Author's Note

I spose now would be as good a time as any to mention how I propose to work around the issue of clop. I understand there are those of you that may want to read this simply for the (story) plot and not for any descriptive smut.

So, this is my proposal: The sex chapters shall be marked fairly obviously, with CLOP or something in capitals as the beginning of the chapter name, and I shall upload them at the same time as a regular chapter so that those who don't wish to read it are still getting words on a screen.

The aforementioned clop chapters will not contain anything of value to the overall plot of the story, so you won't miss anything that will throw you for a loop later on by not reading them.
If, on the off chance there is something I feel may cause this, it shall be referenced in some way, shape or form at the beginning of the next chapter.

Just to clarify: I will not put clop in plot chapters. However, there may still be an occasional scene of some medium-heavy petting, but nothing smutty. Probably be used as part of a funny scene build-up.

ALSO: I feel it prudent to reiterate the point that, thus far, I have only seen 3, yes 3, episodes of MLP:FIM, so my characterization WILL be off. This may put people off. Not my problem.

Defense of Honour

Chapter 5: Mostly Harmful

It took a while to rouse Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy from their varying states of embarrassment-induced unconsciousness, and to calm Pinkie down from her self-induced hysteria over thoughts of throwing a Welcome-To-Equestria-And-Congratulations-On-Becoming-Princess-Luna's-New-Fuck-Buddy-And-Thank-You-For-Not-Being-Alien-Invaders-Who-Wanted-To-Rape-Pillage-And-Plunder party. (She'd been worried she may not have had enough paper plates... Of all things.)

Throughout this, Applejack had remained fairly quiet and had spent most of her time avoiding eye contact with a certain hairy biker. Everybody put it down to her earlier outburst.

Rainbow Dash had actually been the most accepting of the group, aside from Luna. After getting over the whole 'demons in a death chariot' thing, she'd decided the pair were actually pretty awesome. At least 20% cooler than any other strange species she'd met thus far. When Skeletoid had regaled her with the tale of their wee jaunt out of the Everfree, she had sat and listened with rapt attention before claiming it was the most awesome mini-adventure she'd heard of in, like, forever.

Celestia, obviously, remained highly suspicious of the pair. She had neither seen nor heard of creatures who even vaguely resembled this duo of socially inept hairless (well, nearly) monkey descendants. Where did they come from, and more importantly, how did they get here? But most important of all, could any more turn up? She had a feeling that a trip into the Everfree was in order. Maybe even before they were... Questioned as to their intent. Or maybe she could do that at the same time.

Luna was busy alternating between subtle goo-goo eyes at her new conquest and irritated glances at her sister for ruining the moment. And also Skeletoid for his interruption.

Skeletoid, after having been set loose, had been studiously ignoring both Luna and Gonzo and had subconsciously spent a little too long rousing Rarity and Fluttershy. And maaaaaybe a little less subconsciously with Twilight. It had been blatantly obvious thus far that she was a nerd of the highest order. And he might have had a not-so-little thing for nerds. Possibly.

Gonzo was apologising to Fluttershy for staring at her mare parts and she had been apologising to him for fainting on his face. He'd made a joke about having that affect on women, which hadn't entirely been understood by the shy female, but she'd laughed politely all the same.

Once roused, Rarity had made a small show of thanking Skeletoid profusely for watching over her while his 'beastly' friend had been busy 'violating Poor Fluttershy's innocence while she had been rendered so helpless and vulnerable'. She had vowed to make sure he was 'properly repaid' as soon as he was deemed to not be a threat to the populace, dahling. Batting of eyelashes and a little splash of bedroom eyes for good measure. A lady did have needs, after all.

Skeletoid, being the gentleman he was of course, had downplayed the whole scenario, stating it was 'merely his duty' or some such nonsense. The bedroom eyes did not go unnoticed. Which sparked off a veritable mental war with himself over the fact that yes, he may have quite possibly also had a definite thing for posh birds, but classy as she may have been (and waaaaaaaaaay above his usual standards if the effortless poise, grace and elegance with which she carried herself were any indication) she was still... A talking horse. Four legs, tail, covered in (the softest) fur, long neck and a horn on her head. Horse. Well, unicorn, but still...

