Hail Science

SCIENCE

The world always called me foolish, hopeless, and worthless. Pretty much every rude word that ended with -less, but I said, "Fuck you in your little petite asshole, nerd," and went about my business of creating the new era of humanity!

By myself...

It hurt not to have any friends willing to join me on this spectacular adventure, but I didn't care. They wouldn't be claiming royalty rights for my creation and all the funds would go to me! Then, I fill their pools with beautiful cash and go for a swim as they weep on their deck. I'll probably be kicked out, but oh well. I'll still be richer and better.

Now, why would people call me insane and delusional and those very rude -less words? Well, it is because I am creating Universal Leaping Machine! (name still in progress. Copyright 2074) Of course, I have made astounding progress and have nearly finished after 25 years of not seeing my family, which disowned me after 10 years of absence... BUT! They'll crawling back to me soon enough. Just as I did when crawled back to them asking for money. They didn't cooperate with me, so I stole the money. That's mainly why they disowned me...

Anyways! I have nearly finished with my U.L.M! As a matter of fact, I could very well use right now; except I may be dropped off at a trans-dimensional vortex that ceases my existence which would put quite a dent in the project's progression... So I have decided to find a test subject! But, there's really no one that would do it so there's that problem. The year is 2074 and yet you can never find any scientific radicals anymore...

A shame really...

No matter!  I can find something that mimics life to go into the U.L.M. But not any animals. They're too adorable to send into possible non-existence. Well, except maybe cats. They never seemed to like me...

Oh well, I see no harm in testing it out myself actually. The main concern is obviously being thrown into non-existence and all that shit but the other concern is that I can't predict or even know what universe I'll be transferring myself to, if that happens. I could end in the Skyrim or Fallout universe! Though, I don't know long I'd survive in the Fallout universe, especially if I was transported to when the bombs dropped or into Deathclaw Sanctuary... That would be extremely troublesome... But, I'm getting off track here.

The time is now! For science and the new era of humanity, I flip the switch!

Well, I was expecting more of a big, huge fanfare I guess. All it did was spark to life... I need to add a fanfare for when this thing turns on...

Time to venture forth in the vast unknown and possible non-existence! I clamored up and through the portal, only to be shot back like a little bitch.  It was extremely painful and unexpected...

Needless to say, I was furious. The damn thing failed me! I hyped it more than Call of Duty: Ghosts was! A bitter disappointment but it was strange, since the damned thing stayed on. So why the ever-living fuck did it blow me backwards! I decided to calmly fix it with a baseball bat, only to hear strange voices on the other side of the portal... Have I transported something here? Did I actually prove my mother wrong in her saying I would amount to nothing by following this?  Can't wait to shove the money down her throat if I did...

I checked around the portal, finding an assload of nothing. That killed every shred of hope in me, since the voices were on the other side of the machine. But, they were still here! Just on the side I was originally on! And it was such bullshit when I found a great big pile of nothing on the other side...but the voices were still here! They're probably stuck in the portal like some absolute imbecile who couldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel... That thought made me realize that whatever came out of the portal wasn't very intelligent...

After sitting in the lab for a hopeless 30 minutes, I went upstairs to grab some popcorn and a beverage. It didn't matter if whatever was inside the portal had any intellect, it was still terrestrial life. Meaning BIG bucks! So, I was determined to do what did for most of my childhood. Sit on a couch, eating food and drinking pop while watching a projection on a flat surface.

After running out of popcorn and pop, I fell asleep. I hated naps. When would I wake up? In five minutes? 30? An hour? Eight hours? Five years? I would never know. But now, something was off... Apparently, something entered the lab and fucked up the place by leaving my tools strewn all over, or I went on a sleep adventure acting like I was Godzilla. Both had a terror within me, more so the unknown assailant entering and messing up the lab rather than Godzilla Jeffery... Mostly because I could hear very distinct voices from somewhere in the room... Feminine too...I probably embarrassed myself when they first saw me with an empty bowl of popcorn and sleeping on a desk, with drool most likely included.

