Chapter 6: Dealing with a Pest

"I... That is to say-WHY ARE YOU WATCHING?!" The...horsadillo? Screeched at the bearded menace, whirling around to face him, hiding a rather sticky hoof... Uh, most-of-a-hoof behind her back and trying desperately to shake the used pair of boxers from her horn before remembering her magic and quickly teleporting them to fuck only knows where.

Had this been any other time, Gonzo would be roaring with laughter at the scene. As it was, he levelled the business end of the breaker bar at her muzzle and scowled at the... Whatever it was. "YOU. Are in MY. HOUSE. More specifically, in MY. ROOM. You don't start explaining why, RIGHT! FUCKING! NOW! I will redecorate using your insides!"

It was at that particular moment that Skeletoid came piling through the door, along with the royal sisters, who all attempted to speak at once...

"Boy! What's the-"

"Gonzo! We heard-"

"Mr. Gonzo, who-"

Celestia was first to finish her sentence. "Chrysalis!" She hissed, narrowing her eyes and lowering her head in what was obviously a threatening manner.

Luna stood there, stunned into silence.

Skeletoid had to be the one to break the silence. "Boy, I know your laundry basket has an ecosystem that most scientists would probably class as a biohazard, but it's never actually coughed up a new species!" He quipped, still looking at the uninvited guest with confusion and hostility.

Chrysalis, as she was now introduced, stared at him with her mouth agog for a moment before launching into a verbal tirade. "I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM TO BE ADDRESSED AS QUEEN CHRYSALIS OF THE CHANGELING RACE AND I AM NOT A BIOHAZARD!"

Skeletoid was quick on the reply, "Well then, 'queen' (air quotes) Chrysalis of the changeling race, what're you doin' in Gonzo's bedroom, goin' through his crusty undercrackers, by yerself?" He asked, gesticulating at the dirty clothing that had been strewn over the floor around the wash basket, no doubt when she pulled her head free.

The changeling's cheeks turned luminous green with embarrassment and she looked to the floor.

Celestia looked disgusted beyond all reason at the implications as the pungent smell in the air was identified.

Luna looked positively murderous. For the same reason.

Skeletoid looked sickened and incredulous.

Gonzo looked a shade confused, the sudden interruption completely derailing his earlier fury at the interloper, so elaborated on Skeletoid's earlier question. "So... Why, pray-tell, are you here by yourself? Where's the rest of your race?"

Chrysalis levelled a hateful glare at the rather queasy-looking solar princess. "SOMELING- what?! Why did you make that noise?!" She demanded of the beard.

Gonzo had made an intensely frustrated sound. "What is it with you lot and this frankly retarded word bastardising?! Someling? Somepony? YOU MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE! Why can you not say somebody, or someone? Surely they are a far better terminology as it is blindingly obvious that there is more than ONE sentient species on this planet?! Isn't ending the word with pony or 'ling just being pretentious and arrogant to the nth degree?!" He ranted. For some reason, this word affectation thing had really gotten under his skin.

Chrysalis just looked at him balefully. "Are you quite done?"

"Yes, thankyou, do please continue." He urged.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes and once again levelled a glare at Celestia. "As I was saying... SomeBODY (happy now, precious?) wiped the rest of my race out when they forcibly ejected us from Canterlot!"

Celestia looked genuinely shocked; wounded, even. "Chrysalis! I never- oh I'm so sorry!"

"Come now, Celly!" Luna chided. "Have you completely forgotten the fact that their entire race attempted to take over Canterlot, our home, and enslave our entire kingdom to sate their own greed, and on our niece's wedding day, no less?! Now, I do not wish to appear cruel nor heartless, but they did bring it upon themselves." The Princess of the night reminded her sister, fixing Chrysalis with a look that promised nought but a world of hurt should she try anything silly.

The changeling queen looked mortified. "I WAS MERELY ATTEMPTING TO SECURE THE SURVIVAL OF MY SUBJECTS!" She ranted.