Twilight had also thanked him, but without the open hostility toward Gonzo as the analytical side of her had seen that it was quite blatantly not his fault for ending up in such a situation, and unfortunately the blame could really only be lain at the hooves of a certain boisterous, random pink party mare.

Everyone, man and pony alike, finally managed to straighten things out to a point of civility between everyone. Amazingly enough, by some absolute miracle Gonzo had managed to get Rarity to say more than two words to him that weren't a thinly-veiled insult after he had apologised to her for 'compromising her dear friend's decency', even though Fluttershy had insisted everything was fine. Pinkie had been told, in no uncertain terms by both royal sisters, that any party of any sort in honour of the two humans was to be held after, and even if, they were deemed 'safe'. A word which Celestia admitted was being used in the loosest sense.

She then turned to the two bipeds in question. "The fact remains that we still don't know how you got here. Do the pair of you have any ideas? Anything at all?" She asked.

The pair mused for a while, exchanging glances. In all honesty, last night was a bit hazy... They'd slept and smoked since then. And, y'know, woken up in a strange forest in a strange land populated by multicoloured talking horses. Ponies, sorry.

"Err... 'Ang on a minute boy, you reckoned you felt the world shift sideways, same as I did." Gonzo started.

"Yeah, tha's right. That was after you shoved those two random lumps of metal back together wunnit?" Skeletoid confirmed. The royal sisters perked up at this.

"Indeed, then we finished up an' hit the sack." Gonzo finished. He turned to the regal pony pair, "You fancy droppin' by ours and havin' a nose about? Yer more'n welcome. I'll stick the kettle on." He offered.

"That's very kind of you, Gonzo. Let me discuss the matter with my sister and my little ponies before we take you up on the offer." Celestia smiled. This was ideal! She didn't even have to ask to look around their abode!

Skeletoid pulled Gonzo aside while the ponies had their wee conflab. "Boy, you sure that's a good idea? Not bein' funny, but what with that telekinesis shit the unicorns are sporting, there's no tellin' what they'll do to the place!" He warned.

"Well boy, the two princesses seem to be, well, princesses, so I doubt they'll go bok on us any time soon. And if they're to be believed, they're older'n god." The beard explained.

"That as may be old chum, they still give me the willies a little bit, boy. I mean, talking hors-err, ponies fer fuck's sake! This shit ain't normal!" The painted man ranted quietly.

"Boy, get over yerself. I know things that get a bit fruity with your established OCD norm do tend to throw you for a loop, but consider this, if you will: ol' solar posterior raises a valid point. We don't know how we got here. It may well be to do with that random lump of scrap currently on the kitchen table. They may be able to help send us back. On the other hand, they may be as much use as a chocolate fire guard, in which case we're fucked for gettin' home an' we're gonna have to make the best of a bad situation. Hence my playin' royal concubine to moon bum." Gonzo explained.

Skeletoid stood in thought for a minute. "I see your point, boy." He conceded. However... "I must press you on the last issue though. We've known each other a long time, boy, and in that time I feel we've gotten to the point where we know an unhealthy amount about each other, yes?" A nod confirmed this, "Now, to that end, I haven't once had any inkling (thank fuck) that you're partial to a slice of farmyard fun times. What's changed?" He demanded, fixing his friend with a level stare.

A slight interruption... "...AH WANNA BE IN YOUR HERD!"

The pair looked over at the circle of ponies, looked at each other, shrugged, and carried on. "In all honesty boy, not bein' funny, but it's been a while first and foremost. One can only make so much hand party before shit gets old. Second, on what level does this count as bestiality? The very definition of it is beast-like behaviour or having sexual relations with animals. I'll say that word again. Animals. Organisms that respond to various stimuli, but with limited higher brain function. Y'know, barely sentient. Limited communication, mainly run on basic instinct. Them over there do not fall into the category of animal or beast, do they boy?" It was Gonzo's turn to level a challenging look at his friend.

