Spikes & Apples

Spike and Applejack made their way to the kitchen of the crystal castle, where Twilight had already set the breakfast table. “Good morning, you two,” the Princess greeted them. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Spike said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “We didn't get much sleep last night.”

“So I've noticed,” Twilight replied dryly.

Applejack blushed at that. “Ah thought you'd finally figured out that soundproofing spell and applied it to our room, Twi?”

“I did. But that didn't stop the shaking. This castle has the form of a tree, so it has a high center of gravity. It was fairly noticeable.”

““Sorry,”” the couple replied in unison.

“Thanks for letting us crash here for the time being,” Spike added. “We really appreciate it, especially since crystal doesn't burn.”

“It's fine,” Twilight told them. “I'm just sorry that I didn't have the spells ready earlier. You can stay as long as you like.”

“That's mighty kind of ya, Twi,” AJ said gratefully.

“Not at all. I'm glad for the company. I hadn't realized how big and empty this castle feels until Spike moved out on such short notice.”

“Twi …” The dragon heaved, putting down his coffee mug quickly. Burp! A familiar lick of green flame appeared from his mouth and a letter materialized above the table. “Pardon me.”

Twilight took hold of it with her magic. After one glance, she raised an eyebrow. “It's for you, Spike. From the Princess.”

“From Princess Celestia?” he asked, taking the letter and beginning to read.

Dear Spike,

first of all, I think congratulations are in order. Please give my regards to Applejack as well. I'm very happy for the both of you.

However, I must express that I was slightly hurt when I had to hear the news from Cadence and Twilight. It's understandable that you'd want to tell Twilight and Shining Armor first. They are your adoptive family, after all. I thought that maybe you would get around to informing me as well. Since that wasn't the case, I decided to write to you first.

I assume that it was out of a sense of humility and not wanting to take up my valuable time that you didn't ask me to officiate for your ceremony. However, I assure you that it is misplaced. Holding a wedding ceremony for my closest friends is one of the few truly joyous things about my duties as a princess.

Cadence informs me that she will bring a full Honor Guard for the Hero of the Crystal Empire. I shall bring a Royal Guard contingent as well. After all, Applejack is one of the Elements of Harmony, thus this union is also one symbolizing the bond between Equestria and the Crystal Empire.

Luna is also coming, and she's promised that this time she won't sleep through the wedding like she did last time. This wedding will be second in scope only to a royal one. Let me know the date soon, so I can make the necessary preparations.

Expecting your reply soon,
Princess Celestia I. of Equestria

P.S.: What do you think about my new signature? Luna says it makes things sound more official, but I just find it kind of silly. After all, there is probably never gonna be a Celestia II.

“Oh, boy,” the dragon said.

Applejack, who had been reading along over his shoulder, had all the color drained from her face. “Princesses? Honor Guard? Second only to a royal wedding? Spike!”

“What?”

“Ah told ya ah didn't want to make a big deal outta this!”

“Well, what do you expect me to do?” the dragon asked helplessly. “Tell the ruler of all of Equestria to mind her own business?”

“And what's this about Cadence coming? Is every royal gonna be there?”

“Well, I had to invite Shining Armor. He's like my big brother. I can't ask him not to bring his wife. Besides, how do you uninvite the Princess of Love from a wedding? So there'll be a few extra ponies showing up. So what?”

Applejack's face was starting to get red. “We said close friends and family only!”

Spike was getting a little defensive about being blamed for something he ultimately had no control over. “Yeah, and how many invitations have you sent out? Upwards of a hundred?”

“That's different! That's family!” she said while standing up from the table.

Spike also got up. “So what you're saying is that your family is more important than mine, is that it? We may not be blood, but Celestia was there when I hatched, and the Sparkle family raised me.”

“And ah don't have a problem with them! Ah don't even mind Cadence coming. It's about total strangers showing up for our wedding!”

Spike snorted. “Even if Celestia brought every Royal Guard in Canterlot, they'd still be outnumbered by the Apple Army! I'm gonna have to write a list as long as … a very long thing to even remember the names of half of them.”

“Spike, ah...” Applejack stopped herself, looking at Twilight who had sat by without saying a word during the whole argument. “Let's not fight in front of Twilight. Ah should get going.”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, let's discuss this another time. Have fun at work.”