I snapped up from the desk and looked around. I saw something whoosh under the table nearest to the portal... I was terrified, in all honesty. It wasn't human-like, whatever that thing was. I could tell that it was vibrant with color, as if the color of a rainbow. Did I transport creatures from the fucking Rainbow Universe or some shit? That'd be a blast to my lesbian sister... Not that I had a problem with it though! Don't get me wrong! I fully support her and she's the only one who still talks to me in my family...

Well, that was a little bit of unneeded information...

Anyways, back to me being terrified of a rainbow creature hiding behind a desk. I, being all so logical, did nothing but cower behind the desk I slept upon, sneaking the occasional glance above the desktop. This time, I spotted something... floofy? It was one solid color, that I could tell. It was a light red... maybe pink? That did squander my thoughts of transporting the inhabitants of the Rainbow Universe. Sorry sis...

I had to do something. I would starve or dehydrate if I just hid behind the desk for the remainder of my life. The thought soon struck me. I was a top-notch scientist that was just willing to jump into non-existence and now I couldn't face a rainbow-colored and one other pink-colored creature?!  Boy, was I ever so controversial about myself...

I did another peek above the desktop, spotting something...standing, I guess? It was fairly short and showed a bright white skin color with a purple tail and...mane? The fuck was this? A fucking horse? No, it couldn't be horse. It was much too small. It was a pony. Fan-fucking-tastic. I transported an already known species here except it had a different colorization to it. Wonderful. I'll definitely be receiving the big bucks from this discovery...

My fear had utterly washed away now. Whatever was in there, hiding behind desks, were just ponies. Nothing harmful and definitely not intelligent enough to resist anything I did to throw them back into the portal. So, Experiment One had been a failure. Great. That certainly put a damper on my day...

"Howdy!"

I whipped around and screamed, my fear returning ever so quickly. An orange pony with a fucking cowboy hat was crouching behind me, giving me a weird stare. I pushed the desk away and gave a little shove to the pony before bolting for the stairs. I realized that whatever the fuck universe I had just transferred that thing from had enough sense of mind to speak, then again...I did hear their voices...contradicting myself yet again...

When I reached the top of the stairs, I looked back down. Two purple eyes were staring confusedly up at me from the bottom. Yelping, I slammed shut the door and took a chair from the kitchen to prop up against the door handle. It quickly came to mind that they're ponies, meaning they had hooves, in return meaning that they shouldn't have the power to open doors... Except, thinking about the white pony I saw...the damn thing had a horn...

Could they levitate items? Through doors or walls? If so, that door handle and chair were useless... Wait...could they teleport? They wouldn't even need levitation if they got that shit going for them! I wasn't safe anywhere in this house! I was trapped by fucking equines! Ponies! Why was I so terrified of ponies?! It made no damn sense! I reassured myself that the reason behind it is because it's a new thing. A very strange and new thing. I just wasn't ready...but I am now.

I made for the door to the stairs. It was obvious they hadn't made an attempt to open it, since nothing seemed off about the door. Perhaps they went back into the portal. Nah, they wouldn't do that. They've proven curious of their new surroundings... Anyways, I pulled the chair out from the under the door handle and creaked open the door, immediately slamming it shut after spotting a pair of magenta eyes glaring from the crack.

"Fuck!" I yelled, louder than my intentions. I sat, still beating myself up over the fact I was cowering from goddamn ponies, until I heard a knock on the door, followed by a voice.

"You know, it's not nice to keep ponies locked up in your weird sciency area!" I huffed and got up, pinning my shoulder against the door. I had no response that wouldn't be classified as extremely rude and explicit, so I remained silent. If ya got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all, right?

"Just...stay down there! I don't want trouble or any of your magic!" I yelled back. No response came, but I could hear something like clopping getting further away. Had she listened? (I had determined the voice of the asker to be feminine) My answer soon came as I heard the noise again, only getting closer.

"I'm sorry if we startled you, but we would never use our magic against a random human." This voice was more smooth and convincing than the other one. The other had a tomboyish feeling to it...though the thing that had me confused and a bit terrified is that she knew what I was...

"How do you know about humans?" I questioned, pressing my ear lower on the door since the pony was just above half my height.

"Oh! Princess Celestia had sent me to the human world a while back! I've been studying them for quite some time after!" Princess? In their universe, they had form of government? Strange... Maybe they aren't so imbecilic as I thought... "Um...would you mind opening the door, please? Sorry to say, but this laboratory you have isn't exactly welcoming..."