The penny dropped. Skeletoid had been looking at this all wrong. The whole time, he'd been looking at the locals as nothing more than talking horses. As animals that had learned to speak. This was not the case. They were no more animals than he was, they just happened to have been cut from a different cloth. They obviously had intelligence, they could hold a conversation, be snide and subtle, had a sense of humour, understood body language etc, had a hierarchy... Err... Diarchy? Whatever, they built dwellings not wholly dissimilar to houses built in days of yore back on Earth, one could assume they had a system of currency of some description and generally acted like one would expect any civilized creature to behave, they just looked like horses. Although the more he looked, the less actual similarities he was seeing. Skull structure was completely different. Also their necks were both shorter and slimmer by far than that of a horse. Their legs, especially fore, were obviously far better articulated than a regular horse. Their hooves weren't anywhere near as dense as he could see them being flexed in a way that regular hooves just didn't. Occasionally, they would stand up to use said forelegs for carrying or gesticulating or whatever. So no. Not a horse. Also, the telekinesis shit of the unicorns and the flying of the Pegasi did kind of hint more toward mythical creatures rather than sentient show jumpers...

The beard could see the comprehension dawning on his mate's face like watching the sun rise on fast forward. "I take it by the look on your face you is gettin' me, blud." He stated more than asked.

"Indeed, boy. I appreciate you clearing that up for me." The painted man confirmed, slapping his hairy compadre on the shoulder.

While this little epiphany had been going on, the ponies had been discussing their plan of action...

"Gather round, my little ponies, I have a little something that I feel needs to be seen to right away, and I need everypony's cooperation." Celestia began to explain as the Elements and her sister gathered around her in a small circle. "I feel it prudent to try and determine how our two guests arrived, and I would say the best way to go about it is to investigate their dwelling as a start. Now Gonzo has kindly offered to let us do this, but I wanted to ensure that everypony is vigilant to any potential dangers. They came out of the Everfree Forest, so that in itself is enough of a warning, but we do not know how they live, or what they live in. Their dwelling could be a veritable death-trap for us- Dear Applejack, is something the matter? You look awfully uncomfortable."

Applejack had indeed been fidgeting in place for a while, nervously looking from one pony to the other, but her gaze usually lingered on the Lunar Princess. The thoughts swirling round in her head had become more and more carnal in nature the more she had interacted with the beardy weirdy. And watching his and Luna's little exchange, she had ended up more than a little jealous. Being put on the spot, however, had jogged her thought process a little too much, and before she even realized what verbal diarrhoea she'd come out with, it was too late: "Umm, Princess Luna... umm... ah-AH WANNA BE IN YOUR HERD!"

Everypony stared at her, mouths hanging open in varying degrees of surprise. "Horseapples! Ah done put mah hoof right in it now!" The farm mare whined as she sat back and covered her face with her hooves, a scarlet blush travelling down her neck.

Shortly, attention shifted to the navy blue alicorn who appeared more than a little flustered. While she had indeed taken many a bedmate of either gender in her long life, she had never been approached about, nor really entertained the idea of, a herd. It was not that herds were uncommon; far from it. With mares outnumbering stallions roughly 7-1, it was far more uncommon to see a monogamous couple. Off the top of her head, the Cakes and Fleur De Lis and Fancy Pants were the only pair she could think of. Although the latter were known for inviting the odd guest or three round for a little more than just coffee.

Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand, Luna looked from one pony to another, finishing up on Celestia, who could only summon a small shrug in response as if to say, 'I have no opinion on the matter. You're a big filly, deal with it yourself.' "Ahem." The night deity cleared her throat, snapping everypony else out of their stupor and causing Applejack to shift a hoof slightly off one eye. "Applejack, if I may speak with you alone...?" She asked, gesturing for the orange mare to follow. They walked round to the far side of the ThunderBus in an attempt at privacy before Luna turned to face the Element of Honesty. "May I ask you what that little outburst was all about?" She needed a brief respite to think, and hopefully Applejack elaborating would help with an answer.

