Anon was walking through the town of Ponyville, carrying a large chest on his back like a merchant. "Huh, could've swore the damn house was around here..."

"Wasn't it near the Cake Shop?"

"Not sure, guess I should go and check." Anon adjusted the chest to a more comfortable position. "Damn thing is heavy..."

"Don't you have an easier way to carry this?"

"No, do you see anything that can make this fifty-ton chest easier to carry that can also hold it up?... Actually, it feels lighter today, maybe I'm getting stronger?" Anon's legs gave out and he landed on his ass, tuckered out and covered in sweat. "Sweet Mother of Aphrodite this thing is heavy..." Anon, for some unknown reason, felt the weight of the treasure lift off of him. He looked as far as his vertebrae would allow and saw a strange, blue aura surround his loot. "Huh?"

"You act like you've never witnessed unicorn magic, darling." A white unicorn with purple, stylish hair walked passed him. "I assume your the human that everypony is talking about, do you have a name?"

"Um... Anon, just Anon." Anon said, holding out his hand. The unicorn took it in her hoof and shook it.

"Well Anon, I am Miss Rarity. I run the boutique in this little town." She took her hoof back after introducing herself.

"Well, thanks for the lift. Say, do you know where the house that's being sold is?"

"Why yes I do, it's near Sugarcube Corner where my friend works." She said.

"Called it." Nightmare said.

"Come with me, I shall lead you there." She continued on in the direction of the shop, Anon followed.

"You don't have to do this for me, you know." Anon said.

"Nonsense, you've been carrying that heavy thing all day... Where did you find such an artifact to begin with?"

"I raided a dragon den." Anon informed. "It's full of gems and gold, so it's... Heavy."

"Oh my, well let's get you to that house then!" Rarity then layed her head against Anon's hip, looking up at him with shimmering eyes. "Then maybe, I could take a little peak?"

"Uh, I wouldn't mind that but could you stop... Rubbing up against my leg?"

"What? Did I offend you in some way?"

"Eh... Not me, but Shizuki might be watching... Probably is, now that I think of it." Anon said.

"Shizuki, darling?"

"Let's just hurry and get to the house, it's for your safety." Anon looked around as they walked. "Hmm... Okay, looks like she won't hurt us."

"This Shizuki pony sounds dangerous." Rarity said.

"She's harmless unless it involves me I guess..."

"Oh, is this pony your marefreind, darling?"

"It's sort of one-sided... As in her obsessing over me." Anon explained. "She's a sweet girl, but she can be cruel if I'm in trouble."

"Cruel too...You?"

"Cruel to the dead-man who threatened me... Human relationships are usually more stable than this and the male is the one who protects the female, but she's far more stronger and smarter compared to me... So yeah, if anyone hurts me that will be the last thing they will ever do." Anon pat Rarity on the head. "But I wouldn't worry about that, as long as I'm not hurt or hit-on everyone will live happily ever after."

"She sounds... Brutish, no offence of course." Rarity said with a little hesitation.

"Nah, she's a tiny little thing compared to me." Anon brushed off. "I'm stronger than her when it comes to muscle, where she outranks me is by fighting styles and experience."

"Oh... What fighting style?"

"All of them." Anon said. "Well, most of them at least."

"I see... Well, Twilight said you were a friendly human, but your clothing is very worn down." Rarity pointed out.

"Well no one on this planet ever wear clothes so I have to make these last the rest of my life... Wouldn't hurt to have a Target out here..." Anon said.

"Why do you need a target, darling?"

"... It's a human thing." Anon said.

"Well I can make you some clothes after we're done here, I just need your measurements." Rarity explained.

"Ah thank god." Anon said in relief. "Thank you, Rarity. You have no idea how bad I need new clothes, if these rags gave out... Let's just say humans wear them for a reason."

"It's no trouble, darling." The two were approaching the cake-shop. "Well we've made it to our destination, Time-Tuner's house is across from your soon-to-be home." She pointed to the small clock shop which was right across from the new house. The new house was a reasonable size, though the door was smaller than Anon had hoped it to be.

"Hmm... Decent size for my height." Anon said to himself.

"Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, living room, kitchen, and an attic." A mare approached the two, she had a grey mane with a beige coat. From the small button pinned to her coat Anon assumed she was the mayor. "Are you looking to buy this plot of land, Human?"