“You, too.” They both leaned in for a quick kiss. The fight was still on their minds, but for some reason the small gesture took the worst of the sting off it, even though they hadn't technically resolved anything.

Applejack trotted off towards the farm to begin her applebucking for the day while Spike sat back down.

“So, honeymoon over, huh?” Twilight commented, drinking the last of her coffee. Spike glared at her. “What? Did you think it was all gonna be sunshine and roses from here on out? A marriage takes work.”

“I don't need to hear that from somepony who seriously considered taking a dictionary as her date to senior prom.”

Twilight gave him a stern look. “That was uncalled for, Spike.”

He shrunk back, knowing that he'd crossed a line. Moving out of Sweet Apple Acres had been hard on Applejack, who was so focused on her family. It had been the first big fight their young relationship had had to endure, and they'd both been a little on edge as a result. But being irritated wasn't an excuse for poor behavior. Spike knew that. “Sorry,” he said earnestly.

Twilight sighed. “It's alright. I really can't give you any advice in this. My domain is friendship, after all, not love. Let's just get to work.”

“Yeah.”

They both made their way to the castle library, where several carts stacked with books sat on the ground floor. The crystal bookshelves were only half filled. All in all, an entire wing had been dedicated to the library. Spike wondered if the Tree of Harmony had taken Twilight's love of books into consideration when it planted the seed for this castle.

“Alright,” Twilight said, “we've already sorted all the books we brought from the Castle of the Two Sisters. Now it's on to those Princess Celestia sent.”

“I know,” Spike said, making his way over to a desk with several lists and index cards. “First I give them an index number based on content and date of release. Then I need to cross-reference them based on alphabetical order of the authors and titles. I know the drill.”

Twilight watched him get to work with very little direction needed from her. “Spike, what are your plans for the future?”

“Future?” he asked while getting started on organizing the books. “I dunno. What do you mean?”

“I mean you don't want to be an assistant forever, do you? You're married now. So you might want to consider your career options. … Actually, I do have a proposal, if you're interested.”

“I'm listening, Twilight.”

“I told you that I intend to make the library wing of the castle open to the public, right?”

“Yeah, since Golden Oaks is gone and all. This is gonna be the only library in town for the Ponyville residents.”

They both observed a moment of silence for their former home, which had been a casualty of Tirek's rampage. “Right, but I'm a princess now. I might be called away at a moment's notice, and I can't operate a public library on an irregular schedule. It's become painfully obvious to me that I won't have the time to continue my work as town librarian. And I can't think of anypony else more suited for the job.”

“Me?” Spike asked in surprise. “Geez, I dunno, Twilight. Doesn't it take a lot of training to become a full librarian?”

Twilight nodded. “But you're already there, Spike. You've been my assistant for years. You know all that you need to know, and then some. I can certify your on-the-job training. All you'd really need to do is take one trip to Canterlot, pass an exam, and you'd be a full-fledged librarian.”

“Hm, full-time librarian, huh. Why not? Let's do it! Thanks, Twilight. You know, I really appreciate the fact that you're behind Applejack and me in this. At least you believe in us.”

“Oh, I don't,” she said cheerfully. “I'm 80% sure this marriage is gonna crash and burn within six months, and then we're gonna have to spend close to two years putting all the pieces of our friendships back together.”

Spike's jaw dropped open. “Are you sure that you and AJ didn't get your elements mixed up? Cause that was some brutal honesty. And how did you arrive at 80% anyway?”

She shrugged. “Statistical probabilities, based on divorce rates and inter-species statistics. I ran the numbers twice, just to be sure. Wanna see the calculations?”

“No, thanks,” the dragon grumbled.

The Princess then drew closer to him, wrapping one of her wings around his shoulders comfortingly. “But you know, Spike. As long as you're aiming for that 20%, then I'm 100% behind you. Because that's what friends do, and while I don't know much about being in a relationship, I do know a thing or two about friendship.”

Spike began to chuckle in spite of himself. “Yeah, I know. Thank you for that.”

“Actually, there's one more thing I can help you out with. Follow me.”

“By the way,” Spike asked with a blush, “have you found out anything regarding my … little problem?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You mean about the spontaneous combustion of your respiration process during the final stage of coitus?”

