A Crusadin We Will Go

Human tag for the EG world. And ages have been moved up to 17. I'm sure you'll agree when I say it works better.

At Los Hooves hospital, Superintendent Doctor Cheerilee,  was welcoming some new Jr. Doctors in his office.

"My dear Jr. Doctors, it is indeed a pleasure to welcome you here for the beginning of your practice. This letter states that in this group, there are three of you who are not overly bright, but were graduated because you had been in the senior class too many years. Your identity I shall keep secret, and will disclose to no one on one condition. That you try hard, and forever devote your lives to the glorious cause of duty and humanity."

Three girls, Babs Seed Apple, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom Apple  emerged from the group, dressed in all white outfits different from the rest of the Jr. Doctors. Their pants had loops to hold their doctor's mallets. Babs had the biggest, Sweetie had normal size, and AB had the smallest. It looked like a gavel.

Whoever knows what this is, you know why AB and Babs have the same last name.

"We will!" the three said simultaneously.

"Hello Ms. Cheerilee. How are ya? Glad to see ya again" Sweetie Belle said as she shook Cheerilee's hand.

Babs pulled Sweetie back by her hair.

"Spread out"

"Do you solemnly swear to devote the rest of your lives to the cause of duty and humanity?"

"For duty and humanity!" they yelled simultaneously while holding up fingers of justice, before grouping into a huddle, for whatever reason.

They were startled out of the huddle by Cheerilee.

"And remember! When you hear your call come over the loudspeaker, rush immediately to answer, as seconds, mean lives."

"Yes mam"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!" Ha-haaa, there it is.

The trio rushed out of the office, Apple Bloom whooping. Just cuz it would sound hilariously weird.

AB was the last out, and closed the office door so hard that the glass plane shattered.

The trio rushed into the Store Room and emerged while riding a three person bike.

"Whoo-w-w-whoo!" AB said as they rode down the hall to answer the large loudspeaker machine attached to the wall.

The trio stopped and fell over on the bike, only to get up immediately to answer the loudspeaker. In front of the loudspeaker was an intern/assistant desk, where Button Mash was seated. You'll see why I picked him later.

"Dr. Apple, report to room 66, Dr. Belle, room 72, Dr. Apple, room 83. Room 66, 72, 83."

"Over" the trio all answered on the individual receivers.

"66, 72, 83"

Babs picked up the microphone on Button's desk.

"On track 13, all aboard for Phillydelphia, Chicago and points west."

"Emergency call, emergency call. 66, 72, 83."

"Callin all cars! Callin all cars!"

"Calling all cars!"

"Callin all cars!"

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-whoo!" Apple Bloom whooped as she went down another hall.

Two wheelchair patients, a nurse with a medicine cart, and a gurney with a covered patient were brought out by the call.

Sweetie Belle blew a whistle at a doctor wheeling one of the chairs, stopping him.

"Oh a wise guy ey?" she addressed the young lady in the chair "I've got a good mind to give you a ticket. Where's your driver's license?"

Babs pulled Sweetie's hair up, smacked her forehead and pushed her aside to address the patient in the chair.

"Spread out. Pull over the curb. I wanna talk to you."

The doctor pushed the chair to the side, Babs and Sweetie standing on either side, with Sweetie next to a chalkboard.

"Open your mouth Babs said before putting a thermometer in "What's your name?"

"Anna Conda"

"On account a what?"

"No, no, just Anna, Conda."

"Anna Conda" Babs said to Sweetie, who repeated it and wrote it down on the board.

Babs checked the thermometer.

"Anna Conda 95 and an eighth"

"Anna Conda 95 and an eighth" Sweetie repeated and wrote.

"That's awfully low doctor" Anna said,

"Yeah, we ought to sell. Sell a hundred Anna Conda 95 and an eighth"

"A hundred Anna Conda sell! Come on get goin folks."

"All right, get going"

The cars all left at the behest of the two Jr. Doctors.

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-whoop. Whoop, whoop, w-w-w-w-whoop!"

Babs and Sweetie looked up, down, left, right, and behind for Apple Bloom, while a gurney with a covered individual miraculously wheeled itself next to them.

Babs removed the sheet, and Apple Bloom sat up wearing an old fashioned, pointed sleeping hat.

"Oh, cutie pie."

"Yeah"

Babs smacked her cousin on the head.

