrugs "Meh, I voted for them, so who am I to complain? Anyways, I'm going to go back into the bathroom with my ring again. DON'T WAIT UP!"

"'Ey! Whattaya think yer doin'?!" Babs yells, shaking a fist at Rainbow Dash

"I'm getting the scaffolding done!" Rainbow yells back, nails sticking out of her hair

Scootaloo groans "We don't need any more scaffolding Dash! We need you to use the forklift to bring us the beams and junk!"

Rainbow pauses and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a piece of paper "Huh, you're right Squirt. Sorry"

Babs rubs her eyes "Who died an' made Scoots da foreman?"

"I own the warehouse, the materials, and the machines we're using! That's why I'm in charge!" Scootaloo yells, setting her power drill down

"Guys! I can't do math in my head with all your bickering! Shut up already or I'm going to weld both of your heads to the exhaust piping!" Sweetie yells, snapping a pencil in half

Both girls cringe and mutter apologies before returning to work

Sweetie slumps in her chair, goggles around her neck "Why did I have to fall in love with Scoots? Why did I have to volunteer? Why me? I should be home petting Opal and solving the problem of friction in an automated system..."

Tank, regular size, sighs with her, pencil marks covering his shell

Sweetie looks up and grins at Tank "Thanks little guy. So, I'm thinking that to allow us to speak to you from the top of your shell, we have a headset system. One for you and one for me. That way we can get rid of the reigns and we can just give you orders and directions directly. How's that sound?"

Tank nods, he hated the reigns quite a bit

Sweetie starts sketching again, a happy grin on her lips as she worked

Babs stares at a girder "So... how do ya think I'll manage to bend dis beam?"

Scootaloo slaps her forehead "Right, that. See that machine that looks like a giant big hole-punch?"

Babs nods "Yeh, it bends metal?"

Scootaloo gives her a thumbs up "Yeah, you just need to have the water sprayer on, metal gets hot when it bends"

Babs smiles but then pauses "... An' how am I supposed to lift it?"

Scootaloo grins "Go get an exo-suit"

"Exo-suit? What're ya talkin' about?"

Scootaloo points to a looking mass of metal "That. That is an exo-suit"

Babs' eyes widen "It's... it's beautiful... wait, ya said 'An exo-suit'... ya have more?"

Scootaloo nods, pointing to another one sitting in the back of the warehouse "I got ten of 'em... for robot and zombie apocalypses, you can never be too careful when it comes to robots and zombies"

"Right on Squirt!" Rainbow yells, pumping her fist in the air

Babs gulps before cracking her knuckles, a manic smile on her lips "Dis is da best day of my life!!!"

Silver Spoon nearly drops her soda, her pupils shrinking as she clutches her head "My... danger... sense is... tingling..."

Diamond raises an eyebrow "And I'm the nerd?"

Applebloom shakes her head "If there's a 'Pinkie-sense', a 'Sweetie-sense', an' a 'Spike-sense', a danger sense is pretty tame"

Diamond opens her mouth to argue but decides better of it "So what's the danger?"

Recomposing herself, Silver groans "It means that Babs is about to do something stupid, costly, and dangerous... where's your family's first-aid kit?"

"Underneath the kitchen sink in case of medical emergencies" Applebloom replies, pulling Diamond into a hug

Silver nods and sets her soda down, muttering

Diamond sighs and leans into the hug "How do you deal with all of this craziness?"

Applebloom rolls her eyes "Ah got used to it, ah've known Sweetie an' Scoots since your eighth birthday remember?"

Diamond sighs "Yeah... I was so mean to you that day... and every day before and after it. I'm sorry Applebloom"

She grins and yanks on Diamond's earlobe "Th' past is th' past"

Silver sits next to them, a plastic box in one hand "Who knew that line I fed you would result in this?"

"Line?"

"Yeah, I said that thing about 'The greatest hate stemming from the greatest love' as a joke to gross you out. Who knew that I was spot on? I honestly thought that you going along with it was you trying to get back at me or something... who knew that all of this would happen?"

Diamond frowns "So... this whole relationship was built on a cheap joke?"

Applebloom rolls her eyes "That ain't true. Ah asked my brother about it an' he said that it sounded 'bout right to him"

Diamond smiles weakly "Yeah... it does... It's just that... what do you think would've happened if you hadn't said it?"