Applejack blushed even deeper. Here she was, face to face with the Princess of the Night, essentially being asked why she wanted to start a herd. She really hadn't thought this far ahead... "Uhh... Well, y'see... Aw, consarn it, ah can't rightly dress this up with fancy words like Rarity could, so ahm just gonna be straight with ya, Princess." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and letting the blush recede slightly before continuing, "There's somethin' about a strong stallion gets me hotter'n a sweat box at the Summer Sun Celebration, an' when he picked me up like ah was nothin' more'n an empty apple bucket, hoo-ee, y'all got no idea what that did to me! Now, despite what everypony may think about farm fillies, ah don't get much in the way of... Male attention. The last stallion ta ask me out got scared off pretty quick when he saw me beat Big Mac in an arm wrestle. Think he was afraid ah'd break him or somethin'." She paused, steeling herself for the next bit. "There is... Another reason why ah asked whut ah did..." Breathe, Applejack, breathe...

"Oh? What might that be?" Luna prompted, sensing that the blonde mare was having trouble spitting out what was on her mind. She had a vague idea, something that she saw in one of Applejack's dreams... No, the memory had slipped her mental grasp. Oh for Celestia's sake! She nearly had it!

"Ever... Ever since you came back from the moon, ah been... Havin' trouble with a recurrin' dream. Well, ah say recurrin', it's not every night, or even every other night. Mostly happens when ahm a bit... Pent up." Applejack rambled.

This was getting a little frustrating. It had now been confirmed as a dream, and Luna was becoming more than a little irritated at herself for not being able to remember it, and at Applejack for not- "Do please spit it out, Applejack, the suspense is killing me!" Oops! She immediately clamped her fore hooves over her mouth and looked at the orange mare, absolutely mortified. "I am so sorry! Please accept my deepest apologies!" The Princess exclaimed.

Applejack had only been paying a token amount of attention to the Princess as she fought a brief internal battle as to whether or not it was a good idea to reveal this dream, so when Luna told her to spit it out, the resultant mental jog had her coughing it up regardless. "Ah dream of you dressed up as Nightmare Moon, takin' me hostage an' usin' me as yer personal sex slave, an' ah love every second of it! Ah get off several times just from dreamin'!"

Luna turned a distinct shade of pink herself, the dream that had been eluding her suddenly thrust to the forefront of her mind and played out in vivid clarity in her mind's eye. Applejack was quite the kinky little sub! And using her Nightmare Moon alter ego as a catalyst for lust instead of fear, too! Now there's a novelty! "Why, you naughty little filly!" She exclaimed with an overtly sultry tone. "I am of the opinion that both Gonzo and myself should punish you most thoroughly for such indecent thoughts!" Luna was having a bit too much fun with this...

Applejack almost took on a full coat colour change to that of her older brother. She very nearly came on the spot just from the implications! She tried to stammer her way through some sort of response but failed dismally, instead opting to drop to the floor and cover her head with her hooves, letting out a very desperate whine instead.

In the meantime, Celestia had managed to drag the rest of the Element Bearers' minds from the gutter and hash out a basic plan of action on how they were going to go about investigating the arrival of the gruesome twosome. The aforementioned pair had taken to discussing Skeletoid's possible rendezvous with a certain white and purple unicorn... Well, actually, Gonzo was ribbing Skeletoid about it while bragging that he was to fuck royalty. Skeletoid told him to eat a bag of dicks.

At this point, everyone assembled themselves in front of the ThunderBus once again and Celestia updated those that were not privy as to the basic plan.

"I hope I'm not offending the two of you by laying out a few guidelines as to this little venture...?" She asked the hairy pair.

Both of them waved the idea off as ridiculous.

"Oh, wonderful! I wouldn't usually be so strict, but you did come out of the Everfree Forest after all, and it is a rather dangerous place to venture into." The sun deity explained.

The pair looked at her a little confused.

Skeletoid spoke up. "Really? We saw bugger all in the way of fauna on the way out. What's so dangerous about it?"