"Get off that carriage"

"No"

"*smack* Get off that carriage"

AB finally got off and went off somewhere else after Sweetie pushed her away.

"Get outta there"

"Take this carriage out"

"I'll take it when I'm ready"

"....Are ya ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready" Sweetie answered nonchalantly as she began to take the gurney.

The repairman, Big Mac, just finished replacing the glass plane for Cheerilee's office.

The air headed Nurse Pinkie arrived carrying a tray of instruments while happily laughing for no particular reason.

"Oh Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple. Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? *giggle*"

"Yeees, that's true"

"Well then why don't the patients just eat an apple a day and save hospital expenses? *giggle*"

"Pardon me if ah laugh" Apple Bloom said before giving a hearty chuckle "That's a pippin."

"Oh I know what a pippin is" Nurse Pinkie said, stopping them from walking away.

"You do ey? WHAT'S a pippin?"

"A pippin is an apple with the skin on the outside *giggle*"

Apple Bloom: :facehoof:

"Did you ever see an apple, with the skin, on the inside? :duck:"

"Oh sure I did"

Babs: :rainbowderp:

"You did? Where?"

"In home made apple pie"

The trio all fell back with exasperated looks as Pinkie left, giggling the entire time.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple" the trio were awoken by the loudspeaker.

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple. Dr. Apple, report to room 66, Dr. Belle, room 72, Dr. Apple, room 83."

The trio all went to their respective rooms, with Babs and Sweetie having rooms across from each other. They realized they got mixed up, ran past each other, and indicated to each other's rooms with a jerk of their thumbs before switching.

Seconds later they ran into a huddle, until they were called again a second later.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple report to Dr. Cheerilee's office."

They all rushed into Cheerilee's office.

"Hello captain, you sent for us?"

"Yes. How'd you find that patient in 66?"

"Under the bed"

"(O_O) How'd you find the patient in 72?"

"Up on the chandelier"

"What'd you do for him?"

"Nothin. What'd he ever do for us?"

":twilightoops:   What are you working here for?!"

"For duty and humanity!" Huddle.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

They all rushed out, Apple Bloom once again slamming the door and breaking the pane. Big Mac immediate stepped in, holding a replacement plane. He set it down and gave Cheerilee a wave.

Apple Bloom lagged a bit and slammed into the Store Room door after Babs and Sweetie had entered and closed it just as she arrived. She got up and entered.

The trio exited while riding a large, red horse wearing a work collar.

"Giddy up"

Big Mac walked by after replacing the pane and stared with wide eyes at the horse as it passed, while it just looked at him.

:eeyup:  :rainbowderp: Do do DO do, do do DO do! Who knows what that tone is?

The trio dismounted the horse and answered the call.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"What is it?"

"There's a messenger girl down in the lobby to see you"

"Send her up"

"Here I am" a blonde, gray skinned, cross eyed girl said from behind, startling them. She was in a mail person outfit.

"What service. Give us the message" Apple Bloom indicated to the letter in the messenger girl's hand.

"Can't. 75 cents, collect."

"Who's it from?"

"It's from a fella by the name of First Base" He's a real character. Look it up

"My guy" the trio all said dreamily. Babs slapped Sweetie and Apple Bloom in response.

"What does he say?"

"He says he loves all three. But he'll be with the one who does the greatest thing for duty, and humanity."

"Thanks" they all said and began to leave.

"Hey! How's about my money?"

"I'll tell ya. We'll toss for it. Pay ya double or nothing."

"Yeah. She'll call it because she's tongue tied" Sweetie said while indicating to Apple Bloom.

"That'll make it easier"

"Uh.....you got a coin?"

"Yeah I got one" the messenger girl said before bringing out a large coin.

"That'll really make it easier" Sweetie said after seeing the coin.

She flipped it in the air and caught it.

"What is it? Head or tail?"

"Nmaheh"

"What?"

"Nmaheh"

"Is that it?! Sweetie said while holding out the coin for AB to see.

"Sointly"

"Oh then you lose. We'll split this three ways Sweetie said as they left the confused messenger girl.

The trio entered a room where another doctor watched over a small patient. Her head resting on her fist that was steadied on the bed. the trio approached the other side of the bed and mimicked his position for a few seconds.

"How is she doctor?"

"A slight hope"

"That's too bad. What's the matter?"

"She's in a coma"

The patient sat up suddenly.

"I am not, I'm in a bed."