"As you said at the time. However, methinks one put one's hoof in it when she then went on to say, and I quote, 'My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!' Now does that not reek just a little too much of a major power trip?" Luna probed.

"Err, hate to butt in, but couldn't you have just, I dunno, asked for an audience with Yin and Yang here and negotiated some kind of care package deal?" Skeletoid asked.

The holey one had the decency to look at least mildly abashed. "That... Would have made more sense, actually..." She mumbled to the floor.

The royal sisters looked more than a little smug.

"That still does not answer the question as to why you decided to break into my house..." Gonzo pointed out.

"Indeed, that." Luna confirmed, now more than a little intrigued as to the supposed sole survivor of a rather unpleasant race ending up in her partner's bedroom.

"I heard a most raucous din emanating from this area that quickly moved away, so I came to investigate. On finding a rather humble dwelling, I attempted to summon the occupants to introduce myself. When there was no answer, I let myself in. End of story." Chrysalis huffed, turning her nose up.

"Yeah, you missed out the parts where you tell us how much of a nosey you had round the house and how you were gettin' yer jollies from stickin' yer head in my laundry bin." Gonzo stated, resting the breaker bar on one shoulder and tapping his boot on the floor. This interloper's stalling was beginning to piss him off in entirely the wrong way.

"And also why you were in the Everfree Forest in the first place..." Celestia added, looking rather confused.

Chrysalis blushed again, looking anywhere but at the four pairs of eyes boring into her. "...I'd rather not." She mumbled.

Skeletoid let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, you're not really in any position to be withholding info at this point, are ya? By the sounds of it, you got quite a rap sheet, an' you just added breaking-an'-entering to the list. Not to mention bein' caught red-handed doin' frankly questionable things with even more questionable things." He explained, still not quite wanting to believe what the evidence was suggesting. The painted man was of the opinion that Gonzo would be in dire need of some brain bleach after this was seen through.

"Quite!" Luna confirmed, while the other two nodded in agreement.

The changeling stared hard at the tattooed biped, and he stared equally hard back at her. "FINE!" She exclaimed. "I've been living in The Everfree since she threw me out of Canterlot. I can't go back to my hive in the Badlands in my condition, I've barely been able to siphon the emotional energy I need to stay conscious, let alone travel that sort of distance!"

"You seem fairly lucid at the moment, so I doubt you have been having as hard a time of it as you make out..." Luna interjected, looking rather skeptical.

Chrysalis faltered, eyes darting from the laundry basket to Gonzo to the floor in quick succession, the neon green glow of embarrassment rising in her cheeks. "Well- I- err- ah-" she stammered.

"Gesundheit." Skeletoid quipped. "Do please cough it up, we've got shit to do and you're holdin' up the party." He was acutely aware that Gonzo's fairly limitless patience was being burnt up quicker than his YZR could guzzle the jungle juice at full chat and wanted to get this little episode done and dusted before things got messy.

The changeling looked at him with cold fury. "I'll have you know that I am still a queen and I do NOT appreciate being spoken to in that manner! And for your information, it is incredibly rude to force royalty to divulge personal information such as this!" She shot back.

The breaker bar was brought down HARD on the nearby oak chest of drawers, rattling the various trinkets and cans of deodoriser on top and leaving a very large dent in the wood, and the resultant BANG nearly caused those assembled to soil themselves. "Get on with it." Gonzo snapped, looking the changeling dead square in the eyes.

---NOTE TO READERS: This bit you may find a little disgusting. However, it is a rather important tidbit, so try to have an open mind.
That being said, you've read this far. Bit late to develop a weak stomach.

Chrysalis was a touch unnerved at the look in his eyes, and the white-knuckle grip he had on the breaker bar. Due to her... 'talents', she knew he was loath to resort to violence, but when pushed, was more than capable of handling himself, but for one thing. He was not wholly dissimilar to a berserker. This knowledge loosened her tongue rather quickly, as she could see he was now rapidly running out of patience. "I siphoned the residual emotional energy from your soiled clothing. Your undergarments were the most potent. The... Residue that I tasted in some of them let me see what you were thinking about at the time, and I became aroused and had to do something about it. The residue I tasted on some of your other clothing has done likewise." She reeled off quickly, hoping to calm his rising temper.

