I guess I should start writing now, since I don't have much else to do.

I don't know what to write about.

Doc said I should write out an introduction of myself. Which I think is stupid because I already know who I am and he knows me better than that. He had some kind of crazy egghead reason. Something about showing how well I know myself or how I think about myself. I think he mentioned Freud.

That's what therapists do, right? Talk about Freud all the time?

Whatever, I guess I'll do it his way.

My name is Rainbow Dash and I'm a grounded pegasus.

(Hello, Rainbow Dash.)

I've been flightless for all of my adult life. Not because I can't fly. I used to be the fastest flyer around, but because I choose not to fly. I just haven't been the same since...Fluttershy's passing.

One of my best friends died when we were fillies. It was tragic, stupid, and shouldn't have happened. Some stupid bucking colts were bullying poor Fluttershy and I couldn't just fly away from that! Before I knew it we were all lined up at the starting line of a pegasus racetrack. Stupid me told Fluttershy to stand on that small cloud and hold the flag. I knew she was a poor flyer. I knew she wasn't the strongest pony or good at balancing. I knew that cloud wasn't over the cloud layer. But I still told her to do it. I knew I shouldn't have made her but I STILL BUCKING PRESSURED HER! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ANYPONY ELSE BUT I HAD TO MAKE HER!

Sorry. I needed to get some fresh air before it could write again. I actually went over to Quills and Sofas to...get more quills...I kinda smashed my last one into my desk over and over again. Turns out that makes a quill unusable. Who knew?

Anyway, to make a long story short, Fluttershy fell and I guess was unable to catch the wind under her wings in time. She didn't make it. The Doctor Doctor (Not like the Doc) said something like the force of the impact crushed most of her bones and organs. He said it happened so fast that she probably didn't feel it. I guess it's a good thing she was a pegasus, ya know? Hollow bones and all that. If she were an earth pony or unicorn she might have survived the fall for a while and suffered...I didn’t even see her fall...I...I didn’t hear her scream...for help...for me...

I don't feel like writing anymore. I'm gonna go watch Baking Bad and try to forget.

Baking Bad apparently comes on tomorrow night and Derpy won't let me have the remote. So I guess I'll try to write one more time before I desperately try to sleep.

I guess I can write about Derpy.

She's my housemate and co-worker. We met when I first came to Ponyville.

Leaves fell from trees of Ponyville as autumn was in full swing. I got off the train with mostly empty saddlebags on my back and butterflies fluttering in my stomach. As I left the station and entered the actual town, I was struck by how it felt both empty and sorta busy at the same time. Having just left Canterlot, I was used to the super dense streets filled with super busy ponies that ignored you as they ran right into you. Ponyville, though, had fewer ponies but they weren't just standing around. They all seemed to be doing something. Buying groceries, walking with friends, hauling carts possibly full of stuff to sell. Ponyville also just felt...friendlier. Even though I hadn't talked to anypony yet, I could tell by just looking at them that they were nice ponies. Not like those ponies in Canterlot.

While I was just standing there outside the train station watching ponies go by, something caught my eye. Something orange on the edge of my vision was moving towards me. Glancing over I saw that it was a mare that looked about my age. She had a blonde mane and tail that were tied up in someway. I couldn't tell you a style, I don't know anything about hair. She wore a hat that I had never seen in Cloudsdale or Canterlot.

"Howdy, stranger," she said with a thick accent, "You look lost. Need some help?"

She smiled warmly as she waited for a response. I didn't really know whether to trust her or not, but something about her face seemed to say that she was an honest pony.

"Um...yeah," I responded while rubbing the back of my neck, "I'm looking for somepony named Ditzy Doo. Do you know her?"

She grinned widely. I assumed that was a good thing and smiled back kinda awkwardly.

"'Course I know Miss Doo. She works at the post office. I can show ya the way, Miss...?"

"Dash. Rainbow Dash."

"Pleasure to meet ya, Rainbow Dash. I'm Applejack. Let's get going."

Then she trotted over to a big red stallion pulling a cart full of apples. Only then did I notice her cutie mark of three apples.

I decided it would be best to follow her since I really didn't know anything about Ponyville, especially where the post office was.

When I walked over to the cart, the unusually large stallion looked at me without moving a muscle in his face. He then moved his eyes to look at Applejack and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, Big Mac," said Applejack to the huge stallion, "This here is Rainbow Dash. She's a mite lost and needs to get to the post office. I figured she could tag along since we were heading that way anyway. Is that alright?"

Big Mac looked forward once more and began pulling the cart.

"Eeyup," he replied in a deeper form of the same accent.