There wasn't exactly harm in doing so... I could tell from the mare's (mare is female for horse... or else I'm pretty sure. My knowledge on equines wasn't the best) voice that she meant no harm and was honest. "Fine! I'll open the door," I said, slowly twisting the door handle. I was hesitant still, for I didn't know how the ponies would react. I knew there was at least four, but there might be more...I opened the door and looked down the stairs.

Five ponies stood on the stairs, looking up at me, though I could make out a yellow pony hiding behind some boxes near the end of the stairs. There was the rainbow one, which had wings?! There were pegasi among them?! That would fetch a nice pri-wait...I had a feeling in my gut that I simply couldn't hand them over for cash...

"Hey! I'm glad you decided to open the door! Allow us to introduce ourselves! I'm Twilight Sparkle!" She had a purple coat with differentiating shades of violet streaking in her tail and mane. Strangely enough, she had a horn and wings...

"The name's Rainbow Dash!" She was the rainbow one I caught while peeking above the desk earlier. Her coat however, was different. She had a light blue coat, and I also recognized her as the one who was staring at me from the crack in the door earlier...

"My name's Pinkie Pie!" She was lively, I could already tell. She was hopping up and down, and had a floofy tail and mane. The one I spotted after seeing Rainbow Dash's tail... She had bright blue eyes and a lighter pink for her coat than her tail and mane were.

"Pleasure t' meet ya! Name's Applejack!" She was the one I had shoved in my process of escaping the basement. Her tail and mane were a blonde color, but she did have admittedly shocking green eyes. Also, she definitely had a notable southern accent. After her introduction, there were two ponies left.

"I hope to make your acquaintance, dear. My name is Rarity." She was the one that I saw earlier, giving me the idea of them being ponies. Her eyes were a mixture of dark and light blue, but I couldn't make it out since she was at the bottom of the stairs.

The last one was refusing to move from her hiding place, giving me the impression that she was extremely shy. "C'mon Fluttershy! It's not cool to just hide while we're introducing ourselves," Rainbow Dash said, trying to persuade her friend to come out from the behind the boxes.

"It's fine," I said. "You'll all be returning to your universe soon enough anyways." I couldn't bring myself to say that I had the intention of selling them to top-research labs. Twilight, the leader of the group as from what I've inferred, gave me a nervous and sorry look.

"About that...the portal we came in...I don't think it's operational anymore..." My heart skipped a beat.

"Excuse me?" I asked slowly. I had spent 20 fucking years working on that shit! Twilight hung her head in shame.

"When we got out, it made a weird pop noise and turned off. I tried to fix it but I don't have any idea how human technology works..."  I groaned and her ears went. That little action and the expression on her face actually made me feel bad...

"I can fix it...I'll just need time..." I assured her, mainly to keep her from feeling bad. It made me feel bad, and as a scientist I'm not supposed to give a fuck about others. Only science and progression. At least that's what my mentor had taught me... "Why don't you guys come upstairs?" I glanced at the window, seeing night had fallen. "I guess I'll have to find someplace for you all to sleep as well.." My house wasn't exactly the mansion I deserved, but it was big enough to house them and me until I fixed the Universal Leaping Machine. I couldn't bring myself to tell them I had the intention of selling them off...

I brought them all further upstairs until we reached the guest bedroom, which hasn't been used since 20 years ago. Don't worry, I kept the house clean and dandy so it wasn't like an old house that went to waste 20 years ago. "You'll all be sleeping in here," I told them as I opened the door. "Don't keep me up and the bathroom is down to the left. Sleep well." I left to the room and nearly closed the door when I heard the rainbow pony's voice.

"What's gonna be for breakfast?" I sighed and hung my head. I forgot I had to actually care for them and it would damn rude not to at least feed them...

"You'll find out in the morning. Now go to sleep!" I closed the door and walked tiredly down to my room. I was in a whole heap of trouble. I had six fucking ponies to take care of and I don't get anything in return. My machine backfired and broke down, making it so I couldn't just retry without spending more money to fix it. I just hoped I wasn't stuck with this bunch for the remainder of my life. I'd be driven to insanity...