"Yes, actually. I am also happy to inform that I can pay up-front." Anon dropped the chest and opened it, he beheld the large sand bags that............. "What... The hell... Happened to my treasure?..." Anon took out his switch-blade and cut open the sand bags, they were filled with clods of dirt and plain rocks.

"Anon? Is everything... Okay?

"Oh hell to the no!" Anon shouted, unleashing his inner sassy black woman. "HELL to the NO!"

"Anon, language!"

Anon ignored Rarity and spun around. "Where the hell my girl at!? Shizuki, get yo ass down here!"

Shizuki jumped down from a nearby roof and landed with a roll as to avoid the full force of the fall, she looked worried. "Oh no... He's going through one of his 'Sharquisha' moments."

"Bitches gonna die t'night... Shizuki, you gonna be my right-hand hoe, when we find those stealing skanks we send em to hell with a size 20 up each of their asses! You find out who stole my money, I'm gonna go pack some heat." Anon marched to Fluttershy's house, muttering under his breath death threats and cuss words.

"My word, he sounds like that uncouth mare I bumped into when I went to Neigh Jersey." Rarity said.

"I'm... really sorry you had to see that. When Anon get's angry he might start acting like this." Shizuki explained.

"Hmm... Why do you call it a 'Sharquisha' moment?"

"Whenever he got angry like this his sisters would start calling him Sharquisha, it just picked up along the way." Shizuki said. "Don't worry, he'll calm down and stop talking like he was raised in the ghetto, just give him time."

Rarity examined the chest and found a clue. It was a red collar with gems encrusted on it. "Diamond dogs... I should have guessed."

"You mean those thieves in the wastelands?"

"Yes, I had a run-in with them a few months ago. I'm not sure if a new pack took over the area or not so I can't really help you." Rarity sad.

"The only real trouble I'll have is keeping Anny from blowing the whole thing up. He can be a crafty little sneak but if he goes one-on-one with one of those marauders he'll be killed." Shizuki said.

"Really? You think he's that weak?" Rarity asked. "From his explanation he said he was stronger when it comes to muscle."

"That's because he's a guy, and he's older than me. He may have me at pure strength but I win over-all with my unpredictable fighting style and sheer speed. What good is having strength if you can't hit your opponent with it?"

"You're not invincible darling, Diamond Dogs are stronger than you think." Rarity warned.

"I don't care how strong they are, I'll just turn their muscle against them." Shizuki retorted, cracking her knuckles to emphasize her point. "So, what do they look like?"

"Well they're big talking dogs that dig for gems or steal gems, they're not very bright but they are strong." She explained. "If I were you, I'd make a plan before going at them."

"Already got a plan." Anon said, sporting his galactic battle armor. "It involves this high-powered plasma rifle 'the Cicada-5000', a lot of explosives, and even more blood." The 'Cicada' was fairly large and far more advanced than anything on Equiss. It had a canister instead of a magazine and it was inserted in the middle of the gun like a revolver. The canister glowed purple with a strange energy just waiting to be released with the squeeze of the trigger. It's shape was like the normal assault rifle from Halo but with a purple glowing cylinder in the center. It also had a bayonet attachment below the nozzle. "Shizuki, let's move. The sooner I get payback the sooner I get my house."

"Right." The two humans made their way to the Diamond Dog Wastelands with a hunger for revenge.

Author's Note

Hey everybody, I know I've been away but Borderlands 2 wrapped me up with it's DLC, then I discovered Cr1TiKaL, after that I had some heavy debating on religion and we all know how sensitive that topic is. (Long story short, I am now a Pagan pony and I learned that opinions hurt). But that's enough about my weird life, I am a little disappointed to admit that I've been distracted from the MLP community. The latest episode I watched was the Starlight Shimmer episode with the weird village and the stick of butt tattoo removal, yeah I had absolutely NO idea that the series continued after that. Hell, I heard there was another Equestria girls special! Why have I been distracted you ask? Steven Universe, my Young Writers story (Which I won, go me!), school, Skyrim, Ribbit King, and a lot of other fandoms I'm a member of... I need help... SO! Will Anon and Shizuki best the Diamond Dog scum? Will I ever learn not to bring religion into anything ever? Will you question why this is still going on? Find out on the next episode of... Dragon Ball Z!