Silver puts a hand to her chin in thought "Well... considering how your fights had escalated over the years and neither of you have reached your primes... one of three ways: first, you'd kill one another or one would kill the other and the dead one would've inflicted fatal wounds before dying. Second, You two would fall in love like you have. And third, It'd become a dispute that would last decades with both of you trying to destroy the other until you were both old and decrepit, incapable of listening to reason from friends and family, always glaring at each other from your windows or across the room wherever you both were..." Silver shrugs "At least, that's what I think would happen"

Diamond shivers "So... two out of three... we'd be angry and dead?"

"Pretty much"

Applebloom nods slowly "Sounds 'bout right, ah'm a traditionally taught woman an' lord knows we carry some grudges even if we don't know why"

Diamond sighs "And I'm a rich, socialite girl and god knows how many grudges we're capable of holding until we're ancient spinsters or widowers, even if we forget the reason"

Silver shrugs "I'm only fairly well off. I can't hold grudges for too long. And I'm also too well educated to justify it except for the most heinous of offenses"

"Such as?"

"Attempting to kill one of my friends, burning down my house on purpose, being Babs, trying to bring back a dead regime or something... I guess that pretty much covers it"

"Why is bein' my cousin on that list?"

"Do you know your cousin? She's a nightmare to live with. If my hair wasn't already grey, the stress she puts me through would've done it"

Diamond sighs "Can we not talk about this kind of stuff? I'm still a bit stunned that the VP's bodyguard gave us a personal warning from her. Seriously, is being involved with your friends that dangerous?"

"Eeyup. Worth it though, they've been there for me for both th' highs an' downs"

Diamond smiles "And without Silver, I'd be an angry little brat still... thanks Silv"

Silver shrugs "I was doing what I thought was right. If doing right happened to coincide with being your best friend, then I'm glad it happened that way"

Applebloom sighs "Wonder what they're up to? Haven't heard from my sister since she left..."

Appljack groans "Okay Dash, untie me"

Rainbow looks up from her welding "What was that?"

"Untie me ya bird-brain!"

Rainbow shakes her head "Nah, don't feel like it. Undress you though, yes please"

Applejack rolls her eyes "Ah'm not gay like you Dash. Ah'm datin' Caramel fer landsakes!"

"Caramel is as straight as a sidewinder in a maze"

Applejack pauses "That does explain why he likes to work with my brother... Bull feathers"

Rainbow offers a weak grin "Sorry AJ, there are other apples in the orchard"

Applejack sighs "Got a point there..."

"Feel as down as a worm in a ditch?" Rainbow asks

She nods "Yeah... when did you start usin' countryisms?"

"I've been hanging around with you since we were kids Hayseed, your southern charm rubbed off on me" Rainbow says, returning to her work "Anyways, the reason why we have you tied up is because tying people up is fun. I even made sure to make it a smidgen on the tight side"

Applejack sighs "Where did my life go so wrong?"

Sweetie walks over, a bottled water in hand "I think it might've started when you came back to Sweet Apple Acres from Manehatten when you were a kid"

Applejack stares at Sweetie "How do ya know about that?"

"You told me, Scoots, and Applebloom about it when we went around trying to get a clue about how you and the others found your calling in life remember? You took Rainbow's sonic boom to be a sign that you were meant to be where home really was"

Applejack nods "Oh yeah... Twi ever figure out how ya break th' sound wall on foot?"

Rainbow shakes her head "No, she's tried to a lot but ends up locking herself in her 'Panic room'. You know, the one full of padded walls and soothing music?"

Swallowing some of the offered water, Applejack shakes her head "Lord a'mighty I'm sweatin' like-"

"Like a roast turkey in a vegetable steamer?" Rainbow asks

"... Yes, now it's startin' to get creepy" Applejack says, shivering

Sweetie shrugs "I know why, but Twilight goes loco in the coco when I try to help with science... so I do science with Pinkie Pie"

Rainbow grins "Or when I play one of my audio recordings of her in bed"

Applejack sighs "Why do ya spy on us?"

"So I can document your bed-friends to ensure that none of you become carriers of diseases. That's why I work at the colonoscopy clinic and the infectious diseases filing system. I know who has what and buy treatment materials for everything from AIDS to Gonorrhea. And I've vaccinated all of our friends and loved ones with every type I can get my hands on... perks of being one of the higher-ups in the CDC and blackmailing the president... speaking of, has your tongue been feeling... fuzzy lately? Or any unusual smells coming from nowhere?"

Applejack's pupils shrink "Ah... ah... have been smellin' burnt sugar when ah'm showerin'..."

Rainbow nods "That's just the Aids booster I gave you two days ago. It'll stop in about three days"

Sweetie shivers "I thought you said it was a vitamin shot!"