Gonzo stared at her with a completely unreadable expression. During this wee narrative, he had stopped playing with the breaker bar and tapping his foot. For better or worse was yet to be decided. "...So lemme get this straight. You gain energy from siphoning off peoples' emotions, yes?" A nod. "And if I'm understanding things correctly, you can also do that with things that have been worn or handled by someone?" Another nod. "And finally, sucking bodily fluids out of something, or someone, allows you to, essentially, read their mind for that given time period?" A rather deep blush and another nod. "So you've pretty much watched the last... 2 weeks or so of my life, from my point of view, by sticking your head in my dirty clothes." He confirmed. A final nod. "And that actually turned you on so much you had to rub the muffin while you were still in there?!"

The glow on her cheeks seemed to brighten to blinding proportions.

A snort of laughter. And another. Shortly, both Beak and Beard were caught up in a laughing fit that lasted a good 2 minutes. Even the two alicorns ended up seeing the funny side of it and having a hearty chortle.

"Fuck me, you must be seriously desperate!" Skeletoid jibed once he'd calmed down enough to speak.

Chrysalis didn't know whether to feel relieved or humiliated. On the one hand... Hoof... End of limb, she had avoided setting off Gonzo's temper, but on the other, she had inadvertently ended up as court jester by revealing the changeling trade secret...

She went with insulted instead. Fair compromise. "I am insulted!" The changeling stated. She was gonna tell 'em too, it would appear... "I lay myself bare at your request and all you do is laugh! And on top of that, you insinuate that I am in dire need of a good rutting! Ooooh, I've got half a mind to teach you all your proper place!" Chrysalis ranted.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "Need we remind you how well that went last time? And you had an entire army at your disposal..."

"Not to mention, we have the Elements of Harmony standing guard outside, who are ready to fight on our command..." Luna added.

Chrysalis promptly shut up.

On that note, we shall see what our six bearers are up to outside...

We start off with Celestia's trio: Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy.

"So Rarity, when you gonna take ol' Skellybones back to your place and introduce him to what makes you a lady?" Pinkie asked while bouncing between windows, checking nothing untoward was happening. "Ooooh, why does this window have to be the only one with the curtains drawn?!" She huffed in frustration.

"Pinkamena! One simply does not gossip about one's potential rendezvous until after the fact! It's bad luck!" Rarity reprimanded the party animal in a haughty tone that was none-too-subtle.

"Oh, but- um, pardon me for interrupting- uhh, you did seem awfully cosy sitting with him in the... Err..." Fluttershy gesticulated towards the ThunderBus with a hoof before continuing. "You know, all wrapped up tight in his arms... Sitting in his lap and, and leaning up against his barrel like that..." She trailed off, hiding further and further behind her mane as she spoke, a light pink hue to her cheeks.

Rarity, too, had a faint blush as she listened to Fluttershy's description. "Yes, well, quite! He did make for exemplary seating as we were transported through the Everfree in that... vehicle. Not once did I feel unsafe in his care, it was most pleasant!" She babbled excitedly, although having to mention that truly offensive contraption again left a somewhat foul taste in her mouth.

"Didya feel his boner through that armour stuff he was wearing? Huh huh huh? I bet it was HUGE! Cuz, like, they're almost TWICE as tall as we are! But then they walk on just their back legs and their front legs aren't as long so if they were down on all four legs they'd look pretty silly with their flank all up in the air like they were asking for a rutting and they wouldn't be much bigger than us really, so in hindsight I think he wouldn't be that big in the panty party department or at least not much bigger than your average stallion anyway..." Pinkie word-vomited, not even stopping to breathe, and then inhaling so hard that both Rarity and Fluttershy could feel themselves being pulled toward her gaping pie-hole. (See whut I did there? I made a funny! Cuz, y'know, her name's Pinkie PIE, an' I called her mouth a PIE hole! I'll shut up now.)