Then we started walking. Applejack greeted almost everypony she passed by name. It was very impressive to watch. Big Mac seemed to be dedicated to pulling the cart full of apples to its destination. It was a lot of apples. I think I got to 57 when I started trying to count them.

"We're apple farmers, in case you're curious," Applejack said, making me lose count, "Best darn apples this side of Equestria!...At least that's what most ponies say."

"Are they really that good?" I asked trying to ignore the urge to try one right then.

"I wouldn't sell ''em if they weren't."

"I'll be sure to try it later then. I gotta put these things to the test."

Just my luck that my stomach heard that and had excellent timing. It loudly rumbled. I couldn't afford breakfast before I left Canterlot and was kinda hungry at this point.

Applejack just smirked at me.

"Guess later just moved up to now, huh?"

I just shrugged and looked at the ground, trying to ignore the pain in my stomach.

I felt a hoof touch the bottom of my chin and pull my head up until I was face to face with Applejack.

"What's wrong, sugar cube?" she asked with concern.

This question caught me off guard. No pony besides my parents had ever been so caring as to ask if something was wrong, and here was a complete stranger that was concerned about me. Also her tone felt less like I was a stranger and like I was her best friend. It almost made me break down then and there, but I somehow managed to keep myself together.

I cleared my throat and began talking.

"I kinda wish I could buy an apple from you, Applejack, but all of my bits are kinda spoken for. The Canterlot post office is transferred me to Ponyville, and I needed my last paycheck for a train ticket and my first three months of rent at some sketchy apartment on the edge of town. I just need to get to Ditzy Doo and start working. The sooner I can get to work, the sooner I can earn some bits."

My head fell again. I tried to sigh as softly as I could. It had been a pretty shitty day, but I saw no reason that I should make this stranger feel any more sympathy for me.

Suddenly a red apple floated into my vision attached to an orange hoof. I looked up at Applejack who was still offering the apple with a smile.

"But...I don't-"

Before I could finish the sentence, the apple was thrust into my hooves. I looked from the shining apple to the beaming mare.

"It's on the house, sugarcube," Applejack said, nodding slightly, "Can't go lettin' our new mailmare go to work without lunch."

I was really moved by this random show of kindness. Let me say again that at this point we were STRANGERS. We had known each other for five minutes tops. Yet she had shown me more kindness in those five minutes than my coworkers had over the course of the past two years!

"Also," Applejack said before I could take a bite of the apple, "I've heard from a mighty reliable source that a Ms. Ditzy Doo MAY be looking to rent out a room for some extra bits. Apparently the last mare that roomed with her went off to go sell carrots in Trottingham, so she has a vacancy and asked if I knew anypony lookin' to rent. She's asking a lot less than those creepy places on the edge of town, and ain't anywhere near as sketchy. Ya know, if you want, I can put in a good word for ya. If you're interested that is."

It was at this point that I felt happier than I had ever felt before. Just the combination of relief, joy, and friendship washed over in a way that was totally awesome. It in no way led to me hugging Applejack and crying. That would be SO uncool.

So anyway, to make a long story short, we met up with Ditzy Doo and she was totally cool with me moving in. I made two really great friends that day that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Maybe I'll write tomorrow about Derpy, but not tonight because my jaw is killing me from all this writing. Thanks Doc for suggesting I write this journal (It's not a diary!), it has been really nice to think about things like coming to Ponyville.

Ms. Dash,

It’s good to see you writing about your past experiences. Like reading a book over again, looking back at your memories can help you realize things that you didn’t notice about it before, including about yourself right now. I can help point out one for you: it was when you wrote “It was at this point that I felt happier than I had ever felt before...It in no way led to me hugging Applejack and crying. That would be SO uncool.”

You felt joy at a gesture of friendship, something as simple as giving an apple. But at the same time, you said you avoided hugging her. Now, whether that was true or just you “playing it off as cool”, you still denied it to yourself. Maybe the years of distancing yourself from others made you uncomfortable with being so close. I encourage you not to push those friendly faces away, and in fact reach out to them. Friends can be a comforting light in a cold darkness, and they’ll be there for you when you need them. And, of course, I will always be here if you need me, Rainbow Dash.

Until our next session,
Dr. Sanguine Script

Author's Note

Kasurio wrote this when he was bored (Think Fresh Prince):

In western Cloudsdale, born and raised, lost my good friend in the wake of my race. Butterflies formed, but she fell on through, and suddenly ended up in a blood red pool. When a couple of colts, they were up on my flank, tryin’ to ruin my mood and all of that jank. But I got in one little race and shit got ripped, so now I’m hanging with my therapist, Sanguine Script. *Initiate Spinning Throne Sequence*