Rainbow rolls her eyes "It was... and also a booster. Your family has a history of carrying a dominant trait for susceptibility for skin diseases so I was just injecting some booster T-cells I cultured from some drool Scootaloo brought me as well as a used pad..." she looks up "Seriously, your grandfather and late aunt are in remission"

Sweetie whimpers "I'm... I'm going to lay down"

"'Kay. Hey Babs! Where do you want this joint?"

"Smokin' in my lap!" Babs replies, cackling

Scootaloo laughs "Yeah! We could use some non-threatening vapors over here!"

Rainbow grins "Okay, if you think you two can handle it..."

Applejack sighs, running her teeth over her tongue "Dash? My tongue feels funny... Dash? DASH?!"

"Why am ah tied up?" Applebloom asks

"Make-up time" Silver replies, a sinister grin on her face

"... That don't answer my question"

Diamond rolls her eyes "We have you tied up so that you can't run away from us when we start making you prettier"

Applebloom sighs "An' ah have to be upside-down?"

Silver spins the wheel "Nope, we just have you on a wheel for fun. And it's like a carnival ride so... this is one of the few times I can make a 'Hick' joke a day"

"How many can you make a day?" Diamond asks

"Five total. That's one down, and I'll make up the other four later"

Applebloom groans "Why does everyone call me a hick? Ah'm not a hick... my cousin Braeburn is a hick ah think"

"You mean Bailey Sweet" Silver says, setting bottles of polish on a table

"What?"

"You don't know? He got a partial sex change. We're penpals... give me a sec, I have few pictures on my phone..."

Diamond cocks her head "'Partial'?"

Silver nods, holding her phone up "Yeah, he got a pair of boobs and junk but kept his dick... it's kinda cool to look out actually*"

Applebloom squints "Why is he wearin' a dress?"

"It was an autographed picture he sent me from a successful performance in Prance. We're pretty close actually"

Applebloom groans "Why are all my relatives weird?"

"My aunts and uncle are Siamese triplets" Diamond says, staring at the picture "Applebloom... your cousin is fuckin' sexy... do you know if he does personal shows?"

Applebloom blushes "If you dare, ah'll break up with you and tell everyone about your secrets... and break your ribs"

Diamond rolls her eyes "You'll be there too, don't be jealous"

"Silver? Kill me please" Applebloom asks

"I'm kidding Applebloom! Sheesh, get a sense of humor!" Diamond says, kissing Applebloom's cheek

"It's bad enough that everyone already assumes that Apples don't pollinate outside the orchard" Silver says flatly before grinning "I'm going to let you two figure that one out while I put on some mascara"

Diamond sits down, thinking "... Pollina- SILVER SPOON! That's not funny!"

Applebloom attempts to shrug "Honestly, that's a new one on me. Pretty clever but when ah get free ah'm gonna get you back"

Silver smirks "Sorry 'Bloom, my barn door don't swing that way"

Diamond sighs "You know who came up with all of the insults and things from when we were kids? That was mostly Silver's doing"

Applebloom blinks "Huh, ah always thought that one about my family growin' from seeds was pretty clever. Me an' Scoots tried growin' me a little brother for months after that"

Diamond raises her hand meekly "That was me..."

Silver shrugs "Hey DT, which eyeliner goes with her eyes?"

Diamond pauses "Dark saffron or maybe... red shift?"

Nodding, Silver pulls out a pencil "You always were good with make-up"

Applebloom squints at Silver "You ain't gonna do that 'Disappearing pencil' trick are ya?"

"No, this is a eyeshadow pencil, it's soft so don't worry. I'm a professional"

"You got your cosmetics license?" Diamond asks

"Not exactly. The school burned down because the teacher was the wife of the area's don who's son was having an affair with the rival family's don's wife. So I got the finished licenses out of there before they set it on fire. I'm technically qualified because it was finished a few hours before the fire. There wasn't any ceremony but Babs and I celebrated surviving and the money she stole from the wife's safe... and information on both family heads so... we stopped a war, got rich, and had a small party... I can't remember what happened after that, Babs got her hands on some hard booze and I woke up naked with a hangover, Bab's jacket was on my chest, and there was a bottle of maple syrup on my crotch. And my neighbor's cat was sleeping on my head for some reason... and for some reason, the smell of boiled broccoli gives me vertigo..."

Diamond stares at her "... I have no response for that"

Applebloom sighs "My life is so messed up..."

Author's Note

Okay... I admit that this is a bit out there but it will all mean something as time passes. Trust me, I'm a cat of my word

*
Yup, I STILL regret nothing... this is too fun