Fluttershy, for her part, tried valiantly to refrain from passing out again as she processed Pinkie's little narrative. She instead opted to blush furiously and retreat so far into her mane, she resembled a better-groomed equine version of a certain Addams Family member. "O-oh m-m-m-my! " She squeaked.

Rarity was frankly mortified. While she could not deny she had been thinking along the same lines as her spring-like friend, to hear it voiced, and in quite such a simple, undignified fashion was akin to blasphemy! "FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE, PINKAMENA DIANA PIE! YOUR LANGUAGE IS POSITIVELY OBSCENE! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS FILTH ANY LONGER!" The unicorn screeched, stalking up to Pinkie's latest estimated landing spot, grabbing hold once she had landed and rifling through the pink poofy mane for something to silence the tirade of obscenities.

Shortly, we find young Pinkie has returned to bouncing from window to window, but with a distinct lack of... bounce. Upon closer inspection, we see a locking ball gag wedged firmly between her gnashers, a hefty padlock keeping it all closed on the back of her head, and the key hanging from a thick cord around Rarity's neck. Fluttershy has, by this point, calmed down enough to resume her sentry duties. A rather tense silence hangs between the three, however.

On to Luna's trio: Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Twilight Sparkle.

The orange-furred blonde was doing a very good job of keeping outwardly calm, but inside she was a large ball of nerves. Would Gonzo accept her into his herd? Did they even have herds where he was from? Surely they did. It was an almost universal rule in gender-unbalanced societies. But was she his type?! Did he... could he like her like that? He seemed to be a fairly open-minded sort-

"APPLEJACK!! Rainbow Dash yelled in her ear, looking more than a touch put-out.

"Huh-what'n tarnation ya yellin' at me fer?!" Applejack snapped, staggering slightly to one side as she was rudely snatched from her internal musings.

Twilight stepped in to explain. "Rainbow Dash and I have spent the last few minutes trying fruitlessly to gain your attention as you appear to have stepped in something... questionable." The purple nerd said, wrinking her nose at the frankly offensive smell while looking at one of the farm filly's rear hooves.

It was at this point that Applejack noticed that, on finally gaining her attention, the flying colour swatch had retreated to a safe distance with a hoof over her nose and an obvious smirk on her face. Oh, and the smell. Goddesses ABOVE, the SMELL! "EURGH! What the HAY have ah stepped in?!" She exclaimed, lifting the offending hoof and trying to shake the... whatever it was from it.

"I dunno AJ, but it smells worse than your outhouse after Big Mac hit the cider too hard!" Rainbow Dash giggled, still maintaining a healthy gap between them.

"I'll be honest, I've never smelt anything quite that pungent either! I would hazard a guess and say that whatever... produced it is not a native species to Equestria." Twilight deduced, examining the cause of the smell. On closer inspection, it wasn't wholly dissimilar to Winona's leavings, save for the odd green tinge and, of course, the smell... "I wonder if Skeletoid or Gonzo would know what left it?" She mused aloud.

"Ah don't care whut made it, ah jus' want it offa mah hoof!" Applejack complained, still dancing about trying unsuccessfully to dislodge the foul substance.

"Normally, I'd cast a quick cleaning spell for you, but as I'm helping to maintain the shield spell, I can't risk it. Sorry, Applejack." Twilight apologised, looking distinctly disgruntled.

"Aw, 'taint nothin' you can do 'bout that, sugarcube. Safety firs' an' everythin'." Applejack reassured her.

"Hey AJ! I found a barrel of rainwater over here if this'll help!" Rainbow Dash called out from round the side of the house by the bioderv shed.

"That'll do!" Applejack exclaimed, wobbling over to the aforementioned water vestibule. A moment of faffing about and curses about how these Goddess-damned hairless apes made these accursed taps too small for pony hooves had the water flowing and the farm filly finally dislodging the disgusting muck. "Ahm gonna hafta sterilize that hoof when ah git home!" She moaned at volume.

