Saturday – 2:15 A.M.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice, Princess,” the stallion with the bushy mustache said respectfully as Twilight entered Ponyville's small police station.

“Any time, Bronze Shield,” she replied, keeping up a friendly tone despite a slight hangover. “So what was so important that it couldn't wait until our usual Tuesday meeting?”

The old stallion's position as Chief of Police had become much easier since Twilight's ascension. Rather than having to appeal to Canterlot through the Mayor's office about world-threatening events or ancient evils, things were now customarily wrapped up in a neat weekly session. And he'd come to view the Princess as a fair and just ruler, since she was always quick to offer manpower, financial aid and even her personal skills to rebuild the town after the latest disaster. So he decided to return the favor by trying to resolve the current situation with as little fuss as possible.

“Well,” he began, “this one's a little more personal than usual. So I thought you might want to straighten the whole affair out sooner rather than later. It … concerns some friends of yours … and family members.”

Twilight looked at him, her eyes focusing a little more as she pushed the throbbing headache to the back of her mind. She had a sneaking suspicion who he was talking about. “Where are they?”

“Follow me.” Bronze Shield led her to the holding cells and unlocked a barred door.

Twilight could only sigh when she looked at Spike, Big Macintosh and Shining Armor, all sitting there with crestfallen looks on their faces. Curiously, Spike was wearing a Pony Trek costume, complete with Starfleet uniform and com badge, and Big Mac was dressed up like a Humgonian warrior. The most bewildering sight, however, was Shining Armor. Despite the fact that he kept his old guard armor polished to perfection, he was clad in what was clearly a cloth and plastic costume that was made to look like armor, even though it wasn't very good. All their costumes looked to be in disrepair, with various rips and dirty patches to complete the sorry sight.

“Hey, Twily,” her big brother said lamely.

Twilight sighed. “So, I take it the bachelor party went a little overboard?”

“Eyup,” Big Mac replied in embarrassment.

She gave each of them a withering look in turn before finally fixing her gaze on Spike. The dragon was blushing rather heavily. Not able to meet her eyes, he seemed very interested in his feet. “What are the charges?” she asked finally.

Bronze Shield got out a notepad. “Multiple counts of property damage, breaking and entering, arson and property damage,” he informed her gravely.

Twilight thought about that, trying to come up with a theory of how they'd managed to get themselves into this much trouble in just one night. “Why did you list property damage twice?” she asked then.

The Chief took a closer look at his notes. “The multiple counts refer to damage of personal property. The other one pertains to a historic landmark.”

She shot Spike another look that made him cringe. Short of mistreating books, messing with history was one of the worst offenses Twilight could think of. “Which one?”

“The old clocktower. … It's not too bad, though,” he added. Apparently even he felt Twilight's anger and tried to defuse the volatile situation a little. “Frankly, the Mayor might be happy for the excuse to give it that paint-job she's been pushing for in the Council.”

To her credit, Twilight didn't go off on a tirade. She even repressed the urge to make a cutting remark about Spike being entitled to conjugal visits. The Princess of Friendship just shook her head and went on in a disappointed voice. “Spike, your wedding ceremony is in a few hours. What would AJ say if she could see you like this?”

“Uh, hey, Twi! Fancy meetin' you here.”

Twilight frowned. “No, I don't think she'd say that.” Realizing that the answer to her rhetorical question had actually been delivered in Applejack's own voice, she whirled around in surprise.

Sure enough, there was Applejack, with a sheepish smile on her face and covered in tree sap from head to hoof. But she wasn't alone. Two other mares, also covered in the sticky brown stuff, were with her. One was Rarity and the other was … “Mom!?” Twilight blurted out.

“Hello, dear,” Velvet said with an owlish grin and a somewhat unsteady lurch to the side. Thankfully, AJ caught her. “You wouldn't happen to have some money on you to bail us out?”

“And what's this, Deputy Beagle?” Bronze Shield asked the stallion in uniform who had brought them in.

The young officer saluted. “Three more for booking, sir.” He got out his own notepad and began to read. “One count of assault and battery, disturbing the peace and …” He glanced at Velvet with a blush. “... assaulting the arresting officer.”

“Well, if you'd just taken your clothes off in the first place,” Velvet pointed out, her eyes slightly unfocused.

“Velvet, darling,” Rarity said in exasperation. “For the last time, he's not a stripper!”

Twilight groaned, bringing one hoof up to her forehead.