She was a short adult patient. She had light purple skin, purple swirl eyes, and a purple mane with white stripes. She looked to the trio and put on a fake look of shock.

"Gee, the joint is haunted"

The trio looked behind themselves before turning back.

"How old are you?"

"I'm thirty five"

"Nah, you couldn't get that fresh in thirty five years."

"Lay down" Babs told the patient "Let me see that, that thing there." The doctor gave Babs her stethoscope.

Babs put the ear tips in the patients ears, and the diaphragm to her chest. Apple Bloom checked the doctor's pulse, and got her hand smacked away in annoyance.

Babs shook her head sorrowfully.

"Can't live till morning"

She then placed the ear tips in her own ears, for no particular reason, and jerked when Sweetie spoke into the diaphragm.

"A voovoovoo, a voovoovoo, a v-" *smack to the forehead*

"Just a minute. What do you young ladies know about medicine?" the doctor asked, outraged.

"Why, we graduated with the highest temperatures in our class"

"Psh, some class"

"You said it kid, some class" Apple Bloom said with sass, rhyme. This earned her a poke in the stomach and knock to the head from Babs.

"What are ya tryin to do?"

"Why, you don't even know how to deliver a proper anesthetic!"

"Girls, give the doctor a little, anesthesia. *chuckle*"

Sweetie and Apple Bloom gave the doctor a dizzying hit to the head with their mallets, each producing the sound of a carnival bell.

*Bing Bing*

"A winner every time, no blanks." the patient said as she sat up and produced two candy canes for the girls.

Seeing that she didn't get one, Babs gave Sweetie a light knock to the head with her mallet before taking her cane, and threatened Apple Bloom with one before taking hers.

"Say doctor, do you really think I'm gonna get better?"

"I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid you are" Babs said solemnly.

"Oh thanks doctor, you don't know how much I really appreciate it" she said before resuming her coma.

Sweetie approached the doctor and shook her hand.

"Doctor! We're mighty proud of you. You've done a wonderful thing for humanity. And when we leave here, we're going right down to the president's office and"

"We won't say a word about it"

Sweetie brought her mallet up to hit AB, not knowing it was Babs behind her. Babs slapped Apple Bloom in response.

"What are ya buttin in for?"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

The trio rushed and answered.

"Report to Dr. Cheerilee's office"

Apple Bloom had stopped short and sat herself on Button's desk. She put on a flirtatious face and fluttered her eyelashes at him. They were about to kiss when Babs smacked the back of her head and pulled her away.

"Remember our oath for duty and humanity!" she said as she held an angry Apple Bloom by her shirt.

Sweetie Belle meanwhile had put on a crazy face :pinkiecrazy:, and began to inch her way to a scared Button Mash, reaching to him. He had started to stay clear of her after she cost him everything he had in Minecraft. And after she got a little clingy.

Babs pulled Sweetie away by her and pushed her into the hall.

"Get goin"

The trio went down the hall to Cheerilee's office, with Apple Bloom needing to be whistled to after turning the wrong way. Big Mac was cleaning the pane, when he saw the three approaching and opened the door for them, while covering the pane with his body.

"Hi colonel, did you call us?"

"Yes" Cheeriliee responded before going back to a phone call "And just another thing uh, hello? Hello, hello. Hello?!"

"Hello?" Sweetie said as she picked up the receiver of one of Cheerilee's other three phones.

"Don't let that body go out of 84 until the bill is paid.

"I ain't got nobody"

Babs and Apple Bloom picked up the other receivers.

"Yes it's in 84"

"Yes?"

"Hello?"

"Yes?"

Cheerilee and Sweetie hung up their phones.

"Yes?  yes? Yes yes. Yes." Apple bloom then reacted with a frighten shiver, as if she had been told something horrible.

"Line's busy" she said nonchalantly before hanging up. Babs hadn't said anything or put down her receiver.

"Say there's nobody on your line"

"I know, but I'm expectin a call"

"Just a minute!" Cheerilee said, causing Babs to hang up her phone.

"Go to room 81, there's a dangerous patient there and hurry!"

The trio began to walk out at a normal pace.

"Hurry!"

"Don't get nervous"

"The patient ain't goin no place"

"HURRY!"

*slam and shatter*

Big Mac turned around with a large piece of broken glass sticking out of his pants and gave Cheerilee a shrug.

Into the Store Room.

And out the trio came, riding go carts.