"Speaking of homes, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna haven't come back out since they heard all that yelling going on. I do hope they're alright!" Twilight worried, glancing in the general direction the din had come from.

"Psh. Twi, you worry too much! The princesses can look after themselves, and with those two meatheads in there as well, I doubt there's much they couldn't handle." Rainbow Dash reassured her friend, folding her forelegs behind her head and lazily gliding in circles on her back.

The purple mare sighed. "You're probably right. I do need to take a step back sometimes." She agreed.

"Atta filly, Twi! Just take a leaf outta your ol' friend Dash's book. Let someone else do all the worrying!" The airbourne colour wheel encouraged, smiling as she closed her eyes for a spell.

"That's jest like you, RD! If it ain't a chance ta git yer kicks, yer too busy nappin' on a cloud somewhar!" Applejack teased, finally having shut off the tap and rejoined her friends. "Any action from inside?" She asked Twilight.

"Hey! I'll have you-" Rainbow Dash exclaimed before being cut off.

"Still nothing since the princesses left." Twilight confirmed.

And as if they had heard her signal the all-clear...

"SHE CAN WHAT?!!?!!?!?!??"

All six bearers prombtly soiled themselves (metaphorically) and practically galloped inside, hopefully in the right direction of the source...

Back inside, we find the two celestial sisters very much at odds with the two moto psychos, and Chrysalis looking exceedingly confused by what had just transpired.

"How's about we continue this conversation down in the dining room, eh? We did promise to get the kettle on, did we not boy?" Skeletoid offered in an attempt to save what little remained of his hearing.

"Err, yeah, summat like that. Yes! In that case, EVERYBODY OUT! DOWNSTAIRS WITH THE LOT O' YA!" Gonzo agreed, gesticulating for the crowd to move downstairs.

It was at this point that the other six members of their little party piled up the stairs...

"Whut'n the-"
"Oh-oh m-m-m-m-my!"
"Aw, not HER again!"
"GRACIOUS ME!"
"MMPH-HMMGH!"
"YOU...!"

Skeletoid facepalmed while Gonzo pinched the bridge of his nose.

"SILENCE IN THE HALLWAY PLEASE!" Skeletoid bellowed over the cacophony of hooves and exclamations, "IF THE LATEST ARRIVALS WILL TURN AROUND AND MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE DINING ROOM, WE CAN ALL GET A BREW AN' A SMOKE AN' SORT THIS SHIT OUT LIKE ADULTS!" He finished, using his best announcer's voice.

"Nicely done there, boy." Gonzo complimented, a quick fist-bump exchanged as the now miraculously quiet group of ponies made their way downstairs and into the kitchen/dining area as directed.

A brief spell and a starting of the generator later, cushions have been gathered and distributed about the place for seating, tea and coffee has been passed around (nothing fancy as yet, just quality Assam and Rocket Fuel instant) and everyone is sat looking around at everyone else, although some of our party have had their gazes fixed on certain other members of the party the whole time...

Oh, and by this point, Rarity has seen fit to remove Pinkie's ball gag... Under duress, I might add.

Twilight broke the silence... "What. Is. SHE. Doing. Here?" The bookworm managed to grate out with a surprisingly contained level of disgust.

"Funny story behind that..." Skeletoid answered with a mild smirk. "Anyone object if I give the abbreviated version?" He asked, looking between the Royal Sisters and his good friend. "No? Wonderful!"

And with that, the Beak retold the series of events quick-sharp, eliciting a few chuckles and a more-than-healthy dose of shocked and appalled faces along the way... "And to finish up, Gonzo and I decided it would only be gentlemanly to extend an offer of room and board on a trial basis, which was when Light and Dark attempted to render anyone within a 5-mile radius deaf."

Both himself and his bearded companion covered their ears as the verbal tirade began anew. Chrysalis had the sense to duck and cover under the table.