“Did you want to take care of this right away as well, Your Highness?” Bronze Shield asked mildly.

She nodded. “I'd better. It's a little too late to reorganize the reception to take place in a courthouse. But first, I'd like to know one thing.” She drew herself up, looking calmly at the six ponies in question. Then she shouted: “WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED!?”

* * *

Friday – 9:00 A.M.

“Ouch!” Spike grimaced as AJ's hoof once more slammed down painfully on his foot.

“Sorry,” she said quickly.

“It's alright,” he wheezed. “Okay, we got this. Now pay attention. This part is one, two, tip.”

“More like one, two, slip,” she grumbled, pushing a button on the nearby stereo in their bedroom to play the song from the top. “Ah'll never get the hang of this.”

“You asked me to teach you,” Spike reminded her gently as he once again placed one claw on her barrel and her right forehoof in the other. “I even took the day off to get in some last-minute practice. We've got less than 24 hours left.”

“Ah know, ah know.” The dancing lessons had gone reasonably awful, ever since she'd told her husband that she wanted to be able to complete at least one dance with him at their second wedding. “Maybe it'll work better if we're closer together?”

“Worth a try,” he agreed with a sigh, pulling her a little closer to his chest. As he did so, he caught a whiff of the apple shampoo she always used. Even after almost a month of being with her, it still had a strange effect on him.

Applejack laid her cheek against his chest, and the dance picked up, slowly in the beginning. This part she had no trouble with. She looked up at him with a dreamy smile. Time seemed to slow as they moved in that embrace.

Eventually, Spike gulped. “Honey?”

“Uh-huh?” she asked, looking up at him with deliberately seductive eyes, as she could feel something press against her.

“I think we're gonna have to pick up the pace.”

* * *

Friday – 9:23 A.M.

As they laid on the bed in a tangle of limbs, AJ sighed contentedly, still feeling the warmth between her thighs.

Spike stroked her gorgeous flank absent-mindedly. “We're never gonna get through this entire dance, are we?”

She smiled at him, nuzzling his cheek affectionately. “Maybe, but ah like this dance much better.”

He frowned. “So do I, but we can't exactly perform it at the reception.”

“Why not?” she asked with a mischievous grin. “That'd be a wedding to remember for everypony involved.”

Spike shuddered, imagining the two of them doing it on the dance floor while all of their friends and relatives watched, commenting on their technique and taking the odd snapshot here and there. “You know, sometimes when you say stuff like that, it's awfully hard to tell whether you're joking or not.” Her little surprise at the library the other day didn't exactly inspire confidence in that regard.

“Are you kids done?” Velvet's voice asked from the next room.

“No!” Spike blurted out immediately, trying to cover himself up with a pillow.

“Yes, Velvet. We're done. Come on in,” Applejack said in a calm tone.

The unicorn mare only put one hoof into the room, not wanting to intrude more than was necessary. “Applejack, dear. We should be getting a move on if we want to be at Rarity's in time.”

“Just a few more minutes, Velvet,” she replied. “Gotta allot some snuggling time. Ah don't wanna give mah husband the impression that his efforts ain't appreciated.”

Velvet chuckled. “I understand. I'll wait for you outside.”

“Is Rarity still not finished with your dress?” Spike asked when the couple was alone again.

“Just some last-minute alterations. Ya know how she can be, obsessing over every single detail. Besides, it'll give ya time to plan yer bachelor party with Shining Armor.”

“Yeah, about that. I'm thinking about asking him to cancel it.”

Applejack gave him an incredulous look. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Just … doesn't seem right, you know. A bachelor party is supposed to come before the wedding. At least I know that now. But the thing is, we're already married. Tomorrow is basically just a formality after the fact.”

“Spike, ah don't want ya to miss out on anything. That's one of the reason we agreed to do this.”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I know. But ...” He left it hanging. Spike had a certain noble aspect to his character in that regard.

Applejack quietly wondered if maybe it conflicted with his so-called Dragon Code. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Alright, how about this? Until we renew our vows tomorrow, our marriage is … on hold.”

“On hold?” He raised an eyebrow at that.

“Yeah, why not?” Climbing on top of him, she brought her face close to his. “Ah'm glad we did what we did in Las Pegasus. And we'll always have that. But ah don't want ya to look back on this time years from now and feel like we went through this whole song and dance just for everypony else. We're both entitled to have some fun with this.”

He thought about that. “So, no repercussions? No matter what happens? For either of us?”