Fluttershy responded, as she lived on the edge of said forest and had dealt with the animals within on many occasions. "W-well, I imagine the noise from your v-vehicle probably scared them away, you see, but there are creatures in there that are as big as th-that, if not bigger. There are Ursa Majors, cockatrices, cragadiles, dragons, there's a Hydra that lives in Froggy Bottom Bog, manticores, parasprites, sea serpents and timberwolves to name the major ones." She reeled off.

Gonzo didn't know whether to laugh or cry. On one hand, the names were frankly absurd, but on the other, they had the royal sisters on edge, and there was a chance they could very well be ripping through his garage as they spoke. This was NOT going down well. "I think we'd best make haste to the Asylum then, eh?" He stated with no small amount of urgency, striding towards the open driver's door. "OI! WHO'S BEEN AT MY GEAR?!" The beard yelled, finding his stash lying unwrapped on the driver's seat.

The two royal sisters looked at each other with guilty expressions, having completely forgotten to put the... 'Gear' as he put it, back where they'd found it due to him falling arse-over-tit. Luna responded, feeling she was able to avoid any backlash as they were now... Partners of sorts. "My sister and I were curious as to what the smell was, and went looking for the source while the Element Bearers were asking you questions about your home. I must apologise personally for not returning it from whence it was found." She explained, having the decency to look sorrowful.

The incensed idiot calmed somewhat, wrapping it back up and stowing it on the dash. "Whatever. Ask next time, yeah? Anyway, everyone in the Bus! Time's a-wastin' an' my babies could be in peril!" He urged, leaning in and firing up the beast , startling the ponies quite severely. He strode to the back and quickly rolled up the canvas tilt's rear flap before dropping the tailgate, gesturing for the ponies to climb aboard.

The group, bar Rainbow and Pinkie, looked at him like he'd just asked them to commit mass murder. Rarity was the first to voice her opinion, "You can't seriously expect us to climb into that... thing! it's positively filthy! not to mention it smells absolutely awful!" She whined petulantly. Fluttershy, Twilight and Celestia nodded in agreement.

Pinkie actually defended the vehicle. "Hey, it's not so bad, really. It's only actually dirty on the outside. In the back here is actually quite clean!" She exclaimed, bouncing straight off the floor and into the load area. She had a nose about in a very eccentric fashion, pulling a magnifying glass out of her mane and going over the thing like it was a crime scene. "I declare this area fit for ponykind!" The mad mare stated, pulling an Equestrian flag and pole from fuck-only-knows-where and posing on the tailgate with it in a very 80's action hero pose, complete with camo bandanna...

Gonzo looked at Rainbow, "Do I even wanna know?"

The rainbow-haired Pegasus shook her head in the negative emphatically. "Seriously dude, just roll with it. Your head'll hurt way less."

"I'm good wi' that." He nodded. "Anyway, you gonna maybe back us up here, get your mates' arses in gear an' in the back?"

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! Just what're you try'na say, pal?! That I'm some kinda lesbian herd hussy?! They are most definitely NOT my mates!" The technicolour bird-horse yelled at him, folding her hooves and staring daggers.

Skeletoid put his two penn'orth in. "You sayin' ya got no friends?" He called from his spot in the front passenger seat where he was flicking through music.

"What? No! Of course I have friends! Who do you- Ohhhh, your bad. See, we use the word 'mate' when we're talkin' about somepony's partner, but you weirdos use it as another word for friend, yeah?" Rainbow Dash surmised in a not-all-too-common bout of intelligence.

"Correct." Skeletoid confirmed.

"Yeah, you might wanna stop that or ponies may get the wrong idea." Rainbow suggested.

"Yes, quite, thankyou for the English lesson, now can we please get in the fucking bus?!" Gonzo exclaimed, becoming a little irritated with how long this was taking.

Luna spoke up, sensing things were about to take a turn for the worse if things, or ponies, didn't start moving... "Celly, do be a dear and assist me in getting the Element Bearers in the... Bus, as Gonzo calls it, please? I am of the opinion he is getting rather irritated." She observed, watching as the man tried unsuccessfully to cajole at least Rainbow Dash into the vehicle.