They stopped at room 81 and entered.

The patient was an odd individual.  His eyes were yellow with disproportionate red pupils. His attire appeared to me multiple clothing items of different colors sewn together. His left hand wore a glove, while his right had long, untrimmed nails. His hair was white and styled somewhat like a mane, and he had a long goatee to match. :pinkiehappy:

"That is the momentous question" the patient said in the midst of a conversation he had been having with himself "I once asked Starswirl! And he made this suggestion! He said go for a walk. And I met a dog."

He then began to bark at the trio, not acknowledging their sudden appearance. The barks turned into an aggressive cat hiss, that ended with him spitting on them, which they didn't like.

"Water" he said in amazement "Water!"

The sudden shout caused Apple Bloom to throw the water in a jug at the patient, soaking him. He just repeated the word, still in amazement.

"Water"

"Girls. Let's give him some medicine."

"Oh yeah"

The trio approached a medicine table and Babs took a tall cup, telling Sweetie and Apple Bloom what to put in.

"Anapontang"

"Cedarscram"

"Cedarscram"

"Bolsider"

"Bolsider"

"Senaconapons"

"Senaconapons"

"EEnoxx"

"EEnoxx"

"EEnoxx"

"Sit!"

"That's it"

I didn't have a stroke. That's just the best I can spell the nonsense words used in the comedy skit.

Apple Bloom covered the cup with a towel and shook her arms about to mix the concoction, while Sweetie prepared three medicine cups. Apple Bloom poured into each cup, and they all took one.

"Viola"

"For duty and humanity" Sweetie toasted before they drank.

"Parasprites!"

The trio were all startled by the patient after their drink and turned to him.

"You know? Once I was crazy. You see that buttonhole there? Parasprites used to come out of that. Soon as one came out I'd throw it down, and then another one would come out!"

"Hey, hey. You're not well yet" Babs indulged the patient "There's another one coming out now"

"You take it. I've got enough of em."

"I'll be seein ya" Babs said as she sat by the window.

"Look!" the patient pointed to the sky "great big giant, fire birds!"

"Fire birds huh" Babs said derisively before a small peculiarly orange colored bird flew in from the window and landed on her shoulder, small embers momentarily coming from it's tail.

The other three gasped and shouted in shock, Sweetie and Apple Bloom leaving while the patient jumped into his bed.

Babs narrowed her eyes suspiciously before slowly turning her head and seeing the bird. She jerked her head back in shock.

"AH AH AH AAAAAAH! Move over, you got company! she said before jumping into the bed as well.

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom where with Nurse Pinkie.

"Oh Dr. Apple hic, Dr. Belle hic, Dr. Apple" she hiccupped.

"Her shoes are too tight"

"Hic"

"Her cold's breakin up"

"Hic"

"Wait, pitch that an octave higher"

"Hic"

"Oh lee oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh ley ee" Sweetie and AB sang, Babs arriving next to them. Then she joined in

"Oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh, oh lee oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh da lady oh"

"Hic hic"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Hic, hic"

"Hic"

Big Mac was just finished cleaning the latest glass pane when he saw the trio coming yet again. This time he just threw his tool box through the pane, welcoming them in as they jumped through.

"Terrible disaster at the oil wells" Cheerilee said in distress "Twenty men injured. Radium is the only thing that'll save them."

"Give us the radium and we'll get goin!"

"It's locked up in the safe, I can't get it."

"Why not?"

"During the excitement I swallowed the combination to the safe. Put a burning cigar in my pocket."

"You got nothing to worry about" Babs said nonchalantly.

"But you don't understand. the combination is, in, here" Cheerilee said while indicating to her stomach.

"You still got nothing to worry about, we'll get it"

"How?"

":trixieshiftright:......Well operate"

"You? Me? No! Nnnno!"

":trixieshiftleft: Girls, give her the anesthetic. And see me in the operating room later. Ha-ha-ha-ha. :ajbemused: Give."

Sweetie and AB hit Cheerilee in the head with their mallets, giving her a surprised look, and causing her to pass out slowly.

In the operating room, the unconscious Cheerilee lay on an operating bed, everything below her neck covered by a sheet.

"Everything's ready" Nurse Fluttershy told the trio of Jr Doctors.

The trio turned around, wearing headsets with two cloths acting as mini curtains for their faces. They pulled on a string to open the curtains, This appeared to be the only use for these headsets.