"My little ponies! Quiet, please!" Celestia intervened, standing up and fixing the group with a level stare. "While Luna and I, too, are equally as confused as to why they would make such an offer, yelling obscenities is no way to behave, especially if we wish to discover the answers to our questions!" She exclaimed, looking each of her subjects in the eye before returning to a seated position and looking somewhat pointedly at their hosts...

Skeletoid glanced across at Gonzo, "You're up, boy. I've done my bit."

"Much obliged, I'm sure..." The Beard replied with a raised eyebrow. "Ahem! The reason we extended young Chryssie here...Do come out, sweetness, nobody's going to hurt you on my watch... Yes, the reason being is that we have had a sense of decency instilled in us, and it would not sit right with either of us to just boot her out knowing she has nowhere else to go. Rarity, my good lady, can you honestly say you could turn away a homeless... being if you knew you had adequate means to put them up, regardless of how much they may irritate or inconvenience you?" Gonzo probed, remembering (fuck only knows how) that she was the Element of Generosity and thus would likely be compelled to see his point of view.

The seamstress made a distinctly unladylike noise. "I am not amused that you have put me on the spot like this, however you do have a valid point. Much as this... female has caused us untold stress and upset, it would go against my very nature to see anypony- do shut up, I'm speaking! It's rude to interrupt!- As I was saying, it goes against my nature to see anypony suffer and not lend a hoof at the very least!" She confirmed. "HOWEVER! Should that somepony metaphorically bite the hoof that feeds, Tartarus hath no wrath like a lady scorned..." Rarity added menacingly, glaring near-literal daggers at the obviously cowering changeling queen.

"Yeah, what she said!" Rainbow Dash added, feeling she needed to reaffirm her place in the group as the boisterous, kick first, ask questions later-type. Sorry, my brain blue screened here, and all my descriptive words were lost to the neitherworld...

Twilight chose this point to add her two penn'orth, "Much as I hate to admit it, from an outside perspective I think this is a good idea. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and I can cast some monitoring spells and enchantments, around the place and that way, we can keep tabs on-"

It was at this point Gonzo interrupted again. "Ohhh no! No hocus pocus goes on round 'ere for the purpose of 'keepin' tabs' (air quotes) on anybody! I enjoy my privacy within the walls o' me own home an' that's the way it stays! I got a perfectly good CCTV setup that covers the outside an' that's as far as we go!" He harrumphed.

Twilight went on a bit of a nerdy trip at this point... "Ooh! What's CCTV? Can I see it? How does it work? Are there instructions?" She squealed.

"Yeah, whatever! Hold yer horses! Er, pun intended..." Gonzo fumbled verbally before getting up... "Oh! Almost forgot the whole reason for this little visit. Boy, pass the metal wossname around. Should still be on the table. I'm gonna show Purple McNerd the cameras."

"Hey! That's rude! I think..." Twilight exclaimed.

"Indeed, boy. Gimme a tick.." Skeletoid replied, hunting about on the table for the now-whole TerraFormer. "Aha!" He exclaimed, pulling it from under a toppled pile of bike magazines. "Here you go your ladyships. We reckon this is what caused all the fuss..."

With Twilight and Gonzo's departure into the office/library, a venture he would quickly come to regret, the Royal We eyeballed the odd metal ball with utmost curiosity. "Where, exactly, did you say you found this...?" Celestia asked the Beak, still staring at the lump.

I should add, the rest of the group were pretty much doing their own thing by this point. Chrysalis had decided she was quite comfortable avoiding the venomous glares of the Mane 6 under the table, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were subtly sliding off their cushions to have a nose about the place, Pinkie Pie had returned to knitting whatever the fuck she had started in the back of the ThunderBus, Fluttershy was content hiding behind her mane while also gazing in the direction of the TerraFormer, and AppleJack had retreated within herself to continue her inner musings.