The dragon blinked, going through the strange words one by one in his mind. “You're saying about me breathing fire when I cum, right?”

Twilight frowned. “Actually I've just been trying very hard not to say that. But yes, in a nutshell.” She lowered her head. “I'm sorry, Spike. I tried my best, but you know how little information there is about dragon physiology. Maybe Zecora could help?”

He shook his head. “Already asked her, since she was the one who figured out the connection between greed and my growth. Nothing. Oh, well. It's not that important, but thanks for trying. It's really more about not destroying our surroundings rather than it actually interfering with the act.”

Twilight cocked her head in bewilderment. “Applejack doesn't mind about that part?”

“Not really. Well, there was this one time I accidentally singed her hat. She got a little mad about that.”

“Well, I can solve that problem for you.”

Spike's ears perked up at that. “Really? You can?”

“Yes.” Twilight turned around to leave the room. “Tell her to take the stetson off during sex.”

“Oh, I see … You sure you can't use your magic to make it flame retardant?” Spike asked as he tried to catch up with her. “Cause the hat kinda works for me.”

* * *

Applejack pulled the straps on her saddlebags tight and looked towards the front porch of the farmhouse. “Ah'm off then, unless ya need me to do anything else.”

Granny Smith gave her a complicated look. “No, yer good to go. We can handle the rest. Thanks for yer hard work today.”

Apple Bloom came forward to give her big sister a hug. “Have a safe trip.”

“Now, AB. Ya make it sound like ah'm off to the end of the earth. Ah'll just be across town.”

“Ah know. It just hasn't been the same since ya moved out.”

AJ placed a hoof on her head, rubbing her red mane in goodbye. “Cheer up, kiddo. At least ya got the big room now. Ya had yer eye on it forever.” She waved. “See y'all tomorrow.”

“Bye, AJ!”

The farmpony trotted down the dirt path that lead from the house to the entrance gate of Sweet Apple Acres. On her way, a certain red stallion emerged from between the trees in the late afternoon sun. “Heya, Big Mac. Done for the day?”

“Eyup,” he said with a nod. “Going home?”

Applejack nodded, although it didn't feel right. Staying with Twilight was fine, but it didn't feel like home. All her life, she'd considered Sweet Apple Acres her home. That very revelation had led her to discover her cutie mark. And that wouldn't change from one moment to the next. In fact, she wasn't sure she wanted that to change. But then, would she ever truly feel at home away from home? She loved Spike. She knew that much. But love or family shouldn't be a choice. She wasn't sure she could make a choice like that.

Big Macintosh stepped closer, bringing out a book and handing it to her.

“What's this?” Applejack asked. “My Memoirs of Playing Captain Quirk, by Over Acting. Ya borrow this from Spike?”

“Eyup.”

“Want me to return it to him?”

“Eyup.”

“With yer thanks?”

“Eyup.”

“And an apology for acting like a rotten apple towards him the other day?”

The big stallion lowered his head. “... Eyup.”

She placed the book into her saddlebag. Then she gave him a hug. “See ya tomorrow, big brother.”

She'd already started to move down the path again when Big Mac called after her. “AJ!”

“Hm?” She turned around to look at him once more.

“We all miss ya, despite the fact that yer here every day to work the farm. But it's okay, because Spike's yer family now, too. And as long as yer with family, yer always with someone who loves ya.”

Applejack smiled at him over her shoulder. “Eyup.” Big Mac was the kind of stallion who seldom spoke up, but was all the more profound when he did. At least when he didn't accuse his brother-in-law of the use of illegal and wholly imaginary brain parasites.

She had made her way down to the main gates of the orchard and took a moment to admire the setting sun. Suddenly, without warning, the world became dark around her.

“Guess who? … Ack!”

As soon as the claws had been placed over her eyes, instinct kicked in, and with a swing of her powerful back legs, a cringe-inducing crunch could be heard behind her. “What in tarnation?” She whirled around in confusion, only to see her husband sitting in the dirt behind her and covering his private parts with tears in his eyes.

“So much for romantic gestures,” he wheezed, his voice about an octave higher than usual.