"We'll make an incision like this" Babs said and drew a vertical line down the right side of Cheerilee's torso.

"No, we'll make an insertion like that" Apple Bloom drew a line like Babs' but o the left.

"No. We should make an excursion like this" Sweetie drew two horizontal lines apart from each other. Creating a tic tac toe table.

Babs: top right corner X

AB: bottom left corner 0

Sweetie: middle right X

Then all at once.

"Tic tac toe!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Shut up"

"Shut up yourself!"

:rainbowderp:

"Should I give her more sodium amatol?"

"Nah. Give her some fizzy apple cider"

Cheerilee sat up.

"No. Schnapps" earning her another dose of anesthetic from AB.

Bonk

"Awoo" she said as she laid back.

Apple Bloom grabbed a surgical knife.

"Stop, we might cut her"

"What do ya want me to do? Kiss her?"

"I got it" Sweetie said as she pulled out a steak knife "Wait a minute. :pinkiecrazy: Let's plug her, and see if she's ripe."

Earning her a smack in the cheek from Babs.

"Say, why are we all whispering?" Babs asked Nurse Fluttershy.

"I don't know why you're whispering. But I lost my voice asking for a raise."

:rainbowderp:

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Whoop w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoo!"

The trio ran around in reaction to this. Babs began to lightly and rhythmically bonk Cheerilee's head with two of the mallets. Sweetie and Apple Bloom stood to the side, saluted each other, and kissed each other on both cheeks.

Then the trio all ran excitedly to the tool table and grabbed everything to bring over. Sweetie chuckled somewhat evilly as she grabbed hers, and Apple Bloom whooped.

They laid the tools out on top of Cheerilee, and Babs had to smack Apple Bloom twice to get a tool away from her.

"Insena"

Sweetie handed the tools to Apple Bloom, who passed them to Babs.

"Hanacon"

"Hanacon"

"Hanacon"

"Senaturner"

"Senaturner"

"Senaturner"

"Anaconapuner"

"Anacanapuner"

"Anacanapuner"

":ajbemused: AnacanaPuner"

"Oh" ""Oh"

"Shift" Babs signaled.

"One"

"Two"

"Three" Babs was now in the middle with Sweetie to her left and AB on the right.

"Four" Sweetie said as she handed Babs another tool.

"Vidinar"

"Vidinar"

"Anasinic"

"Anasinic"

"Cotton. Cotton." Babs said as she turned to Apple Bloom "Cotton!" she said while flicking her cousins face. AB angrily went to get the cotton.

"Appear"

"Appear"

"Honic?"

"Honic"

"Shift"

"Hike"

Babs and Sweetie switched places.

"Cotton.............Cotton!" and she got a sheet of cotton thrown in her face by Apple Bloom. :rainbowderp:

"Cotton....Cotton!" she got the same.

Babs took the middle again and brought up a miniature jackhammer. Sweetie and Apple Bloom held her as she used it on Cheerilee.

She stopped it and pulled out the paper with the safe combination.

"There it is!

"Needles!"

"Needles!"

"Needles!"

"Needles" Nurse Fluttershy said as she presented a tray of threaded needles.

Babs jumped on top of Cheerilee and sowed her back up, while Apple Bloom and Sweetie held the thread.

"Scissors"

"Scissors"

"Scissors"

"Scissors!" Nurse Fluttershy shouted as she presented, startling the trio.

Babs cut the thread and jumped off the table, finishing the job.

"Success"

"Success"

"Success"

Before Babs could walk away, a thought struck her.

:rainbowderp:

"Where are the tools?"

"The tools?!"

"Tools?"

Cheerilee slowly got off the table a blank face :rainbowderp:, and the sound of medical tools jingling was heard. She jumped slightly, producing another jingle, and walked off, jingling.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple are you coming?!"

"Whoop-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Get it" Babs said sinisterly as they readied they're mallets. And they began to tear the loudspeaker apart, attempting to stop the call.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

They tore off the front panel and growled at the machine.

"GRRRRR" "AAAAAAH!"

But the call wouldn't stop.

"Where is that noise coming from?!"

"Where is it?!"

"Where can it be!"

Then they heard the call again and turned to see it coming from a small, vibrating device part of the machine.

"There it is!"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

The trio all pulled out a revolver and shot the device.

"Oh! They got me."

And they cheered

"FOR DUTY AND HUMANITY!"