"Well, so legend has it, both halves came from France: more specifically, a World War 2 German machine-gun entrenchment. The smaller half (he indicated which) was found by my hairy brethren's grandpa during the war when, so I'm told, the gun blew itself apart, taking the ammo stores with it. The lump was blown clear of the mess and he took it home, thinking it may have been worth summat. The bigger half (again, indicated) Gonzo bought in an antique shop not far from where we lived, apparently rescued from what one would assume to be the same gun entrenchment by the strange bloke who owned the shop while he was on holiday not long ago." Skeletoid rambled while rolling a hefty doob. "Anyone wanna go on this, by the way...?" He offered, once done.

Luna, having not been overly bothered by the task of finding out the whys and wherefores of the pair's arrival, immediately switched focus upon hearing the offer. She had subtly been paying Skeletoid's actions more and more attention ever since he unwrapped another lump of that delicious-smelling brown substance. "YES! Ahem. Yes, we-err.. I would very much like a 'go' on that. Although I must confess my ignorance, what exactly does a 'go' entail?" She asked sweetly.

Skeletoid mentally facepalmed. "Right, I keep forgetting you lot aren't the usual crew we have round..." He admitted.

"What, does the fact we walk around on all fours, can fly and do magic not register upstairs?" Rainbow Dash quipped as she delicately glided back in from the living room. "I'm after Princess Luna, by the way. AJ, you in?"

"Izzat a challenge ah hear?" Applejack replied.

"Only if you're not too chicken..." The boisterous blue blur replied.

"Ah'd say yer on! Ah'm after her!" The apple farmer stated."

"Okay then!" Skeletoid started. "I'll light it, and you just do as I do... Oh, don't bum the end. Make sure yer lips are dry." He added before sparking up.

The three watched with curiosity and concentration to see what happened as he inhaled a good lungful, held it for a moment, then exhaled slowly. Skeletoid held it out for the Night Princess, who carefully took it in her magical grasp, which now distinctly resembled the fingers he has just been holding it with.

By this point, I should mention, all attention was now on the floating joint as Skeletoid's exhale had filled the nostrils of the remaining four (Rarity was still off being nosey) and they had immediately ceased what they were doing.

Luna replicated Skeletoid's actions as best she could, also taking back a fair toke, before coughing it all out and nearly dropping the J. "That-that was not entirely unpleasant..." She wheezed while wiping a few tears away. "I... Feel very peculiar all of a sudden. Like I am melting, but not... And I feel rather a lot heavier, but... not in a bad way..." She explained, her speech becoming slower as she spoke. Her magic began to fade as she seemed to lose the concentration to sustain it.

The Beak quickly leaned across and caught the special cigarette before it could fall, holding it out for Rainbow Dash as he addressed Luna. "Good stuff, innit?" He more stated than asked. Luna could only muster a very happy, silly grin and a lethargic nod in response.

Rainbow Dash looked at the joint, looked at Luna, then looked at the painted one. "Uhh... is that s'posed to happen?" She asked, her head cocked in confusion. Skeletoid nodded emphatically. "Okay, just checking... erm... uhh... could you... uhh..." She stammered before AJ came to her rescue.

"Ah think she wants ya ter hold it fer her as we ain't got no fancy magic like the Princesses or unicorns..." The orange one offered.

"Yeah, that." The aerial loon confirmed sheepishly.

"Oh, right. No worries. Err, I'll do you both a hand bong. Probably easiest." He decided, making a ball with his hands, the joint poking out one side and a hole with his thumbs the other. "Now just put yer lips to the hole and take a deep breath."

The technicolour pegasus stepped over and did as instructed, her competitive nature having her take as big a lungful as she could, levelling a challenging stare at Applejack the whole time. On pulling away, she exhaled slowly. Her eyes started to droop and her stance became rather unsteady, barely having the coordination to make it back to her cushion before unceremoniously flopping down on it with a stereotypical monged-out grin plastered on her face. "Ohhhh my gooooosh that's intense!" She slurred. "I've never felt so relaxed in... Ever!"

The tangerine earth equine looked at her friend with mild amusement before stepping up to the still proffered hand bong. "Ah don't think ya shoulda taken a breath that big, RD. Y'all look like a puddle o' paint! Lemme show ya how it's done!" She quipped, smirking.