“Sorry!” Applejack was quick to offer an apology. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Ya surprised me something fierce, so ah just reacted.” She leaned in closer to make sure he was okay, desperately afraid that she may have damaged something rather important in that sensitive area.

“It's alright,” Spike replied while taking the offered hoof to pull himself up. “I think my scales stopped the worst of it. Serves me right for startling a seasoned applebucker while standing behind her.”

“Yeah, why exactly did ya do that?”

“Cause I have a surprise for you.” He took a single step towards her, then stopped. “How about you just keep your eyes closed? I'll trust you not to peek.”

“Huh?”

Applejack didn't know what he had in mind, but she trusted Spike, so she let him lead her along the path while keeping her eyes closed. After a while she could feel him let go of her hoof.

“Can ah open mah eyes yet?”

“Not yet. One moment.” She could hear him take a few steps. “Alright, you can look now.”

She blinked a few times, her eyes getting used to the light again. What she saw was a small two story house. With it's wooden walls, green-colored roof tiles and capped by a red brick chimney, it nestled against the edge of the orchard like it was somehow one of the apple trees on the other side of the fence. Spike was standing in front of the main entrance with his arms spread wide.

“What do you think?” he asked excitedly.

“Think about what?”

“About living here, of course.” He closed the distance between them with two skips, pointing up the road. “See, it's right on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. So whenever you feel like seeing your family, you just have to take a few steps, take a left, and you're there. It'll be like you never moved out.”

AJ was flummoxed. “Ya want us to live here? What about you? You'd have to go all the way across town every morning to get to Twilight's.”

He shrugged. “So I walk. You may not have noticed, but you haven't exactly married the fittest guy in Ponyville. I could use the exercise. Plus, it comes with perks.”

“Perks? What perks?”

“Look around.” He made a sweeping motion with his arms to encompass the whole area. “No neighbors, since nopony wants to live so far away from the town center. So we can be as loud as we want without disturbing anypony. Plus, Twilight says she can use her magic to make the whole thing fireproof. There's absolutely no chance of us burning the house down, so to speak.”

She let her gaze drift across the cozy little home, trying to spot any disadvantages that might offset her husband's enthusiasm. “Nopony wants to live here, huh?”

“Yeah, well. It's been abandoned for a while, so it does need some fixing up. But I got access to all the self-help books in Equestria, and you've raised and destroyed plenty of barns. We can do it.”

It all did seem perfect, and he'd put so much thought into it, taken into consideration her feelings about her family. Which made what she had to say even harder. “Spike... Ah love it. Really, ah do. But there's no way we can afford it.”

“Uh, yes we can,” he countered. “Once I get my license to become Ponyville's official town librarian and make some actual money, that is.”

“Is that gonna be enough?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Last time ah checked, librarian wasn't exactly the best-paid job in Equestria.”

“Well,” he admitted, “no. We can't afford it outright. But thanks to Twilight pulling some strings, I got an interest-free loan from the royal treasury. She said to consider it her wedding gift to us. It's enough to cover the down payment.” He opened the mailbox in front of the door and pulled out a parchment, showing it to his wife. “I already picked up the lease contract from Mayor Mare's office this morning. All that's missing is your signature.”

To AJ's surprise, he dropped down to one knee in front of her. “I know this question is usually asked before the big one we kinda, sorta already skipped, but … Do you wanna move in together?”

“Oh, Spike.” She looked at the house again, imagining herself seeing Spike off in the morning with a kiss before trotting up the road to start her workday together with her family. And it felt like this could be home. She gave him a sly look. “Just one more thing. How does the bedroom look?”

He grinned at her. “Facing east, so the sun hits it in the morning. Spacious, but still cozy. It'll look even better with my Pony Trek posters on the wall and your saddlebags on the floor.”

She couldn't help but chuckle at that, wordlessly pulling out a quill and signing her name on the document, right next to her husband's. “Say, sugarcube. Does it still hurt where I kicked ya earlier?”

“A little,” he admitted.

“Then why don't we find that bedroom ya mentioned, and ah'll use mah mouth to kiss it all better.”

Smiling broadly, the young dragon pushed open the front door to allow his blushing bride inside. “Welcome home, honey.”

“Yeah," she said, rewarding him with the brightest smile he'd seen from her since leaving Sweet Apple Acres. "Ah'm home.”