“Eyup. One last night of being single. For both of us. That way ya don't have ta feel guilty about anything. Just enjoy yerself.”

He smiled and gave her kiss. “Alright. You've got a deal. But you better enjoy yourself, too.”

“You betcha,” she grinned at him. “At least once Rarity's finally done with the dress.”

* * *

Friday – 11:43 A.M.

“Alright, that's it,” Rarity declared, critically eying her work. “Anything out of place? Can you move comfortably? Turn around, darling.”

Applejack did as she was told, turning slowly on the pedestal on which she had spent the better part of the last two hours as Rarity had applied her finishing touches. “It's fine, Rarity,” she told her friend in a neutral voice. She'd tried to get into the spirit, given it her best effort. But to her, the dress was simply a minor detail of the whole affair.

“Then take a look, darling.”

AJ turned her head to regard her reflection in the mirror. Only this mare in a wedding dress seemed to be staring back at her. It took her a moment to realize who she was. She hadn't even recognized herself at first. She had balked at the idea of gold trim on the white dress. But now that she had it on, she could see the effect as it accentuated her mane and tail.

Rarity had even gone the extra mile to overlay a stetson with white silk and stitch it in place with gold thread in an intricate apple design, knowing that her friend simply wasn't the type to wear a veil. Despite working with only the best materials, it still had a simple charm to it. And yet, every corner shone with care and perfection. It was like a sunrise. The longer you looked at it, the more exquisite the whole ensemble became.

“Rarity … it's …” Applejack's voice choked.

“Something wrong, darling?” the fashionista asked anxiously.

Applejack shook her head, tears standing in her eyes. Then she gave her friend a goofy grin. “Ah'm getting married!” It was as if that fact had only now hit her for the first time.

The unicorn smiled and stood next to her. “That's right, darling. And this is what you're gonna look like on your special day.”

“Yeah,” AJ replied with a dreamy expression. “Well, almost.”

Rarity blinked. “Almost? What do you mean almost?”

“Ah'm still gonna have to braid mah mane and tail for tomorrow.”

Suddenly there was a nervous tick in Rarity's left eye. She whipped her head around and grabbed Applejack's face between her hooves. “WHAT!?”

“Ah said ah'm gonna braid mah ...”

“WHY!?”

“Because Spike likes it that way.”

“I mean WHY didn't you tell me!?”

The farmer shrugged. “Ah didn't think it was important.”

Rarity made a few strangled noises. “Not important?” She was starting to hyperventilate. “NOT IMPORTANT!? You can't wear a braid with those halters! And the hemline! I'm gonna have to redo the hemline!!!”

“Ah think it'll be fine.”

But Rarity was already in full emergency mode. “Velvet! Braid her mane! I'm gonna have to change the accents, and I need to know how it looks,” she told the other unicorn. Then she stormed upstairs, screeching “PIN CUSHION!!!” the whole way.

Applejack sighed as Velvet enveloped her mane with magic to braid it. “Are weddings always this complicated?”

“I couldn't say for sure,” Velvet answered her. “You've seen what happened at Shiny's wedding.”

“What about yours?”

“Oh, that was a modest affair. We didn't really have a lot of money to spend on it, seeing as Night Light and I were still in college.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at that. “Ya got married when ya were still in college?”

The unicorn blushed and looked away. “It was sort of a necessity. Let's just say Shining Armor arrived a little earlier than we both had planned for.”

Applejack couldn't help but grin at that. “Really? And here ah thought this sorta thing only happened in the countryside. Looks like city ponies aren't as perfect as they pretend to be.”

“I never pretended to be perfect, dear,” the unicorn told her with a chuckle. Then she took out a flask from her saddlebag and offered it to her daughter-in-law. “Have a swig of this. It'll make the time go by a little faster when your friend comes back.”

The earth pony shrugged and took a drink. Then she coughed violently. “Smooth,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “What is it?”

Velvet smirked. “Something I use in my writing process when I feel my creativity slipping. The base is a simple martini, with a shot of white rum for added punch and one dissolved caffeine tablet to keep you going all night. I call it Writer's Milk.”

With a loud crash, Rarity came back down to the ground floor of her shop again. In her magic aura were several pins, scissors, needles and other assorted materials. “Now, stand perfectly still, darling. If you don't struggle, this won't hurt much,” she said with a mad glint in her eye.

Applejack gulped at the sight, then looked at the flask in her hoof. “Ah think ah'll have another nip of this first.”

* * *

Friday – 01:12 P.M.