Celestia sighed. "I agree. It does appear he is on the verge of leaving without us, which simply will not do. AHEM! My little ponies! It is my opinion that it is indeed a good idea to 'get in the fucking bus' as our friend so delicately puts it. I, for one, am in no mood to traipse through the Everfree if alternate transportation is available, regardless of how offensive it may be." The Solar Princess stated, effectively silencing any argument as to what was happening.

Shortly, and with no small amount of shuffling, all 10 were on board. Rarity had decided that the back was "no place for a lady!" And had deposited herself in Skeletoid's lap. "Ooh, I must say I could get used to this! Wrapped up in the strong forelegs of a dashing gentlecolt as he whisks me away to a far-off land for a romantic rendezvous!" She babbled excitedly, making sure to 'shuffle' her hips just-so until she felt a distinct tensing from her 'seat'.

"Err, Ra-Rarity, we're li-hiterally just bombing back to-to the Asylum for tea an' an' an' biscuits an' for you lot to have a-a nose about..." Skeletoid stammered, trying valiantly to ignore the heavenly posterior grinding against a certain protrusion that was beginning to protrude a little more obviously.

Rarity swatted his arm. "Don't ruin it for me, darling. It's not polite."

In the back, various eye-rolling, sniggering and gagging motions could be seen and heard. In the front, a simple grunt of annoyance as Gonzo slammed the door. "Hold on, shit's gonna get bumpy..." And the loud pedal was buried.

The ThunderBus belched out black smoke as the wheels once again churned up the grass, spinning round and barrelling back the way it came. Skeletoid had selected some Rammstein for this little jaunt, Ich Tu Dir Weh blasting from the speakers as they thundered towards the hole they had made in the forest's edge. Gonzo went ploughing straight back through the opening, far faster than he had come out and heedless of the terrified screams of his equine passengers. Wrenching the wheel left and right, foot still welded to the floor, he somehow managed to follow their earlier path without causing too much extra damage to the flora. A veritable miracle, all things considered.

"I THINK I CAN SEE WHY THEY DIDN'T ENCOUNTER ANY OF THE EVERFREE'S CREATURES!" Twilight yelled at the rest of the party in the back. She was clinging onto one of the tilt's support bars in an effort not to be thrown around the load area like a pony-shaped bouncy ball.

Everypony else was busy doing the same thing, in one way or another. Well, everypony bar Rainbow and Pinkie. The latter was sitting there knitting a scarf as if she was sitting in front of a fire on a cold winter's eve. The former had her front hooves hanging over the rear bulkhead, wings out for balance, staring out the windscreen with a dopey grin, looking for all the world like she was having the best time of her life.

She turned back to the group. "THIS IS SO AWESOME! I THINK I JUST FOUND MY SECOND FAVOURITE THING, LIKE, EVER!"

Pinkie gave her a hoofs-up, Applejack, Twilight and the Royal Sisters rolled their eyes, and Fluttershy was desperately trying not to chunder. "H-HOW MU-MUCH F-F-F-FURTHER?!" The butter-yellow mare tried to yell, which actually came out barely-above most others' raised voice.

"NO' FAR! 'BOUT QUARTER OF A MILE, TOPS!" Gonzo yelled back, miraculously having heard her over the cacophony of screaming diesel, howling metal and disintegrating underbrush.

"THANK CELESTIA FER THAT! BEGGIN' YER PARDON, PRINCESS!" Applejack yelled.

"THAT'S QUITE ALRIGHT! UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, IT WAS ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED!" Celestia replied.

"I THINK I MUST BE GETTING USED TO IT! I AM BEGINNING TO FIND THIS WHOLE VENTURE RATHER EXHILARATING!" Luna confessed, the beginnings of a smile gracing her features.

"THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, LULU!" Celestia stated as though it were obvious.