Leaning over, she took a hefty lungful herself, as big if not bigger than Rainbows, making sure to hold it until she'd made it back to her cushion before exhaling, proceeding to nearly cough up a lung in the process. "Okay, maybe -coff- ah won't..." She dribbled, collapsing in a similar fashion, eyes streaming and tongue partly hanging out. "Hoo-ee, whut a -coff- feelin'!" She giggled, setting off both Princess Luna and Rainbow Dash in the process.

The Beak sat there grinning up a storm at the proceedings, taking a good swig of his caffeinated beverage before holding the blunt out for either Fluttershy or Celestia.

The former, however, was paying more attention to her now thoroughly-munted friends. "Umm.. Are-are you quite sure they're ok? I-I mean, you haven't gone all limp and dopey... Oh no, no thank-you, I think I'll pass, if that's quite alright..." Fluttershy declined most politely.

Skeletoid nodded the affirmative. "Always happens the first time. Although they took it to the extreme with how much of a hit they had..." He explained, still looking suitably amused at the two giggling piles of technicolour fur. "Also helps that I'm used to it."

Celestia, for her part, was trying very hard to remain a stalwart figure of composure and control, repeating to herself that she needed to figure out what this metal sphere was, and how it could have transported these two, and a sizeable chunk of their planet, through to their world. Although the increasingly frequent glances at the smirking biped holding the 'blunt', as he called it, out for her indulgence was very telling. The scent of that brown substance being burned, while a little harsh, was incredibly moreish and it was an increasing struggle to block it out.

Luna was sitting there, wings drooping in boneless relaxation, head now propped up on the edge of the table, watching her sister's indecision. "Celly, you know you wanna. I can't tell you how heavenly this feeling is! I feel that all my worries have simply faded out of existence and I am able to simply enjoy being."

The solar deity's resolve finally gave way. "Oh if I must..." She conceded, albeit a little too eagerly. "Although I really shouldn't, considering Chrysalis is still hiding under the table..." Setting the TerraFormer on the table, she levitated the joint from Skeletoid and had a far more delicate puff, looking for all intents and purposes as though she were sampling a fine wine.

"Oh yeah! Hey Chryssie! You should really get in on this! It'll make you feel amaaaaaaazing!" Rainbow dash piped up, somehow battling through the mental fog and seeming to completely forget the animosity she should be feeling towards the black and green creature who, until now, had been silently 'observing' (read: attempting to 1. make sense of just what the HAY was going on, and 2. avoid the wrath of the 3 major magic users whose good side she was definitely NOT on) the scene from her hidey hole under the table.

"I would sooner avoid having my mental faculties impaired by such a substance, thankyou VERY much!" She quipped, folding one forehoof over the other and turning her nose up at the winged colour explosion. "Ow! Who dares kick me?!" She snaps, poking her head out from under the table and glaring upwards at the taller beings.

Skeletoid fixed her with a baleful stare. "No need to be so unpleasant when Miss Dash was obviously attempting to be friendly. Also, as your potential landlord, I say you'll indulge. Consider it part of the probation." He mused, taking the joint back from a suitably mellowed Celestia and holding it out to the changeling queen in a very challenging fashion, evil grin included.

Chrysalis looked taken aback. "Are you seriously using blackmail to cajole me into taking part in this narcotic free-for-all?!" She demanded. Skeletoid's grin threatened to split his head. The shape-shifter returned it. "Very well, then. I may yet come to enjoy my time here if you can be so blatantly devious..." And with that, she too levitated the rapidly diminishing joint to her lips and indulged...

In the office, however, Gonzo was having a far less enjoyable time of it. But more on that, and Rarity's opinion of their domicile, next chapter...

Author's Note

Well, there you have it. Another collection of words on a page. I'll be honest and say that the last bit was a touch of a struggle to write, not due to the topic at hand, more due to only having the time to write at ridiculous AM before I go to work. Thus I'm more than a little dopey.

Please don't tell me that they're all a bit OOC. I know.