Spike made his way slowly towards Sweet Apple Acres. Since the wedding was now to include so many guests, it had been decided that the farm was really the only reasonable location for it. It was the only place big enough to hold so many ponies.

Shining Armor had taken over that part of the preparation. It wasn't really a decision anypony had made. He'd simply fallen into the role due to his leadership experience. He also held the respect of both the Crystal Guards and Royal Guards that had been drafted for the more mundane tasks of setting up the event. Prudently, he had taken steps to ensure the peace by putting them to work on opposite sides of the empty field.

He oversaw his little army like a field marshal from a nearby knoll as they worked in little groups to prepare the gazebo where the exchange of vows were to happen, set up the dance floor and erect tents where food and drink were to be served. Ever since Celestia had declared her intention of making this event 'second only to a royal wedding,' the whole thing seemed to Spike to have been blown out of all proportion.

With a grunt, the young dragon leaned against a tree trunk and sank down. It was then that Shining Armor noticed him, trotting over with a bright smile on his face. “Hey, Spike!” When Spike only grunted in response, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright? You don't look so good.”

“I think I'm gonna die,” the dragon moaned.

“Don't be like that. This isn't the time for pre-wedding jitters. You're supposed to save those up for the morning, pacing up and down the aisle while waiting for your bride.”

“Who said anything about pre-wedding jitters? I just ate three entire wedding cakes at Sugarcube Corner, each slice made with a different variation of frosting.” He burped, holding one claw in front of his mouth to fight down the urge of throwing up.

“You do know that you're only supposed to take a bite or two from each slice during the taste-testing, right?” Shining asked in amusement.

Spike glared back at him. “Tell that to Pinkie Pie. In her words: 'One bite isn't enough, silly. In order to decide whether you want the whole cake, you gotta eat the whole cake first!' And since Applejack got held up at Rarity's, I had to do all the eating.”

Shining Armor couldn't help but laugh at that. Though he wasn't unsympathetic. He waved over one of the guards nearby. “Corporal, do you think you might be able to find some antacids for my little brother?”

The pegasus stallion saluted smartly. “Right away, Captain!” he replied in a clear voice and flew off.

Spike frowned. More as way to take his mind off his hurting stomach, than out of real interest, he asked: “Shining. Why do they still call you Captain? Shouldn't they address you as Prince or Your Highness?”

“Well, the Crystal Guards do,” he mused. “But the Canterlot Guards aren't my subjects. They're my former subordinates. To them a Captain of the Guard, even a former one, is much more important than some prince of what is technically a foreign nation. Military ponies are funny that way. I rather think that's at the core of their childishness these past few days.”

“Why? That doesn't have anything to do with this wedding.”

“Oh, yes. It does. Haven't you noticed that all the Canterlot ponies address you as Sir Spike?”

He thought back to his interactions at the library over the last couple days, and his eyes widened. “You know, now that you mention it. Why do they call me that?”

“You remember how you helped Celestia repel that invasion of mutant cockatrices from Canterlot while Twilight and her friends were fighting Chrysalis beyond the Appleloosan Mountains?”

Spike nodded. “Yeah, I even had a trident and an eyepatch.”

“And you got a medal for that, right?” Shining Armor pressed.

“Yeah, I guess so. Although it was a quick affair. We had to go and check up on Twilight and the others. So nopony really remembers that,” the dragon grumbled.

“Oh, but the Royal Guard remembers,” the stallion insisted. “That medal was to induct you into the Order of the Iron Hoof. That's the highest honor any non-member of the Royal Guard can achieve, and it includes an honorary knighthood.”

Spike blinked. “Are you telling me I'm a Knight of Equestria?”

His big brother nodded gravely, then his face took on a bemused expression. “You mean you didn't know that? Anyway, I believe that's part of their squabble. Each side seeks to gain prestige by treating you as if you were one of them.”

“I had no idea this was happening!”

Shining Armor grinned. “I'm sorry to break this to you, little brother. But your wedding might have turned into the biggest political event of our century. And we're all caught in the middle of it. Why do you think they entrenched themselves in Twilight's castle so fiercely? Twilight is Celestia's student, but she's also part of the Crystal Empire's royal family by way of marriage. Both guard contingents could have found accommodations elsewhere. They could have pitched tents at the outskirts of town if they wanted to. But for one side to back down while the other got to stay at the castle would have meant losing face.”