"HEADS UP, PONIES! WE'RE NEARLY THERE!" Rainbow called back, bracing for the violent braking that was almost guaranteed.

They did indeed decelerate most rapidly, Gonzo smashing down through the 'box before grabbing something long and shiny and practically leaping from the vehicle. Skeletoid wasn't far behind him, having to quickly deposit Rarity into the empty driver's seat first.

The pair stalk up to the front door, which is ajar. Definitely NOT how they'd left it. A brief look was all they needed to exchange before stealthily making their way inside, Gonzo brandishing the 3-foot breaker bar above his head. Looking left and right, they see that the door to the living room is also open, prompting Skeletoid to indicate that he go through the dining room, while Gonzo head upstairs. Before doing so, he picks up a demijohn from under the stairs as a makeshift weapon, the heavy glass guaranteed to stun the hapless intruder at the very least.

Outside, the ponies disembark from the Bus, Fluttershy galloping to the nearest bush to upchuck something wicked.

Luna turned to her sister. "Celly, do you think we ought to follow them in and help? They could be in very real danger."

"Lulu, not to sound heartless, but I believe that the best course of action for us is to stay outside. Cover all exits, by all means, but I do not think our venturing inside will do any good. We are unfamiliar with the layout of their home, and could inadvertently alert the intruder to our presence." Celestia reasoned.

"As if the thundering behemoth we arrived in wasn't obvious enough... Fine, I will concede your point. I will take Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle to the rear of the premises and begin setting up a perimeter. I am assuming you will do the same with Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, yes?" Luna asked her sister, while motioning for the aforementioned ponies to follow her lead.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "Of course, Lulu. I also think it prudent for the four magic casters present to set up a shield spell around ourselves and the house, to stop anything more from coming in, and what is already here from getting out and possibly calling for aid." She suggested.

"I was just about to suggest that myself!" answered Twilight, already charging her horn for the spell. "Rarity, you know the shield spell don't you?" She asked, turning to her alabaster friend.

"Of course, dahling. I do not need reminding of that particular lesson you forced upon me." She griped, charging her own horn.

The Royal sisters charged their own horns before nodding at Rarity and Twilight, their horns exploding with what looked like giant coloured bubbles that mingled and engulfed the area, spreading out until the house, Bus and part of the garden had been shielded.

"Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, on me!" Luna commanded, trotting around to the rear of the property. The three summoned ponies followed, the latter two practically hounding Applejack as to how hers and Luna's 'little discussion' went.

Celestia quickly relayed instructions to Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity as to which exits to observe, impressing upon them to signal her the moment they saw any movement from within. Luna did the same, once she had reprimanded Twilight and Rainbow Dash for their behaviour. "What Applejack and I discussed is between ourselves and Mr. Gonzo. You will desist your pestering until such a time as we deem fit to tell you!"

Back inside, the gruesome twosome were stealthily working their way around the house. Skeletoid had so far cleared the dining room/office, kitchen and utility room and was just about to check the garage. Gonzo had cleared (working clockwise from the top of the stairs) Skeletoid's room, the upstairs shitter, bathroom, guest bedroom/store room no.1 and was on his way to his own room (the pair had decided some years ago that, as all the bedrooms were roughly of equal size, they would commandeer the rooms furthest from each other so as to cut down on the overhearing of sexytiems) before finishing up with guest room no.2.

The door was ajar. Gonzo NEVER left his door ajar if he was going out. Never ever. His grip tightened on the breaker bar. He moved to stand in front of the door. He listened. He heard heavy breathing, close to panting. At a guess, female by the higher-pitched tone on the inhale.

Bracing himself against the bannister, he brought a foot up, tensing his leg for the coming carnage.

He kicked.

The door exploded inwards.

"GERROFF MY LAAAAAAND!!!" The Beard bellowed, bowling into the room like a demolition ball, ready to turn the invader into so much slurry.

"HOLY HORSEAPPLES!" The intruder screamed, wrenching their head from whatever crevice it had been wedged in.

...

......

.........

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"Are you masturbatin' while sniffin' my dirty laundry?"