Spike mulled that revelation over in his mind. Any manner of small gesture could be taken as a sign of favoritism in that regard, leading to another flare-up in hostilities. Eventually he concluded that, despite not being aware of the situation, he'd handled it pretty well. Getting involved when he did and treating both sides equally as far as the library was concerned, he'd managed to stay neutral. “At least Applejack isn't caught up in this silliness.”

“Actually she is,” Shining Armor informed him.

“How? Sure, as an Element of Harmony, she represents Equestria. Celestia said as much. But she's got no ties to the Crystal Empire.”

“You remember how she and the others helped organize the Crystal Fair while you and Twilight were hunting for the real Crystal Heart? Well, she did stand guard over the fake. Since then, we've learned a little more about the tradition. It appears that in the old days, the honor of guarding the Heart during the Fair was given only to the most distinguished of guardsponies, who usually had some kind of connection to the royal family.”

Spike's jaw dropped open. “They'd make that into an issue? Now that's just stupid!”

The unicorn shrugged. “Politics usually are. Cadence and Celestia are usually good at keeping a lid on the rivalry between the two factions, but with this many in one place …” He lowered his voice to a conspicuous whisper. “All I'm saying is, you might wanna have an escape route ready at all times. You might find yourself a prisoner of war on either side if we have to declare martial law during your wedding.”

Spike narrowed his eyes at the stallion. “You've been making fun of me this whole time, haven't you?”

“Of course,” Shining admitted with a huge grin on his face. “That's what big brothers are supposed to do. Read that in a book.”

“So I'm not a knight, and Applejack isn't some kind of protector of the Crystal Heart.”

“Not as such. But now that you know how convoluted things could have been, do you feel a little better?”

“Not really,” Spike grumbled. “It's still this humongous affair of a wedding when we both wanted it simple. We should have just eloped.”

“You did,” Shining Armor pointed out.

“I guess I'm just an idiot with a stomachache then.”

“Eyup,” a certain stallion agreed, joining the two of them.

“Hey, Big Macintosh,” Shining Armor greeted him. “What are you doing here?”

“Ah heard one of yer people was lookin' for some stomach medicine.”

“You got some?” Spike asked in a pleading voice.

“Nope,” the big stallion replied. “Got somethin' better.” He pulled a bottle with a clear liquid in it from his saddlebag and poured his brother-in-law a small glass.

The young dragon sniffed at it, sensing the faint aroma of apples, various other fruit and alcohol. Big Mac gave him an encouraging nod, so he shrugged and took a drink. No sooner had it hit his tongue, than his mouth contorted. The uncontrollable urge to shake his head wildly to one side overcame him as his whole body shivered violently. “Guah! Celestia and Luna on a merry-go-around!” he swore. Usually Spike never swore. “That stuff is vile! What in the wide world of Equestria is that?”

“It's a liquor Uncle Apple Strudel brews back in Germaneigh,” Big Mac explained. “It's called Obstler. Trust me, just finish the glass.”

Shining Armor was eyeing the bottle curiously while Spike tried to bring up the courage to finish the rest of his. “May I?”

“Help yerself,” Big Mac said, pouring him a glass as well.

Shining's reaction was less severe than Spike's had been as he finished his drink with one gulp, but even he grimaced. “My, that is revolting.”

“Well, ya don't have to drink it if ya don't like it,” the earth pony said, just a little hurt. “But Granny Smith swears on the stuff in case of heartburn and indigestion.”

“Huh,” Spike mumbled, rubbing his stomach while handing back the empty glass. “You know, I do feel a little better now. Still not my kind of drink, though.”

Big Mac simply shrugged, lifted the bottle itself to his lips and took three long gulps. “Guess it's an acquired taste,” he said with a happy sigh and no sign of discomfort.

“Very acquired,” Shining Armor agreed, picking Spike up by the arm. “Come on. On your feet, soldier. We're going.”

“Going where?” the dragon asked.

“As your executive big brother in charge of the bachelor party, I've decided that we're gonna start it early, on account that I need a rum&coke to wash that taste out of my mouth. Coming, Big Mac?”

The farmpony securely returned the bottle to his saddlebag, then nodded. “Eyup.”

Shining Armor bellowed down the hill to one of the guards. “Lieutenant! You're in charge here until I get back.” Then he looked at his two companions. “Now, where's the best place to get a real drink around here?”

Author's Note

Chapter was starting to run a little long. So I decided to split it in two. Plus, it'll keep up the suspense of what actually led to their incarceration at the police station a little longer.

Stay tuned for the next chapter! Coming soon(-ish.)